As soon as the tiger cubs scented their papa, they tumbled out of the little red wagon and scampered into Laure's office. Though she no longer had any interest in her one time mate, mama tiger shoved Laure out of the way and followed her babies. Tripping, Laure grabbed the door and it swung wide open revealing Shana, in flagrante delicto on the couch, wearing only a scrap of purple silk and a lazy smile.

Hearing choking from behind her, Laure grabbed the door knob, glared at Shana who waved a pixie stick at her, and pulled the door shut. She took a deep breath and turned to face Cal who was gaping, red faced and fish mouthed.

"Thank you for the use of the wagon, Cal," the Mediator said through clenched teeth. "Good bye, Cal."

"But, but, but..."

"As you could see, my next appointment is already here, so I can't talk to you now."

"But, I got Mr. Vocab, just like you said." Cal latched onto Vocab's arm, for once ignoring the low growl and hard shake the groundskeeper gave him, and clung like a leech.

"Make an appointment." Laure gestured vaguely at Kymira who had just come to work after a long, hard day on the rugby pitch not playing rugby.

"Huh?" the newest Padawan Ho asked her master.

"Give them the next appointment. Let's just get this over with." With a heavy sigh, Laure slipped into her office, slamming the door shut behind her.

*****

Kymira set her purse down behind her desk and herself down in her ergonomic, extremely expensive chair. She shrugged at her master's odd behavior and turned on her computer, opening up the appointment book. Glancing at the clock, she touched the pointer to the screen.

"One hour from now fine with you boys? That would be four o'clock."

"Oh yes," Cal gushed, joy lighting his face.

"Grrr."

"Yeah, you have to come, too. Don't piss off my master. She may look even tempered, but I've heard stories."

"Grrr."

"Yeah, one hour. Why don't you go find Tasha and complain to her. I've got email to answer." With a wave of her hand, Kymira banished the two males from the outer office. They stared at her for a minute, then Vocab stomped out, followed by Cal meekly pulling his red wagon behind him.

"Can things get weirder?" Kymira muttered, opening her email. "Damn, yes I want to make money fast, do I want to make it through this lame email? No..."

*****

In the crypt soon to be goth club, Dorotea knelt on the sofa behind LP, brushing his hair. He was stretching and unstretching his newest scrunchie--a dark purple velvet one--and sighing softly in pleasure as she expertly untangled his hair. It had gotten all mussed when he and Xani had rolled out of the coffin.

The Cure was playing on the stereo which Xani was currently examining. "We need a much better sound system."

"I'll charge it off as new books or something," Dorotea replied, beginning to braid LP's locks.

"Perhaps some of those buff miners can help with the painting and new lighting."

The Librarian narrowed her eyes at the Greysider. "Xani..."

He gave her an engaging smile and shrugged. "I can't help but appreciate a fine form...on anyone."

Dorotea giggled and took the scrunchie from LP, finishing off the braid. Jumping to her feet, she headed for the one bare wall, measuring it in her head. "The bar can go here, black of course." She glanced over her shoulder at LP, who was lounging on the sofa watching her through lazy eyes. "How would you like to tend bar, my lord?"

His brow furrowed. "Tend...?"

"Yeah, mixing drinks, that kind of thing."

His lips turned down. "Work?"

"Not work, being a good host," Xani explained soothingly, understanding his lover's distaste for the commonness of work.

Dorotea rolled her eyes and went back to mentally redecorating.

*****

Darry sat on her bed behind Cicero, her legs on either side of his hips, her hands on his shoulders, giving him a deep, therapeutic massage.

"I hope you didn't pull anything lugging those trunks," she muttered, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes as she worked the kinks out of his shoulders. The last thing she wanted was her lover out of working condition.

His head hung forward and he sighed in pleasure every so often. "I like this 'massage'. Why don't you do it more often?"

"I don't pamper, remember?" Darry replied cooly, moving her fingers up to his neck.

"You're very good at it."

"Yeah, well, it's all part of my training." She could feel herself flushing at the compliment.

"I like it. I think it would be nice to have you do it every evening after I've had a hard day training with the men. Would you?"

