Title: HSU: Work Orders 1/1
Author: Dorotea
Rating: WTL (Way Too Long)
Archive: Please
Timeline: After: Jean Who, before The General's Clothes.
Summary: The General goes golfing, attempts to visit some of his staff and decides that some of his staff don't seem to have enough work to occupy them.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Darry for the beta

Laure watched the General address the golf ball. He looked down at the ball, then across the green at the hole, his brows furrowed in concentration.

He prepared to swing, wiggling his khaki-clad bottom and chanting under his breath, "Be the ball. Be the ball."

Cal watched, mesmerized. Laure tapped her foot impatiently, the General had switched clubs five times so far, tyring to find one that felt "right with the Force".

Just as he was in mid-swing, a voice called out, "Ale, General?"

Obi-Wan stopped and turned around. "That would be wonderful, Judith," he said, flashing her a winning grin as he took the ale. "Thank you."

Judy smiled. She loved the way 'Judith' rolled off the General's tongue. He made it sound like the most glamourous name in the universe.

Laure glared daggers at Judy as she and the General began chatting. She had a 3 p.m. appointment.

"I'm very excited about the recruiting trips that I will be taking with Emmy and Brenda next week," the General said. "It will be marvelous to go out and watch Emmy work; she is so amazing. And I can't wait to meet the prospective students."

Laure forgot about the golf game, her face tensing. Judy also looked uneasy. "General," she said. "Do you think it's a good idea for you to leave campus? Think of all the appointments you'll miss."

The General shrugged. "Deb can reschedule a few days. No one will be left out. Darry seems to have taken ill again; she cancelled her standing lunch appointments. Dorotea keeps showing up late or not at all. Do you girls know about her new pet?"

Judy nervously took a drink of ale.

Laure pasted a false smile on her face. "Her pet?"

"Yes, it howls all night. I think it has been very hard on Dorotea trying to train it. Maybe she should seek professional help."

"Oh, she definitely needs professional help," Laure said.

"I'll go talk to her about it later. No need for her to suffer like that when there are perfectly good obedience schools she could send the beast to," the General said as he handed the ale back to Judy and went back to sizing up his shot.

He took a practice swing, wiggling his bottom again as Judy and Laure eyed it, then swung, the club connecting with the ball with a solid "thwack".

The General, Cal, Laure and Judy watched with their hands shielding their eyes from the sun as the ball sliced through the air and landed in the hole.

The General smiled, handing his club to Cal. "I love this game, Laure. Don't really see the point and it is awfully easy, but fun, nevertheless, very relaxing."

Cal stood, awestruck, every time he swung at the ball he missed -- by a mile.

Judy and Laure just watched appreciatively as the General swaggered across the green to the next hole.

******

"We're out of beer!" Logan bellowed.

Dorotea made a face, ignoring the bellow from the crypt and continued sorting books. "Ah, 'The Black Company', by Glen Cook. That's a good one," she said to Jen, who was working beside her.

Logan stalked up the steps into the library. "We're out of beer," he repeated with a growl.

Dorotea arched a brow and Jen snickered. "That's okay, I wasn't thirsty for beer anyway, but if you're going out, could you pick me up some grapes. I have an appointment with the General later."

"Snikt"

"Not now honey, I have to work."

Logan prowled toward the Librarian, snarling. She patted his bearded cheek and gave him a soft kiss. "Red grapes. Please."

He took a step closer, a low gutteral growl escaping from his throat.

A slow smile spread across Dorotea's face. "You can go Jen. Logan and I need to have a talk."

Jen snorted. "Yeah, right." Jen grabbed her purse and quickly exited the Library. She could hear the shredding of clothes as she closed and locked the door behind her.

~*~

The Nurse was spooning happily with her 'doctor' when an ear shattering howl rang through the vents, followed by the scraping of claws down the wall between the Clinic and the Library, causing both her and Cic to cringe.

She really wished she had a phone to throw.

~*~

Emmy sat at her desk, looking over the lists of high schools she, Brenda and the General would be visiting next week.

Brenda came in carrying a box. "The brochures came!" she said excitedly.

"Just in time," Emmy said, standing as Brenda put the box down her desk.

Emmy took off her tiara and used the point to slice through the packing tape. "Diamonds come in handy," she remarked, gently wiping the tiara with a soft cloth and then replacing it on her head as she pulled out a stack of brochures.

Emmy and Brenda's eyes widened as they peered at the cover of the glossy brochure. Instead of the photograph of the main entrance to the campus, there was a photograph of a naked, very wet and glistening Obi-Wan in the shower.

Emmy and Brenda just stared for a moment.

"The negatives must have gotten mixed. Julia likes those candid shots, doesn't she?" Brenda said, her eyes still glued to the photo.

