Title: HSU Fic: Trial and Error 2/2
Author: Laure, Mediator
Rating: OTTOTW (Over the top and out the window)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Poor, very poor. Would be willing to own one slightly rusty suit of armor.
Timeline: Set right after Chaos, before Oops
Thanks:To Darry for the beta and the title.
Author's Note:I hope this makes some sense. I feel like I've been writing it forever!

Back in the General's Secretary's office, the threesome had finally been chosen. All three were crowing, while the rest of the Ho's muttered amongst themselves. Brenda sat outside the door to the General's office waiting patiently, smiling eagerly, ignoring the dissension in the room.

The door next to her opened and DebLei wafted out of the inner office, a huge smile on her face. She made it to her desk barely and sank down into her chair, finally noticing a huge crowd of Ho's was taking up most of the room and all the breathable air.

"Yes?" she managed to stutter out.

Just as several Ho's were about to launch into explanations, the General stepped from his office, lips smiling, eyes twinkling. At least a dozen Ho's swooned, but there wasn't room for them to drop to the floor so they just slumped against their neighbors.

"DebLei, dear, do I have another appointment?"

"Um..." The assistant secretary glanced down and stared in amazement at the appointment book, open to the current day. "Where? When?" She shook herself and read off the next entry. "Brenda."

Brenda jumped to her feet, grabbed the General before he could begin to wonder why there were forty some odd Ho's crammed into the small room, and dragged him back into his office.

"Who found it?" DebLei asked.

"Emmy stole it," came from several Ho's.

*****

At three thirty sharp, the door to the Office of Conflict Resolution and Mediation banged open and Jen Jen, Kendra and Ellie walked in, followed by Caeryn, Judy and Sere, who was fiddling with a video camera. Kymira glanced up and shook her head.

"She's in a conference. Can't be disturbed."

Placing two hands on the reception desk, Caeryn leaned forward. "Disturb her. We need her to mediate between Emmy and us."

"The Diva? Why?"

"Where have you been?" Jen Jen asked, surprised.

Kymira shrugged and resumed filing her nails. "Here, the rugby pitch, even went to class for an hour this morning."

"Emmy stole the General's appointment book," Kendra cried.

The nail file clattered to the desk top and Kymira's mouth fell open. "You're kidding! Wow, when's the lynching party?"

"I don't believe Emmy did it," Judy reiterated for the Ho's who hadn't heard her opinion.

"We're not lynching anyone," Dorotea yelled strongly as she stepped into the office, trying to straighten her irregularly buttoned shirt.

Caeryn sighed in aggravation. "That's why we're going to do the civilized thing for once."

"Oh." Kymira nodded in agreement and rose to her feet. Knocking on the door of the inner office, she pushed it open slightly. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," came the bored voice from within.

Kymira opened the door wider and Laure looked up from her crossword puzzle to see a group of Ho's peering over the shoulders of her Padawan.

Sighing heavily, Laure set aside the newspaper and folded her hands together on top of her desk. "Campus on fire? General gone missing again? Cicero full of holes? Hmm?"

"Emmy stole the General's appointment book," Kymira announced.

"Allegedly stole," Judy opined.

Laure sighed again.

"We want you to mediate for us," Caeryn added, moving Kymira out of the doorway so that the Ho's could enter. "Have you seen Shana?"

Laure jerked her head towards her bedroom door, then winced as one of the tiger cubs latched onto the toe of one of her very expensive pumps. As the other Ho's piled into the room, fighting over who got to sit on the couch, the Dean made her way to the bedroom door and knocked.

"Shana, we're trying Emmy for stealing the General's appointment book."

Muffled noises came from within the bedroom, which everyone chose to ignore as much as possible. Caeryn made a face and took a seat in front of the fireplace.

"It's not a trial," Judy insisted. "Why does everyone leap to the conclusion that Emmy is guilty?"

"Probably 'cause she usually is," Dorotea shot back as she plopped herself down in the one remaining comfy chair.

"Ky, we're going to need more chairs."

Kymira nodded at her boss and opened the closet door, pulling out folding chairs and setting them up. "Can I stay for the trial?"

"It's not..." Judy sighed. "I should have brought drinks."

"Yes, you can stay and take notes." Laure ignored the frown on her Padawan Ho's face, and turned to the bartender. "You're right. It's not a trial. I'm not a judge."

"Can we sue her for, oh what is it...something about stealing affections...?" Ellie asked.

"Alienation of affection," Sere supplied.

Laure rubbed her temples and tried to look professional.

