Title: Perceptions/Misperceptions
By: Jodi-Wan Kenobi
Pairing: O/F, O/Others (male/female)
Rated: NC17
Disclaimer: Don't own Obi, don?t own Qui, don't own council members,
all others
are MINE, George! But I'll share if you do . . .
Archive: Whoever wants this . . .
Feedback: Absolutely positively starving for it. On or off list.
PLEASE!! FEED
THE WRITER!!!
Summary: Obi-Wan and a friend take their relationship to another
level, is it
the will of the Force? Why?
Notes: This is a story that just got way out of hand. Don't know how
many parts this is going to be, but this is going to be a big one,
that's for sure. This is eventually going to become a series. I'd
also like to add that this is my first major fic so I'd appreciate all
constructive criticism so that I may continue to grow as a writer.
Special thanks: Burgess and Webster RULE!! I could not have gotten nearly as far as I have without your support. Thank you lots and lots and expect a TON more beta'ing to come your way, this story is FAR from finished.
Perceptions/Misperceptions Part 1
"Happy anniversary, Sil-Aria," Thar-Noa said. He and Sil-Aria shared a glass of red wine as they sat on the couch looking into each other's eyes, his black hair reflecting the delicate flames of the flickering candles he had carefully placed all over his quarters. `It's been two beautiful years. I'm the luckiest knight on Coruscant,' he sighed, and kissed her.
Sil-Aria sighed and leaned into his kiss, raking her fingers through his hair which was starting to grow out of the padawan cut. Thar-Noa had only been knighted three months ago, but his hair had grown considerably, reaching just below his jawline. He broke the kiss, but still kept his mouth sinfully close to hers.
"I love you, Sil," he whispered.
"I said, happy anniversary, Sil-Aria," Obi-Wan repeated, offering his wineglass to her. Sil-Aria shook her head and looked back at him. The waiter refilling her water glass woke her out of her reverie, and she recalled that Obi- Wan was speaking to her.
"Sorry, Obi, I zoned. What anniversary would this be?" Sil-Aria asked.
Obi-Wan leaned back and met her gaze with another smirk.
"It's okay, Sil. I guess we both have a lot going on in our lives lately, with preparing for our Trials and all. Anyway, I noticed this morning that it was exactly one month ago that we went out on our first date," he answered plainly, as if Sil-Aria should have realized such a thing.
She laughed and took his hand in her much smaller one. She had wanted a relationship with Obi-Wan to happen for a very long time. The love of her life, Thar-Noa, had left on a mission just over a year before. Thar-Noa suggested that it would be best for the both of them if they explored relationships outside of theirs as his mission was going to last at least four years. This was his first mission as a newly made knight, thus he couldn't turn it down. She had accepted this. Barely. But over the past 6 months it had been getting relatively easier, as Obi-Wan made it clear that he was interested in her. Not just their typical friendly outings that they've always enjoyed, but on a deeper level.
And he was making it no easier on her to refuse as she took in the vision of Obi-Wan in a forest-green silk shirt, tucked into form-fitting black leather pants. Well, she couldn't quite see the leather pants since he was sitting and the table was obscuring her view, but she certainly remembered what they looked like when she opened the door to her quarters when he picked her up that evening.
Sil-Aria sighed and thought back over the past six months or so, about how she's been dreaming of Obi-Wan. At first these dreams were innocent enough, very much like the past month has been. Dinner, talking in the gardens, end of evening. But then the dreams started taking a turn into the erotic. Dinner, making love in the gardens, evening ending several days later, in her quarters or his.
"You are insane, you know that?" she finally said, as she traced his fingers with hers.
"Not insane, I'd like to think I am just a sentimental mush," he said, and caressed her hand gently.
"Some `sentimental mush' you are! Coming from the same kid who used to throw blocks at me with the Force while we were in the crèche! Or, better still, the same kid who decided to call me up to tell me how drunk and sick you were on your 18th nameday! And BLAME ME!" Sil-Aria laughed.
"It's not my fault you couldn't go to my nameday celebration! If you were there, I wouldn't have gotten nearly as drunk, thus, it's your fault," he shrugged.
"How is it my fault?!?"
"You always had more sense than I did. A better head on your shoulders. You always know when to stop, you know?"
