~*~After fourteen hours of study, the experiment seemed to fail~*~

"What?... No, I don't know what you're talking about... slow down, you're not making sense... You were in the clinic... hydrogen perxoide burns?... I thought it didn't burn... oh, that much.. okay... and you have hair left?... oh... sorry... stop sobbing into the phone... well, that would explain why the drain clogged... STOP SOBBING... it grows back.... I swear...so you were at the clinic... you saw what?!... say that again... little... red and black... incoherent... smells like pot?...we don't keep that kid of stuff here..."

"Shana..."

"Shuddup," she hissed, pointing significantly at her tense upper back. "Alright... I believe you... I'll look into it... yes I know I'm your representative for the school... no, I don't think I can ask for that... yeah, I'll ask anyways..."

David looked concerned. "What?"

"She wanted me to clear an appointment with the General so she could talk with him."

"Talk, or Talk?"

There was a pause as Shana chose to gnaw on the end of a pen. "The thing involving mouths, I think."

"But," and he made a lewd gesture, "that could be either."

"Alright, I think she wants to have a meaningful conversation with the man."

Kinda sorta but not quite lovely blue eyes widened. "She does know his normal function here, right?"

Shana leaned back and paused to stare at the ceiling. "Oooh, yah... that's the biggest disclaimer on the application. 'Must be willing to shag General senseless.'"

"Maybe she's gay?"

"David!" Grabbing the heaviest datapad she could, Shana whacked her secretary upside the head.

At which point he crumpled to the floor in an ungraceful heap.

"Oops."

~*~And the control variable was known to go off the scale at any given moment~*~

"And then we just surf over to—"

~BEEP~

"Okay. Maybe we click on—"

~BEEP~

"So we hit this link—"

~BEEP~

"Maybe it's a hidden—"

~BEEP!~

"Where's the damn server—"

~BEEP! BEEP!~

"It was here an hour ago--!"

"Dieben?"

Illuminated by the lovely glow of a bright blue screen, she tried to smile through gritted teeth. "Yes, Emmy?"

"Did you just crash the school server?"

~*~And the experimental variable's hair is highly flammable~*~

"Caeryn?"

"And then we put your name in here for the art department chair and--- shit! Server just went down!"

Jael poked the HSU Dean blindly with a finger. "Caeryn...?"

"Dammit! I was just about to upload some new stuff, too!"

"Caeryn?"

"Yes, Jaelly?"

"Why is Vocabulary Man chasing one of the Ewok gardeners around the maze with a salad fork and a salt shaker?"

"Maybe they taste like chicken?"

~*~Did you know that Bunsen burners melt at very high heat?~*~

Her arms crossed over her chest, BJ huffed. "Whaddya mean I can't take the bike out for a spin?"

"We have a harse named Burton on grounds, a group of terrorised Ewoks, a stoned black and red maintenance guy running after said Ewoks, a hysterical Mastah chick, a bald freshmen crying alone in the dorms, a huge ass storm brewing out there, the school server crashed, Yoda is in the clinic, we have an unconscious lackey and I need something to drink... maybe something with alcohol..."

BJ's eyes widened. "The school server crashed! Noooo!"

~*~And the lab was decimated, save for a singular pink plot bunny~*~

"Excuse me, but are you the Academic Affairs Chair?"

There was a -stranger- in her office. A maternal type stranger. A maternal type dowdy looking unhappy stranger. "That's 'Dean,' but yes. How may I help you?"

"I'd like to remove my daughter from your school."

Choking on her double espresso mochachino with cocoa sprinkles, Shana tried to smile but found her lips curling into a rather Sithly snarl. "Sit down, please. You realise, madame, that the semester hasn't even begun, yes?"

"Yes, I wish to withdraw her now and have her attend the Repressed Catholic school like I did."

There was a distinctly impolite comment forming on the Ho's lips "Why?"

"Because your university is inappropriate for my Tracy!" The irate mother proclaimed.

Of all the days to have huge secretary boy laying on his basement couch with an icepack on his head and 500mg Naproxen is his system... Leaning forward, glad once again for the extra wide desk, Shana lowered her voice, controlling her tone. "Your daughter applied for this school and we accepted her, madame. She's old enough to be here, our financial support is such that you won't be paying out tuition and she signed all of the legal stuff, so, with all due respect, madame, sod off."

There was a pause as the older and rather garish creature ruining the decor realised she had been outtalked by the high fashion dressed Dean that matched the dark wood and elegantly coiffed office perfectly. Huffing, she stood up and pointed a finger. "I'm not done yet!"

With a calm smile, Shana picked up a comm and paged the Clinic, raising a hand at the irate mother. "Just a moment. Darry, could you come to my office please?"

"I'm kinda... mmmmmrrrrffffggggh... busy..."

"Oh, then bring the General, too."

A few minutes later the mother was outnumbered by the haute couture Dean, Armani decked Nurse and the black clad General. Losing some of her fire, she sputtered. "I'll get you!"

Watching the woman storm out, Darry shook her head "'And your little dog, Toto, too!' Yuppie scum."

Shana took the chance to sidle up next the General, noting that he looked a tad frazzled...sleep deprived. "You still owe me for calling me a wench."

His teal-blue-green-grey-etc eyes locked on hers and he smiled, preparing to flash The Look. "Yes I do."

Shana felt her legs try to give out.

Darry coughed.

"So how's Yoda?"

"Still green."

The room descended into silence...

Until the stereo from the basement suddenly started blaring Santana again.

"Ban!!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*