Title: Jump, Jive an´ Wail
Author: Emmy
Rating: S (for Swingin´!)
Disclaimer: If only George had as much fun making 200 million bucks as I have for free.
Archive: Yep!
Summary: Uh...after Die's "Black Market General" is about the only sense I can make of this.

The General stalked down the hall toward the sound of giggling. And it wasn't just any giggling. It was obviously estrogen-induced giggling. And there was far too much of that going on these days. The only one who was going to inspire estrogen-induced giggling was him. He was The General. And President of the university. Not to mention the fact that he was a Jedi for Force's sake, which was the reason he had Ho's in the first place!

And this wasn't just anyone's estrogen-induced giggling. It was Emmy's estrogen-induced giggling. The General started to wonder if she really did not care for this Josh person at all, but instead was secretly hoping to have him executed for some infraction invisible to the average person.

The laughter grew louder as he approached her room, as well as the music blaring from her stereo. And lots of creaking and bouncing noises. The General growled. This had gone too far.

The General composed himself and then slowly opened the door, preparing to deal with whatever situation he found.

Well....he wasn't quite sure what he had found.

"Step, back, cross, step, step....very good!"

There was Emmy giving dancing lessons to....

"George like jitterbug!!"

....that mostly naked jungle man.

"You are a natural!" Emmy declared with glee. It was about time she found somebody around here who would indulge her. All those Wanker boys ever did was snivel...and they certainly had no sense of rhythm, aside from the fact that they only listened to high-fivein'-white-guy music. She smiled at her willing lackey. Those college boys sure didn't look like that in a loincloth either.

The General cleared his throat.

Emmy and George turned their heads, Emmy smirking and George giving a big, silly grin.

"George like General!" George marched over and gave the General a hug.

Emmy laughed.

A new song began on the stereo. "George dance," he said to the General who was backed against the wall.

"How nice," the General said.

George turned and then nearly yanked Emmy halfway across the room as they cut a rug with a mean Lindy Hop. Emmy squealed and then giggled again as she relinquished her need to lead her strapping partner.

And then the music suddenly cut out.

The dance immediately halted, Emmy crashing into George's broad chest and then bouncing back several inches.

"Emmy, I need to talk to you," the General said. No one would take the alpha out of Emmy but him.

"But Emmy teach George to dance," the bewildered jungle man said tentatively.

"Yes," Emmy said. "He's very good, don't you think?" She blinked innocently at the General.

George put his arm around Emmy's shoulders and really squeezed her good. "George like Emmy."

"Awww," Emmy said, trying to breathe through the uncomfortably tight embrace. "And I like you, too, George."

"George and Emmy friends," George said proudly to the General.

The General marched over to the two of them and pulled Emmy away from George, glaring up at the jungle man. "Come with me," he barked, dragging Emmy away.

George happily followed close behind.

The General stopped and turned around slowly. "Not you," he said to George.

George pouted slightly.

"Bye, George!" Emmy waved at her dejected dance partner. Then she cackled as she ran swiftly after the General so she wouldn't trip. The General kept marching and Emmy could only imagine what dark corner or closet he was about to lead her to. He kept marching.

And marched some more.

Okay, this wasn't fun anymore.

"Um...where are we going?" Emmy asked, rather annoyed that he wasn't unleashing jealous lust like he was supposed to.

The General kept marching.

"Oh, don't tell me you're mad about George. He's very sweet. You should be nice to him."

The General grunted.

Emmy smiled as they entered the Administrative wing. So he wanted to try to break his desk, did he?

But then they stopped in front of Caeryn's office, and the General opened the door.

"What are we doing here?" Emmy's velvet skirt twirled out behind her as the General yanked her into the Dean's office.

Caeryn looked up and wondered how much this was going to cost her.

The General pulled Emmy up to Caeryn's desk and then moved behind her to sit her firmly down in a chair. Then he straightened up and placed his hands on Emmy's shoulders as he spoke to Caeryn. "Give her a job." Then he turned and marched out of the office as Emmy huffed.

~*~

"Yes, it's a midnight blue BMW 750iL with beige leather interior.... LEATHER! Did you write that down? I want that car found!" Darry slammed down the receiver, puffing smoke into the air.

Her phone beeped approximately 2.4 seconds later, and she looked at the display as she pressed the intercom button. "Yeah, Die."

"Everything okay in there?"

"Fuckin' Barney Fife is trying to hunt down my car." Darry looked down and picked microscopic lint off of her Armani suit.

"Ah," Die said. "Need an appointment?"

"Hell, yeah," Darry said, flipping her hair back.

