RF: Oh Jack! I'm so happy for you! [he starts crying]
Larry: Mr. Furley I didn't realize you were so sentimental!
RF: Yeah I even cried when my high school class graduated!
Larry: Oh really?
RF: Because I didn't!!!
[talking about moving in with two girls]
Jack: No no! It'll be strictly platonic!
Stanley: What's that mean?
Helen: Like you and me Stanley!
Chrissy: Eat your salad before it gets cold!
Chrissy: Jack's in the kitchen......
Helen: Jack's in the kitchen? With his terrible cold?
Chrissy: No, with his chicken.
Jack: To Larry and Gloria! Happy days!
Janet: Good times!
Chrissy: Little house on the prairie!
Jack: Chrissy you know what your problem is? You are a compulsive eater!
Chrissy: I am not! I'm just always hungry
[Cindy is making breakfast]
Jack: Oh, scrambled eggs!
Cindy: Scrambled? They're sunny side up!
Jack: Do the eggs know that?
Janet: Oh Cindy, thanks for returning my sweater!
Cindy: I hope i didn't stretch it!
[Janet stares at Cindy]
Cindy: My ARMS are longer than yours!
Chrissy: You know, Jack really is a very nice person. He just hasn't been around kids very much.
Jack: I live with YOU don't I?
Jack: Why would anyone feel sorry for me?
Janet: Oh LOTS of reasons!
[Jack can't find a job]
Janet: Hey Jack I just had a great idea! We could use extra help down at the flower shop!
Chrissy: Janet...I've got an even better idea. Instead of extra help, why don't you hire Jack?
[Jack and Janet stare at Chrissy]
Janet: Gosh Chrissy......that's a great idea.
Chrissy: Well I come up with 'em! I'm not dumb, you know.
Chrissy: Just do what I do!
Jack: What are you gonna do?
Chrissy: The same thing you'll be doing only I'll be doing it first!
[about how he told him not to buy any cosmetics from Chrissy because Chrissy is bad at selling them]
Jack: You just ruined that girl!
RF: I never touched her!
[Janet has two tickets to a Frank Sinatra concert but doesn't want to go]
Janet: I prefer Stevie Wonder myself...besides, I was gonna wash my hair tonight.
Chrissy: INSTEAD OF FRANK SINATRA?
Janet: Let him wash his own hair!
[toasting to Helen's Aunt Martha]
Stanley: Here's to the wine....Here's to the glass....Here's to the lady with....
Helen: STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stanley: ...With a lot of class!
Dean Travers: Jack....why do you think I became Dean of this cooking school? Because of the money?
Jack: No, it's not because of the money!
Dean Travers: Because it's easy?
Jack: No, it's not easy!
Dean Travers: Because I'm a nice guy?
Jack: No you're not a nice guy!
[Dean Travers stares at him]
Jack: What...was the question again?
Stanley: No more parties in the building!
Helen: Is that your final word?
Stanley: Yes.
Helen: Good then we won't be hearing any more from you.
Terri: JANET!!!!! There's a GIRL in Jack's bed!
Janet: Terri....did you leave the porridge out again?
[Janet and Chrissy are looking at wallpaper patterns for the bathroom]
Chrissy: Oh that's cute! Old fashioned sleds in the snow! Do you like it?
Janet: No....
Chrissy: How come?
Janet: This kinda reminds me of when I went sled riding with my brother. See he liked to sit in the front because he liked to steer and I held onto him around his chest.
Chrissy: What's wrong with that?
Janet: Nothing Chrissy, nothing. But then I rode with my brother's friend Oscar.......Oscar made ME sit in the front!
Chrissy: Why?
Janet: A couple of reasons! [she looks down]
Chrissy: [eyes bulge] OH!!!!!!
[Janet is at the Regal Beagle with her date, Bill. She's wearing the new blonde wig she bought. Cindy comes in]
Cindy: Janet...I didn't think you'd still be wearing it!
Janet: [shakes her head to tell Cindy that Bill doesn't know it's a wig]
Bill: IT?
Cindy: Yeah that wi. wi....wistwatch!
Bill: Wistwatch?
Cindy: That's wight! Weal gold! Well....I better be wunning awong!
[Janet is talking to Chrissy on the phone]
Chrissy: Oh next time I call, tell Jack I want him to pick up.
Janet: HOW is he supposed to know it's you?
Chrissy: If he doesn't recognize my voice by now then I don't wanna talk to him!d
[Jack had glue on his hands. He touched Janet's new wig and now the wig is stuck to his hand]
Jack: What am I supposed to do?????
Terri: STICK WITH IT!
[Jack is telling Janet she needs to be an aggressive girl in order for Larry to stop loving her]
Jack: Ok Janet...pretend you're at the Regal Beagle and a good looking guy sits next to you. [sings and sits next to Janet] Well?
Janet: I'm still waitin' for the good lookin guy to come in!!!
Larry: There's this radio contest and the question is...who are the three musketeers?
Terri: I KNOW!!! I KNOW!!!
Larry: [goes over to the phone and dials] What's the answer?
Terri: Larry, Curly, and Moe!
Stanley: I came to shampoo your carpet...
Chrissy: Why? Has it got dandruff? [snort snort]
Jack: Gee Chrissy...did you have to pick this particular time to start making sense?
Chrissy: I always make sense! You're just not smart enough to understand me!
Janet: Hello Lana, what do you want?
Lana: Oh I just came to borrow some sugar. [goes over to Jack] Come on sugar!
Jack: [talking about having his own restaurant] Janet, remember when I first moved in, there was something I wanted, more than anything else?
Janet: [thinks] YES! And the answer is STILL no!
Jack: I guess it's true what they say...blondes have more fun!
Terri: Then how come I get stuck with you?
[after Janet has just smashed her thumb trying to hammer a picture, Jack tries to show them his way]
Jack: Ok girls theres a right way to do things and a wrong way to do thing
Chrissy: Which way is this?