"DIEBIN!"

Jael's head snapped up from where she was doing playing tic-tac-toe in whipped cream on Diebin's desk. "That sounds like Shana," she commented, looking across at her twin sister.

"That sounds like Shana being very very pissed," Diebin corrected. Now that Shana was closer she could hear the sound of the irate Dean of Student's heels smashing into the floor as she stalked.

Judging the distance from her seat to the General's door, Diebin realized she'd never make it in time.

"I think I hear Space Dog . . . doing . . . something . . . " Jael said, skittering over the chair as Shana slammed the door open. The GeekArtist made a strange gulping noise as Shana stormed in, eyes blazing, shaking a fistfull of paperwork.

"Eeeep," said Diebin.

"WOULD YOU PLEASE CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS!" Shana roared, her voice going up several octaves on the last word. Diebin stared for a few moments, awed by the awesome power of the Shana in Full Rage.

"Eeeep," Diebin repeated.

Shana threw the paperwork onto the desk, slamming her fist onto it to emphasize each word. "We. Do. Not. Accept. Boys." Leaning over her desk, Shana glared at Diebin. "Make. Him. Stop. Applying."

Diebin glanced down at the paperwork, wincing as she noticed the name, "Padawannabe" scrawled across the top in red crayon.

Knowing there was nothing else for it, Diebin reached under her desk and groped for the Emergency Button. It was hard to find, seeing as the man who was under her desk kept knocking her hand away, not wanting her to push it. Diebin made a mental note to have a talk with him--he was being very ungrateful.

Kicking him with one four inch heel, she pushed the button.

Shana was still spitting fire when the General's door flew open, the man himself strutting through and leveling the Fuming Ho with his own special Look.

"What seems to be the problem?" he purred, glancing at his Secretary.

Diebin would have responded, but the man under her desk chose that moment to bite her. Forcing a grin, Diebin tilted her head towards Shana.

"Shana, my dear," the General said softly, pacing forward. "You look . . . . stressed."

"I--"

"Maybe you need to sit down for a little while."

"But she--"

"On my desk." The Look was leveled again, and Diebin barely saw the streak of clothing that was Shana making a beeline for the General's nice sturdy desk.

"Cancel my next appointment," the General purred, giving Diebin a more subtle version of The Look.

Diebin eeeped.

As the big door slammed shut behind them, Diebin shoved her chair back and glared at the man underneath her desk.

"You are impossible, you know that?" Diebin snapped. "See if I ever sneak you onto the campus again. Sometimes I wonder if Darry is worth it. And does she know that you bite other women?"

"She bites other men," the urbane Senator replied, crawling out from under the desk and straightening his robes. "Now if you'll excuse me--with the President occupied, I should have time to stop by the clinic. My back has been bothering me."

"It will be a lot worse by the time the Nurse is done with you," Diebin muttered, glaring at the retreating political figure.

With the General's mortal enemy otherwise occupied, and the General keeping Shana otherwise occupied, Diebin had a chance to look at the paperwork that had been dumped on her desk.

So the Padawannabe wanted to be close to the General, hmmm?

Well why else was she the Ho? So she could get her friends what they wanted.

Kind of.

~*~

". . . and then he said, "Oh really?" . . . but he said it in this cool voice, like so cool. Like cooler than anyone else could ever be. I mean, this man is cool. So he said "Oh really" . . . and he gave her this look. I mean, it was so cool, the look. Like wow--he is so cool. He is just the man. I want to be like him some day, to learn to be that cool. So he gave her the look . . ."

Caeryn watched the two men go by, Vocabulary Man looking like he was ready to strangle the other one with the garden hose flung over his shoulder.

"What on earth is that?" Caeryn asked Emmy, pointing to the unfamiliar man trailing after Vocab Man and talking a blue streak at him.

Emmy turned to look at the man, flipping some hair over her shoulder. "That's Diebin's little pet," Emmy sniffed, making a face. Caeryn couldn't tell if she was making a face at the mention of Diebin, at the mention of the pet, or just because she was making a lot of faces lately. After all, it had been a whole day since Emmy had gotten some General Action, and she was starting to act a little odd.

"Her . . . pet?" Caeryn was almost afraid to follow this line of questioning with the agitated Smut Queen, but she really did want to know why there was some strange man with a fake Padawan braid glued to the side of his head following the maintenance man around.