"Ah, your sense of Jedi responsibility amazes me, Obi. As always," she laughed. He loved her laugh, the way her eyes sparkled. Especially now that they were sparkling for him.
"So," he started, and looked down at his and her hands, "I'd like to do something different tomorrow. Perhaps dancing?" He looked back up with hope-filled eyes.
She put her finger on her chin. "Hmmm, let me think here, I could either go to my quarters after sparring practice and discuss the finer points of tertiary non-verbal language skills among non-humanoids with my Master, or. . ."
"Or let me take you dancing tomorrow night until you're so breathless you have to hold onto me for dear life," Obi said, desire radiating from his blue/green/grey eyes.
Sil-Aria caught herself absolutely speechless.
"Sil, love, we need to talk," Thar-Noa said, the soft music playing in
the
background as they gently swayed together, the aroma of their third
anniversary
dinner still heavy in the air. Sil-Aria picked her head up from his
strong
shoulder and looked lovingly into his eyes. His eyes did not mirror
her
feelings. Nor had they for several months now.
"Now, Sil-Aria," he said with a sigh, and stopped moving. He lifted her chin.
"I have something very important to tell you."
"Tell me, Thar. I'm listening."
"Let's sit," he said and led her to his couch. She looked up at him expectantly, her brown eyes shimmering with hope.
He took her hand in both of his and rubbed it gently, not looking up to meet her steady gaze.
"Sil, this is very difficult for me to say. . ."
"It's okay, love, just say it. I'm listening," she encouraged.
Several moments passed. With another sigh, Thar-Noa stopped caressing her hand and looked up to Sil-Aria's brown eyes.
"I got my first solo mission, Sil."
"That's wonderful!! You've waited over a year for this to happen!!"
"It's in Antava," he said softly.
"That's in the Middle Rim! It will take you months just to get there!" she exclaimed.
"Bringing me to my next point. The Council predicts that this mission will be at least four years in the making. It's a very intricate, delicate reconnaissance mission that has to be do-"
"Four years? Thar, that's forever!" Sil-Aria exclaimed.
She sat back and thought for a moment, "But, the good news is that at least I'll definitely be knighted by then and then we can soulbond-."
He released her hands and stood up.
"Sil! Slow down here! We can't!"
"Why not? I thought that was all we were waiting for-"
"Sil, this mission is too important to deny, and it?s the first solo mission the Council has assigned me so I have to ensure that I do my best. And because it's a reconnaissance mission, I can only have minimal contact with Coruscant, and that has to be limited to the Council. Not to mention, asking you to wait four years or more for me-"
"I can wait, Thar. It's not even something I have to think about, I love you so much, I'll wait 400 years if I have to," she said and stood, bringing her lips to his.
He didn't respond. She broke away and looked into his dark eyes.
"What are you really saying to me, Thar?"
"I'm saying that I can't promise you that I can be faithful for four years Sil."
Undaunted, Sil-Aria kissed him again, even though he still didn't respond
She broke away and nipped his neck, "I'll make you want to stay here forever when I get through with you," she purred.
Thar-Noa pushed her away.
"Sil, this is serious. You can't resolve every issue we have with sex! You always do this! Sex does not mean love!"
Sil-Aria took him in her arms again and began swaying to the music as she buried her face in his shoulder again.
"Just dance with me some more, Thar. Please. I won't ask for anything else . . ."
"I have to go, Sil. Don't wait for me. I can't wait for you," Thar-Noa said, pulling away from her embrace.
"Do I take your silence as a yes?" Obi laughed.
"Yes," she smiled uneasily.
"Good. Now, let's see if we can get another round of wine here, shall we?" Obi flagged down the Twi'lek waiter and ordered two more glasses of Alderanian rosé.
Sil-Aria started to shift uncomfortably in her seat.
Obi-Wan looked into Sil-Aria's eyes. "Is there something on your mind Sil? I'm sensing . . ."
"Can I ask you a question?" she interrupted quickly before he could read her thoughts.
"What's on your mind?"
She looked down at her glass, as she tried to form the words. "I'm just curious . . .please don't get offended by my asking this. . .why have you been dating me?" Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows and looked into Sil-Aria's eyes before he answered her, slowly and carefully.
