"Owwwowwwoww! Would you BE a little more careful?"

Caeryn growled at Diebin, eyes narrowing. "If you can't put the damn thing on by yourself, why do you wear it all the time?"

Diebin fidgeted, trying to stay still while Caeryn worked her hair out of the zipper of her catsuit. "I don't know--I guess everyone just expects me to have it on."

Caeryn rolled her eyes, freeing Diebin's flaming locks from the zipper and tugging it the rest of the way up. "Put it on a little more slowly next time," Caeryn recommended, patting Diebin on the shoulder. "Now we need to--"

Whatever the harried Dean was going to say was cut off when something came crashing through the window, embedding itself into the large wooden sculpture of the General with a resounding thud.

Caeryn looked at Diebin. Diebin looked at Caeryn. Both of them turned and looked at the large, distinctive knife that was quivering in the wooden statue, a crumpled piece of paper stuck to the tip.

Three things happened at that moment. The General crashed through his office door, lightsabre blazing. Emmy came running into the room, tiara barely hanging off her head as she waved her arms around in a most agitated manner.

And the phone started to ring.

Almost in a haze, Caeryn floated over to the desk and hit speakerphone, since it was obvious that Diebin wasn't going to move, her wide eyes still staring at the blade. The Ginsu Blade.

"President's office," Caeryn said, her voice somewhat choked.

"Die? Have you got a cold?" Darry's voice came.

"It's Caeryn," Caeryn responded dully.

"Oh. Well, you can help too. I've got something of a problem here."

Caeryn was distracted from whatever the Nurse was going to say when the General stalked forward, lightsabre in one hand, his voice raising in a low growl.

"Eeeeep," said Diebin.

"Nnnnngh," said Emmy.

"Oh, my," said Darry. "Was that a General growl I just heard?"

"Ummm . . ." Caeryn looked weakly around the room. Emmy, who hadn't gotten any from the General lately, looked like she was going to slide down into a little quivering heap. Diebin, who had slightly less self control than Emmy, did slide down into a little quivering heap. Caeryn leaned slightly against the desk, telling herself she had to stay strong.

"Hello? Anyone alive?" Darry's voice brought the three estrogen charged Ho's in the room back to reality. "I've got a problem here."

"What's that?" Emmy asked, stumbling on shaky legs over to the desk and leaning against it.

"Dande is standing on top of the tower in true dramatic fashion, telling everyone she's going to jump."

The General, who had been examining the Ginsu knife with a deadly serious expression on his face, turned quickly. "She's going to do what?" he asked, stalking over to the desk.

"Jump," Emmy repeated. "That's what I came here to tell you, only you started that strutting stalking growling thing, and I forgot."

"Emmy," Diebin cried, looking up from her inelegant sprawl on the floor. "How could you forget something like that?"

Emmy glared at Diebin. "Oh, easy for you to say. You're not the one who's gone two whole days without any General loving." Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Emmy pouted. "I'm easily distracted now."

The General shook his head slightly, glancing around the room. "We should discuss this later, girls. Dande needs us now."

All of the Ho's followed him as he left. After all, who could miss the chance to watch those hips swing.

~*~

"It is better this way," Dande cried out, throwing one hand over her eyes. "Much better. I can go to my final reward, knowing I've done my hardest to stay true to my Master . . . and with my death these foul rumors will also die."

Ban looked at Shana, confused. "Do you have any idea what she's talking about?"

The Dean of Students growled slightly, holding up the latest copy of the HSU Tattler.

Ban took one look at it before snagging it out of Shana's hands.

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"You. Are Kidding." Ban unfolded the newspaper to get a better look at the cover. "I just don't believe this."

"Believe it," Shana replied, pointing up at the dangling waif. "She does."

Staring up at Ban was a picture of the dance a few nights before, with the beautiful waif clasped tightly in the arms of the General.

Over it ran the words, in bold, 'Long Hidden Affair is Revealed'.

