* * * * *
Go west!
(Well, it's not so much 'go west', as it is 'go up and to the left a bit'.)
* * * * *

Sunday afternoon, Darry walked into the Clinic and threw her jacket over her desk chair. The semester was about to start and she needed to make sure the Clinic was prepared for the predictable paper cuts, fistfights, and prescriptions for Prozac that accompanied all incoming freshman.

Things seemed to be running smoothly with the staff and the President. Smoothly, that was, for some of them. At least there were no medical emergencies to handle.

Having said that, some of these grrls seemed to be monopolizing a lot of the General's time. Oh sure, she had her appointments, but Darry could tell he wasn't devoting his whole attention to what he was doing. When one of his Hos was hurting, the General hurt too, and he couldn't really throw himself into any activity until the situation was resolved.

Darry, on the other hand, in typical Gemini mercurial fashion, was as quick to forgive and forget as she was to fly off the handle. These angsty Hos just did her head in. And it was making for less-than-quality appointments.

Snapping her gum she pressed "play" on the answering machine.

"You have four new messages. Message one: left at 10:50PM Thursday."

The sound of street noises accosted her. Whoever it was musta been in Times Square or something.

"Darry, it's Mulder. Excuse the noise; I'm in Times Square following a lead about the ritualistic slaughtering of subway rats. Listen, I'm really sorry about that...woman who confronted you on Alderaan. She's my partner. She's not been well, and I think she's been a little touchy lately. Also, she seems to have a really bad attitude toward anyone who smokes....not sure why. At any rate, I just thought I'd call and tell you that if you ever need- What the hell? That girl looks just like Sama-I gotta go. BEEP!"

What the fuck?

"Message two: 12 midnight Friday"

"Listen you Sith-boinker, do not underestimate the power of the sammich chicks. We are everywhere. We know everything. We have friends that can find you anywhere and make your life miserable. So, you think you can just happily forget about my relationship with Bob? You think you can happily keep the General all to yourself? You think you can just send some frosh bounty hunter after me? Well, think again, Sithster. You're frakin' with the wrong chick. You just watch your back!"

Darry's mood did not improve.

"Message three: left at 6:30 yesterday."

"Hi Angel, it's your hot-rodder. I'm sorry we missed each other for that picnic we planned. You see, I don't actually know where you live over at HSU. I tried the freshman dorms, but all I got was some girl yelling at me asking if I knew where Curt had disappeared to. Who's Curt? Is he a friend of yours? Anyway, I'm calling to see if you wanted to come over here and watch the sunset with me. I always like watching the sunset. It's something my mother passed down to me, I guess, cause she always liked to watch sunsets. I suppose that our kids will-BEEP!"

The answering machine was dangerously close to becoming a collection of worthless plastic fragments.

"Message four: left 8AM today."

"Hello my dear. I want you to know that I'm not angry about the credit card bills. I am a little surprised, however, about the number of purchases. Was that all for you? The Chanel and Victoria's Secrets I can understand, but I can't imagine what you needed the San Francisco 49ers or the industrial-sized margarita maker for. At any rate, the Treasury here had more than enough to cover it all, but I would really like to see you, as it's been ages since we've...seen each other."

"Messages end."

Darry picked up her phone and dialed the catsuit in the secretary's office.

"Mulder."

She hung up and walked to Diebin's office.

* * * * *
Life is peaceful there.
(Well, it's not really peaceful- it's actually pretty chaotic, what with the traffic and Senate and Temple and all...)
* * * * *

"He's not making appointments today." Diebin informed her.

"Huh?" Darry sat on the edge of Diebin's desk.

"He's spending the whole day with Emmy and Shana. Something about making up for lost time."

"$%#&%%$."

"Did you say something?" Diebin asked.

"No..." Darry pulled her gum out of her mouth in a long strand and then chewed it back into her mouth little by little.

"Yes...behaviour truly fitting a Ho in a two-thousand dollar suit."

"Shut up. When IS he gonna be available then?"

Diebin inspected the appointment book. The phone rang. "Ho State, General's office." Diebin's eyes went wide and she looked up at Darry. "D'you mind? Personal call."

Darry turned and walked over to the General's office door, pressing her ear to it. It was quiet. He was undoubtedly gallivanting around in Emmy's new Merc or up in Shana's room.