"Because I've been wanting to do this for the past year that you've been a free agent, but haven't had the courage to do so, but now it's the right time," he said simply. As if there couldn't be another possible explanation, "I have always been attracted to you, Sil-Aria. But I always thought you were unapproachable, I mean, you were always laughing in the corridors with Thar-Noa. . .always cuddling with him in the gardens. . .you were obviously so happy. And I wanted to make sure that I could give that to you. The happiness that you deserve," he said as he leaned in closer, "And now I know I can."
"You have thought about this for some time."
"I say what I honestly feel," Obi-Wan said, catching her thought, "You were never uncomfortable with me before, Sil, why now?"
"Obi, you can have any padawan, knight, or even master for that matter. Why me? I just need to make sense of it to myself."
"Sil-Aria, how can you doubt that I would want to be with you? We've been friends forever. We've always been there for one another. Isn't this the most logical next step? Did I do something to make you feel this way?" /I have no ulterior motives, Sil./
"No mind-speech, Obi. Please,"
"I mean it, Sil. I want to be with you. I've wanted to be with you for a very long time, but you were with Thar-Noa forever, and it didn't seem appropriate to approach you immediately after he went on his mission," he explained softly. He smiled and took her hand in his. "And I wasn't sure you'd say yes, either," he said, and got a smile in return.
"The Great Kenobi? Afraid of rejection?" Sil-Aria laughed.
"What does that mean? `The Great Kenobi?'" he asked, with a look of pure puzzlement.
"Obi, you have quite a reputation. I mean, just last month I heard that you had . . .you were. . .well. . ."
Obi-Wan sighed deeply. "That I was sleeping with Aro-nu. Yes, I was. It was a completely casual relationship, Sil. He understands that. Everybody I've ever been with knows this about me."
Sil-Aria sat back and straightened her posture. "I'm not a casual person, Obi. You know that."
Obi-Wan's seriousness grew deeper. "Yes, I do know that. And when I'm with someone I care about, I'm not casual either."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I am hoping that what we have goes beyond a few dinner dates. I want something special. Meaningful. With you. I'm completely drawn to you in this, Sil. I feel it. The Force is with us in this," he said softly.
Sil-Aria wanted to believe his words. Very much. The reality of it all was that when Thar-Noa suggested that they go their separate ways it broke her heart. She would have waited forever for his mission to end if she needed to. The fact that he didn't feel that he could be faithful to her for four years was more than she could bear, and it took months before she got to the point where she would even consider going to dinner with anyone, let alone Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan was the talk of the Temple. Almost every padawan, knight, and even some masters had an eye for Obi-Wan. And sometimes Obi-Wan let them have more than an eye. And there was rarely any discretion in these matters. Sil- Aria couldn't bear to give this man her heart and then have it handed back to her in pieces. She could not go through that again.
"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry. Forgive me if I'm beating this to death, it's just going to take me some time to get acclimated to being with you this way. Can you understand that?" she pleaded with him, her brown eyes imploring him to see her point.
"I do understand. But don't you feel it, Sil?" he asked, stroking her hand in his, "I feel the Force just pulsing through me right now, telling me this is right."
"My sense of the Living Force is tenuous at best, Obi-Wan," she sighed.
"So was mine. Master Qui-Gon has been helping me focus more so that I can at least feel strong sensations in the Living Force. And believe me, this is coming through loud and clear."
she thought to herself, and squeezed his hand and smiled.
"I'll give you as much time as you need, Sil," he assured.
"Stop going inside my head, Kenobi. I have the same abilities as you do, and I don't use them that way," Sil-Aria said, getting agitated.
"I can't help it, Sil, your shields are down."
Sil-Aria quickly checked her shields and determined that they were just fine.
"They are not!" she argued.
"Then they are not very strong. Either way, you are projecting very clearly. I'm not even trying. I'm sorry, I did not meant to invade your privacy," Obi-Wan said and sat back, removing his hand from hers.
She sighed and looked at her hands that were now lying in her lap, twisting nervously.
"No, Obi, I'm sorry. Can we just get one thing straight?"
"Go ahead, Sil," he sighed, crossed his arms over his chest.