Finally everyone had a seat, and Sere was roaming around the room video taping reactions, getting comments and lots of juicy footage. The tiger cubs--except for the one attached to the Mediator--had all found seats on Kendra who was beginning to sneeze, and Shana had yet to make an appearance, but the occasional giggle echoed forth from behind the closed door.

At three forty, discussion had just begun over whether or not to go fetch Emmy and drag her back by her hair, when the door banged open and Darry stormed into the room. She was wearing a set of wrinkled scrubs and her hair was mussed.

The Nurse ran her eyes over every occupant of the room then growled, "Where is Emmy?"

"We were just discussing going to find her," Laure began.

"I thought this was all set up. I do have better things to do."

"Yeah, like Cic," Dorotea snorted behind her hand.

"I heard that," Darry snarled back. "Oh, and Ellie, I need a new phone."

Ellie buried her head in her hands, her fingers pulling her hair up away from her scalp in frustration.

Shana breezed out of the bedroom wrapped in one of Laure's black silk robes. "Emmy's the one who took the book? Let's hang her."

"Hey!"

Everyone ignored the Librarian and the Nurse.

Just as Darry was about to give up on Emmy ever showing up and sneak out, The OG and Jael entered the office with Emmy tucked between them. Julia trailed behind them, snapping the occasional picture and muttering comments about the condemned and last rites.

The majority of Ho's glowered at the Diva, who stiffened her spine and glowered back.

Laure rolled her eyes, rubbed her temples again and told them to take seats, beckoning Emmy to the one next to her desk facing the room.

"What, no pillory for me?" Emmy sniped as she sat down on the folding chair. Jael and Max took up positions behind her, hands unconsciously resting on the hilts of their swords.

"Hey, how come she gets to have guards," Shana asked.

"I'll defend Emmy with my life," Jael proclaimed.

There was much eye-rolling from the assembled Ho's.

Sere backed into a corner, video camera resting on a portable tripod, wondering how much money she could make by selling the video to the Ho's who had been excluded from the proceedings. Kymira took her steno pad and sat on Laure's other side, wondering why her boss couldn't use cassette tapes like normal people.

Emmy clasped her hands in her lap and tried to project innocence.

"Okay. Now, we're all friends here. Let's try to remember that," Laure began. "We all know that the appointment book disappeared some time earlier today."

"Do we?" Jen Jen interrupted.

"It disappeared sometime in the recent past," Laure replied, the smile on her face fading slightly. "Where and when was it found?"

All three freshmen Ho's spoke at once.

"Caeryn?" Laure asked as the babble subsided.

"Brenda went to Emmy's room to fetch her tiara and returned with the appointment book."

"Maybe Brenda stole it, felt guilty and returned it," Emmy chimed in.

"That is a possibility," Laure conceded. "Where is Brenda?"

"With the General," Kendra answered. "Her appointment was next."

"I seem to recall having an appointment some time today that was overlooked," Laure muttered.

"Should I write that down, boss?"

Laure glared her Padawan Ho into silence, then plastered her smile back on her face. "Where were we...So, Brenda accused Emmy?"

All the Ho's that had been there nodded.

The Mediator turned to the accused. "Emmy, what can you tell me about this?"

"I didn't take it. Look, if I had taken the book, why would I have sent Brenda to my rooms? Why would I have hidden it in such a lame place? Why wouldn't I have tried to hog all the appointments? I had mine and I left so that DebLei could eeny-meeny-miny-mo another one."

Judy nodded in support. "Even without the book, the General continued to have appointments and Emmy didn't try to take one."

"You weren't there. You had gone back to the bar," Kendra said.

Judy turned to her Padawan Ho. "And did she try to take an appointment?"

"DebLei gave her one." Kendra brightened. "Hey, maybe she used some kind of mind whammy on DebLei."

Emmy rolled her eyes.

"Believe me, she can't mind whammy anyone," Darry said from her seat in a corner. One leg was crossed over the other, swinging wildly, proclaiming her desire to be anywhere but in the Mediator's office. "I can show you her medical records if you want. Not a high enough midichlorian count to have Jedi powers."

"Thanks, Darry."

Darry stared at the grateful Diva. "I just want this over with. I wouldn't put it past you to steal the book just because."

Emmy stuck her tongue out at the Nurse.

Everyone started talking at once again and Laure began to fish around in her desk drawer for something to use as a gavel. A loud knocking came on the door and the room quieted.

"Come in."

The door opened and a braidless Cal stuck his head in. "Oh wow, are they all here for my session?" he asked breathlessly.

Laure wondered how much it would hurt if she banged her forehead on the desk.

