BURBCOMMAND

presents the second "thrilling" and "world-shaking" installement of our examination of the film sheenanigans of Hulk Hogan, entitled....

(1991 New Line Pictures) Director: Burt Kennedy
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, Shelly Winters

Hulk Hogan: Outer Space Bounty Hunter.....

....no....I'm not kidding. Even though the guy looks like he'd have trouble figuring out how to jump start a car, in this science fiction fiasco we're supposed to suspend our disbelief to the point that we buy that he can pilot a space ship.

To think....NASA missed out on this guy. All those poor defenseless monkeys and dogs shot into space for experimentation...and they leave Hogan earthbound. He even acts like the oxygen supply has been cut off from his head..he's be perfect working in the vacuum of outer space.

Well, I for one am writing my local Congress representitive to see if we can get the ball rolling on the "Hulk Hogan Goes to the Moon" spending bill. I'd throw a few tax dollars towards a program like that...'course getting such a bill passed would probably be as successful as this film was at the box-office.

The Plot: Hogan portrays Shep Ransey, intergalactic tough guy. Bad Sign #1- Obviously, the writer named the central character after a dog. Bad Sign #2- If Shep's such a tough guy, why's he dress like one of the sissy-boy cast members of the Broadway show, "Starlight Express"? I half expected to see him trolling around on some sorta space rollerskates, or something. There's some sorta interplanetary conflict goin' on involving an evil tyrant named General Sutor (the local Darth Vader/Ming the Merciless clone) which Shep is causing problems for. Bad Sign #3- all the aliens in this flick speak perfect English, much like on Star Trek.
Why ain't they speakin' some sorta damned Moon Man language? Conclusion: lazy f*ckin' writer.
Shep has his big space fight, Sutor gets away, and Shep wrecks his ship into Earth.

Here we meet the most annoying family on the face of the Earth, led by Christopher Lloyd and Shelly Winters. Shep moves in with them and the typical story happens (this is a "family" flick, after all). They Shep to "be human" and he teaches Lloyd to stand up for himself. Hooray for happy, shiny feelings.

Sutor follows Shep to Earth...big fight between them proceeds as planned. Sutor transforms into the Creature from the Black Lagoon or something (who's voice changes so that he sounds like Megatron on the old Transformers cartoon, which is about as annoying Lloyd and Winters' characters), and good prevails over evil. The End.

Complaint Department: Okay, I know it's a kids flick, and it's supposed to be cheesey. But, Jesus...does it have to be awful as well? And Chris Lloyd....incredibly talented and funny actor, but wasted here, basically playing the goofy Doc Brown role he perfected in the Back to the Future films.

Things I liked: Jack Elum as the crazy as bat-sh*t war veteran neighbor of Chris Lloyd's character. Elum, probably best remembered as a bad guy in countless Westerns, is a favorite charcater actor of mine, who's distinctive face was probably best utilized in the openning of Sergio Leone's Once Upon A Time In The West (he's the gunfighter who catches the fly in the gun barrell, for the uninformed).

The flick worth the 5.99 I shelled out for the DVD? Probably not, but hey...I had a few hours to kill. Now that I've reviewed it, it's time for something productive...like beginning that letter to Congress. l