The music was loud enough to be heard in the administration building, but not loud enough to drown out either the whiny vampire on the phone or the whiny suit of armor reclining on the couch drinking himself stupid.

'All dressed up and no way to get the hell out of here,' Laure thought to herself, pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead to stave off the impending headache. She took a deep breath and snidely cut into Spike's monologue. "I'm going to a party. Go kill something. Oops." With almost malicious glee, she banged the receiver down.

As she stood, tugging at the hem of her leather mini-skirt--she'd decided to forgo the lace this time--the phone rang again. Muttering curses, she prepared to ignore it, but noticed it was an internal line.

"You have reached the office of the mediator. She's partying her butt off. Call back later. Beep."

"Uh huh," came the stressed sound of the Nurse. "I need help, big time."

"Um, Darry, no offense, but he does nothing for me."

"Not that kind of help," Darry yelled in exasperation through the phone, glancing over her shoulder at her bound lover who was giving her a look of slight concern. "I have *never* needed help in that direction." She took a deep breath and flipped her rather bedraggled hair. "Do you have any handcuff keys?"

Laure rolled her eyes and dug in her top drawer. "I don't want to know, but, yes, of course I do. I'll be right down with them and then I'm going to this rave thing."

"You know, they'll be playing music by non fogie types."

"Grrr."

Hanging up the phone and pulling a set of keys from her drawer, Laure turned to Commodus who gave her a sad, searing look...

Mentally shaking herself, she walked unsteadily over to him and plucked the glass from him hands. "I think you've had enough. Now, I'm going to this party. Why don't you go into my bedroom and...make yourself more comfortable."

"I would be happy to escort you," he said, his voice slightly slurred.

Laure thought of all the people she'd be seeing at the rave and quickly decided against that. "It will be boring, really, mind numbingly dull. You just get some rest. You're looking a bit...peaked."

He caught her hand and placed a kiss on her palm, nearly sending her off her stiletto heels. "If you say so, my love."

*****

As Laure passed the library she heard a lovely masculine cackle, and shoved the doors open. Xani sat at a table, feet propped up, hands behind his head, a very pleased look on his face.

"What did you do now?"

"Me, lovely one?" He gave her an innocent look which she ignored.

"Where's Dorotea?"

"At the rave, I believe. She was helping your General dress."

Laure puzzled over that comment for a moment, then figured it was his way of saying that Dorotea had had an appointment with the General. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned to head for the clinic.

"We really need to become better acquainted, my sweet. Come back soon."

"Um, sure," she flung over her shoulder, a little creeped out by his odd attitude. Putting it out of her mind, she hurried to the clinic.

*****

The rave was going strong, ho's dancing with gladiators/miners, ho's dancing with each other, ho's so sloshed they were dancing with themselves. Judy was mixing drinks at light speed.

"Kendra, I need more sliced lemons."

"More?" Kendra groaned, looking at her puckered fingers from a night of slicing fruit.

Judy waved a small bag of imported gummy fish in front of the freshman's eyes and she miraculously started chopping.

Emmy and Diebin were chatting with Caeryn about their missing Director of Student Affairs and wondering if she would ever return from Alderaan, while they waited for the General to arrive.

"I'm not sure it's really safe for us to have two administrators missing at one time," Caeryn pointed out.

"I've had this tech seminar planned for months. I can't help it if Shana's stuck on Alderaan. Anyway, I'm sure you'll find dozens of ho's willing to fill in for me," Diebin said, finishing her 'sex on the beach' and signaling Judy for another.

"That's not the point..."

Emmy interrupted her. "Oh, who cares what the point is. Half the time we're not working anyway. And, if the General would get his butt here, we'd stop talking about work, too."

"True," Caeryn conceded, glancing towards the entrance to the tent in anticipation.

"Wonder if he'll wear all black," Diebin murmured, taking her third drink of the night from Cal who had been roped into being the lone waiter.

