"Rave. Gimme a break," Emmy mumbled as she rifled through her clothing, none of which was meager enough to wear to some drunken, noisy student party. Darry obviously wasn't going to be there. Emmy saw no reason why she had to go.

Well, fine, she'd just dress to kill and show them all up since the rest of the staff had forced her into it. Actually, it was just Diebin who threatened to cancel all her appointments with the "I'm going so you're going or else" tactic.

~*~

Xanatos banged on the door of the Clinic. He heard Darry curse, the sound of something crashing to the floor, and then the door opened.

"I'm busy," Darry barked.

"Not too busy for me, baby," Xanatos purred.

"And what the hell are you doing in the building? The General is right next door. I told Dorotea to keep you busy, now GO!"

Xanatos pouted as the door slammed in his face. And then a smile crept across his face. Fine, he'd go see Dorotea.

As he descended down the back stairwell and toward the door, he suddenly crossed paths with a Goth'd up Jael who blew past him without so much as a look.

Xanatos chuckled as brilliance struck him. He'd take care of the General happily lounging in his office as well.

~*~

The General walked into the bar to check on the progress of the party arrangements. Instead of Ho's busy at work, he found them all lying in one lifeless pile on the floor.

"I don't feel so good," one of them slurred, although he couldn't quite tell which one as the rest of them answered in suffering groans.

"I'm outta here," Judy said, pushing her roaming bar cart out of the room.

The General shook his head and walked into the kitchen to fetch several bottles of water.

~*~

An entire shelf of books cascaded over an impassioned Xani and Dorotea, but she didn't complain much. Xani smiled as they collapsed to the floor. He had her right where he wanted her.

"You know what else would be fantastic, baby?"

"Hmmm?" Dorotea responded, nearly delirious.

"For this party tonight," Xani said, "everyone should go Goth."

Dorotea laughed. This was the first time Xani was giving out fashion advice. "Well, yeah, it's black as usual for me."

"No," Xani said, "I mean *everyone*."

Dorotea suddenly felt an odd tingling in her head and suddenly the vision of a Goth'd General filled her imagination. She cringed at the idea of him in makeup.

Xani smiled, forgetting how unimpressionable these Ho's were. He pressed the idea firmly into her head.

Then Dorotea smiled, her aversion completely erased. ::The General in Goth:: she thought. ::Rrroowwrrr::

~*~

"You want me to wear....lipstick?" the General asked as calmly as possible.

Dorotea nodded with a big smile on her face.

"Um...why?"

Dorotea thought for a moment. She wasn't quite sure actually. But the Goth idea was so strong in her mind that it didn't seem to need a reason. "Because it's fun!" she finally came up with.

The General sighed. He wasn't averse to pleasing his grrls and was actually quite enthusiastic about fulfilling fantasies. But that enthusiasm was reserved for behind closed doors, not for parading around the entire campus.

"Everyone is dressing like this," Dorotea say a little too fervently. Then she thought for a moment. Where'd that come from? She wasn't even dressing like this. Then her mind shifted suddenly and she shrugged.

"Everyone?" the General asked skeptically.

"Mmm-hmm," Dorotea chirped as she began to paint his fingernails with black polish.

The General raised an eyebrow. Dorotea never chirped. Still, he had to trust her instruction on this. He hadn't the slightest idea what a rave was or how one was supposed to dress for the occasion. He looked down at his appearance. From his perspective, it didn't look too terribly awful yet. The leather pants were a bit shiny for his taste, and he wasn't fond of the laces at his hips, but it wasn't enough to make an issue of. The black silk shirt would not have been his first choice, but again, it was doable. If he held his hands just right, maybe no one would notice the nail polish, especially with the lighting they were setting up in the tent.

And then Dorotea slapped a silver ball chain choker around his neck.

"Now, close your eyes," she said as she unscrewed the cap of the black eyeliner.

The General had a bad feeling about this.

~*~

Diebin marched toward the tent in her black leather catsuit. She couldn't find Emmy anywhere, although the Diva's bedroom door had been locked when she went to check for her. Despite much pounding on the door and profane language, Emmy did not respond.

Fine, there went Emmy's appointments for the week.

Diebin stepped inside the party tent, quickly placing her sunglasses on her face as the wild lights assaulted her eyes. The music pounded even louder than it had been outside.

But the tent was empty, save for Jael and Max in a far, far corner.

Well, and Haken and Cal, who were each doing their own strange gyration that they probably thought qualified as dancing.

And Judy was behind the bar wearing enormous headphones so she could listen to her own music.

But there wasn't another Ho in sight.

~*~

"Grrrrr"

"You have to do something," Tasha said as she and Vocab Man observed the pile of hungover Ho's.

"Grrrrr"

"You're in charge of all health issues while Darry is indisposed. I think this counts as a health issue," she said as the women continued to groan incoherently.

