The General tried to rub away his hangover as he sat at his desk. He groaned slightly. And not in a good way.

He hadn't really....

Yes. He had.

The hazy recollection of the bar, Emmy, and that other general.

And on top of that, he'd told his former Master, who somehow was now resurrected, to fuck off.

Perhaps he had grown too accustomed to having the Blue Ghostie Qui around, so that seeing him in the flesh triggered some sort of threat to the life he had here. The life that he now wanted.

As much of a Jedi as he was, he simply couldn't return to the Temple. He had changed. He couldn't go back now.

So, he would have to apologize to Qui-Gon. But after the week he'd had - getting kicked out of Texas, Ginsu possessing Emmy, Die becoming a Wenchiwan, Jael losing her mind, Qui-Gon returning, Dorotea and Darry performing bizarre resurrection rituals - well, he hoped his Master would forgive him on account of stress and sleep deprivation.

He knew that perhaps Qui-Gon wouldn't understand his need to stay at HSU, especially given the events of the past couple of weeks. But Qui-Gon would respect his decision. That much he knew.

And if he didn't, he'd have one of the girls explain that statue out on the front lawn.

The General smiled slightly. It amused him that his girls thought he didn't know.

He was a Jedi, after all.

He stood up very slowly from his desk, thankful that at least this morning was peaceful and quiet. He walked over to his door and slowly opened it.

And then he cringed at the sound of Diebin's shrill wail.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T FIT ME IN?" she wallowed into the phone. "I NEED A STRAIGHTENER, AND I NEED IT NOW!! NO! THE CANCELLATION LIST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! I'M HAVING A HAIR EMERGENCY HERE!"

The General moved as fast as he possibly could to the outer door, needing to get out of Diebin's shouting range before she got off the phone.

But the moment he stepped out into the hall, he was accosted by a furious Diva waving handfuls of clothing in his face.

"Do you see this? DO YOU?!"

The General gave her a pleading look, perplexed as to how she could be so alert and functional when the walls were beginning to spin around him. "Emmy...."

"These are my CHANEL!" she yelled, shaking the garments in her clenched fist. "Look at what she did to them!" Emmy unfurled the suit jacket to show that it was now sleeveless and missing two buttons. The skirt seemed to be hacked up about three inches shorter.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Emmy, I think you did that."

Emmy's eyes narrowed. "I did not do this," she seethed. "That evil demon did it."

The General rubbed his forehead. "Emmy, she's gone now."

"Well then, I want to be reimbursed for this damage!"

"Please," he said, holding up a hand. "My head."

"Oh, your head? Your head?" she sputtered. "My Chanel wardrobe is RUINED, and you're worried about your head?!"

The General turned away from the irate Diva as she continued to yell after him. He continued down the hall and past Caeryn's office door.

In an instant, the Dean was out in the hallway. "Hey! You can't just pick up new students on the road and bring them back here! We have procedures!"

"YES!" Shana yelled, suddenly appearing from nowhere. "And PAPERWORK!"

"Applications, tests, bloodwork, interviews, more tests, grillings by the board," Caeryn rattled off.

"And may we remind you," Shana said, "that you're no longer in charge of this university. The board makes all decisions."

The General would have lost his temper if it wouldn't have hurt his head so much. "We'll discuss this later," he said, as he continued to walk down the hall, hearing the two deans huff behind him and proceed to tell each other how right they were.

He rounded the corner, happy to be away from the trouble.

"General!"

He groaned.

"General, wait!"

He turned, slowly and reluctantly, to see Ellie running down the hall toward him. She crashed into him and grasped his arms. "Please, General. PLEASE don't make me go back to those children! I'll do anything! Pick up garbage on the side of the road, sling hash, paint fences, ANYTHING! I can't go back there. Don't make me go back there!"

As Ellie continued to beg and plead, the General pried himself out of her grasp, slipping away as she fell to her knees. He turned quickly and hurried down the hall again, passing Cal who was sobbing hysterically. But he just couldn't be bothered to ask.

He was almost home free as he headed toward the stairwell.

Almost.