Julia and Sere were dutifully snapping pictures and staying sober enough to think up lots of ways to blackmail the freshman class into doing their bidding.

"Oh yeah, I think they're all going to regret drinking so much," Julia grinned at her compatriot.

"And trying to break dance to George Clinton," Sere added.

Since Vocab Man couldn't very well put in an appearance, Tasha was comforting him in the garden shed. They had the door propped open to hear the music and watch the lights flicker, occasionally one blinking out or zapping a bug.

"Yes, it's a very impressive first aid kit. You're taking this whole 'replacing Darry' thing very seriously."

"Grrr."

"Ooh, that stethoscope is cold."

Suddenly a figure strode past and Tasha did a double take.

"No...couldn't be..." A gothed up General? She scrambled to her feet to follow discreetly, ignoring Vocab Man's growls of frustration.

Emmy's yell of shock and horror carried over the music into the night.

*****

Laure reached the clinic without further distraction and found it unlocked. As she pushed it open, one of the tigers purred at her, from its indolent position before its empty food bowl. She noticed that the plastic bowl had large chunks out of it.

"Poor baby, is Darry forgetting to feed you?" As she bent down to pet it, the tiger got up and shook itself, then brushed past her. Turning, Laure saw the other tiger in the hallway with what could only be called a lusty look in its eyes. The two tigers growled at each other, bared their teeth, then touched noses before heading down the hallway.

"Great, now we'll have tiger kittens running out of our ears."

The door to Darry's bedroom opened and she came out, wearing a navy silk robe and a look of complete satiation. "Did you bring them?"

Laure handed her the keys. "Where are yours?"

Darry shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe Xani fed them to the tiger."

"I'm guessing from the looks of things that you're not coming to this rave."

The Nurse rolled her eyes and made 'go away' gestures. Laure grinned. "Well, you need any tips on bondage, you just look me up. You could have solved this problem by using rope, you know."

Darry kicked her best friend in the shin, then shoved her out of the office.

"You're welcome," Laure yelled at the slamming door, hopping on her good leg and clutching what was sure to be a nasty bruise. "Sex is supposed to mellow you, you know!"

"Fuck off and die," came the sweet response.

Laughing, Laure headed for the outside door, only to stop on the threshold and stare in dismay at the pouring rain. "When did it start raining?" she muttered to no one.

From out of nowhere or the shadowy corners, Edmund handed her an open umbrella. One of those see-through bubble ones covered in big pink hearts. Laure looked at it in dismay, but managed to thank him, then said a prayer to the gods not to destroy her new three hundred dollar pair of pumps, and headed for the tent.

A figure in black dashed by her, then stopped for a moment to reach for her hand and kiss it tenderly. She nearly melted, then got a good look at the General and gasped...then smiled and purred, "Yum."

Eyes widening--and mascara running--he dropped her hand and backed up. "I thought you were the sane one."

Laure laughed and watched him run for the administration building. 'Wonder who gothed him up,' she thought, then shrugged. Could have been any number of people, but she was putting her money on Dorotea. Maybe Xani had been being literal for once.

Continuing to the tent, avoiding the puddles forming on the once pristine gravel path, Laure ducked inside and promptly flattened herself against the bar.

"Pina Colada?" Judy asked from behind her.

Laure nodded dumbly, eyes fixed on the screeching ho's who were chasing Cal around the tent. Haken lay in the middle of the floor, unconscious, and Jael was waving her sword around. "I thought the Zima took care of that," Laure muttered, taking a huge swallow of her frothy drink.

In a corner, Dorotea was trying to talk to Emmy who was ignoring her and watching the melee. "I didn't do it. I swear I didn't do it. Okay, the clothes were cool, and that collar...but I didn't do it."

Emmy raised her hand and waved it front of the librarian's face.

"Fine, I'm going back to Xani. He loves me."

Emmy grinned evilly as Dorotea stomped into the rain. "Good luck!"

Laure didn't like the sound of that. Caeryn joined her at the bar. "You missed most of the fun."