Emmy snapped to her senses and said, "We need these brochures by Wednesday. Obviously, we can't use these. Call the printers, now!"

Brenda nodded. "Yes, enrollment would be overwhelming if we used these," she said as she took one more lingering look at the glistening General, then closed the box and moved to pick it up.

"What are doing?" Emmy exclaimed, grabbing the box away from Brenda. "I better keep these myself."

"Yes, Master," sighed Brenda.

~*~

Ellie was walking her tiger cub, McCoy, across campus. Kendra walked beside her, sneezing and eating Swedish gummy fish. They saw the General coming toward them, still taking practive swings as he walked.

"Enjoy golf, General?" Ellie asked, wondering how Laure had found a polo shirt with little lightsabers all over it for the General to wear. Was there a Jedi Gear catalog?

The General smiled and joined them, patting McCoy on the head. "Yes, it was quite pleasurable, but I need to get to work now."

"Appointments?" Kendra asked.

Obi-Wan smiled a Chesire-Cat grin. "No, I'm just going to visit some staff, see how the preparations for the Fall Semester are coming. I'm on my way to the Library right now."

Kendra and Ellie exchanged a worried look. Surely adamantium was no match for the Force.

The General kissed each girl on the cheek and turned toward the Library, swinging his nine iron happily.

~*~

As the General approached the Library he could hear the loud growling and snarling of the Librarian's new pet. He frowned as he pushed on the door. Locked.

He looked at the sign on the door:

Summer Library Hours:
Noon to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday
Unless I'm not in the mood.

"Okay, I'll go visit the Nurse first."

~*~

Darry was lying on her stomach savoring Cic's hands massaging sandalwood oil into her back and shoulders. She sighed in contementment, ignoring the noise from next door.

Then they heard the emergency buzzer from downstairs. She groaned; probably some frosh that just needed a band-aid.

"Should we ingore it?" Cic asked, his hands expertly kneading her flesh.

"Yes," Darry replied as Cic's hands moved lower.

The General pushed open the Clinic door when no one answered the buzzer. The Clinic was dark. "Poor thing, she must be so ill she can't even get out of bed."

~*~

Lord Pelham knocked on the Library door. No answer. He knocked again. No answer.

He pulled out his key and unlocked the door. He walked into the library and heard snarling, growling, howling and the ripping of fabric. The air smelled of stale beer and cheap cigars. LP made a face. "Lady Dorotea?" He called, "Is everything well?"

~*~

The General went to the tower, where he had heard his Jaely Bean was now residing. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door. No response. He missed his Jaely, she must be training with head of Mine Security again, he thought glumly.

~*~

Dorotea, Logan and LP stood in the Library. Logan and LP were exchanging disdainful looks and Dorotea was wishing she had a phone so she could call the Wench for advice.

The best thing to do right now was to stall any potential trouble. "Logan, please go get some Molsen's and I'll cook you a nice steak tonight, I mean not cook it and refrain from making gagging noises while you eat it raw."

Logan growled, obviously displeased.

"You can take the Triumph you saw in the garage," Dorotea offered, desperate to get him out of the library so she could took talk to LP, and so Logan wouldn't shred him.

A slow smile spread across Logan's face. "Deal." He gave LP one last sneer. "That isn't going to be here when I get back, is it?"

Dorotea smiled her best wench smile and patted Logan's arm. "We can talk about that later, honey."

"Snikt"

Logan smiled threateningly at LP, his claws almost touching LP's tanned face. The claws retracted and Logan spun and stalked out of the Library.

LP arched a brow at Dorotea. "He's not coming back is he?"

Dorotea rubbed her temples. "You settle in, m'lord. I'm going to go get some asprin."

~*~

After getting no response at the Dean's Office, the OSA office, and for some reason at the Mediator's office, even though Laure had said that's where she was headed after their golf game, the General went to Emmy's office.

He cracked the door and peeked in at her. Emmy was in deep concentration, her face flushed and her eyes gleaming as she reviewed what appeared to be the new brochures for the recruiting drive. The General smiled, happy to see at least one of his staff members was devoted to her job.

Maybe the others just didn't have enough work to keep them challenged and enthused about their jobs.

~*~

Shana was giving Scott a tour of the campus, showing off her prized roses, when suddenly a tiger cub tore by with Kymira chasing after it.

Ky made a mad leap and grabbed the leash, bringing the wayward, traumatized cub to a stop just before it tore into Shana's gardens. Ky sighed in relief, squatting down to whisper to the cub, "I'm sorry Tyberious, I didn't know TLC had a program about wolves coming on or I would've changed the channel."

Shana said, "Keep that cub locked up, if anything happens to my roses --"

"Laserbrain," a voice growled.