She looked down at her plate and back up at him again and swallowed as she tried to gather her thoughts about her. "I value my privacy, my thoughts. I honor other people's rights to their privacy, and I expect the same in return. I will never, ever read someone's thoughts without their express invitation to do so. And I will never allow someone willingly into mine. Please understand that." He looked back at her, his expression the same as before she spoke.
"I appreciate what you're saying. And again, I never intended to read you. You *are* broadcasting, Sil. I am also not a three-year-old in the crèche anymore, so there is no reason to cite the Code and ethics to me, as if I were incapable of understanding."
"I am *NOT* broadcasting!"
"Sil, I think you need to go to the healers. Seriously. If you think your shields are up, which they most certainly are not, then you have to get checked. You are a walking target for trouble if this keeps up."
"I don't understand, I am totally able to shield my thoughts around Grentu, Master Aut-Hi, anyone. You are the only one that tells me I'm broadcasting. I don't understand . . ." she trailed off, studying her hands. He leaned back over and took both of her hands in his.
"Look at me, Sil.," she picked her eyes up to meet his, "I'd like to go to the healers with you. Hopefully they can shed some light on this. Would you like to go now?"
She shook her head. "No. I want to try to salvage what's left of this evening that I haven't destroyed," she smiled softly.
"You didn't destroy anything, Sil. I enjoy spending time with you. And I want to spend more time with you. I'll spend as much time as you need convincing you of that," he smiled.
"Okay, if I still have shielding issues after tomorrow, I want you to tell me that you sense it, and then we'll go to the healers. Okay?"
"Deal," Obi-Wan said and brought one of her hands to his lips and kissed it gently.
Shocks went up through her arm straight to her brain as his lips touched her skin, and she gasped quietly.
"Did you feel that?" he asked, still holding her hand close to his lips, "Sil, that was remarkable."
"Yes, I did. What was that?"
"It felt like a Force current. I've never . . ."
Sil-Aria quickly grabbed her hand away and placed it back on her lap.
"I'm getting tired, Obi, do you mind if I head back to my quarters now?"
He sat back and looked at her, hurt in his always-expressive eyes.
"Sure, Sil. Anything you want," he said softly. He reached into his pocket and left the credits for the bill, and silently escorted Sil-Aria back to her quarters.
When they arrived, Sil-Aria keyed open her door and Obi-Wan followed her inside. She turned to look at him, his face showing concern and confusion.
"I'm sorry, Obi, I just need to get my thoughts together. Meditate on this. I hope you understand." He took her hand in his and kissed it, the Force current stronger this time.
"I do, Sil. I understand. Take as much time as you need. Just, please let me know if there's anything you need. Okay?"
"I will. I promise. Thank you for understanding."
"Don't thank me. Just try to get some rest. I guess tomorrow you'll let me know about tomorrow night?"
"Yes. I'll let you know at noon meal, okay?"
"Sure. See you tomorrow, then." He smiled softly and left, the door's shishing noise as it closed made her jump.
/Are you alone, Sil-Aria?/ Master Aut-Hi asked, with her soft mental probe.
/Yes, Master. Why do you ask?/
/Because I think you and I need to talk. May I come over, or would you prefer to come to me?/
/I'll be right there, Master,/ she said, already out the door and in the corridor.
A few minutes later, Sil-Aria arrived at Master Aut-Hi's quarters just as Master Qui-Gon was exiting. "Master," she said respectfully, and bowed.
"Padawan Sil-Aria," the statuesque Master nodded politely, and walked off in the opposite direction towards his padawan's, Obi-Wan's, quarters.
Sil-Aria took a deep breath and entered her master's living room.
/Have a seat, padawan. Tea?/
/Please. Rather late for a meeting with Master Qui-Gon, isn't it, Master?/ Sil-Aria asked mentally as Aut-Hi came in with two cups of tea.
Aut-Hi sat down on the chair across from Sil-Aria and took her tea, looking into Sil-Aria's eyes intently. "We were discussing the potential issues arising from your relationship with Padawan Kenobi," Aut-Hi said softly, her green eyes showing empathy.
"Issues? What issues are you referring to, Master? The whole time we've been together my grades have not suffered, my training-"
"Is not in question. Your shielding, however, is."
"Obi-Wan said the same thing to me tonight, I don't understand because I checked them, and even now they are fine . . ."