"Oh, some boy she knows who really wanted to be able to see the General. So she sent Wicket on sabbatical--and hired this guy to clean up after the Harse and stuff. Cal, or Dal, or Pal or something. I don't know what his name is." Emmy flipped her hair dramatically over her shoulder again, a gesture she seemed to have picked up from Dande.

For a moment Caeryn was worried. Now that she thought about it, Emmy was showing more and more Dande mannerisms in the last day. Of course, that made sense. Emmy probably seemed to be acting like Dande because she was--and they were both showing the, "We're not getting any" symptoms.

Grinning, Caeryn checked her watch. Almost time for her to be getting' some.

~*~

"Okay, let's go over this again," Diebin snapped, wishing she had a whip or something equally intimidating. Vocab Man was just looking at her like she was a really annoying fly. "When the General calls for maintenance, who goes?"

"Well naturally, if his Generalness needs help, it is my duty as his lowly--"

"Shut up, Cal. I'm asking Tattoo Boy here." Diebin stalked around her desk, putting her hands on her leather clad hips. "Well, Shakespeare? Who goes?"

"Grrr."

"I'm sorry, would you please frame your response in the form of COHERENT SPEECH."

"Him." The horned head jerked in the direction of the vapidly smiling Cal.

"Thank you, Wordsmith," Diebin snapped, glaring at the maintenance man, who glared right back. "If Dande calls for maintenance, who goes?" Before Cal could open his mouth, Diebin shot him a deadly glare. "Keep it locked, Padawannabe. I'm asking his worship here."

"Him," Vocabulary Man repeated, giving Diebin his most evil snarl.

"If--" Diebin's interrogation was cut off as the door to her office rattled.

"Diebin, you seem to have locked me out," the General's voice called.

"Shit!" Staring at her watch, Diebin shook her head. "He's supposed to be with Ban until 5:30 . . ."

"Diebin, would you open the door please?" Ban's voice came from the other side. "I had a hankering for a big wooden desk."

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Never mind," the General called. "I can just unlock it my--"

"NO!" Grabbing Vocab Man by the collar, Diebin dashed towards her desk, intending to shove him under it.

"Why my Apprentice," a calm urbane voice said, and Diebin did a double take.

She had two Sith in her office, and only one desk.

Damn Darry.

"Just a second," Diebin called out, eyes casting franticly around the room. "I'm just in the middle of changing--"

"That's not a probl--"

"YES IT IS!" Eyes lighting on the closet across the room, Diebin dragged the still snarling maintenance man towards it.

"If you say so, my dear. It's just that--"

"STAY OUT."

Flinging the closet door open, Diebin started sorting through the various outfits there. A few belonged to other Ho's, kept there so they could change before any appointments with the President. Tossing a few aside, Diebin finally found a nice frilly dress and a cloak with a hood. Giving Vocab Man the death stare, she thrust the lacy appareal into his hands.

"You've got two seconds to get that on," she hissed.

"Master--" he whined, looking back towards Diebin's desk.

"It is a valuable learning experience, my Apprentice," the Senator replied, peeking over the desk. "Although orange does not go well with your tattoos. I would suggest a complimentary color next time."

Grumbling, Maul pulled the lacy contraption over his head and let Diebin throw the cloak over him, pulling the hood up to shadow his face.

"Now keep quiet," Diebin growled, tugging him towards the door. "This is not the time to discover you've got the heart of a poet."

"Grrr."

Diebin opened the door, smiling at the General. "Just taking care of a new student," Diebin smiled, stepping in front of the lacy clad maintenance man. She shot Ban a look, hoping that Ban would realize what look it was.

Ban was oblivious. She stuck her hand out, ready to meet and greet the new Ho to be.

"That's not a good idea," Diebin snapped before maintenance man could show of his stylish red and black hands. "She's shy. Now why don't you two just move along--"

"GENERAL!" Before Diebin could move the General along--and he was already giving Vocab Man's strange orange dress a once over--Caeryn burst into the room. "Visiting faculty from another University! She's the President, and she wants to talk about . . ." Caeryn trailed off as she got a good look at the person standing behind Diebin. Her eyes went kind of wide. "Umm, maybe we should take this somewhere else."

"If you all don't mind," Ban snapped, "I have one of Emmy's appointments to enjoy."

