My
Sundown
by
Jiwwy
Chapter
1
My
Sundown
Breathe
in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
I
step carefully along the wall, muttering my new mantra aloud. Sure, it
isn’t a lot, but if you’re as
bad
as me, you’ve got to take stuff step by step. Little by little, you know?
I want to change, and
you’ve
got to start somewhere.
Never
thought you’d hear that from me, did you? Draco Malfoy, wanting to change.
Ha, it’s a joke,
isn’t
it? Mr. Slytherin Posterboy, Mr. I-Hate-You-You-Stupid-Mudblood-You, Mr.
Amazing
Bouncing
Ferret.
What,
you think I don’t hear what they say? Well, you are just the ignorant one,
aren’t you.
i see
it around me
i see it
in everything:
i could
be so much more than this
I
don’t know when it started. Well, yeah, of course I know when it started.
It started half an hour
after
I was born, when Father walked into the maternity ward, sleek and composed,
straight from
a
business meeting. Mother refused to hold me, she was mourning her figure
because it hadn’t yet
gone
back to chic anorexia, so the nurse showed me to Father.
“Is
that what I dropped my 3:00 for?”
Aww.
Isn’t he just Father of the Year?
Ever
since then it had been a big goal of mine to please father. He never really
took too much to me
at
all. Most of all he did was hire tutors and nannies for me. I guess I never
noticed the huge billboard
Father’s
behaviors suggested that was sitting in front of my face screaming “DRACO
MALFOY
YOU
ARE BEING NEGLECTED AND YOU ARE UNLOVED” in neon green. I was four, for
crissake,
and even if Father didn’t have time for me he must have made sure that
I was being spoiled
and,
now that I think of it, brainwashed.
About
when I was seven he realized he had a son and took to introducing me to
old Death Eater
friends
and Dark Arts dealers. Still not quite award material, sorry Lucius. Try
again next year.
said
my goodbyes
this is
my sundown
i'm going
to be so much more than this
At
Hogwarts, I was surprised. There was an outside world! My god!
The
first people I saw on Nine and Three Quarters were Goyle and Crabbe. Damn
them. I thought
they
had no brains at all, but they must have some sense of smell or something
because they managed
to
recognize me.
Mind
you, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to make friends with Death Eaters’ sons!
By golly gee, if
anything
would please Daddy Dearest that would! But Death Eater or not, those are
they most
irritatingly…
moronic imbeciles on the face of the earth. On the evolutionary scale,
somewhere
between
toast and erasers. Sharp as marbles, about fifteen players short of a Quidditch
match-
you
get my point here? Hey, you’re smarter than I thought.
There
was Potter too. He hated my guts. Nothing I could do to stop that at the
time though, not
much
incentive either. He was on the wrong side.
My
saving grace at Hogwarts was Professor Snape. Father had told me how very
unfortunate it
would
be that he would be one of my professors, to stay away from him. Of course,
Severus was
on
the right side, but he was a little off. When the Dark Lord was
in power, his loyalties were
shaky.
He did the right thing, staying on our side, of course, but father
really never liked him much.
Severus
knew right away I was different, could be willed, had potential. He knew…
I wasn’t my
father.
There
was also her, of course… but she’d never… never think about
me.
This
lack of connections—this is why it would be so easy to change. At least,
easier.
Breathe
in, breathe out.
with one
hand high you'll show them your progress
you'll
take your time
but no
one cares
no one
cares
What
was that?
A
yawn, a tapping of hard shoes on the stone floors. Someone else was up?
I moved into my robe
pocket,
hoping to get to the pad of points slips they issued prefects. “Who’s there?”
I called.
“Don’t
mind, I’m a prefect.”
Ah,
okay then. Like me. Prefects were allowed 10:00 pm curfews, a half-hour
longer than the other
students.
But that voice. It was familiar. It was-
“Malfoy?”
a pair of curious brown eyes glinted in the moonlight flooding in from
the windows. I only
now
realized how bright it was- a full moon cast my shadow on the cold slate
inches from my body.
“Oh
yes, you’re a prefect too, aren’t you.” There was distaste in her voice.
“Nice
to see you too, Granger.” I say sarcastically, then mentally slap myself.
Bad Draco. New leaf,
new
leaf, new leaf.
She
rolled her eyes and tossed a frizzing lock of sepia over her shoulder.
“Just because you’re a
prefect
doesn’t meant I can’t take house points for mouthing off to another one,
you know Malfoy.”