"They are fine with me. It seems with Obi-Wan they aren't."
"How did you know'"
"You sent a spike of panic through our training bond, and I had to make sure you were okay, so I probed back gently, sensing Obi-Wan's thoughts in there as well. I also sensed Force currents. Do you know how rare those are, Sil- Aria?"
"No, but we felt them twice tonight, Master. I don't understand . . ."
"It seems that the Force is taking some interest in you and Obi-Wan. For whatever reasons, the Force wants you together. So that's why Qui-Gon and I met. We wanted to discuss any changes that we have noted in your and Obi-Wan's behavior the past month that you have been together. Nothing that he or I have seen indicates anything unusual."
"Forgive me, Master, but what now?"
"Patience, Padawan," Aut-Hi sighed. "For now, we let things run their course, and see what the Force has up its sleeve."
"Just like that? I'm supposed to push myself into something I'm not ready for, just because the Force wills it?" Sil-Aria said, her agitation rising.
"Sil-Aria, a Force current is the Force's way of tangibly letting you know that you are on the right path. It goes beyond a tingle that warns you when a blaster bolt is coming." She leaned forward as she enthusiastically explained, "This is something that is rare and beautiful. It not only lets you know that you are going forward, but that it is what is best. Most of us are not so lucky to experience this. Not even Masters. Nobody on the current Council has ever experienced a Force current."
"Master, I understand all of what you are saying, however, what was my private life is now rather public. At least to you and Master Qui-Gon. And forgive me for saying, I would rather be left alone, and not probed like a lab experiment through this. It's bad e nough I don't want to do this. But. . ."
"I have always, and will always, respect your privacy, Sil. Never doubt that. And Master Qui-Gon will honor that as well. He cares for, and respects, Obi-Wan as much as I care and respect you, Sil."
Aut-Hi sighed and walked over to where Sil-Aria was sitting, kneeling at her feet.
"Tell your old master what the real problem is here, Sil."
Aut-Hi reached up and brushed a curl behind Sil-Aria's ear. Sil-Aria looked at her hands, thoughtfully for a few moments.
"I'm scared."
"Thar-Noa." Aut-Hi stated.
"He'll break my heart. Just like Thar. Obi can have any single person he wants, any sentient being is his. Why me? He's going to resent being stuck with me, Master. He really will."
"Obi-Wan is not Thar. You can't condemn him for actions he did not commit. The Force would not will the two of you for your hearts to be broken. There is a much greater good that can be expected of this, Sil. There is a reason this is happening. Just concentrate on the moment, and it will be revealed to you when the Force deems you ready."
"What about my shields?"
"You are to go to the healers tomorrow, and they will figure that part out. It's just strange that Obi-Wan's shields are intact all around, and yours are perfect, except for him. Can he read you now?"
"I don't know. He's been respecting my privacy."
"Use your mind and ask him."
"I'd rather not, Master."
"Sil-Aria, that was not a request."
"Yes, Master," she sighed and sat back. /Obi?/
/Sil! Are you okay? Master Qui-/
/I need you to do something for me, Obi. I want you to tell me if I was broadcasting anything at all to you over the past 20 minutes or so that we haven't been together./
/I know you're talking to your master, but what about, I can't read anything. But your emotions are an open book. Have been since I walked you back to your quarters. Is everything okay?/
/Everything is fine. Just fine,/ she mentally sighed, /Make sure you tell me if anything more unusual happens, okay?/
/Definitely, Sil. Tomorrow?/ he said in her mind, hopefully, /I need to see you. . ./
/We'll discuss it, Obi./
/Okay. Be careful, Sil/
/I will. I'll talk to you at lunchtime tomorrow./
"He can sense my emotions, nothing more, Master." Sil-Aria said, standing up and stretching.
"The healers will be able to figure out more tomorrow when you see them after noon meal, okay?"
"I will meditate on this, Master." Sil-Aria hugged her master and left.
+++++++++++++
"When was the last time you spoke to Thar-Noa, Sil?" Grentu, the pixie-like humanoid asked as they picked at their lunch in the dining hall.
"He sent me a transmission from Antava about 2 months or so ago," she
lied. "Why do you ask? That's a weird question," Sil-Aria said as
she took a sip of her caf.