"Grrrrr"

"Just do it!"

Vocab Man walked to the pile of frosh and a few upperclassmen, stood there for a moment, and then waved his arm over their prone bodies.

And with that, their eyes popped open.

"Hey, naptime is over!" Ellie yelled as she jumped to her feet, having joined the other girls after most of them had passed out, but still equally sloshed at the time.

"It's time to PARTY!" Kendra exclaimed, scrambling up.

"We're late!" Jen cried.

"Hurry, we gotta get dressed!" Kymira said, running out of the room.

"Wow, that's some trick," Tasha said as she watched the fully recovered Ho's race toward the dorms.

"Grrrrr"

~*~

Emmy sat on her closet floor, clothes in scattered piles all around her. She had nothing to wear. This was a disaster.

"Fine," she said disgustedly, stomping to her feet. "I'll just wear these old things," she snapped, grabbing the knee-length velvet skirt and brocade top with hand-embroidered silk detail and gold-laced shoulder straps.

Forty-five minutes later, her hair was pinned up on her head, strategic curls falling out of place. And then she put the finishing touches on her lipstick.

Ten minutes later, she placed the lipstick in her cosmetic bag and regarded her reflection.

"Well, this will just have to do."

~*~

The General lost his breath as he stepped in front of the mirror. His eyes seemed barely visible beyond the thick black eyeliner. His lips were a deep, blood red, and his hair was rendered completely unmoveable by the handful of gel that Dorotea had slathered through it.

"See, you're all set!" Dorotea said. "Now, I have to go get dressed. I'll see you down there."

"But...wait, I...." the General sputtered as Dorotea hurried out of the room. He sighed heavily, glared at his reflection, and put his hands on his hips. "Fuck," he cursed under his breath.

~*~

"Is he all ready for the party," Xani asked as he tried to remove Dorotea's clothes the second she put them on.

"Yes, he is," she grinned.

"Good." Xani waved his hand in front of her face.

Dorotea blinked. She blinked again.

Xani smiled and continued to try and remove her clothing.

"I'm late for the party!" she suddenly said, scrambling around to finish getting dressed.

"You don't have to go to that, baby," he said.

Dorotea wavered slightly and then she shook her head. If she didn't at least show, Diebin would certainly cancel all her appointments. "I just have to make an appearance. Besides, we've been together all day," she said.

"Yes, we have," he said with a triumphant grin.

"So, I'll just show my face for a half hour, and I'll be back," she said. "You can survive that long, can't you?"

"Well, I don't know," he purred as he trapped her against the wall.

~*~

Emmy ordered another margarita, having mastered the all-important refill hand signal to Judy. She glanced over the dancing crowd, having to squint every time the strobe lights kicked in.

She turned back to her drink, mulling over various tactics for sneaking off with the General once he finally showed.

And then the music suddenly cut out. Emmy didn't notice it for several seconds as her eardrums continued to throb. But the collective gasp finally caused her to turn around.

The General strolled into the tent.

Judy grabbed the margarita out of Emmy's hand before the Diva had a chance to crush the glass. Judy knew Emmy well enough to know she wouldn't react well to this, especially since Judy was ready to take an ice pick to whoever was responsible for it.

The General smirked at his open-mouthed Ho's. So perhaps Dorotea had been right.

The music finally kicked in again as most of the Ho's recovered from this rather shocking vision.

Everyone except for Emmy, of course.

There could only be one person responsible for this. Only one eternally black-clad Ho with Docs and a penchant for resurrection.

"YOU!" Emmy yelled as she spotted Dorotea in the crowd.

Dorotea obliviously sipped her Merlot, the music being too loud to even hear her own thoughts.

Emmy grabbed her by the arm to get her attention.

"What?" Dorotea asked, no actual sound seeming to come out of her mouth. She watched Emmy with confusion as the Diva pointed toward the entrance and mouthed something she couldn't quite comprehend.

So Emmy yanked her by the arm until they were outside the tent.

"You Goth'd my General!" Emmy yelled.

"It wasn't meeee!"

"Oh, right," Emmy scoffed. "Who else would do that to him?"

"I've been with Xani all day," Dorotea stated. "Just asked him."

"Oh sure, there's a real reliable source." Emmy growled and stomped around. "You femmed him!! He looks like some Qui-chick's slash Mary Sue!!"

"Well, I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of the lipstick and eyeliner," Dorotea said.

"Ah-HA! So you ADMIT to doing that to him!" Emmy charged.

"I did not!"

"I'm gonna get you for this, Dorotea. You and your little hoodlum Xani, too!"

"Emmy," came that familiar scolding tone.

Emmy and Dorotea turned to see the General observing their spat.

"Oh, take a shower, you FREAK!" Emmy yelled, turning on her heel and marching away toward the admin building.