"I can see that. Ran into the General."

"Whoever did that is dead. Emmy's on the warpath. She thinks it was Dorotea."

"That would be the smart bet." There was something niggling at Laure's brain, but another gulp of rum and coconut milk took care of that. "Why are the freshmen trying to molest all the men?"

"Not quite sure," Caeryn replied. "It's entertaining, though, and the pictures should be good for a laugh on a cold winter's evening."

The two ho's clinked glasses at the thought.

Cal staggered over to them and tried to squeeze between them and the bar for protection. Since they weren't moving and they were physically stronger than him, he gave up, then gave Laure a startled look and pulled a piece of paper out of his tunic. It was crumpled and had hearts drawn on it. "You're Laure, right? The new mediator?"

"Yes," Laure replied cautiously.

Cal grinned and waved the piece of paper at her. "I have an appointment with you tomorrow at two."

Puzzled, Laure shook her head. "No, I have an appointment with...someone else at that time."

"Diebin gave me this, said it was a rescheduling. Then I have an appointment with Dorotea on Tuesday, but, gosh, I'm not really sure why I need to have a meeting with the librarian. I hope I don't have any overdue books. And there was some mention of an appointment with Shana, too, but she has to come home first."

"I have an appointment with the General tomorrow at two," Laure finally choked out, her eyes searching the crowd for the General's cat suited secretary.

Caeryn snickered behind her hand. "Not anymore, apparently."

"DIEBIN!"

There was no response, and no sign of the secretary, so, ignoring Cal and muttering goodbye to Caeryn, Laure put the umbrella back up and headed out into the deluge.

*****

Dorotea stomped down the hall, stopping in front of the main doors to the library. She shoved at them and bounced back as they refused to open. Giving them a puzzled look, she dug her keys out of her pocket and tried to insert the right one into the lock.

It got stuck in the still tacky super glue.

"ARGGGGH!"

*****

As Laure passed the maze, she heard the unmistakable sound of clanking, and groaned. Dumping the umbrella because it was too wide for the hedges, she made the ultimate sacrifice--getting soaked--and plunged into the maze. It took her only a minute to find the center--having become well-acquainted with it over the past few weeks.

Getting very, very wet, Commodus was turning in circles and weaving dizzily.

Laure caught his arm, stopping him, and reached up to flip up the visor. It wouldn't move. "If the damn thing's been super-glued again..." she muttered, struggling with it.

"Laure, my love, my pet, my sweet, I don't think this is the library."

"No," she answered through clenched teeth. "I thought you were going to stay in my rooms."

"I got lonely and you took away my lovely wine. A nice woman said she was taking me to the library and would find Dorotea."

"Nice woman, huh..." Eyes narrowing as the image of Emmy and Dorotea popped into her head from nowhere in particular, Laure gave up on the visor and began the slow process of guiding her man out of the maze.

Soaked to the bone and shivering, Laure pulled him into the building and headed for the stairs. As the approached the library, she saw Dorotea banging on the door.

"Xani, use the Force to unlock it."

"The Force doesn't seem to like super glue," came the unperturbed answer from the other side of the thick door.

At the sound of clanking, Dorotea stopped banging and turned, mouth dropping open. "You're all wet."

"So are you," Laure replied caustically.

"And he's all wet! Armor rusts you know."

"*I* didn't take him out in the rain."

"Dorotea, a lovely woman was bringing me to you," Commodus said with a belch as he swayed against Laure.

"What's going on?" Laure nodded to the doors.

"All the locks are super-glued shut."

That image returned to Laure's mind and she growled softly. "Dorotea, did you goth up the General? Come on, you can admit it to me. Sisters in solidarity and all that."

"No, I really didn't, cross my heart and all that crap. But, Emmy thinks I did and..." Dorotea looked at the doors, then at the suit of armor glistening with rain and a few leaves. "EMMY!"

Behind the door Xani chuckled to himself and settled down at the computer to see what further mischief he could make.

End

Take it away someone!