Title: HSU: Pandemonium (1/1)
Author: Judy
Rating: VSS (Very Silly Stuff)
Series: HSU
Archive: Feel free, Darry!
Summary: Someone from the General's past returns. ;-) Also, Jael, hope you don't mind that Space Dog is such an active participant in this story!
BAM! BAM! BAM!
There was a pounding on the door.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
There is was again.
"What *now*?" cried Shana in exasperation. "I'm trying to study here."
A snort issued from the vicinity of the computer. "Yeah, sure you are. Just like *I'm* studying," smirked Jael as she sat working on her latest Geek Art creation.
"Hey, just because you hog up the computer..."
"I do not..."
BAM! BAM! BAM!
This time a plaintive voice followed the pounding.
"Uh, hello in there? Somebody, please? Need some help out here..."
"Oh my gods! It's Judy!" Jael whooped. "She was making a supply run! I totally forgot!"
"The extra nutella! Glitter! Whipped cream! All right!" cheered Shana.
Caeryn poked her head around the corner. "Did I hear someone say nutella?"
Shana threw open the huge main doors of the HSU dorm. There Judy stood weighted down with bags and some sort of case.
"Some help, please?"
"Oh, yeah, here...let me take that bag. It has the nutella, right?"
"They *all* do, okay?! Just take one!"
Caeryn rushed out to help. "Thank goodness you're back. We're almost out. I was about to declare an emergency. That's the last time I let Darry into the stash unsupervised.""I thought Emmy said she'd watch her?" asked Shana.
"Duh, think about it," Caeryn rolled her eyes. "Those two are hopeless."
"I thought all of us were...never mind," said Shana as she lugged several bags full of essentials inside. Grabbing the bags of glitter and edible body paint, Caeryn noticed the case Judy held protectively.
"What's that?"
"Oh, just something the General had me pick up at the Temple. Nothing important. Nope, nothing important at all."
"O-kay, well, I'm going to log these into inventory now...oh no! Shana has the nutella. Shana!!!"
Caeryn bounded back into the dorm.
Judy entered slowly peeking around cautiously. ÔIt appears safe,' she thought.
"So watcha got there?"
"Augh! Don't do that, Jael."
"Sorry, didn't mean to spook you. Is there something moving in there?"
"Huh? Oh, this is the General's. He asked me to pick it up for him while I was out. Hey listen, your dog's not..."
At that moment, a tall, catsuit-clad woman entered imperiously. "Did you bring the jam?"
Judy looked at Jael. "She's wearing the suit all the time now, huh?"
Jael nodded. "Ever since the General said he couldn't imagine seeing her in anything else," she said sotto voce.
Diebin stood eyeing her fellow Ho's with her best Sithly glare. "My jam, please...The General promised me..."
"Diebin. Pet. Where are you?" came a growling voice from upstairs.
"Just a mo, hunnybun!" To the Judy and Jael, Die added, "I have to humor him like that. The jam...?"
"Here, don't use it all at once. The store was running low so I bought all they had. They said they might now get anymore in for awhile. I wouldn't want you to run out," Judy smiled wickedly.
Diebin blanched then grabbed the bag of jam and flew up the stairs.
Jael looked at Judy in amazement. "That was pretty mean. Are you sure you're not a Sith under that innocent exterior?"
"You have no idea, Jael, you have no idea."
Judy set the case down. "Finally. He'll be glad to see her though."
"What..." Jael began, as Judy opened the case up. First came a small pink nose, whiskers twitching, then one delicate paw, then another, then another, until the entire dainty package was out of the pet carrying case. The black and white feline stretched, arching up her back, then straightening out each leg right down to the toes. Then she sat and began to clean herself.
"Oh no...oh no no...she can't be here," Jael pointed at the cat.
"But it's Sugar, the General's cat. He asked me to bring her."
"Why would he do that? He knows we've got..."
Before Jael could finish, the door crashed open to sounds of cursing. "...And if you ever chase after a stupid squirrel again...Oh." Emmy looked up at the tableau before her. "Judy! You're back! What all did you bring? Wait...just a sec...Jael, that's the last time I walk Space Dog, you understand? She dragged me to hell and gone, chased after everything that moved and..." Emmy was jerked forward.
Space Dog was growling. Low and dangerous.
"What's going..." Emmy began as Jael and Judy simultaneously and respectively yelled, "Let go!" and "Oh my God!"
Sugar, for her part, seemed wholely unconcerned that Space Dog was virtually breathing down her back. Until the dog ripped the leash out of Emmy's hand. After that, it was all a blur. There was another growl, a hiss and spat, then a loud yelp, as Sugar's claws connected with Space Dog's nose. Then Sugar was gone. Jael was kneeling next to her dog. "Poor baby. Look what that mean cat did to you." Space Dog whined under her mistress' ministrations, her tail thwapping the floor rhythmically. "Find the cat, Space Dog. The cat is your lunch."
"Jael!" Judy yelled. "Need I remind you that *the cat* is *the General's*?"
"Space Dog was here *first.*"
"All right, hold on here," said Emmy. "Judy has a point. Sugar is the General's cat. We'll just tell him she's here. He can take care of it."
She stopped at warning looks from the other two. "He's with Die, right now. Not a good idea to disturb," said Jael.
"Damn. Well, maybe the cat will stay put somewhere until later. Although that might be awhile...Hey, does that bag have any nutella?" Emmy began rifling through it. "What are all these beads in here?"
"Oh, I grabbed a bunch of those per Amy's request. For the HSU Mardi Gras celebration next week. She wants to build a float featuring the General in nothing but beads. Sounded like a plan to me!"