Scott turned to face Logan. "Wolfman Jack. Where's my motorcycle?"

"Snikt"

At the sound and sight of the claws, the tiger cub panicked, relieving itself on Ky's feet, then fleeing -- into the roses, dragging Ky behind her.

Ky screamed in pain as the thorns tore into her.

Shana screamed in anger as her precious roses were trampled.

Julia and Sere ran out of the Tattler office. Julia snapped photographs, while Sere scribbled notes. Finding juicy stories on this campus was not hard.

Scott and Logan just stood, glaring at each other, Scott's visor glowing red.

~*~

Laure and RB walked out of the maze, Laure fixing her clothes and RB looking sated. They heard a commotion across the grounds and looked to see what was happening.

Shana was chasing Ky and the tiger cub and the mutants were exchanging insults. Laure sent RB back to her office and walked over to the two.

Laure appraised the situation quickly and pointed at Scott, "You -- go stop Shana from dismembering Kymira."

Scott frowned for a second, not taking his eye off Logan, then turned and ran after Shana, Ky and the tiger cub, finally catching Shana by the scruff of her neck.

"Smile, Shana," Julia called as she took the OSA Director's photograph, this was definite front page material.

Laure turned to Logan as he retracted his claws, still sneering after Scott. "And you go back to the Library."

Logan faced Laure and growled. "I'm going for a ride. You want to come?"

Laure considered the options -- An appointment with Cal and Mr. Vocab or a motorcycle ride with Logan. "Sure," she said.

~*~

Dorotea banged on the Clinic door. No answer. "It's 3.pm. Nurse!" She bellowed.

"Here I have a key," Ellie said just coming down the hall. "What do you need?"

"Asprin. Ibruprofen. Tylenol. Anything else not locked up. And a phone, if Darry has any that aren't smashed."

Ellie smiled and held up two styrafoam cups and a ball of string. "This is the Nurse's new phone."

Dorotea lifted a brow. "Hmm. At least it won't hurt when she throws it at me."

~*~

LP was walking through the crypt, horrified at what he saw and smelled. He picked up a half-shredded book off the floor. "I can't believe what a mess it is," he sniffed as he looked at the cover of the book.

'How to Send the Dead Back Where They Belong' LP gasped as he read the title and then spotted what the book had been lying on -- a noose, a lavender velvet jacket, a white shirt with ruffled cuffs and a black velvet scrunchie.

LP grabbed his cell phone out of his suit jacket and hit '1' for the Offworld Headquarters.

~*~

Dorotea, clutching her bottles of asprin, ibruprofen and Tylenol, was just about to go back into the library when she heard the General call her name.

She started, dropping the bottles. The General helped her gather them and said, "Dorotea, are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit of headache."

"I was looking for you earlier and I heard your new pet. Are you sure you can control him?" The General asked, noticing her clothes were shredded. "Maybe you should send him away to obedience school until he learns to behave."

Dorotea shook her head. "No, that's not necessary. He's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"Good, because I've been thinking..."

"Oh no," Dorotea interrupted. "I mean oh, good."

The General cleared his throat. "As I was saying -- I've been thinking that maybe some of my staff isn't challenged or excited enough by their jobs and I feel responsible."

Dorotea wrinkled her brow. "Not challenged by work? Oh, I find work very challenging, sir."

The General smiled condescendingly. "Yes, well, just to be sure -- here is a memo I wrote for you outlining a few ideas for the Library." The General handed her an inch-thick stack of papers. "You know, special classes and events you could sponsor for the upperclassmen and for the incoming new class."

Dorotea looked grimly at the stack of paper. "I don't know what to say." She could think of a few things, but nothing she would say out loud to the General. The first thing that occurred to her was that this had to be Darry's fault. "Gee, thanks. I'm feeling...challenged already."

"That's my girl," the General said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "I have to go by the Clinic now. You have an appointment later, don't you?"

Dorotea nodded, still looking at the stack of papers like they were a death warrant. She lifted her head to look at him and she saw it in his eyes. He knew. Her stomach coiled and she felt it -- what she hated more than anything -- guilt. She pushed it away and tried to focus on the moment. What was that Dande had always said, 'When all else fails flatter him.'?

She kissed the cleft in his chin and said with as much enthusiasm as she could fake, "Wow, General, I'm so impressed that you went to all this trouble just for me. You're amazing. I'm so stimulated, I'm going to get to work right now."

"That's my girl," the General said, patting her cheek. His gaze intensified and he repeated it,, his voice lowering, "MY girl." Then he smiled again and turned and walked toward the Clinic.

Dorotea shuddered, made a face, opened the door to the library, threw the stack of papers from the General in and then turned and headed to the garage. She was having a crisis and needed to be in her car. "Work? Work?" She ranted under her breath. "He's obviously going nutso again."

