Title: HSU: Tall, Dark and Handsome
Author: The General's Wench, Dorotea
Disclaimer: I don't own Xanatos, Caeryn, or anyone else slandered in this. I just do this to avoid real life, not to make money.
Rating: X for Xanilicious. No, not that kind of X!
Timeline: After Emmy's Indulgence
Summary: The CEO of Offworld Corporation visits.
Author's Notes: For our wonderful archivist, Darry, who I can't thank enough for showing me the appeal of Xani. Maybe this will get her back to campus.

"Xanatos had not lost his fighting edge. He had only grown more powerful, moving with economy and grace. His lightsaber flashed, he thrust and thrust again, always with a surprising twist or direction." The Dark Rival, by Jude Watson.

Caeryn stood in the field with the tall, dark, handsome stranger. Okay, he wasn't a stranger if you had read the Jedi Apprentice books. Caeryn found it hard to concentrate on business, his eyes were mesmerizing...a midnight-blue that you could just melt into....Caeryn shook her head. She was a faithful Ho. Darry, Diebin, Dorotea and Aya might go for the greyside, but not her. She had eyes only for the General.

Xanatos smiled, rakishly brushing his ebony hair back from his eyes, shifting his stance and shrugging his shoulders to display the midnight-blue lining of his black cape. He rolled several rough jewels in the palm of his hand. He pulled out a small, handheld, digitalized scope and held it over the stones. It beeped urgently and lit up with lots of pretty colors. "I'm sorry, beautiful Caeryn, but they're not real diamonds."

Caeryn's heart sank. Emmy was going to kill, indiscriminately and multiple times. She had wanted a different diamond tiara for everyday of the week. An alpha diva Ho would not settle for cubic zirconia.

Caeryn swallowed nervously. "Are you sure?" She asked, her eyes revealing her distress.

Xanatos pocketed the scope and pressed the stones into Caeryn's hand, not releasing it. His thumb stroked the back of hand gently. "Yes, it is cubic zirconia. I'm sorry. But all is not lost -- maybe you could get a contract with the Home Shopping Network."

Caeryn nodded weakly, wondering who she should break the news to first. She tried to think of a stable, focused Ho, but none came to mind. The General oversaw the mining. He would have to be told. How could he have missed that they were only Cubic Zirconia and not real diamonds? Of course, considering his busy schedule, the recent unpleasantness between the Alpha Ho, Emmy and his secretary, Diebin and having to rescue Dorotea from the Tower, maybe it wasn't shocking that he missed that minor detail.

Caeryn realized that Xanatos was kissing her hand and snatched it away. "I have to go talk to the General. You, um, you go back to the Aya's university, thank you for your help. Whatever you do, don't stick around here. We have enough trouble."

Xanatos bowed to Caeryn. "As you wish, beautiful one," he said then spun and swaggered away.

Caeryn gazed after him and murmured, "Hmm....No, no. I am not tempted, of course the damn computer database still isn't working right...."

*************************

Dorotea pulled out a bottle of Maker's Mark and broke the wax seal. Dande, the resident wench, was waxing sentimental about her dear, departed Master, also known as the Crispy, Old, Dead Guy. Dorotea reached for a glass as Dande spoke in the wispy, lyrical voice only wenches-in mourning have. "And then I would brush his hair for him and he would brush mine. Then of course I would feed him grapes....do you have any grapes, Dorotea? I know how you enjoy them..."

Dorotea tossed the glass down, shattering it and took a swig from the bottle. "I'm not allowed to have grapes anymore. I only feed the General Nuttella now and I think even that is going to his head."

Dande smiled wistfully. "You are such a good General's wench, polishing his boots for him...taking care of him...spoiling him."

Dorotea shuddered and took another long swallow of bourbon, the burning in her chest relaxing her. "I can't believe I did that. Now, he brings me his boots every morning. You know, I have my own boots to polish! I mean if someone offers that's one thing, but he shouldn't EXPECT it! The Ho's were right. It's making him a jerk!"

Dande gasped and wobbled slightly. "Dorotea, you should never speak ill of your Master, um, General. Oh, I feel another contraction coming..."

Dorotea rolled her eyes. Dande had been in labor for several months now and she still showed no outward signs of being pregnant.

Kymira, Jen Jen and Kendra giggled from a study table. Dorotea glared and stalked over to them. "Are you laughing at me?"

They all shook their heads quickly in the negative. No one wanted to piss off Dorotea. It was rumored that she knew voodoo and used the back of her Volvo station wagon with the dark tinted windows to transport bodies. God knows she had watched Shallow Grave enough to know how to dispose of bodies. In fact, she had been seen at the Home Depot just last week. Plus, she was the only wench the General had and he was protective of her. He knew the Ho's would never allow another grrl with wench tendencies onto the campus again.

"Um, we were just laughing at how small Yoda's ligthsaber is. In the Episode One Visual Dictionary, see?" Kendra stuttered, showing the page to Dorotea.

Before Dorotea could answer, the library doors swept open and Xanatos sauntered in. Dande yelped. The trio at the table widened their eyes and Dorotea grinned. Not just any grin, but a grin usually reserved for the General, the "my, my, big boy, aren't you yummy looking, come here and let me taste you" grin.

Dorotea gave Kymira, Jen Jen and Kendra a significant look. They stared back blankly. "The Library is closing." Dorotea said.

"It's only 3:00 PM." Kymira protested.

Dorotea smiled sweetly. "Did I tell you I went to that co-op farm down the road and bought a couple of live chickens earlier today? Right after polishing the General's boots for him and throwing them through his office window. They hit him the head. It was hilarious...for me anyway."

Jen Jen and Kymira bolted up. "We have homework to do." They said as they rushed out of the library.

"Wait for me!" Screamed Kendra, running after them. Dorotea was nuttier than most hockey fans, who knows what she might do.

Dande marched to Xanatos, her bosom heaving, and jabbed a finger in his chest. "Do you know how much pain you caused my beloved? Pain he did not deserve."

Dorotea motioned Xanatos to ignore Dande by using the "she's crazy" finger twirling by head gesture. Dorotea pulled Dande away from Xanatos. "Don't get him started, he's delicious and eloquent, but does have a tendency to go on a bit and I can think of better things to keep his mouth busy."

"What about your General?" exclaimed the Wench.

Dorotea appeared thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know, do you think he would go for a threesome? Damn, maybe I shouldn't have thrown those boots at his head."

Dande shook her head sadly. "And you call yourself a wench!"

Dorotea scoffed. "It was a phase. Right now I'm going to focus on being a good Xanibabe. Darry has trained me well." Dorotea smiled falsely at Dande. "You know, Judy was just telling me the other day how much she enjoyed serving you virgin drinks, listening to Celine Dion and chatting about your harse. Maybe you should go to the bar for a while."

Dande smiled. She loved two things in life, her dear, departed Master and her harse, Burton. "Yes," she said with a shake of her perfect hair. "I shall go visit Judy." She floated out of the library without a second glance at Xanatos, her mind residing some where in the vicinity of her Master apparently.

Dorotea locked the door behind Dande. She heard a swish, but before she could react she was encircled in a dark cape, with strong arms wrapped around her.

THE END