*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~And on the good days, it rains~*~

"Master... yes, I know I have to stay here...no, they haven't mocked my tattoos...doll...what doll?... oh, that doll... Master, that hurts my feelings... what do you mean it comes apart at the waist?!... no, Master, I'm not yelling at you... are you -sure- there's no other job I can do?... stuntman?...for what?... let me get this straight: a headless guy takes other people's heads?... isn't that a bit contrived, Master?... yes, it is a new word for me, I've been improving my vocabulary... yes, I... but I... but... yes, Master...alright, I'll keep in contact... no... I'm not saying that... they might be listening... what do you mean you order me?... oh, right 'master'... may the dark Force be with you... can I go now?... yes, Master, I'm glad you find it amusing... yes, Master, I'll check the stitches tonight..."

~*~Sometimes there are even thunderstorms~*~

"Give me the keyboard!"

"No, Jaelly, it's mine, I was here first!" Dieben pouted, jutting her lip out in her best you-have-to-love-me move. When her twin gave up the keyboard, she let out a whoop of glee. "Hahah!! Now lemme go sign on under a fake name."

"Fake name? I thought we were just checking the site out?"

"Hell no! Let's see... /nick MtlBikini..." Jael gasped through her spasms of laughter. "Die!"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

Dieben grinned. "Playing with the fanboys, why?"

Jael groaned, but leaned forward, nevertheless.

hey, whassup?
I still can't believe what they did with the new one
hey
yeah, what were they thinking casting that guy?
I don't know, but my girlfriend is nuts over him mine too

Jael poked Die in the arm repeatedly. "Oh my god! They're talking about the General!"

Whacking away the hand, typing furiously, Dieben nodded.

what is it about him?
I dunno. Gfriend writes fanfic for it. Guess he's some stud to the girls
* BFett nods
I caught mine writing a sex scene last night
dude.

"Die!"

caught her saying his name when she was dreaming too. I was never that bad.
she doesn't have one of those fake braids, does she? yeah

"DIE!!"

"What?"

"Stop!"

Die giggled. "Why?"

Jael stammered, lost for a good reason.

"That's what I thought."

oh, get this
if my gfriend did that I'd dump her
caught her d/ling pictures
she was making graphics for her friends
*** theGeneral has joined #echobase
and putting them up on her website
Dieben, may I talk to you?
who's Dieben?
*** Quits: MtlBikini (leaving)

"Oh, shit."

~*~And the wind starts to blow~*~

"Yes, Mrs. Curtis, we actually do offer scholarships here... your daughter applied? Oh, we must not have gotten it... Yes, we're rather exclusive, and rather new... our courses of study?... we offer courses in music, art, foreign languages—that's a very good department... oh?... yes, we do... philosophy, literature... no, ma'am, we believe that our grrls, er girls deserve a well-rounded education... orientation?... not sure... if you can hold a moment... "

Setting the phone in the desk and slamming a button on the internal comm, Shana patched herself through to the main Dean office. "Hey."

"What?"

"Do we have an orientation for new students?"

There was a pause and shuffle of something... and a sound in the distance resembling a "grr." "Yeah, we do."

"Okay." Picking the phone up again, Shana gritted her teeth behind her smile. "Yes, ma'am, we do... when... well, let's have your daughter admitted first and then we'll notify you of the times and dates... good afternoon to you too, Mrs. Curtis."

Putting the receiver back in its cradle, banging her head against the surface of her desk, Shana wondered for a moment if that mother had any idea what she was agreeing to... of course... any girl who could get her mother to cough up the credits for this kind of school deserved a chance...

"Anything wrong?"

Muttering from the desktop, she felt a large hand tickle over her ankle. "Where have you been?"

"The pool was free, I went for a swim."

"That would explain the reek of chlorine in my usually incense fumigated office," she paused. "Pool?"

The voice from under the desk grew a little quieter. "Yes?"

"Wearing what?"

And progressively quieter. "Speedos."

"AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME TO WATCH?!"

"No?"

Shana began pounding her head on the desk again. "You're my secretary, right?"

"Yes."

"And you do what I ask of you, yes?"

If she could have seen the eyes, they would have been wide. "Yes."

"And you make every effort to keep me happy and calm while I do tons and tons of red tape, yes?"

"Are you asking for a shoulder massage?"

"Shuddup. You like me calm, right?"

"Yes."

Taking a slow breath, her voice muffled, she spoke slowly and clearly. "So next time you parade about, ESPECIALLY when the General is attending others, you'll let me know, yes?"

"Yes, mistress."

Shana kicked the form sitting comfortably under her desk. 'Thank you, I deserved that."

"Bollocks, you hate and you know it, stop kissing up."

There was a sound of typing from underneath—obviously the laptop with its full hookup into the school network. "Okay, so I do."

"That's better. Now how about that shoulder massage?"