"Okay.... Can you be here in five minutes?"

Darry huffed. "Tell him to get his ass in here."

"Ummm.... Right. Okay. He's coming."

Darry clicked off the phone. "Damn right he is," she declared, puffing and flipping and wishing she had a martini.

~*~

"Director of Residential Services?"

"No."

"Career Counselor?"

"No."

"English Department Chair?"

"Ummmm...."

Caeryn looked hopeful. It was the first "ummm" Emmy had given her.

"Would that mean I'd actually have to read the books instead of the Monarch Notes?"

"Uh....probably...."

"Oh. No. I don't have time for that."

Caeryn raised an eyebrow at Emmy.

"Monarch Notes were WAY better than the Cliff Notes," Emmy offered as a random informational service.

Caeryn continued to raise her eyebrow for a moment. Then she looked back down at her list. "Uh...Librarian."

"Do I look like a Librarian?"

"Janitor?"

"Funny."

"Public Relations Director?" Caeryn prepared to read the next job title...but was amazed to hear no response. She looked up. Emmy's eyes were shifted to the side, her forehead scrunched.

"Yeah, I'll do that," Emmy said, nodding her head. She stood up and sashayed out into the hallway. "Where's my office?"

Caeryn stared out into the empty hallway, hearing Emmy rapidly open and close doors in search of her new digs.

"And I want a secretary!"

Caeryn just rolled her eyes.

~*~

"Nnnnnngggghhhh...."

Thump....thump....thump....

"Oh, give me a friggin' break," Emmy grumbled as she walked past the clinic. And dancing with George was such a big offense. "Whatevah," she said as she hurried back to her room. Emmy felt a renewed energy now that she had a big office with a window and earthquake-proof desk. Now all that was left was calling a decorator...and then she'd need to go shopping. If she were going to sell this school, she would have to look her best.

She walked into her room and found George still there. He was slouching in a chair placed next to the window. In fact, he almost looked like he ­ dare she think it ­ was brooding.

"George?"

He turned and gave her a weak smile.

"What's the matter?"

"Why General no like George?"

"Awww, George." Emmy walked over and patted the jungle man on the head.

"And why Nurse no like George? Nurse yell at George."

Emmy smirked. "Nurse yell at everyone."

"Emmy like George?" He looked at her hopefully.

"Oh, of course I do!" Emmy patted his head again and then had a brilliant idea. "In fact.... I know just the thing to cheer you up. We are having a party tonight. Would you like to come to the party, George?"

"Yes! George dance with Emmy!"

Emmy grinned imagining the kind of possessive General sex she'd get once this night was through. "C'mon," Emmy said, grabbing George's hand. "We have work to do."

~*~

Diebin took a stroll outside, proud of herself and the important contributions she had made to the university that week. Not only had she discovered the key to inciting jealous, possessive General, but she'd also helped with Darry's stress reduction therapy. Things were good. And all was right with the universe. And....

"NOOOOOOO!!!!" Diebin wailed and ran as fast as her spike heels would carry her, across the driveway and leaping onto the lawn. "Emmy!! EMMY!! STOP!!!"

Emmy glanced over, scissors held aloft.

"Diebin! George like Diebin!"

Diebin scrambled over to Emmy and grabbed onto her wrist. "WHAT are you DOING?"

Emmy shrugged. "Giving George a haircut."

Diebin choked as she tried to catch her breath. "You....you.....WHAT??"

"Emmy give George haircut!" George beamed at Diebin. Then he lowered his voice and said with as much intrigue as a jungle man could muster, "Emmy make George handsome like General."

Diebin snatched the scissors out of Emmy's hand. "Give me those!! Are you CRAZY??" She threw the scissors on the grass.

"Geez, calm down. I was just trying to cheer him up."

"But Emmy give George haircut. George go to party."

"You don't need a haircut," Diebin said to him. "And besides," she said, turning to Emmy. "What do you mean make him handsome like the General?"

"He said that," Emmy said, "not me."

"Yes, but why were you going to cut his hair? The General has long hair," Diebin said.

Emmy scrunched up her face at Diebin and then laughed. "No, he doesn't."

"Uh....yes, he does."

Emmy crossed her arms in front of her. "Ummm.... No. He doesn't."

"Yes. He does."

"No. He doesn't."

George turned his head back and forth as each Ho argued the same point a number of times.

"Okay!" Die yelled in frustration throwing her hands in the air. "The General has shoulder-length hair....sometimes worn in a PONYTAIL!"

"Uhhh.... He has nicely trimmed hair, his bangs sometimes catching in his eyelashes....it's just long enough to easily run your fingers through while still having access to his bare neck," Emmy said confidently.

