Interlude 1:  "Presented in a New Technological Wonder- 3-B!"

Ask any Drive-In Movie patron and they'll tell ya the same:  Beer is essential to the filmgoing experience.  Hell, you'd have to be smashed to have actually paid decent money to watch some of the exploitation trash that was filtered through America's outdoor cinemas in the past.  No wonder teenagers resorted to attempts at sex of the unwed variety at these establishments....there certainly wasn't any action goin' on on-screen the majority of the time.

I mention the dying instituton of the Drive-In for one reason: many of my first film going experiences took place at these disappearing pieces of Americana.  The first flick I can ever remember seeing was a little ditty called Harper Valley PTA at the now-closed Mound Drive-In in scenic (translation: "backwoods") Peebles, Ohio.  Plus, the Drive-In  during the 1960/70s was the testing ground of several "B" classics.  I'm glad that I was around to catch the tail-end of the last great wave of Drive-In B-Movies of the mid to late 1970s....good times.  And watching "Bad" or so-called "B" flicks in the safety of your home isn't the same without some effort made in the direction of recreating that "Drive-In" feel.  That, and it helps to be gassed to actually have the patience (not to mention physical fortitude) to sit through some of these things.  Try to sit through Supersonic Man or Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter more than once sober and you'll get my drift.

The Champagne of Beers?

What goes better with cheap movies than cheap beer?  I mean, if yer gonna scar yer eyes and gray matter with terrible movies, why should your liver and stomach be left out?  With self-destructive impulses, go for the gold, baby!  After some debate as to how cheap our little party should go, we finally settled on good ol' Miller High Life...because I'm stupid enough to buy into advertising: "The Champagne of Beers".  It sounds pleasant, doesn't it? Three Seconds member and close friend "Plank" suggested Natural Lite, an extremely cheap bastard child of the Miller Brewing company...High Life's inbred cousin, so to speak.  I declined, on the grounds that, quote: "Ya know why they call it "Natural Lite" right?  Because it tastes like sticks and twigs." Fellow Three Second "Kat" mentioned old standby Busch, Budweiser's excuse for swill, but calmer heads prevailed (me again):  "Busch?!?  Yeah...if ya wake up hung over on it, ya feel like you've slept out in the woods on a rock.  That's why there's mountains on the can...."

If the "High Life" doesn't get any more glamorous than this....just shoot me.

Plank (pictured at left)- Willing to drink anything

Now that we'd picked our film and bought our rot-gut catdaddy, it was off to te place that Plank hangs his hat (an apartment he shares with Jewtron 5000) and the fun part begins....viewing the damn film. And attempting to get zonked outta our skulls.  My parents would be so proud, I'm sure.

Onward to Part 2

HKC's re-enactment of a "Busch Hangover"