"I was just wondering what he would say about your budding romance with Kenobi," Grentu giggled.
"He would say, `how wonderful for you.' He and I are no longer together, haven't been together for over a year, we wish each other well," Sil-Aria said, a little defensively.
"Whoa, whoa, I was just thinking perhaps it may spark a bit of jealousy, you know? Send him running back here, sweep you up in his arms . . ." Grentu said as she nearly stood on her chair with enthusiasm, trying to recreate the moment.
"Okay, Grent, that's enough, sit down already!" Sil-Aria laughed. "We are not going there, you know we both decided that because his assignment was for four years, it wouldn't be fair for me to sit here and wait for him. Or for him to be completely faithful while he's out there," she added bitterly, "We're just friends. Nothing more, nothing less."
"And how does Obi feel about you keeping in touch with your old flame?"
"Grent!" she said with exasperation, "I don't even know where Obi and I stand right now. We had a couple of dinners together, and we're going dancing tonight. We're not planning a wedding. And as if Obi doesn't have his own entourage that he beats down on a regular basis! Where are you going with all of this, anyway?"
"I just want to make sure that you're not setting yourself up into a difficult situation, that's all. Just trying to be a good little friend," Grentu said casually, swinging her tiny feet under the table since she was too short to reach the floor.
"Well, I appreciate it, Grent, but I'm fine. Obi and I have been friends forever. We're taking things nice and slow. Now eat that lunch of yours, before it crawls away from you again," Sil-Aria said and finished her plate, doubts returning to cloud her thoughts. Almost as if on cue, Obi-Wan entered the dining hall, seeking Sil- Aria out. Grentu looked up and smiled.
"I'll leave you two alone," she giggled and took her tray to sit with the others.
"Sil! You got started without me, I see," he gestured to her half- eaten lunch and sat down.
"I have to go to the healers shortly," Sil-Aria said while Obi-Wan pushed the food around on his plate. The dining hall seemed a lot rowdier than usual. It had to be that, or her inability to focus had gotten even greater.
"They'll be able to figure it all out, I'm sure," he assured her, smiling softly.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, Obi."
"I know what's wrong, Sil. It's pouring off of you. I swear, I would never, ever hurt you." He reached over to her and held her hand. He then walked around to her side of the table, pulling her close to him. He rested his head on her shoulder, rubbing her back gently. Her breath began to quicken from the contact. He started to feel himself harden as her leg brushed against his groin. The impulse to kiss, to claim each other, was beginning to enter their senses. He moved his head off of her shoulder and looked down into her eyes.
"I want you," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her. His tongue found entrance very easily, and Sil-Aria's hands moved to the back of his head, pulling his mouth closer to hers, devouring him. His hands moved down to her rear and kneaded it roughly, the kiss becoming more passionate and uncontrolled. The Force currents began to swirl throughout both of their bodies, causing the others in the dining hall to take notice.
/Yes, Sil, oh, gods yes. This is right,/ Obi-Wan mentally moaned as he sucked on her neck.
Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan by the shoulders forcefully.
"Padawan!"
Obi-Wan sent a wave of frustration gushing out into the Force, which Sil-Aria felt as if it were pushed at her. He pushed himself away from her, panting heavily. She straightened her back, also breathing heavily, glaring at him.
"Sil, I . . .I don't know what's wrong with me . . ." he started to say but Sil-Aria put her hand up to silence him.
She looked around them and the entire dining hall was staring at them in shock. Some with humor.
"What's wrong with us is more like it. What the hell is going on?" she asked. A flashing pain shot through both Obi-Wan and Sil-Aria, starting in their spines and reaching up through their heads.
"Sil-Aria!" Aut-Hi yelled, lifting her from the floor. Qui-Gon was giving Obi-Wan a sip of water.
Qui-Gon addressed Sil-Aria and Obi-Wan.
"Padawans, let's go to the healers, now." Qui-Gon's voice brooked no room for an argument.
Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan around the shoulders as they followed distantly behind Aut-Hi and Sil-Aria on the way to the healers, taking great care to ensure there was a significant distance between the two padawans. Frujant, Master Healer, greeted them at the entrance to the sick bay. The small, diminutive humanoid quickly ushered them into the rooms, quickly closing the door behind them.