Diebin thought Emmy had lost it before when she was going without, but now that she was getting some on a highly regular basis, she was really off the deep end. Diebin looked around and saw a familiar face. "Jael!"

The Geek Art Goddess stopped dead in her tracks to see Diebin and Emmy standing a few feet away with that mostly nekkid jungle guy sitting on a stool with a big grin on his face. "Hey Die."

"Jael," Diebin said, marching over to her. "Tell Emmy how long the General's hair really is."

"Uh.... The General doesn't have long hair, Die."

Emmy cackled.

~*~

Darry marched down the hallway, looking for someone to blame for her missing car. She spotted the Padawannabe practicing his swagger...but it looked more like he'd just had a hip replacement.

"Cal!"

He jumped and bowed and scraped, "Yes, Nurse. What can I do for you?"

"What the HELL happened to my BMW?"

"Uh.... You have a car?"

Darry growled and pushed Cal, flinging him to the floor with a loud thud. Then she continued marching. "Diebin!" she yelled just for the hell of it as she saw the secretary round the corner at a furious pace.

"Darry! Oh my God, I have something really important to ask you."

Darry flipped her hair. "What?"

"How long is the General's hair?"

"What are you, blind? It's shoulder length."

Diebin breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good. I thought I was really losin' it there."

"Thought?" Darry huffed as she strode quickly down the hall looking for someone else to pummel.

Diebin grinned triumphantly. Emmy was insane. It was as simple as that. But what about Jael? Jael was her twin. Something was terribly wrong here. Diebin hurried toward Shana's door. She swung it open and found both Caeryn and Shana discussing something that...well, something that certainly could be interrupted for this important matter.

"Okay, now, this is very important. You must pay very close attention," Diebin said emphatically.

Shana and Caeryn both gave her that "yeah, whatever" look.

"Tell me the length of the General's hair," Die said.

"Shoulder length," Caeryn said.

"Mid-neck," Shana said.

Shana and Caeryn then turned to look at each other with bewildered expressions.

"ARGH!" Diebin spun around and clomped out of the room.

~*~

The Ho's gathered near the bar as Judy cranked out margaritas.

"No tequila for the General this time," Emmy said.

"Why not?" Judy blinked innocently as she recalled the night they all ditched him and left him for her to console.

"Judy...." Die said.

"Alright, fine," Judy said. "A virgin for the General."

"Mmmm," Shana replied.

"Wow, that's lucid thought," Caeryn said.

"Oh yeah," Shana said.

"Look," Die said, pointing toward the door. "There he is. Now, all of you, tell me his hair length."

"Short."

"Mid-neck."

"Shoulder-Length."

Darry puffed. "You guys are wacked." She grabbed her martini from Judy and stalked over to a table of sophomores who looked like they needed a good tearing down.

Diebin sighed. "Okay, delusional Ho's...."

"Speak for yourself," Emmy said, verifying that the General's hair was just as short as she knew it to be.

"Fine," Diebin said. "Can we all at least agree that he has stubble?"

"Yeah."

"Sure."

"Uh-huh."

"Okay," Diebin said.

"No," Emmy said.

Diebin sighed.

"No, no, no, no."

Diebin looked up and then turned in the direction of Emmy's pained gaze.

"Oh, shit," Caeryn said.

"Um....where did he get those clothes?" Judy asked.

Shana's face bore an expression of extreme worry.

"Oh. Hello girls," Dande said softly, brushing her luxurious hair away from her face and resting her hand on her bosom.

"So that's duct tape, eh?" Diebin mumbled to Emmy.

"Caeryn! Shana! Diebin! Judy! Emmy! George like Caeryn! George like Shana! George like—"

"Alright, alright, we got the idea, big guy," Emmy said, patting him on the arm.

"George like Dande, too! Dande find George nice clothes for party!"

"Yes," Dande said, her eyelashes fluttering as her delicate hand rested on George's solid arm, showing off her fresh manicure.

"What. Is. This?"

All the Ho's gasped as the General eyed George standing proudly in his Jedi Master clothes.

"Isn't he handsome?" Dande said sweetly, patting George's arm.

The General grumbled and turned to glare at the Ho's.

"Don't look at us!" Emmy said, holding her hands up. "You know we dig the loincloth, not that Mastah shite." Emmy oofed as Diebin jabbed her with her elbow.

The General turned on his heel and prowled to the other side of the room where Darry was making freshmen cry.

And then Caeryn glared at Shana.

"I had NOTHING to do with that," Shana said. "I swear!"