A giant ruckus suddenly erupted from Laure's office. The General sighed, damning the midichlorians that wouldn't let him walk by when trouble was at hand.

Slowly, he opened the door. There were Darry and Dorotea hurling curses and insults at each other as a goat chewed on Darry's jacket. Jael was skipping around the perimeter of the office as she tossed Skittles in the air.

Laure sat relaxed at her desk as Judy handed her a jumbo margarita while she petted a giant tiger that lay across her desk.

"If you just would have found a virgin, none of this would have happened!" Darry yelled.

"Oh yeah?!" Dorotea shot back. "If you would have approved my EA, I wouldn't have had to resort to waking the dead!"

"Stop!" the General yelled, wincing as the volume of his voice seemed to crack his head open.

Everyone stopped what they were doing, looked at the General, shrugged, and went back to their bickering, skipping, and drinking.

"Don't you EVER walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Emmy yelled, entering the office behind the General.

"Or us, either!" Shana and Caeryn exclaimed right behind Emmy.

"Drool and diapers and--"

"WHY?? I try so hard, I even stole some duct tape to keep my braid on! I polish your bike! I try to walk like you! WHY??"

"Alright, people!" Laure suddenly yelled.

The room fell silent, and all eyes turned to the mediator.

The General really felt like whining. Why didn't they listen to him like that?

"I know how to handle all of these problems."

"You do?" everyone asked in unison. All except for the General.

"Yes, I do," Laure said. She took a sip of her drink. And then she called, "Phil!"

A beefy, bald Texan suddenly appeared in the doorway, exclaiming, "I'm Doctor Phil McGraw!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The General gasped and sat straight up. His heart was pounding in his chest, his entire body shivering.

And then he looked around.

This was his bedroom.

He took a few deep breaths and scooted himself off the sweat-soaked sheets. He sat on the edge of the bed trying to get his bearings.

"Are you alright?"

The General looked up. There stood Diebin looking at him with wide eyes.

And her hair was straight.

"You fixed your hair," he said.

"Uh...." Diebin reached up to feel her always straight and smooth hair.

"You...you got rid of the...the curls," he said, twirling his fingers around.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look rather...shaken up."

Suddenly a loud horn echoed across campus.

"What was that," the General asked, standing from his bed to look out the window. There he saw two large buses with the HSU logo painted on the side.

"Oh, that's what I came here for," Diebin said. "Did you order some buses for road trip? I told the guy he was crazy, but he had your name on the travel register."

The General gasped. He quickly pulled on some clothes and rushed toward Diebin. "Have you ever worn pink?"

Diebin's face scrunched up in confusion. "Are you drunk?"

The General grinned and kissed her deeply. "Don't ever wear pink," he said, before darting off toward his door.

"Uh, sure," Diebin said. "No problem."

The General ran down the hall, oblivious to the cold tile on his bare feet. And then he nearly knocked Caeryn over as she was exiting her office. "I'm sorry," he said, steadying her on her feet. Then he kissed her, too, before taking off down the hall again. "And I promise, I won't bring any new students here."

"What?" Caeryn asked. "We haven't had any new students since the semester started." She watched him run down the stairs. Then she shook her head and walked back into her office, the kiss having distracted her from what she was doing.

As the General darted toward the door, he passed Emmy and Darry sitting in the Lounge. He stopped, grabbing Emmy's leg as she sat on the couch.

"What are you doing?" she asked, somewhat irritated.

He examined her ankle. No red mark. He leaned down and pulled on the neckline of her shirt.

"Uh...." Emmy said.

No red mark on her chest, either. So he kissed her.

"Good morning to you, too," Emmy purred.

He smiled and moved over to Darry and kissed her.

"Has Dorotea been giving you wine?" Darry asked as the General darted outside.

As he headed for the buses and the frosh class milling about, he stumbled upon Dorotea. When she saw him, she quickly hid a book behind her back.

The General smirked. "You won't need to do that once I'm done with you," he said.

"What?" she asked with great surprise. "I wasn't doing...it was Darry's book and--" her words were cut off as the General's lips captured hers.

"Where is Shana?" he asked.