Bite
her back Malfoy! Be saucy! I glare at the windows, amazed by the dorkiness
of my inner voice.
Hermione
stands there. “What?” I snap after a few seconds.
“You
didn’t say anything. Usually you’d have had me crying by now.” She said
this surprisingly snidely.
“Well,
I didn’t want to say anything without your body guards here.”
She
leans against the windows, diagonally from me. “What are you doing here
anyway, Granger?”
Call
her Hermione, for the love of god, I beg myself. Something like instinct
and habit glares back
at
whatever part of me said this.
I
was doing some reading in the library.”
“Surprise
surprise!”
She
sighs. “It’s been fun Malfoy. Well, more fun than a roomful of boggarts…
almost…” She stood
up
straight and started down the hall again, her hair swooshing back and forth
on her back.
i need
you to show me the way from crazy
i want
to be so much more than this
“Granger,
wait.”
I
can picture the look on her face as she pauses. I can sense her closing
her eyes in annoyance, can
hear
the sigh of aggravation from thirty feet away. “What do you want, Malfoy?”
I
turn around slightly, stare out the windows with my back to the wall. “G-
Her-mione…” Breathe in,
breathe
out. “Msry.”
Did
you forget to breathe in?
“What?”
She turns on her heel, finally facing me.
I
shove my hands in my pockets. “I’m. Sorry. Hermione.” I try to articulate
the best I can, but these
were
words I had- until now- never, never used… Well, okay, I used “I” a lot,
but other than that.
She
freezes, stock-still. Half of her face is illuminated, half of her lip
being bit. “Um. It’s… it’s… okay.”
“No,
Hermione, it isn’t okay.” I look at my expensive boots, the one thing my
brain can agree on,
then
decide if my entire brain can agree on it, it must be wrong, so to Old
Draco’s supreme discontent,
I
meet Hermione’s eyes. “Everything I’ve done to you, and… and to Weasley
and Potter… that’s not
okay.”
“Draco…”
She takes a step forward.
“No.
It’s just not, and part of me says no it’s not, and part of me says there’s
nothing I can do about
that,
and part of me says there’s… there’s… everything I can do about it. I don’t
know. I just want
to
kick that first part out or I’ll go mad.”
She
stares. “What are you saying… Why are you saying this to me?”
with
one hand high you'll show them your progress
you'll
take your time
but no
one cares
with one
hand high you’ll show them your progress
you’ll
take your time
but no
one cares
no one
cares
no one
cares
no one
cares
“Because…
No one cares.” And that would be juuust about EXACTLY the WRONG thing to
say!
Good
job, New Draco!
I
kick myself. What were you saying, Old Draco? “And.” Boots. Wow,
those are some nice boots,
Draco…
No, look at her. You’re on a roll. “I… like you, Hermione.”
She’s
frozen again.
“Shit.
I’m… sorry.” My tongue’s starting to hurt with all this sweet mushy crap.
“Hermione, I just—if
you…
I just. I… I won’t bother you anymore.” Yes, that’s about most of what
I wanted to accomplish,
wasn’t
it? “So… g’night. Or… whatever.” I stand up. My legs hurt from the sudden
rush of weight on
them,
but I can make it to the common room.
I can
be so much more than this
I wanna
be so much more than this
I could
be so much more than this
I wanna
be so much more than this
I wanna
be so much more than this
I wanna
be so much more than this
“Wait,
Draco!” It’s her. Oh god. I stop, but I don’t turn around.
“Yeah?”
I grunt. Wow, romantic.
A
pause. Then a touch on my shoulder. Oh good god, she’s going to hit me.
You
deserve it. Says Old Draco.
I
know. Says a defeated New Draco.
The
pressure on my shoulder increases, until I turn my head around to see what
she’s doing. At the
same
time, she leans forward.
My
first kiss.
Breathe
in, Breathe out.
Good
job, New Draco.
good good
bye, tinsel shine
good good
bye, i'll be fine
good good
bye
good good
night
Song by Jimmy
Eat World. I own Hermy, Draco, My Sundown, AND Jimmy Eat World.
… Just kidding.
Ahahah. You believed me, didn’t you. You clever little toasty eraser you.
By the way,
if you don’t
have My Sundown by now, you aren’t my friend. You have to review anyway,
though.
Chapter
2
Back
to Index
Back
to Fanfiction by Title
Back
to Fanfiction by Author