"Then where did she find the Master get up?" Caeryn asked.

"Well, where the hell does she get all her clothes?" Shana said. "She showed up here with nothing and now she's like Ginger on Gilligan's Island."

"George JITTERBUG!"

Emmy flew off her feet as George grabbed her arm and darted to the dance floor. He then tossed her up in the air and began to tear it up to the sounds of Louis Prima.

"Um....George...uuuh....pphhhtt," Emmy sputtered as the cumbersome Jedi robe kept thwapping her in the face.

Dande sighed as she watched the pair dance. "Oh, this reminds me of the first night my love took my hand in his and we danced on clouds the entire night through."

Die cackled as the sleeve of George's robe biffed Emmy in the face again.

"Alright!" Emmy yelled as the sleeve wacked her tiara nearly off her head. She reached up and yanked the robe off of George and tossed it to the ground. Then she went to work on the tunic with the equally ridiculous floppy sleeves.

"Emmy not like George's clothes?"

"These are not your clothes, George. These are some old guy's clothes. You need to be free, George. Take that shirt off."

George nodded with a grin and ripped the under tunic off his body.

Emmy loved being obeyed. And then an evil grin covered her face as the music slowed down. "Now dance with Dande."

The now topless jungle man nodded again and sauntered over to the Wench. "Dande! Dance with George!" He grabbed Dande around her waist and whisked her to the dance floor.

"Ooooohh," Dande squealed and began to giggle as George held her aloft and danced circles around the room.

"Oh, he's not going to like that," Diebin said, nodding toward the General.

"Yeah, well. All the better for us that way," Emmy said.

~*~

"George!" Diebin yelled, running over as an uptempo song began and he started tossing Dande around.

"Oh...my..." Dande giggled, fanning herself.

"Diebin dance with George!" And then he grabbed her and danced off to the other end of the room as Dande collapsed gracefully on a chair.

~*~

The General watched with great displeasure as the half-dressed jungle man took turns dancing with all his Ho's, each of them giggling as he clumbered around and swung them up and down. And even that Wench seemed to like him.

The only one who wasn't giggling over him was Darry. But the only thing she wanted to do was disembowel somebody.

There was only one thing for The General to do. He stalked over to the DJ in order to put an end to this insanity.

~*~

George stood stupefied as the Ho's booed in protest as the music suddenly cut out, most of the lights switching off shortly after.

"Oh well," Caeryn said. "So much for that."

And then....

"Oh. My. God." Emmy said as the opening, synthesized beat began.

"Eeep," Diebin said.

Shana gulped. "Nine. Inch. Nails."

Caeryn simply gasped as a body out of nowhere grabbed her and spun her around, his arm slinking around her back as he pulled her to him. And then....his hips pressed against hers as he began to grind to the steady beat of the music. And then Caeryn whimpered as her knees gave out. The General kissed her, his tongue gently stroking the inside of her mouth until her arms slipped dead away from his shoulders and she remained boneless in his arms.

Yep, he put the General whammy on her. And Cal watched in awe from the shadows as he carefully lowered Caeryn to the floor, placing his hand behind her head and setting her gently down. And then he stood and turned his intense gaze on Diebin.

"Eeep!"

~*~

"Wow, you are, like, SO cool!"

The General gave Cal a sideways glance.

"But.... Why girls on floor?" George asked, rather distressed as he observed all his nice friends lying flat out on the floor, their eyes glazed over and heavily lidded. The rest of the partygoers had conveniently cleared the room, which is well within the author's right to assert.

"He's the General, man!" Cal said, smacking George on the shoulder.

The General turned and walked toward the door.

"General no leave nice ladies on floor!"

The General propped open the door and then swaggered back to the jungle man and the wannabe. "They are my girls. And I shall revive them at my leisure...and much to their delight, I might add. Now leave. Both of you."

"Whoa, he's SO cool," Cal said as he obediently wandered out of the room, forgetting all about that swagger he'd practiced earlier.

"Cal like George?" George asked following Cal out of the room.

"Sure, dude. Wanna see the General's x-rays?"

"Okay."

As the door slammed shut, the General stalked around his victims. Which one should he take first? He stopped and grinned. It was her birthday, after all. He leaned down and grabbed hold of Diebin, swinging her up and over his shoulder. He eyed the room and then strode toward a dark corner. He rolled her limp body off his shoulder and laid her flat out on the table.

He leaned over her and kissed her slowly.... And then deeper...and deeper...his tongue stirring her out of her catatonic state. "Happy birthday, babydoll," he purred against her lips.

"Eeep."

~*~*~*~*~