Darry's fingers froze on his neck, images of Donna Karan replaced by pink taffeta running rampant through her head.

"And maybe you could teach me how to massage you so I can return the favor." Cicero flashed a wicked smile over his shoulder.

Relieved that her EA wasn't going alpha male on her, Darry answered his wicked smile with one of her own and lunged for him, toppling them both off the bed.

*****

In the office of the Secretary to the General, a horde of Ho's log- jammed the doorway, allowing Emmy to scramble for the nearest window. As Brenda dove for her master, Emmy shoved the window open and jumped out, landing next to an Ewok munching on a rose bush.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." Gathering her velvet skirt in her hands, she ran for the tents and the protection of The Other General and Jael. "How the hell did that book end up in my room?" she panted, as she skidded around a shed, her ears trained for the sound of pursuit.

Only silence met her ears, and then she heard the clash of swords. For a moment she panicked, then realized it was coming from the field ahead of her. Most of the gladiators were lounging around, polishing their weapons and armor. Outside the nearest tent, Lynne and Juba were reclining on a blanket and feeding each other grapes. Both craned their necks to watch Emmy flee past them.

In the middle of the rugby pitch, Jael and Max sparred with short swords. Space Dog dashed around them in a circle, barking madly, as they thrust and parried. As Emmy came to a breathless and abrupt halt, Max pulled back, only to have Jael, who had her back to the Diva, knock his sword from his hand with such strength that it flew end over end and nearly impaled Haken, who sat on a bench, holding ice to one of his various bruises.

"Oops, sorry Moose," Jael called a bit sheepishly.

"Emmy?" Max asked, concerned.

Jael spun around and her eyes widened at the disheveled Diva. "Emmy, are you okay? You look like you've been running."

"That's because I have been running," Emmy gasped out. When she finally got her breath back, she wailed, "I think the Ho's want to kill me."

Jael and Max exchanged dubious yet concerned looks.

*****

Back in the Secretary's office, the Ho's had finally managed to all enter the room, and spent several minutes debating the merits of tracking Emmy down. Then Brenda opened the book and saw that the next appointment was her own and decided that Emmy could stew for a bit.

"Hey," Kendra protested. "Just because you're going to get some General loving doesn't mean our anger isn't righteous."

Several of the freshmen murmured in approval.

"Yeah, she can't be allowed to get away with that," Jen Jen added.

Caeryn rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. She was the only staff Ho present, and she was quite accustomed to crises of this nature.

"I can't believe Emmy would do that," someone from the back of the room chimed in, starting a new discussion on Emmy's character or lack of one, that went on and on and on, until finally Caeryn couldn't stand it any longer.

"Look," she said loudly, her stern Dean's voice quieting the mob. "This is getting us nowhere. We now have the perfect system to deal with problems like this." At everyone's blank looks she sighed. "The Office of Mediation and Conflict Resolution." More blank stares. "Laure," she finally yelled in exasperation.

Recognition filled the eyes of the Ho's crammed into the office and they began to nod.

"Good idea," Ellie replied. "Yeah, let's go get her next appointment. This has to be considered an emergency, right?"

"There are about forty of us here," Robyn began. "I don't think we'll all fit in her office."

More nods of agreement.

"We can draw straws," Brenda said, nodding to herself, pleased at her idea. "I'll keep myself out of the drawing since I'm Emmy's Padawan Ho and it wouldn't be right for me to attend."

"Oh sure, it has nothing to do with you having the next appointment with the General," Kendra muttered earning her a scowl from the Diva's apprentice.

"I'll round up all the staff I can find. You grrls pick a representative group of three," Caeryn said as she headed for the outer door. "We'll meet at Laure's office in thirty minutes."

As Caeryn pushed her way into the hall, she was blinded by a flash going off. When her eyesight cleared, she saw Julia leaning against the far wall, camera in hand.

"Got some great shots of Emmy running, velvet skirts at her knees. Wanna know where she was running to?"

"Not particularly. Go tell her that we're having a meeting in the Mediator's office in thirty minutes and she better show up."