The article was two whole pages long.

"Has anyone tried to get her down?" Ban asked.

"No," Shana remarked sarcastically. "We're all just sitting around her admiring the way her lacy dress blows desolately behind her in the wind. Of /course/ we're trying to get her down!"

Ban snagged the megaphone. "Dande! Think of your child! How could you end a life--a life conceived in love and trust and large hands and long, flowing hair and fine, well sculpted legs and eyes the color of--"

Shana snagged the bullhorn back, her eyes slightly wide. "Ban," she hissed, looking around. "This is HSU. We can get exiled for talk like that."

"Sorry," Ban winced, blushing. "Got carried away."

Dande, it appears, noticed Ban's lapse. "You speak as if--as if you knew him," she called down, one hand lying protectively across her stomach.

Ban snagged the bullhorn. "By r-reputation only," she covered quickly, looking around the crowded HSU lawn. Some people were giving her odd looks, but most of them were focusing on the perfect fall of Dande's dress as she swayed in the wind, dangerously close to the edge of the tower wall. "Dande, think of your child!"

"What use bringing a child into a world such as this," Dande moaned, throwing her arm back over her head again. "A child who all will look at and think such vile, hateful things about."

"Vile and hateful things?" Ban hissed to Shana. "Do I want to know?"

"The article claims that her child is the General's love child," Shana replied, burrying her face in her hands. "When I find whoever wrote it . . ."

It was just about that time that the General showed up. Dande took one look at him and stepped closer to the edge. "Do not try to tempt me again, Obi-Wan. My heart has always belonged to your Master--you can not replace him in my affections."

The General looked around a little self consciously. Fully half of the students had fallen to the ground the minute he walked out the door onto the lawn, and the rest were either swaying or giving him looks that promised immediate disrobing.

Too bad he had other things to concentrate on. Stalking up to Ban he relieved her of the megaphone, looking up at the tower. "None of us would ever believe such lies of you, Dandelow," he called out, looking around him for conformation. All the students who weren't dead muttered their assent, nodding as if they were really listening to what he was saying.

"But--that article--" Dande let one of her hands slide down to her pale cheek. "How will I ever be able to go on? Knowing that people think such vile thoughts of me. What if my love, my Master--what if he has heard these things, and believes them to be true?" The trembling waif took another step forward, making the General wince. "I must be strong and end it now."

Turning the bullhorn off, the General turned to the girls gathered around him. Emmy had straightened her tiara, and was giving him her most sultry, "Don't you want to do me without an appointment" look. Diebin was gnawing on her fingernails, glancing up nervously at the precariously balanced wench. Shana and Ban were both staring guiltily at the General, hoping that he hadn't witnessed their little trip to the wrong side of the Jedi-Force. Caeryn was just staring at the General, not having gotten over the stalking and growling bit yet.

"One of you needs to do something for me," the General said slowly. All of the Ho's exchanged nervous glances except for Emmy, who was still trying to give the General a sultry look.

"What do you need?" Caeryn ventured slowly.

"Someone has to lie to Dande." The General held up a hand when Diebin opened her mouth. "It's the only way. We need to get her down."

"What's the only way?" Diebin asked.

"One of you needs to pretend to be channeling Qui-Gon," the General said, as casually as if he were asking them to lick a spoon clean of nutella.

Shana and Ban exchanged horrified glances. They couldn't deal with that kind of exposure . . . not and still remain true to the General side. And after the episode earlier, neither of them was willing to test their resolve. As one they stepped back, shaking their heads.

Diebin gave the General a disgusted look. "How many times have I told you that I don't do Qui-Gon?" she snapped.

"I wasn't suggesting you sleep with--"

"I. Don't. Do. Qui-Gon. I don't do him, I don't do impersonations of him. I just pretend you got trained by Yoda. Okay? Cope, General." Snarling slightly, Diebin spun on her three inch heel, wobbled a little, and then stalked off in the direction of the nearest . . . something. Something that wasn't asking her to do a Qui-Gon impersonation.