She quickly looked into Obi-Wan's eyes with a lighted instrument. "Hmmm. I see Force current nerve scars on his cornea," Frujant said softly.
"What does that mean?" Qui-Gon asked, as he approached his padawan and stroked his hair.
Frujant rose and straightened her tunic and went over to Sil-Aria and repeated the examination. "It means that the Force currents are getting stronger and stronger. Eventually," she said as she checked Sil-Aria's other eye, "they could become so strong that they literally rip the Force-sensitivity away from your padawans."
"You know, we're right here, you don't have to talk around us as if we're children!" Sil-Aria snapped.
"Padawan!" Aut-Hi reprimanded.
Frujant placed her hand on Obi-Wan's forehead and closed her eyes. "It's okay, you're right, Sil-Aria. I apologize."
"What does . . ."
"Shh!" Frujant said, waving around her other hand. "Okay," she sighed and stepped away from Obi-Wan, going over to Sil-Aria and repeating the process. "Your shields are down for Obi-Wan," Frujant said to Sil-Aria.
"Yes, but I have no idea how," Sil-Aria answered.
"Come, let's all sit down in my office and discuss this," Frujant said, and escorted everyone into the office, all sitting around the room in whatever available chairs they could find.
Frujant reached in to the cabinet behind her desk for a moment before she parked herself behind her desk, holding a green crystal attached to a black leather cord. The crystal was a deep forest green, the size of a woman's pinky. It was shaped as a cylinder, but cut in such a way that it was clear and beautiful.
"Master Healer, please explain what you meant by the Force being `ripped' from our padawans," Aut-Hi said, her concern reading in her delicate features.
"What is happening is the Force is showing you, Obi-Wan, and you, Sil- Aria, that it wants you together. This is meant to be. To deny it would strengthen your resistance to the will of the Force. Eventually that resistance would result in your midichlorians not communicating with the Force. But it's not that simple, it's a very painful experience. When I say, `ripped', I am describing the feeling. And you will not be able to restore your midichlorians to their original state."
"We've already felt what that is like. At least a little," Obi-Wan said.
"So they would be Force-blind forever," Qui-Gon sighed.
"There is also the possibility that you may not survive the magnitude of the Force-deprivation."
"But we've been Force-deprived before, so how could this be fatal?" Sil-Aria asked, utter confusion on her face.
"This isn't like being in a Force-shielded room, or wearing an inhibitor. The best way to describe this is it would be as if your cells rejected your blood. Almost like a poisoning. Your body breaks down."
"But-"Obi-Wan started, leaning forward in his seat.
"So what is the next step?" Qui-Gon asked, gently easing Obi-Wan back into his chair.
"The next step is to make sure that you don't deny yourselves the will of the Force. You must go through with what you are being destined to do. If something happens like today in the dining hall, for example."
"Just go with it, you're saying?!?" Sil-Aria said incredulously.
"I'm saying go to your quarters and go with it, yes. The dining hall is not quite appropriate. Would you agree?" Frujant said, and winked.
Sil-Aria looked down at her hands and then over at Obi-Wan. He smiled at her softly.
"It looks like it's a matter of life or death, Sil," he said half- jokingly.
"Padawan Kenobi . . ." Aut-Hi started, but Sil-Aria had other concerns.
"What about my shields?" she asked, her hands wringing nervously in her lap.
"That's where this comes in," and Frujant offered the crystal to Sil- Aria. Sil-Aria walked over and took the crystal.
"What is this for?"
"It will help you maintain your shields around Obi-Wan. I still have to research why your shields are not functioning with him. I've never seen shields that were selective like this, so it will take some time to figure it out. As well as why Obi-Wan's shields remain intact. In the meantime, this will keep them in place. Just make sure that whenever you don't want him catching your thoughts, you have this on."
"That would be always," Sil-Aria muttered loudly, and placed the crystal around her neck. She turned and saw the hurt in Obi-Wan's face, "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, it's just-" Obi-Wan held up his hand.
"Don't worry about it. You must be grateful for the privacy," he said and turned his attention to a crack in the wall.