"Oh sure, give her orders, that'll work." With an unapologetic grin, Julia pushed away from the wall and headed for the outer door.

Caeryn rolled her eyes again and headed for the Clinic. She needed some Tylenol for the headache beginning behind her eyes, plus, as far as she knew, the Nurse was still on staff, though she was rarely seen these days.

*****

Laure glowered at both the RB and Shana who were playing with the tiger cubs, getting tiger fur all over her leather couch.

As the Mediator flopped down in her desk chair, Shana looked up. "I thought you had an appointment with the General."

"I missed it," was the pissed off response. "They skipped me," was the equally pissed off next comment.

Shana buried her giggles in the cub she held. Laure glowered at her even more and picked up a pen, tapping it irritably on her desk. Could this day get worse?

Oh, yeah.

"You have to vacate in about fifty minutes. I have to mediate between Cal and Vocab," she proclaimed in a toneless voice.

Shana burst out laughing.

*****

Caeryn carefully poked her head in the Clinic door and breathed a sigh of relief at finding the room empty. Then her relief vanished as she realized she'd have to go up to the Nurse's bedroom. Straightening her spine and taking several deep breaths to prepare herself, she marched up the stairs. Carefully opening the door, she peeked inside.

On first sight, the room was empty, but then a low masculine chuckle came from behind the far side of the bed.

"Darry?" the Dean asked hesitantly, really not wanting to interrupt.

A Garfield phone came whizzing at her, and only reflexes honed on the hockey rink made Caeryn duck in time. The phone crashed into the door jamb, shattering into lots of orange pieces.

"Go away."

"Official business."

"No such thing."

"Darry, Emmy stole the General's appointment book."

"And this affects me how?"

Caeryn sighed heavily and shoved the door open all the way. "You're a Ho. Start acting like one."

Darry's head popped up from the floor on the far side of the bed. "Is the book back?" At Caeryn's nod she continued. "So, what's the big deal?"

"She hogged the book, obviously so no one could get any appointments."

"Did she hog the appointments?" Darry asked, a dazed smile growing on her face. "Ooh yeah, keep doing that," she murmured over her shoulder.

Staring at the ceiling and trying to close her ears, Caeryn stammered, "No, but that's not the point. We're meeting in Laure's office in about twenty five minutes to decide what should be done with Emmy."

Darry snorted. "You think you can actually punish the Diva? What? You gonna smack her hands with a ruler?"

"Just be there," Caeryn growled and stepped backwards, yanking the door shut behind her.

*****

Judy sat behind the bar reading the latest Cosmo and wondering where all the Ho's were. Classes--such as they were--were out. The General was keeping one Ho at a time busy, but the rest should be free to descend on the bar. She had the margarita mix all ready to go, along with chips and fresh salsa.

No Ho's.

"Hmmm, spice up your sex life with toys..." She flipped to the next page just as Dorotea came in. The Librarian took a peek at the magazine.

"Ooh, I like those flavored lubes."

"Uh huh. Can I get you something, Dorotea?"

"Yeah, do we have any brandy or cognac?"

Judy set aside the magazine and ducked down, shoving aside several frequently used bottles and reaching towards the back of the bottom shelf. She came up blowing dust off a bottle of brandy.

"Great." Dorotea grinned. "Xani has this great idea to use brandy to..." She was interrupted by Judy's hand waving in front of her face.

"No, I don't want details."

Dorotea rolled her eyes and took the bottle. "If it was about the General, you'd be all over the idea."

Before Judy could agree with that statement, Caeryn poked her head in the door.

"Meeting in the Mediator's office in about twenty minutes."

"Why?" the Librarian asked.

"Emmy stole the General's appointment book."

Eyebrows lifted.

"Really? Emmy was the one?" Judy mused. "That doesn't sound like her."

"Yes it does," Dorotea argued. "She ran off with him to Coruscant, after all. I'll just drop this brandy off with my boys, then meet you up there."