Coming out from underneath, closing the trap door behind him, the rather large form unfolded and snuck behind the leather backed chair. About to set large hands on the tense shoulders of the head of Academic Affairs, they both froze.

"That was the door knob, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Die doesn't do that."

"She bounces."

Shana raised an eyebrow. "You have issues with bouncing?"

"It's—" there was a hesitation, and he fidgeted, watching his words, "it's perky."

"You're calling Darth Dieben perky?"

Usually much bolder, but finding himself hip deep in trouble already, David shook his head. "No. I don't want more than one of you pissed off at me."

"Shana... can I talk to you...?"

Eyes widening, grabbing a shoulder with an upraised hand, the redhead pushed her secretary down. "Get under there! That's Dande! We can't have you see you with this... fixation thingy."

With a huff the over 6'3" secretary complied. "I told you I should have cut my hair."

There was a growl just before she slammed the trap door shut. "You cut it and I'll dye your body hair dark pink."

She saw the wince just as she closed the hatch and secured it. "Perky, my ass," she muttered. Crossing the room to open the door, she put on her best smile and ignored the stench of chlorine. "Dande! How are you... come and sit down... I have a fire in the hearth. Something to drink? Milky tea?"

Dressed in an elegant pale blue satin dress that fell over her curves like water, her hair lightly styled, Dandelow shivered. "If you don't mind, that would be wonderful. But the tea has to be decaffeinated for my precious child."

Watching her delicate guest settle on the plush couch, resting carefully on the jacquard covered rounded arm, Shana circled around to her desk again, reaching for her cup and quickly downing her sugared, caffeinated tea. "What can I do for you? Don't tell me you've decided to come to the Sammich side?"

Resting her hand on her forehead, staring dramatically at the crackling embers, Dande shook her head. "Oh, no, I could never give up my precious Master... for him alone I hold a flame dear... for him alone I will stay eternally faithful..."

Raising her eyebrow at the Harlequin novel moment she was having, Shana heard the sudden strains of a 2,000 credit stereo begin to blare under her feet... playing what suspiciously sounded like Carlos Santana... Stamping a foot hard on the floor, she smiled at her guest. "Of course not."

"But I have heard rumours of stallion..."

Nearly dropping the cup, she bit her lip. Who started that rumour?! Banaoire and she were the only ones who knew about the secret stash in David's basement flat, and they kept their mouths clamped shut... "Uuuh, really?"

A perfect tear formed in the corner of Dande's eye as she looked as she was about to faint. "Oh, yes, and I do so hope it's true because I miss him so terribly and crave even the mention of his beautiful name...!"

Feeling the urge for a cigarette and some primal scream therapy, Shana nodded. "Yes, I know, it'll be okay."

Dande rose from the couch and rushed over to Shana, clamping onto her leg and looking up with great big pleading eyes. "You must help me! I know you have loyalties... you're my only hope... "

"Ah, poodoo! Come back in an hour, I'll have the stuff."

~*~Lighting prefers to strike more than once ~*~

"What are you trying to tell me, Dieben?"

Fiddling with her hip holster, she grinned. "I was just having fun."

"Deceiving them."

"Yes?"

"Acting as a moody 'fanboy.'"

"What of it?"

The General crossed his arms over his chest and stared at his secretary. "That's not a good thing."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Trailing off, knowing that most tactics wouldn't work on the Hos, he tried another angle. "I want you to behave."

And then he flashed his patented you-can't-afford-to-fuck-me look.

Darth Dieben promptly melted onto the floor, mumbling, "I'm sorry, my General, whatever my General..."

~*~Then there's the eye of the storm~*~

"Master, you have to get me out of here... yes, it's horrible... the hydrogen peroxide in the sinks put white spots all over my good Sith cape... what do you mean 'should have known better?'... Master, please... I know we don't grovel, but you're making me... they brandished a seam ripper at me... stop laughing... those can do serious damage!... no?... not at all... okay... fine... I'll report back later after your tea."

~*~After which all hell breaks loose~*~

"I'm the President of this place...why do I have to do it?"

The General waved his hands in the air significantly. "Because Dieben is still unrevived, Caeryn is trying to -not- kill 'Vocabulary Man,' Shana is, well, I keep hearing Carlos Santana from her locked office, Darry is having the damaged closet door to the clinic replaced," he paused, raising an eyebrow at Emmy, "and the rest of the staff seems to be missing, as is a good portion of the Nutella stock."

Emmy kicked at the grassy edge of the maze. "Strange thing, that."

"So go do it."

She paused, striking a smut queen-esque pose and re-adjusting the tiara. "Why don't you?"

"Because I'm the General."

"Fine." Stalking across the lawn, Emmy leaped up on the edge of the fountain and took a deep breath.

"'Eye of the Beholder' is NOT a movie about Ashley Judd!!!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*