Kymira saw her master eyeing the marble top and jumped to her feet, hurrying to the door. "Sorry, there was an emergency. The needs of the University come first." As she spoke, she backed Cal out of the office.

Mr. Vocab was sitting on the edge of her desk, picking at the hole in his horn from a tiger cub's bite. He looked incredibly bored...or pissed...or hungry. Kymira really wasn't sure.

"We'll have to reschedule," Kymira finished, shutting the door in Cal's face.

"But..." he whined.

*****

As Kymira retook her seat, Laure shook herself from her momentary desire for unconsciousness and eyed each participant before turning back to Emmy.

"So, Emmy, if you didn't take the book, who do you think did?"

Emmy shrugged. "Could be anyone here. Maybe Dorotea did it. She could be all pissy about my rejection of her building a goth club." Dorotea started to protest, but Emmy continued. "Or Caeryn or Ellie could be mad because I suggested that the hall be de-iced." More protests. "Or Darry could have done it because I accused her of not loving the General anymore, or just because she's a bitch."

Darry shrugged and flipped her hair.

"Maybe Diebin did it before she disappeared just to cause chaos."

"Where is Diebin anyway?" Shana whispered to Darry, who shrugged again.

Emmy turned to look at Laure. "Even you could have done it. Maybe you got used to having the General all to yourself when you were holed up at the Four Seasons while I was being tried by the puking Jedi Council."

"You weren't alone," Julia snapped.

Laure nodded sagely. "Very true, Emmy. Any of us could have done this, but I know you keep your rooms locked. Does anyone else have a key?"

"The General and Brenda," Emmy said quickly.

"That brings us back to Brenda. I know she's your Padawan Ho. Have you been too demanding of her?"

"Brenda's not on trial here," Ellie protested.

"No one's on trial here," Laure sighed yet again. "Maybe you forgot to lock your door, Emmy."

For a moment Emmy nearly leapt at that excuse, but then she shook her head sadly. "Nope. I always double-check it."

Just as Laure decided to switch tacks, another loud knock sounded on the door. "Oh for God's sake," she muttered, rising to her feet, edging around Max and Jael, and nearly climbing over Dorotea to open the door. "Not now, Cal." Her mouth snapped shut at the sight of the gentlemen on the other side of the door.

Dressed in scrubs, his hair hanging enticingly over one eye, Cicero stood there holding a scowling Xani by the scruff of his neck.

"Pardon me, Lady." Cicero made a small bow. "The Nurse bade me to fetch her after fifteen minutes had passed. I found this scoundrel with his ear pressed to the door."

Laure stepped aside, letting Cicero manhandle the Greysider into the room.

"Uh oh," Dorotea muttered, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I know I'm going to get blamed for this."

"And what is your interest in these proceedings?" Laure asked in a quiet yet firm voice as she retook her seat.

Xani pulled free of Cicero and straightened his collar and mussed up hair. "I was just passing by."

Darry snorted from her corner.

"You," Emmy accused, her rage barely contained. "I should have guessed."

"Emmy?" Laure asked, steepling her fingers together as she rested her elbows on her desk, a slight smile on her face.

Emmy jumped to her feet and pointed a finger at Xani. "You used the Force to break into my room and plant the book, didn't you."

"That's quite a jump in logic," Shana interjected.

"Not if you know how his slimy mind works," Emmy snapped back, then took an angry step closer to Xani, who gave her an innocent look. "I can't believe I didn't think of you earlier."

In a flash, Jael's sword was at Xani's throat and the innocent look on his face was replaced by momentary panic.

"No bloodshed in my office," Laure yelled, jumping to her feet.

"Don't kill him," Dorotea yelled at the same time, springing from her chair.

"You can nick him a little if you want, Jael. Very sexy..." Darry added, smiling sweetly at Xani, and leaning back against Cicero, who stood behind her.

"Admit your indiscretion, Greysider, and I shall let you live," Jael proclaimed.

"You wouldn't kill me," Xani blustered.

The tip of the sword slid down his body to rest just below his belt buckle. He gulped visibly.

"Okay, sure, I did it. I thought it would be a lark, get the Princess here into a bit of hot water, laugh a bit," Xani said very, very quickly.

"Are you getting all that down, Ky?" the Mediator asked her Padawan Ho.

"Oh yeah, makes a great ending."

"How about we kiss and make up, Princess?" Xani leered at Emmy.

Shoving aside Jael's sword, Emmy lunged for Xani's throat as the room erupted into chaos.

Rolling her eyes, the Mediator slipped into her bedroom and gave the sleeping RB a huge smile.

End