~~~~~

"It's not THAT complicated," Jael muttered, considering throwing something at her twin. "You've been monopolizing the computer all day--and you're not even producing GeekArt!"

"Power Point presentations could be--"

"No," Jael said firmly, thwaping Diebin aside the head. "You are being silly."

"I need to make this very, very clear for him," Diebin persisted, continuing to fiddle with Power Point. "I figure a well laid out presentation leading him gently from point A to point B is our best bet."

"Can't you just /say/ it to him?" Banaoire demanded from the corner, looking up from her celtic fantasy novel. "I mean, he's a fairly smart guy. Jedi and General and all."

"This is the kind of thing he won't understand," Diebin fretted, knocking Jael's hand away as her twin stealthily tried to steal the mouse. "I need to make it really really clear."

"I want to use the computer," Jael repeated, grabbing ahold of Diebin's hair and tugging. "You're using it for inappropriate purposes."

"Stop pulling my hair, dear /beloved/ sister," Diebin growled back.

"Stop acting like children," Banaoire suggested from the corner, putting her book down and standing up. "Are you two going to make me act like your mother again?"

"STOP PULLING MY HAIR!"

"GIVE ME THE COMPUTER!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!" Darry screamed, storming into the room. "I'm trying to concentrate."

"What is going on here?" Emmy demanded, striding into the room. She paused dramatically to readjust her tiara, making sure everyone noticed her doing it.

"Diebin is using the computer to make something in Power Point," Jael complained. "I haven't seen a single picture of the General yet."

"Diebin?" Emmy asked, raising one eyebrow. "Dare I inquire . . ."

"I'm making a presentation for the General. I have a difficult concept to explain to him."

"And that would be?" The entire room leaned forward, anxious to hear what could be so earth shattering that Diebin was willing to give up good quality naked time just to explain it to the General.

Diebin paused, building suspense like the good little tease she was. When she judged the room full of sufficient tension, she spoke.

"I'm going to explain . . . why Dande doesn't want him."

~*~

"Can we slow down?"

Usually those were good words, especially when spoken by that soft, sweet voice.

"We've been over it five times, General," Diebin sighed, pausing the presentation. "Where did I lose you this time?"

"That slide with my Master on it--"

"The first one," Jael supplied helpfully from the corner where she and Space Dog were laughing at Diebin's attempts to explain the unexplainable to the General.

Diebin started the presentation over.

"Okay, General. This is your late, lamented Master . . . Qui-Gon Jinn."

"I know that," the General replied, careful not to make his voice sound like a purr. The last time he'd done that, Diebin had decided the presentation could wait for another day, and pounced him. Of course, a good pouncing was never amiss . . . but he really /did/ want to understand why that strange, not-quite-pregnant lady didn't like him like his Ho's liked him.

"Here are his vital statistics," Diebin continued, flashing up the page with Qui-Gon's height and weight. "Six feet, four inches. Over two hundred pounds. Much muscle and bulk and the like." Diebin scratched her head, tilting it to one side. "Do you understand?"

The General lifted his hand to stroke his chin. "I . . . understand," he said finally. "He's bigger than me."

"He's /taller/ than you," Diebin corrected quickly, glaring at Jael who was snickering in the corner. "And he has a little more body mass."

Diebin flashed up a new picture. This was a dainty, beautiful woman with long flowing hair and sparkling green eyes astride a Harse. "This is Dande."

"Yes . . . she doesn't look pregnant in that picture either. I think that Darry should maybe--"

"She's pregnant," Diebin snapped, getting a little impatient. "Just trust us. We're Ho's, General. We know this kind of thing."

"Of course," he replied weakly. Picking fights with crabby Ho's was never a good idea . . . and Diebin was starting to look slightly testy.

Maybe he'd have to go find someone less likely to bite him after the information session was done.

"Dande only likes men who are kind of like your old Master there. Big and old and . . . I dunno. Pulls your hair and stuff. That kind of thing."

"Pulls hair . . ." The General tilted his head to the side. "I suppose I could--"

"No!" Diebin threw up her hands. "What did we teach you about hair?"

"Braids are for pulling, hair is for stroking," he repeated obediently.

"Good. So Dande likes these large and intimidating hair tuggin' walkin' man mountains. Which you are not."

"I am--" The General drew himself up into a standing position, looming over Diebin. "I am /so/ large and intimidating!"

"You--"

The General growled low in his throat. "I am /so/ large and intimidating," he repeated, pinning Diebin with The Look.

Diebin eeeped.

"General: 5, Diebin: 0," Jael remarked from the corner to Space Dog.

Space Dog growled.

~*~

"So you see . . . he just doesn't get it," Emmy finished, climbing the last few steps to the tower. "Are you doing all right with these stairs in your delicate condition?"

Dande heaved a dramatic sign, her bosom dancing. "I will survive. Thank you so for taking me and my unborn child under your protection. I feared the cold and rain--I feared that I would never--"

"Yes, yes," Emmy said quickly, cutting Dande off. "So, anyway--you can just hang here in the tower. Of course you're welcome everywhere . . . but the General will probably get confused and try to make you swoon. And there is the strange affect you're having on him . . ."

"Affect?" Dande questioned, placing a small, fragile hand on the side of her pale cheek. "What on earth could I, in all my humbleness, ever hope to--"

Before Emmy could interrupt again to tell Dande what affect she was having on the General, Shana and Caeryn came storming up the stairs.

"Talk to the General now, Emmy," Caeryn snapped.

"Right now," Shana echoed.

"Like this very MOMENT," Caeryn continued.

Dande's perfect bosom heaved as she spun around. "What on earth is--"

"The General--" Shana snarled.

"--just called us--" Caeryn continued.

"--wenches," the both exploded.

Emmy winced and turned to Dande. "That kind of bad influence."