"When do we start?!" Emmy and Jael chorused. They all headed to the kitchen, Jael towing a reluctant Space Dog. The dog's hackles were beginning to rise again.
"What now?" said Emmy. Jael shrugged. "Space Dog, what is it? Do you smell Sugar?"
Suddenly, a horrified scream came from the library. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"That's BJ!" said Emmy. Space Dog began barking loudly and took off in the direction of the library.
When the dog and Ho's arrived, BJ was hopping around on one foot crying "Get *away* from me you menace! Go *away*! Leave me alone! Go torture someone else! Aaah!" She switched feet.
Space Dog continued barking, mixing in growls.
"Sugar?" Jael asked.
"NO!" BJ yelled. "It's the damn Sith kitty!!" She pointed to the mantel over the fireplace. A small black cat sat perched up there in between flat pictures of the Ho's and the General, and various lightsaber awards. Everyone looked on in horror.
The Sith Cat had returned.
Space Dog ran over barking up at the cat. It hissed loudly, pawing down at the dog. Then ever-so-precisely, the Sith kitty raised up, stretched out a paw and knocked a picture to the floor,
"What do we do now?" cried Judy.
"We've got to get the General," said Emmy determinedly. "I know Die'll be pissed off, but..." she sighed. "There's nothing for it. We've been invaded by the Sith."
BJ, who was bending down rubbing her scratched ankles, glared at the cat. "Whatever it takes, that Sith cat is going down!"
Suddenly, the Sith kitty decided to make a break for it. With an athletic leap, it landed on the back of a chair, then scurried to the floor and shot out the door. Space Dog followed in close pursuit, howling all the way. Jael ran after her dog. BJ limped out with her battle cry, "Remember the library!"
Emmy and Judy ran up the back stairs to get the General. This wasn't going to be pretty.
****
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house...the Sith kitty tore through the game room, streaking between legs. Space Dog wasn't small enough, however, and careened through the area. Chairs and tables went flying, Ho's went flying. Jael stopped long enough to make sure no one was hurt, then continued her pursuit.
She witnessed similar scenes in virtually every part of the house. Girls were screaming, furniture lay broken and in disarray. The laundry had been hit especially hard and clothes were strewn all throughout the house. Poor Space Dog had even gotten a pair of fuzzy undies caught around her neck somehow in the fray.
Then Sith kitty streaked down to the kitchen. Unfortunately that's where JenJen, Amy, Ban, Shana, and Caeryn had congregated for a mega-chocolate-making/baking session. Sith kitty landed right in the middle. Chocolate flew, flour flew, dough flew...everywhere. Then Space Dog arrived. Then Jael. Amy and Shana were trying to corner the cat, while Caeryn helped Jael get ahold of Space Dog. Ban and JenJen were doing their best to not fall down on the floor now slippery with chocolate sauce.
No one noticed another still form, perched atop the refrigerator. Sugar peered down at the mad scene with her usual Jedi serenity.
Then she pounced. And landed right in front of the Sith kitty who had taken refuge under a bar stool. Space Dog broke free and came up behind the black cat, who now was covered in chocolate frosting and flour flecks. Sith kitty hissed and tried to run but a swipe and low growl from Sugar kept it in place.
"I'll finish it up for you, Sugar," came a low, soft voice from the doorway. All eyes turned to see the General standing there wearing only his tight black pants and boots. "Bare...chest..." JenJen managed to gasp out, then the Ho's all *swooned* as one. Chuckling, the General lifted the hissing black cat using the Force. Tilting his head, he looked at it with a grin, "I thought we left you with Master Windu. Perhaps the Sith Chicks HQ is a better place for you, hmm? Carrying case, Em-darling, please?"
Emmy produced the case immediately. She and Judy were wearing their Swoon-Prevention Shades (TM), worn in case of dire emergencies where the General had to appear bare-chested or otherwise unclothed and where Ho's had to remain conscious and out of danger of flat-lining.
The General deposited the hissing Sith kitty in the case and handed it back to Emmy. "Give this to Aya and see if she can take this creature with her on her next visit to the Sith Chicks."
Emmy sauntered out, calling, "Oh, Ayaaaaaa, has the General got a job for youuuuuu..."
***
The General stepped down in the kitchen, not the least bothered by the mess there. After all, they would all have fun cleaning it up, wouldn't they? he mused. He looked down at Jael who had a firm hold on Space Dog again. Space Dog was giving Sugar big slurpy dog kisses.
"I think they've bonded through the experience," grinned Jael.
Sugar just glared.
"I think you're right, Jaelly," The General smiled, then gently picked up his cat.
"Oh look at you," he crooned. "All dirty. Let me clean you up." Sugar purred. The General walked out cooing over his cat, who gave a triumphant look back at the Ho's.
"Ladies, I think we have a battle ahead," said Shana.
"Yeah, losing out to a cat. Can you believe it?" exclaimed Ban.
"Well, he's had Sugar since he was a padawan, hasn't he?" asked Judy.
"How old is that cat anyway?" groused JenJen.
"As old as Yoda, probably," grumbled Caeryn.
Then Jael spoke: "Oh no! What about Die??"
"WHERE IS HE???" came an angry voice from upstairs.
Pandemonium ensued.
The End!!
Author's Notes: 1) Yes, Sugar is a total Mary Sue, but she's a cat. Aren't all cats Mary Sues? I mean, c'mon! 2) Swoon-Protection Shades (SPS) are a trademarked product of the General's Lounge proudly developed in research labs at HSU.