"I think we're done here for now," Frujant said and stood. "I want you all back here every other day to report any findings. Of course, if anything happens outside of that, I want to be informed. I think I'd prefer if these visits were unaccompanied-- Obi-Wan, Sil-Aria, make individual appointments with me. At the end of the 7-day we'll have a session with the two of you together. I'll keep the Masters informed. Is that acceptable to everyone?" she asked.
"That's fine," Qui-Gon said, standing, pulling himself up to his formidable height.
"Yes, I agree with that," Aut-Hi said and walked over to Sil-Aria, placing her hands on her shoulders.
"Do you agree to this?" Obi-Wan asked Sil-Aria, his gaze concerned.
"Yes. We have to follow this guidance and see where it takes us, I suppose," she responded.
++++++++++ Part 4
"He's resting right now. He's very concerned about Sil-Aria, Aut. Is she okay?" Qui-Gon asked. Aut-Hi looked back at the comm unit, smiling softly.
"She's as good as one can expect at the moment. She really does care very much about Obi-Wan. She just has some other issues that she's trying to sort out, and this complicates things even more."
"I know, I don't need to read her mind to feel that. I can see how fearful she is about getting close to him. She must have been very hurt," he said quietly.
"She was. But she's also the strongest padawan I've ever known, and she will get through this. You and I will get them through this."
Qui-Gon smiled at Aut-Hi's support.
"I know we will. Let me know how things are going."
"I'll keep in touch. Please do the same, and let me know the progress with Obi-Wan."
"I will. Good night, Aut."
"Good night, Qui," she said and shut off the comm.
++++++++
They entered Sil-Aria's rooms and barely made it to the couch, kissing each other furiously, hands roaming desperately, trying to find bare skin. They fell off the couch, Obi-Wan pulling her on top of him.
What the hell is going on?" she asked as she looked down into his eyes, "I can't stay away from you," she whispered, and traced his lips with her finger, "I know this is wrong. I am not ready for this, but, by the gods, I can't keep my hands off of you," she said just before she passionately sealed her mouth over his, drinking from him. Obi-Wan kissed back with as much ardor for several moments, his hand reaching behind her head and pushing her even closer. Her hand reached for his groin, but he grabbed it. She pulled away, looking as if she were hit with a stun gun.
He reached up and held her face in his hands. "You don't want this, Sil. We have to stop," he said softly, stroking her cheeks gently with his thumbs.
"I am being compelled to be with you, Obi. The Force . . ."
"I know, the Force wants this very much. Hell, the Force is demanding this," he chuckled, then turning serious, he added, "but I won't have you go through with something you don't want."
"My body won't listen to me, Obi. Frujant said we could die if we deny ourselves what the Force is willing us to do," she said, and tried to lean forward to kiss him. He pushed himself away, hard, Sil falling next to his outstretched legs. She looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears.
"Stop it, Sil. Let's go to the healers. Now. Before I lose what's left of my resolve," Obi-Wan muttered, as he stood and offered his hand to help Sil-Aria stand.
"I'm sorry. So much for having a better head on my shoulders and knowing when to stop . . ." she whispered, tears in her eyes. Obi-Wan wiped her tears with his fingers.
"I'm not sorry. I'm just sorry that it's not time. I do want to make love to you, Sil," he said and leaned over to kiss her, but before he made contact he pulled away. "Damnit!!!"
"Obi, please, let's go now. If we don't go now . . ."
"I know, I know. Let's get out of here."
As Obi-Wan walked away from Sil-Aria to get the door, an excruciating pain shot up his spine. He groaned and fell over. At the same time, Sil- Aria screamed in pain, the same pain extending out towards her limbs. She crawled over to him, reaching out to him, almost blinded by tears.
"Obi!" Sil-Aria cried as she reached for him. As soon as she touched him, the pain stopped. "What happened?!?" she gasped, as the pain abated.
He shook his head and squeezed her hand tightly as he attempted to calm his breathing. "The worst pain, like my spine was being ripped out of my body, and now it's gone."
"I felt the same thing!" she confirmed.
"Let's go to the healers," he panted, still trying to catch his breath.
Sil-Aria shook her head. "No. She's just going to say to follow what the Force wants. Let's just save ourselves a trip and a lecture," she said and pulled him on top of her, kissing him fiercely.
TBC