"But--" Caeryn looked helplessly back and forth between Vocab Man and the General. "But this is important . . . she's the President of one of those . . . those weird schools where the like more than one guy. President . . .umm . . ."

"Is she in the appointment book?" the General asked politely.

"In an hour," Diebin replied. She really had no idea--but she had to get one of these men out of the room before something exploded. All they needed now was--

"My heart will go on, you know," the delicate voice floated from the hall. "But sometimes, sometimes at night, when the moon is full and the stars shine from the heavens . . . sometimes I wonder."

"Fascinating," another voice replied. "You really must give a guest lecture for us sometime. You are truly a role model for young wenches everywhere."

Diebin groaned, shoving the daintly clad maintanence man back into the wall and leaning against him as Dande floated through the door, Aya on her heels.

"Aya?" Ban blinked. "You're--you're the President of a University?"

"What a pleasant surprise," the General purred, giving Aya The Look. Ban smacked him on the behind, hoping to draw his attention back to where it belonged.

"I've moved up in the world since I last saw you," Aya drawled. "But I'm here on sabbatical for a semester, hoping to learn a few things." Giving the General a leer, she purred, "And catch up on some old friends."

Diebin had to crack a smile at the General's slightly wide eyed look. "Well, General. I'll keep the President entertained until her appointment," Diebin said hastily, giving Ban a meaningful look and tilting her head towards the General's office. Not knowing why, but willing to take the hint, Ban wrapped her arm around the General and began tugging.

When the door finally slammed closed behind him, Diebin took survey of who was still left in her office.

One Wench, looking fragile beyond belief, her perfect hair streaming down her back and blowing gently across her face, pale cheeks marred by only tear stains.

One maintenance man, dressed in an orange lacy frock with a big cloak pulled up to cover his distinctive horns and tattoos.

One Sith Lord and part time Senator, crawling out from under her desk and humming the theme song to Mr. Ed.

One Dean of HSU, giving the Sith Lord and part time Senator the most shocked look that had ever graced her not very shockable face.

One President of a random, unnamed University, looking at the maintenance man with sudden renewed interest.

One Padawannabe, smiling happily as he muttered to himself and played with his fake braid.

Aya ducked and peeked under Vocab Man's hood, her eyes going wide. "Diebin, is that--"

"A new student," Diebin cut her off quickly, glancing at Dande. The waif was swaying back and forth, eyes glassy as she stared out the window.

"Umm . . Aya? Why don't you take the new student and show her around?"

"Diebin, I'm not from this--"

"Just. Do. It." Diebin gave Aya her best, "I'm dressed in a cat suit and look really pissed off, so just do what I say" look.

Aya snagged Vocab Man by the arm and dragged him out, careful not to let him trip on his full skirts.

That left her with one Sith Lord, one Waif, one Dean, and one Padawannabe.

"Cal," Diebin snapped. "Why don't you--escort--Lady Dande up to her room? That way you know where to go if she ever needs . . . maintanence."

Cal leapt to his feet, a wide grin on his face. "Can I tell her about my new book? I'm half way through it--it's called, 'Living in the Shadow of Greatness: Looking up to the General'."

Diebin blinked. "Umm . . . yes, of course. Dande, go with the nice man. He wants to talk about your harse."

"When the mists were full, my love and I would ride my Harse," Dande said, clasping Cal's arm in her small, delicate hands. "We would ride through the woods, and there I would be, safe in his loving embrace." On tear swept down Dande's cheek as Cal led her from the room.

That left the shocked looking Dean and the Sith Lord. Marching to her desk, Diebin snagged the phone and punched in the number for the clinic.

"This is Darry," a voice said. Diebin slammed the button for speaker phone down and kicked Palpatine in the shin.

"Now my dear, that wasn't very nice," the Senator said, giving Diebin a nasty look.

"Woah, fuckable voice," Darry snapped over the phone. "Coordinates?"

"My office."

"On my way."

Satisfied that all was right in the world, Diebin linked her arm through Caeryn's. "Can we go somewhere?" she asked weakly. "Somewhere . . . far far away."

"Sure," Caeryn responded, digging around in her pocket. She surfaced a few minutes later with a pair of free passes to 'Wangers' . . . the Hooters of Estrogen County.

The two shared a look. "You know what that means," Caeryn purred.

"Jealous General," Diebin responded.

"Let's go. We can take his bike."

~*~