*****

Leaving Sere to snap pictures of the Ho's fighting over which straw was longer by a millimeter, Julia headed for the rugby pitch, as that had been the direction in which Emmy had been running. As she walked, she pondered over how she had gotten stuck with this duty. Emmy was not going to come easy.

Julia knew the Diva way too well.

Nope, not easy at all.

An image of a group of rabid Ho's dragging the Diva kicking and screaming into the administration building sent a shudder through her.

Up ahead Julia saw gladiators sparring with wooden swords and staffs and she stopped for a moment to admire their manly forms, then dismissed them. Nice, but not close to the General.

Over by the largest tent Emmy was sitting on a stool, head in her hands, shaking it back and forth. At Julia's approach, Jael jumped to her feet from where she had been sitting next to the Diva and moved to defend her, sword in hand.

"Whoa." Julia came to a halt, hands up. "I come in peace."

"I didn't take the book!"

"All I know is that it was found in your room. The room you lock so that no one will steal your tiaras and those diamonds you have in there that you think no one knows about."

"They're cubic zirconia," Emmy stammered.

"Uh huh, and since they're from *our* mine, I guess that means all of them are worthless."

Emmy muttered something about ungrateful Ho's beneath her breath and stared at the ground.

"I believe Emmy," Jael announced, sword at the ready.

"Then you can come support her because we're doing this mediation thing in about..." Julia glanced at her Obi-Wan Kenobi watch. "...twenty minutes."

"WHAT?" Emmy jumped to her feet, arms flailing. "They're putting me on trial?"

"Emmy, cara..." Max soothed, stroking one trembling arm

Julia shrugged. "Dunno if it's a trial actually, but it's probably for the best to try to get to the bottom of this in a civilized manner." She shrugged again. "Or you can wait for forty-odd, General deprived Ho's to run you to ground."

"I shall come as well. Jael and I will let nothing harm you."

Emmy gave Max a grateful smile and he brushed his fingers across her cheek. She then tried to ignore the low growling coming from Jael. "Does the General know?" she asked in a small voice.

"Don't think so. I don't think this is something we want to share with him, do you?"

"No." The Diva shook her head emphatically. "So, it'll be all right for Max to come with me."

Sheathing her sword, Jael stepped aside and wrapped her hands around Max' bicep. "He can come with *us*."

"I think I need to talk to Dandie," Emmy muttered, digging her cell phone out of her pocket. She hit speed dial and impatiently listened to the phone ring.

On the sixth ring, the former CODG answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Let me talk to Dandie."

"And whom may I say is calling?"

Emmy rolled her eyes. "You know very well who it is, you long haired..."

"Emmy," Dandie cried breathlessly, having snatched the phone from the Mastah as soon as that certain look had crossed his face, proclaiming the identity of the caller to those who could read his expressions. "It's so good to hear from you. It seems like only yesterday you were here on Coruscant."

"It *was* only yesterday."

"True, true. So, what can I help you with?"

The whole sordid tale spilled from Emmy, her explanations interspersed with curses and the occasional 'traitorous Ho's' this and 'hate-filled Ho's' that. Dandie nodded and soothed, interjecting calming words every time the Diva stopped to breathe.

"Well, it sounds like they've jumped to a very big and very wrong conclusion. I think you need to attend this mediation and work things out."

"How can I prove I didn't take the stupid book?" Emmy wailed.

Dandie's brow wrinkled. "I'm not sure, Emmy dear, but I believe in your innocence and it sounds like you have some other support. Hold you head up high and act like a Ho, dear. And trust that Laure can maintain order and reach an understanding between you and the other grrls." She sighed softly. "She would have made such a good wench."

Since Dandie was being helpful and calming, Emmy withheld her instinctive snort.

"Thanks, Dandie. I feel better. Still persecuted, but better."

"Good." Dandie smiled beatifically. "Now, you take care of this little problem and I'll see you in just a month or so for the arrival of my precious little bundle of joy."

"Uh huh, okay. Bye, Dandie."

"Bye, Emmy."

Emmy hung up, sighed heavily, and held out her fists to Julia. "Where are your fetters?"

Julia rolled her eyes and took a picture of the martyr to be.

End Part 1