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| THE HONG KONG CAVALIER'S |
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| JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER |
| For some odd reason, this film plays like a twisted episode of "Bonanza" to me...it's the look of the production design and the film stock, I guess.... While watching this film, I came to the sudden realization that I never knew my paternal grandfather...on a personal level. This is really weird, because the man's presence was practically a daily thing for me growing up (my father's parents lived within 2 or 3 miles from my house at the time). He lived until I was 17 years old...and it wasn't until now, nearly 11 years after his death that I begin thinking that I might have missed out on something. What brought about this, you may ask? well..one of this film's stars, Jim Davis (better known for his role of the patriarch of the Ewing family on the soap "Dallas"), is a dead ringer for ol' Granpappy. In mannerisms and looks. It's kinda scary., how close it is. |
| (1966 Embassy Pictures) Starring: John Lupton, Cal Bolder, Narna Onyx, Steven Geray, and Jim Davis Director: William Beaudine |
| And...he absolutely adored the genre of Western films. From singing cowboys to Spaghetti westerns, it interested Richard Samuel Conn. It's funny how something so trivial could lead to thoughts about something that I shoulda paid more attention to as a kid... The plot- We open on a small western town, at the home of The Stereotypical Old West Mexican Family. Father is drowning his sorrows with what seems to be a gallon of orange juice . Or maybe it's Tang...because he winces his face after taking big slug, as if it was bitter, or some form of alcohol beverage that he's pretending it is. Mama is sobbing about the loss of their son, a victim of "the Sickness"...which is actually a hoax cooked up by the Family Frankenstein who live up the road in the matte painting of a castle/former mission. Waitaminnit....some people with the surname "Frankenstein" sow up in the neighborhood, people start dying mysteriously...and noone gets suspicous? This leads me to the conclusion that people in the Old West were pretty friggin' stupid. |
| The Cheap-Ass VHS cover |
| We then cut to Fraulein Frankenstein's lab (it seems that she and her brother are the grandchildren of THAT Dr. Frankenstein..y'know, the one that caused all the ruckus in Europe). Brother Rudolph (who resembles Mr. Dithers from the "Blondie" comic strip sans glasses and sounds like Benny Hill trying to impersonate a German soldier whenever he speaks) and his sister are trying to reanimate the dead by using an old army issue helmet painted rainbow colors that has a neon light and a Jacob's Ladder attached to the top. Hell, if I'd known that reanimatin' the dead was as simple as causin' the Goofiness Meter to tilt, I'd been doin' it along time ago. Then we get to the Jesse James stuff. When we first see the head of the James Gang, him and his oafish simpleton friend, Hank Tracy, are involved in manly cowboy-type stuff. Mainly, fistfighting for money. Conclusion #2- earning cash in the Old West was tough. After joining up with a gang of hoods attempting to rob a payroll stage, Hank is wounded (watch this scene carefully...the actor portraying Hank is clearly displaying his talents in ACTING! ) and they meet up with Juanita, the Stereotypical Mexican family's eldest daughter, who lead them back to Matte Frankenstein. Seems she wants revenge for her brother's death....or something. Along the way, Jesse and Juanita fall in love. Conclusion #3- There were alot of coincidences in the Old West. |
| They get to the mission, Frau Frankenstein falls for Jesse, who spurns her advances. She turns Hank into her brain transplant victim, and hijinx ensue. The End. What the f*ck were these people thinking when they produced this film? My sense haven't been assaulted by so much goofiness, low budget improv, and bad acting in quite a while. So naturally...I love it. The actor portraying Hank tracy must be seen to be believed...I don't think he was acting stupid. The aforementioned Jim Davis, who portrays a marshall pursuing Jesse and Hank after the failed stage robbery, will be recognizable to fans of "Dallas". Eerie side note: Estelita, the bombshell who portrays Juanita, made her final film appearence in "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter". A veteran of several Hollywood features in the 1950s and sixties, the film ended production just a few months before her death in 1966. Highly recommended for fans of their cheesiness mixed witha western flavor. |
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