~*~*~*~*~*~

"Aaagggghhhhhh!"

Caeryn flailed her arms and went careening into John. They fell over and tripped up play and everyone else in the hallway.

"Ow, my shin!"

"Oh god, I think my nose is broken."

"Kendra are you ok?"

"Do I look ok?"

"Damn, that must of hurt, JenJen."

"Of course it hurt! Am I bleeding?"

"No, but Ellie is."

"Syd. Get that stick out of my thigh."

"Emmy, what are you doing down here?"

"Ran outta Nutella."

"You do know your arm is bent the wrong way."

"That tiger's tail looks like it's broken."

"Probably because you tried to pull yourself up by it."

"He doesn't sound happy, does he?"

"Cal, would you sound happy if someone grabbed one of your appendages and tried pull themselves up by it?"

Cal nervously fingered his braid.

"I don't suppose anyone's seen my head."

"Thervo, that'th the lath thing on my mind."

"Your teeth being the first, I imagine."

"Whath about them?"

"They're over there."

"Damn," the catsuited figure crawled over to her teeth.

"Why are there strawberries all over the ice?"

"That would be me."

"Laure, that bowl was crystal, wasn't it?"

"Sure was, how'd you know?"

"'Cause your hands are shredded."

"Damn, that will make certain activities a lot more difficult."

"About which I'm quite vexed."

"What are you doing here?"

"Shana, play nice. I ran out of Merlot. Hey, don't I know you?"

"Nah, but I get that a lot. Caeryn, I can't move with you on top of me."

"Lynn, kindly ask your man to get his fingers out of my eye."

"Hey, Ky, it's not his fault."

"Really, guy, I don't know you, but sorry about the skate in your arm. My arm's fine, thanks for asking."

"Okay, who WASN'T part of this pile-up?"

"I don't see Darry."

"What a surprise."

"Or Jael."

"I repeat-"

"Dorotea?"

"Nope. No news there."

"Tasha?"

Silence.

"Deb?"

"Thtill pathed out in my offith."

"Em, where's the Big Man?"

"I'm right here," said three or four voices at once.

"I expect General K is in my room, his hair growing longer as we speak. We can't let him see this. Look at all the boys."

"Can anyone move?"

"Nope, can't even reach my camera."

"Damn."

"And I can't reach my accordion."

"Hurray!"

"Anyone got a phone?"

"I gotta flask."

"Great! What's in it?"

"Well, I was taking it to Jael. It's chicken soup and cough syrup."

"Ack, Judy, who came up with that concoction?"

"Mr Vocab."

"Well, the Clinic is open now. I repeat, does anyone have a phone?"

"We're not all as organized as you."

"I never said I had one."

Sere held up a cell phone. Something resembling a collective cheer rose up from the group on the floor.

"So, who ya gonna call?"

"Ghostbusters!"

"Shut up, strainer head."

"I think considering our choices, Space Dog is the safest bet."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"You have reached the answering machine of the Geek Art Goddess. Due to a quarantine being levied upon myself and the OG, neither of us nor Space Dog is available to take your call. Please leave your message at the sound of the beep."

"Oh hell, Jael, this isn't jury duty- you can still get incoming phone calls!"

"What's the matter?"

"She thinks she can't even get calls while she's quarantined."

"Well, consider the circumstances."

"I don't get it- what's she sick with?"

"John, don't ask stupid questions."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Is this your hair scrunchie or mine, my sweet?"

"LP, did someone tell you to stop?"

"Oh, I am sorry. Forgive me, lady."

"I think your phone is ringing, Dorotea."

"You really wanna answer it, Xani?"

"From here? I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"Couldn't you use that Force thing you were showing me earlier?"

"If I really wanted to."

"I see."

"You really want me to?"

"Uh...perhaps not now."

"Oh darn, boys, the phone's stopped ringing."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"--come on down! You're the next contestant on the Price is Right."

Ring, ring.

Darry pulled the TV headphones off. That was the phone.

Ring, ring.

Where was the phone?

"Hello?" harsh whisper.

"Darry, we could use some help down here."

"Oh damn. I was supposed to open the Clinic, wasn't I? Oops."

"Yes, you were."

"Hey, I'm busy up here."

"A NEW CAR!" Bob Barker shouted from the TV.

"Oh yeah, real busy."

"Sere, just relax. I'll be down in five minutes--"

Next to her, a body stretched and yawned.

"Darry, why did you not wake me?" Arms reached out for her.

"See you in a couple hours, Sere. Bye."

Click.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Diebin, I did it! I finally got myself away from the comp----aarrrhhhhhhgg! Ow, my head! Who put ice all over the hall?"

"Welcome to the party, Deb."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Right, this better work."

Ring, ring.

"Grrrr."

"Vocab Man, this is Sere. Now, listen to me very carefully."

"Grrr."

"Are you listening?"

"Grrr."

"Good. Now put Tasha on the phone."

"Grrr."

"Well, I'm sure she won't mind. This is an emergency."

"Grrr?"

"The kind of emergency where if you don't put her on, you'll find your...lightsaber...unable to function ever again. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

"Grrr."