Caeryn smiled apologetically at the General before rushing after Diebin.

Emmy, who'd missed the entire conversation while she was trying to be even more sultry and irresistible, was left staring around and wondering where everyone had gone to.

"So you'll do it?" the General said gratefully.

"With you?" Emmy purred. "Why General, I didn't know you were that eager . . ."

The General blinked. "I meant, you'll do the impersonation . . ."

"Impersonation?"

"Of Qui-Gon. Telling Dande that he doesn't believe the lies."

"What?" Emmy blinked, trying to figure out how she'd gotten herself into this mess. Damn this lack of sex--it was turning her brain to mush.

"I need you to pretend that you're channeling Qui-Gon, and tell Dande that he doesn't believe the lies, and he knows that she is still faithful."

"You want me to pretend to be Qui-Gon?" Emmy had a hard time swallowing that. "What on earth would make that worthwhile?"

The General gave her The Look.

Emmy hadn't gotten any in a while, but he was asking an awful lot for just a Look.

The General gave her The Stance.

Emmy swallowed. "Ummm . . ."

"As soon as she's down, we can go into my office and try to break the desk," the General purred.

Emmy straightened her tiara and marched into the middle of the lawn, throwing her arms above her head. She deepened her voice as much as she could and bellowed, "Dande, my love--do not jump."

Dande stared down, her brow furrowed with confusion. "Is that--"

"It is I, my love," Emmy called out, glancing over her shoulder to make sure that, at the very least, the General was oggling her behind. He was, and she found it very satisfying.

"You have come to confront me," Dande moaned, covering her eyes. "I know that I can protest, but no one will believe me. Though I swear, Master--I am true only to you."

Emmy rolled her eyes, trying to think of what Qui-Gon would say in this situation. Most of the things that came to the top of her head weren't particuarly flattering, and she didn't much want to lose the chance at the desk breaking session.

"I know this, my love. You have ever been loyal to me." Emmy glanced over her shoulder again, not wanting to say what she knew Dande was waiting for.

The General tapped his foot.

Emmy shook her head.

The General licked his lips.

Emmy wavered.

The General slipped his hand into the waistband of his pants, giving Emmy his most affective look.

Emmy took a step forward. "Do not jump . . . . l-l-little o-one." Glaring over her shoulder at the General, Emmy gave him a look that told him he'd be paying BIG time for that.

Dande looked down. "It is my love," she said, her delicate hands covering her heart. "He--he believes I'm true."

The General raised the bullhorn. "Yes he does, Dande. Now come down, please?"

Dande paused. "You aren't going to try to . . . to comfort me again, are you?" she demanded suspiciously.

The General blushed. "Of course not," he said quickly.

Dande smiled, her face lighting up. "That's good then," she said, before climbing off the wall and going back into the tower.

The General barely had time to blink as Emmy snagged his ponytail, marching back towards his office. "Let's go, General boy. I want you naked. Soon."

~*~

Ban was sitting on the General's desk when they returned.

"What are you doing here?" Emmy demanded, not all that graciously.

"All appointments for a week," Ban replied with a sweet smile. "You didn't think that just meant scheduled ones, did you?"

"I--"

"Thanks for this one though, I've had a rough day. This should make things better."

"Why you--"

"She does have a point, Emmy," the General said slowly, not wanting to cross either of them. "But if you talk to Diebin, I'm sure I could squeeze you in later tod--"

"Squeeze me in?" Emmy wheezed, her voice going up a full octave. "Squeeze ME in?"

"Well, it's just a manner of--"

"You may want to squeeze me, honey, but this is one thing you're NOT getting." In full roar, Emmy straightened her tiara, drawing up straight. "You may want me, but you can't have me."

Before the General could say a word, Emmy spun on her heel and left.

"I just don't get women," the General moaned to Ban.

"I can help that," she replied, slamming the door of his office.