The General sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Would you please tell her that I had NOTHING to do with your Goth look," Dorotea said. "Who the hell put you up to this anyway?"

The General raised his head and scrunched his face at Dorotea.

"It's just...I dunno, it's not quite you," she said with a shrug before walking back into the tent.

The General rubbed his forehead again. And then he hurried into the tent as a downpour suddenly showered down on him. He'd never get those ridiculous pants off if they got wet.

~*~

Cal paced around near the bar. The party seemed to be going so well. He had even dressed like the General. Or at least he thought he had dressed like him. He never expected the General to show up Goth. Now the evening was completely ruined. He'd never be good enough.

Suddenly an ice cube hit him on the back of the head. He turned to see Judy giving the hand signal for refilling the punch. Cal walked over and took the large pitcher from her and made his way to the refreshment table. As he began to fill the punch bowl, he was suddenly overtaken by an ingenious idea.

Reaching into the pocket of his black jeans, he pulled out the bottle of Viagra that he had illegally purchased on the internet. Then, making sure no one was looking, he poured half the bottle into the punch bowl.

~*~

Emmy stormed through the empty lounge, dripping from the sudden rainstorm. Fine, just let Dorotea go ahead and ruin her vague plan for the evening. She'd show her. Somehow.

Emmy walked up the stairs and headed for her room. But then she heard a strange clanking sound. She followed the the disturbance until the source came into view.

There was the suit of armor walking repeatedly into the corner. The moment he hit the wall, he backed up, and then walked forward again, straight into the corner.

And then the brilliance that was striking all over campus inspired Emmy as well.

"Having trouble?" she said innocently as she approached him.

The suit of armor stopped, not quite recognizing the voice. "I am very vexed," he finally said, his words slightly slurred by too much drugged Merlot.

"Of course you are," Emmy said soothingly. "Let me help you back to the library."

"Does this mean you love me?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Emmy said softly, taking a tin arm in her hands and gently guiding him down the hall.

~*~

Haken set down his fourth empty glass of punch and stood up with fire in his eyes. "Dande! Dande!" he began to yell storming around the tent, tipping over tables on his ardent quest for the Wench.

Max, finally seeing the ruckus, rushed over to the beefalow as he continued to turn the room upside down. "Haken!" he yelled, his voice lost in the din of music.

Jael watched the General struggle to communicate with his wild-eyed friend. Max quickly turned toward her and gave her the hand signal for launching the catapults.

"Huh?" Jael said. That couldn't be right. Jael flapped her hand at Max and then used her own finely honed tactical skills to handle the situation. She ran over to the DJ stand and pulled the plug.

"HAKEN NEED DANDE NOW!!!" the Germanic mountain of muscle bellowed as the music fell silent.

"She's not here anymore!" Diebin yelled, stomping toward him and trying to look menacing.

Haken grinned at Diebin. "Woman! WOMAN!"

Diebin yelped and leapt behind Max.

The General rubbed his forehead. Then he looked up as he felt several hands on his back. Every woman in the tent was beginning to close in on him with hunger in their eyes.

Cal sobbed in the corner.

~*~

"Just a few more steps," Emmy said softly, hiding under an umbrella as the rain pinged noisily against the suit of armor. She led him into the interior of the hedge maze. "Here we are," she said, releasing his arm and backing away.

"We have arrived at the library?"

"Yes," Emmy said. "But the...uh...door seems to be locked. You wait right here, and I will go find Dorotea."

"She loves me, too," he said.

"Yeah, whatever," Emmy said, turning around and walking quickly out of the maze, laughing at her own genius. By the time anyone found him, he'd be so rusted, they'd never get him out of that suit.

~*~

After super glueing the keyholes on every door to the library, Emmy approached the tent, trying not to smile too proudly as she entered. But her expression turned to shock as she saw Ho's squealing and clamoring over each other to get to the General, who was backed into a corner and losing pieces of his shirt with alarming speed as they clawed at him.

"Serves him right," Emmy grumbled. She turned as she heard a loud crash from the other side of the tent. She took several steps back as Haken came charging toward her.

"Woman! WOMAN!"

"Oh, shit."

Out of nowhere, a cantaloupe thwacked Haken in the head. His eyes crossed and then he crumpled to the ground, the floorboards shaking violently beneath the weight of his body.

Jael then ran from her melon launching position and jumped over the crowd of rabid Ho's, flipping in the air, and coming to land in the slim space between the General and the Viagra-charged mob. She pulled her broadsword from the stylish black leather sheath, and brandished it in the air.

"Back!" Jael yelled, pointing her sword menacingly at anyone with chemical lust in her eyes as she and the General side-stepped their way to the exit. "GO!" Jael yelled as they reached the opening. "I'll handle this!"

"And take a shower!" Emmy yelled as the General took off running at Force-blast speed toward the admin building.

The End