~*~*~*~*~

Several painful hours later, the Clinic was full of patients. Darry, Mr Vocab, and Tasha were running around, trying to make everyone comfortable, but there was more that could be done.

Darry cautiously stepped out onto the ice and immediately twisted her ankle. Cursing, she carefully made her way up to Emmy's room and found the General braiding his hair, which now hung down to his waist.

"Darry! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in ages."

"Oh, I uh, had to run to..uh...Coruscant and pay off Shana's and Diebin's bartab."

"Oh, I see. Well, it's good to see you. I have to admit, I seem to have been rendered a bit less Force-sensitive since this hair incident." His eyes flashed as he looked at himself in the mirror. "Tell me, does The Look still work?"

He cocked his hips just so, and stared at the Nurse, lightly running his tongue over his lips.

Darry swooned a bit, but regained her composure.

She kissed him on the cheek. "General, I'm really not the person to be testing that on at the moment. I've got this... illness ...same thing Jael has."

"Yes, where is my Jaelly-bean? I haven't seen her in ages either."

"Quarantined."

"Ah, well, I hope you both recover." He smiled at her and Darry felt herself go a bit weak in the knees. Then she remembered why she was there.

"Uh, General, I seem to have twisted my ankle. Do you think you could fix it for me?"

"Certainly," he reached out and waved his hand in front of Darry's leg. Nothing happened.

"Oh, that's much better," Darry lied. Damn, that Propecia was doing more than making the General's hair grow. She'd need to add that to the Zima and worm list as a Force-inhibiting substance.

"See ya General. Love ya! Emmy'll be right up." Darry smiled and walked steadily toward the door. Once out of his line of sight, she limped back down the hall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Darry stormed up the steps to the front door of the Library.

She didn't bother to knock on the door; she knew she wouldn't get any response. With a zap of purple Lightning from her fingers, the library door swung open.

Darry stalked in to the incense-scented Library. There was one broken coffin lying in pieces on the floor and two new ones. A black lacquered one with red lining, was open and empty, a dark mahogany coffin next to it was closed. Darry swung open the lid on the mahogany coffin. Inside was a tangled mass of limbs enjoying a post-coital slumber. Darry kicked the coffin.

"I need Xani and I need him right now!" The Nurse demanded.

"How flattering," the Greysider said, opening one eye.

Dorotea languidly opened both of hers. "What, you wore out Cicero already?"

Darry exclaimed. "The Clinic is overrun by broken bones due to the iced hallways. I need Xani to heal them."

Xani groaned. "I don't think so, Princess. I prefer to use my powers for evil...or at least sexual gratification." Snickers from the other two coffin occupants.

The Nurse was not going to take no for an answer. "Xani, I'm warning you."

Xani replied. "Why can't the General heal people? What is he doing? Counting diamonds for that --"

"His midichlorians are screwed up, thanks to your little hair-growing prank," the Nurse said, pointing angrily at Dorotea and then reaching into the coffin and grabbing a handful of ebony hair. All three occupants yelped.

"OWWW!"

Darry glared at Xani. "Get dressed, I'm sure they'll keep the coffin warm for you."

Xani stubbornly ignored the fact that his hair was being torn from his scalp. Dorotea slapped the Nurse's hand. "Leave the hair alone. I'll handle this." The Librarian turned to Xani. "Xani, go help her heal the broken bones or no more Elf Bowling."

Xani frowned. "Are you threatening me, love?"

"Yes, because I know her," Dorotea exclaimed pointing at the Nurse, tapping her foot impatiently. "If she's not getting any, she'll make everyone else's life a living HELL. So, get dressed and GO NOW."

"Fine," Xani said. "But don't wear out Lord Pelham, I want to --"

Dorotea covered Xani's mouth. "No slash, it upsets the Wench's delicate sensibilities."

Xani dressed hurridly in his typical black clothing. "Let's get this over with, I have things and people to do."

"First, fix my ankle."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll never touch you again."

"You're not touching me now. What kind of threat is that?" Darry hurled a size seven-and-a-half Nine West at Xani's face. He ducked and then looked up. She was definitely getting quicker. He snapped his fingers. Darry's ankle mended itself.

"Come on," the Nurse sighed, turning away and stalking out of the Library with Xani close behind.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where's Emmy?" the Nurse was getting mad. They were almost done. And the sooner they were finished, the sooner she could get back upstairs to her sleeping servant.

"She went back to her room," Tasha said. "I told her we'd heal the broken arm, but she was determined to get back to the General before his hair got any longer.

"She couldn't wait five more minutes?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Okay, Dande, remember, I'm not left handed."

"Is he sitting comfortably?"

"I think so," Emmy said into the phone.

"And you feel comfortable with the left-handed scissors?"

"Uh, I'm not using left-handed scissors."

"You're going to cut the General's hair with right-handed scissors with your left hand?" The Wench looked horrified, as she ran her fingers through another head of long hair.

"No, of course not!" Emmy spat. On the other end of the phone came a relieved sigh. "I'm using a scalpel that I took from the Clinic."

"WHAT?" Dande and General Kenobi both shouted at once.

END