Diebin had cupped her hand around the receiver and was whispering frantically. "Diebin miss George too, but Diebin can't come visit now." She hastily put down the phone. When she looked up, Darry was gone.

* * * * *
Go west!
(No, I told you, it isn't really west.)
* * * * *

"I do have a softer side, you know? I can hurt just as much as the next Ho, but no one's ever around when I am. By the time I'm back in the party, I feel better and so everyone thinks I'm heartless or crude or have no feelings..." Darry's eyes filled with tears.

"Bark, bark, bark!" Said Space-Dog helpfully.

Darry put the bottle of re-wetting drops back in her purse. "Ah...that's better; these contacts are giving me hell."

"Bark, bark!"

"So, I'm outta here. I'm obviously not neurotic enough for His Generalness, I have a Sithchick price on my head, and this fracked-up annoying nine-year-old drag racer thinks we're getting married."

Mr. Vocab met her at the front door. Darry handed him most of her matching thirty-piece Louis Vuitton luggage.

"Bark, bark"

"Grrr"

So this is what it has come to, Darry thought sadly- threats, juveniles, and cancelled appointments. She climbed into the back of the EC-Cab and watched as the man in the orange frock threw a stick for the dog, who immediately went running off in the other direction.

* * * * *
Lots of open air.
(Are you kidding? There are buildings everywhere; you can barely see six feet in front of you.)
* * * * *

"What do you mean gone?" Jael said, stooping to talk to Space-Dog. "You mean 'gone-gone'?"

"Bark, bark!"

Jael ran to Tasha's room. She banged on the door.

"She's not home," Cal said, opening his door. "She went to the Clinic."

Jael ran to the Clinic. Cal followed, all the while trying to re-attach his braid. There they found Tasha standing in front of the closed door with Dande.

There were several boxes outside the Clinic filled with bandages, phials of insulin, and a selection of narcotics. There was also a sign on the door that said "Help Yourself".

"Uh-oh," Tasha said.

"Space Dog said Darry got into a cab with all her luggage."

"AAAhhhhggggg!" wailed Dande.

Jael turned. "What's the matter?"

"It's my time!"

"She's going into labour," Tasha announced.

* * * * *
Go west!
(Oy gevelt, how many times do I have to tell you?)
* * * * *

"This is not good," Diebin said, pacing around her office.

Dande rested on Diebin's over-used office sofa and panted, Tasha holding her hand and saying soothing things.

"Do you know where she is?" Jael asked.

"I have a pretty good idea." Diebin replied.

"Well, just tell the General to go and get her." Cal instructed. "I mean, it was so cool when he rescued you guys from Alderaan."

"Uh...it's not that easy...Jael, I need you to help here. You're gonna go find Darry."

"I am?" Jael said, incredulous. Space-Dog barked. "But I don't even have a driver's license."

"Ohhhhhhhh!" Dande called. "The contractions....."

Diebin looked up at the ceiling. How was she gonna deal with this "emergency", too?

"No, but Cal does." She pressed the intercom. "Crow, get in here."

"Oui, mon Capitain," Crow replied in a very good impersonation of Q. The 'bot came shuffling in to Diebin's office.

"Shana's still not back, right?" Diebin asked, casting a wary eye on Dande, who was now almost breaking into a very genteel-ladylike sweat.

"Nope, but I've been hard at work all day while she's been...uh..."

"Can it, Goldenrod, I know for a fact you've been in that office watching 'SHAFT' for the thirty-eighth time."

"Hey, not everyone's role models are Hanson."

"I need you, Jael, Space-Dog and Cal to go find Darry and bring her back."

Diebin briefly thought about the motley rescue party and decided not to wager a bet on their success. Dande quickly reminded Diebin she had other pressing issues.

The search party shuffled toward her door, Cal wondering if he had any gas in the car and what would the General wear if he were in this position. Something black, no doubt.

Just then, Diebin had a revelation. "And take the groundskeeper with you!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" shouted a voice from the couch.

"Dande, what is it? Are you all right?" Diebin went racing over.

"That wasn't me," Dande said in a completely normal tone, and then remembered she was supposed to be panting. "Gasp, gasp."

Diebin looked up at Tasha briefly and then turned back to her audience. "Will you just GO, please."

Cal nearly fell over as he tried to swagger out of the office.

"They say this cat is a bad muthuh..." Crow said in his wake.

END