"Uh...." Dorotea's brain tried to catch up with the question. "Not here. Still on Alderaan, I think."

"Damn. Well, that's good," he said with a smile. "But. Oh, never mind," he said with a big grin, kissing the librarian quickly again before heading toward the buses.

"They're telling me that Space Dog can't go on the road trip, and that just isn't acceptable," Jael said as she saw the General approach.

The General smiled. And kissed her. "We're not going on any road trip."

"But I thought you said--"

"Kendra," the General said, embracing her and then kissing her. "You feel well? Healthy?"

"Sure," she answered with a lot of confusion.

"And you've never been to Texas, have you?"

Kendra wrinkled her nose. "Why would I go to Texas?"

The General laughed. "Why would you go to Texas?" he laughed again. "That's wonderful."

"Texas? We're going to Texas?" Ellie asked bouncing in.

"No, Ellie. We're all staying right here," he said.

"But why?" Judy said, industrial sized blender in tow.

"Judith darling," he said, stepping forward to kiss the bartender. "We're going to stay here. And we're going to take care of each other," he said, grabbing Jen and Kymira to show his affections. Then he moved on to Robin.

"Anyone need a lipstick touch up?" Dande asked, her gladiator carrying her trunk with his massive biceps.

"Dande," the General said, smiling, stepping up to her and reaching his arms out.

Dande gave the General her don't-go-there look. Then she laughed gently as he simply hugged her.

"He's lost his mind," Darry said, standing in the doorway.

"Completely off his rocker," Emmy said as they watched the General embrace anyone in hugging and/or kissing range.

"You all don't know how wonderful it is to see you like this," the General said to the Ho's and Wench. Then he rushed forward as Julia and Sere began taking pictures of this most unusual joyful moment. The General grabbed them both in a fierce hug and kissed them each rather senseless.

"Hey, man, did you order these buses or not?" the exasperated driver asked.

The General beamed at the unenthused man.

The driver gave the General a suspicious glance.

"Yes, I did. You may park them around the back of the building. We won't be needing them today," he said.

"Ooookaaayy," Darry said. "Well, I'm bored. Better go find--" The Nurse was interrupted by a yellow cab speeding up the driveway. "Well, it's about time!"

Laure stepped out of the cab and surveyed the crowd in front her, everyone laughing and hugging.

"I'm never leaving any of you again," the General said, pulling as many girls close to him as he could while Julia and Sere took more pictures at his insistence.

Laure's brow wrinkled. "What do these people need me for?" she said as Darry approached.

Darry snorted. "Just you wait."

"Now, everyone, to the cafeteria," the General said. "I'll make you all breakfast."

"Completely certifiable," Emmy said under her breath. "I gotta call Shana," she said, running back into the admin building and to her office.

The General led his Ho's to the well-appointed cafeteria, grabbing Cal along his way. "Good man, Cal," he said, patting him on the back.

Cal thudded.

The General held the door open for all the women as they walked through, happily offering kisses and hugs yet again. He turned his head as he heard a chuckle behind him.

"I don't know how you keep up, Obi-Wan," the Blue Ghostie said.

"Neither do I, Master. Neither do I." The General smiled as the Blue Ghostie faded from view. "Give Aya my love. Tell her I'll bring dinner."

"God, now you're talking to invisible friends," Darry said, raising an eyebrow at the General. "Whatever. Laure is finally here."

The General laughed and embraced Laure, happy that one part of his dream had come true. "You will be very busy," the General said before he kissed her.

"So I hear," Laure said.

The General escorted them through the door, the sound of laughter echoing in the large room. He walked in and spotted Judy passing out mimosas. "Judith darling."

"Yes, General?"

"I think we need to order another shipment of ale."

"But I just got some."

"Bad batch," the General said, recalling his arduous dream. "Very bad batch."

"Sure. Consider it done," Judy said with a smile.

He kissed her on the cheek and valiantly made his way to the kitchen, smiling as he cast the dream from his mind and set to show his girls his culinary skills.

And determined to never let chaos reign as rampantly in reality as it did in his slumber.

The End