~*~

After leaving the Nurse's memo with Ellie, the General returned to Emmy's office. He tapped on her door and then walked in.

Emmy quickly stashed the box of brochures under her desk. All the pictures on the inside of the brochures were wrong too, beautiful and erotic shots of the General, but not the correct photos.

The General greeted Emmy with a long, hot kiss, then said, "Let's go out to dinner. Just the two of us. You've been working so hard."

Emmy had spent the last two hours staring at pictures of him naked, but knew she still deserved dinner alone with the General. "Sounds delicious," she answered, knowing exactly what she wanted to order.

~*~

Dorotea rummaged through the junk in the back of her car, finally locating her cell phone and the car charger for it. "Perfect, I really need to talk to Dande. She always has good advice for me to ignore."

She climbed in the front seat, started the car and plugged in the phone. It immediately started ringing. Dorotea groaned, opened the bottle of asprin, poured some in her mouth and washed it down with a warm Mountain Dew.

"Yech," she said. The phone didn't stop ringing, so she decided to answer it. "What?"

"My precious Librarian. You don't know how I've missed you," Xanatos' voice purred through the phone.

"Xani?!"

"Yes, my love. I just had the most enlightening phone call from Pelham. He seems to think that you were plotting to kill him. He found a book in the crypt --"

Dorotea laughed nervously. "Oh, that. I wasn't really going to do it. I was just upset."

"Hmmm. Yes, I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I had no idea that you would go to such lengths just to get my attention. I can not tell how it warms my soul to know you care that much, that your love for me runs that deep."

Dorotea let out a long breath and opened the ibroprofen bottle, pouring a few into her mouth. "I wasn't going to do it out of love, I was going to do it for revenge."

"Because you love me so much. It is just so arousing to me that you would consider killing for me. I'm preparing to leave now."

"Leave?"

"Yes, now that I know the depth of your true feelings, I'm returning to you my love. Plus, there's a bit of a disturbance here -- angry mob, official investigations -- so I'm going to depart from Telos until things cool down."

"Um, that's not a good idea..."

"Have to run, my beauty, we'll be together soon."

"But," Dorotea protested, but Xani had disconnected. She counted on her fingers, "Logan, Pelham, Xanatos....1, 2, 3. The Nurse is not going to like this. And the General, what am I going to do about him?"

As Dorotea began banging her head against the steering wheel of her car, Laure and Logan returned. Laure climbed off the bike. "Thanks for the ride."

"Sure," Logan said as he noticed Dorotea in her car. He sighed. "I better stop her before she hurts herself."

Laure nodded and headed back to the office where Cal was probably whimpering in the corner because she was late, Mr. Vocab probably had left in search of Tasha and RB was probably putting golf balls at Cal.

Logan walked over to the Volvo and banged on the window. Dorotea jumped. She turned off the car and came out. "I'm having a bad day. Let's go for a ride," she said, deciding that LP could wait, work could wait, her call to Dande could wait and her nervous breakdown could wait.

~*~

The Nurse came downstairs to see if Ellie had dropped off a new phone yet. She found the cups and string on her desk. "Oh, Ha. Ha," she said flatly.

Then she looked at the stack of paper with a little yellow post-it on it. The post-it said, 'With love, from the General'. Darry leafed through the papers, her fingers beginning to spark.

"DOROTEA - THIS. IS. ALL. YOUR. FAULT!"

~*~

The General and Emmy walked into the garage, holding hands.

"Where's my Triumph?" The General asked, not seeing it in its usual parking place.

"Maybe they're just doing routine mainentance on it," Emmy said.

"Yes, that's possible. We did just hire a new motorcycle mechanic. We'll take my car."

They had just settled in the car when the General's cell phone rang. "Hello, General Kenobi speaking, how may I help you?" he answered.

Deb sighed. He the most wonderful voice. "Yes, General. Did you forget you have an appointment with Dorotea in twenty minutes?"

"Oh, thank you Deb. That's right, she rescheduled earlier today, didn't she? I'll be there." The General turned the phone off and turned to Emmy, "Looks like we have to go to McDonald's, I have an appointment with Dorotea at 5:30."

Emmy huffed. "She probably won't even show up! That ungrateful Ho!"

"Now Emmy. I spoke with Dorotea just a little while ago and I think things are going to be much better now."

Emmy shook her head. Poor man, how long could he live in denial?

"And if the talk didn't work, I have other ideas," the General said, a determined expression on his face.

Emmy gave the General a questioning look.

The General just smiled as he started the car, not saying anything else.

Emmy suddenly had visions of him institutionalized again. "This all Darry and Dorotea's fault," she muttered.

THE END