Author’s Notes: This is a song from the A Walk To Remember soundtrack, but I think it suits
Hermione and Draco so well.

Only Hope

by Jilly H
 
 
 

There’s a song that’s inside of my soul
It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again
I’m awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over again

~~

When in the world did I start to think of Hermione Granger in this way? I don’t want to. She
occupies my mind, and has been since I first laid eyes on her bushy hair, buckteeth… dammit,
I don’t want to think about her. But she sings to a part of me that I don’t want to know is
there. I can’t know is there.

~~

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I know now
You’re my only hope

~~

If she were a different person, if I were a different person, she could possibly be the one for
me. But in this world, in this time, I could consider her my only hope for salvation. But I can’t
be saved. It’s been made apparent to me that there is no hope for me. Hell, she’s in Gryffindor,
I’m in Slytherin. That in itself sets us apart. Not to mention she’s a damned mudblood. A
muggle-born witch. She shouldn’t even be in this school. Me. I come from the purest of lines.
An old and very prominent wizarding family. This world is in my blood. She is merely a freak
of nature. Why can’t I look at her as that then?

~~

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me all the plans you have for me over again

~~

As much as my father hates it, she is the best witch in this school. Hell, even I admit I hate
the fact that she is more powerful and just all around better at magic then I am. I should be
better. I’m the one that has been trained since the day that I was born under my father’s
watchful eye to do magic. To do Dark Arts magic even, though it’s forbidden. And she still
beats me. Even in Potions. Professor Snape may be head of Slytherin House, and he takes
points from Gryffindor as often as he can, even he can’t not give Granger the marks she
deserves. And they are above mine. I know they are. And I hate her for it. And yet I can’t
hate her at the same time. Isn’t that the shitty part about it? I tell you, what about that is fair?
Why can’t I just hate her and be done with it? Simple.

~~

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I know now
You’re my only hope

~~

It’s not that simple though, and I know that. Ugh. I don’t want to know that! I want things
to be normal. But what in the hell is normal when you are a wizard in a world that’s about
on the verge of war? Not a damn thing.

~~

I give you my destiny
I’m giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I’m giving it back

~~

You know what? I really do hate her. But I don’t. Dammit. Why can’t I just hate her and
leave it at that. Noooo. I have to have this damned tragic thing where I want to have her
but I can’t. And I really think that’s what draws me to her so damned much. I have had
everything all my life, no questions asked, and she is the one thing that I want and can never
have. I was doing really well too the first three years of school. Ya know? I mean, she had
bushy hair, buck teeth, she wasn’t very girly looking, and she was always hiding herself
under books. Then fourth year hit. It wasn’t too bad. I was dealing with it. I mean, so what,
you know, if she had her teeth fixed after I hit her with a hex that made them grow like a
walrus’s tusks. I thought it was pretty funny. Even if I did end up getting turned into a ferret
that same year. Damn that really hurt too. Anyways, I’m getting off base here. You know, I
could handle that she straightened her teeth, even though it made her smile beautiful. I mean
she had one before, but after her teeth were shrunk. Wow.

No problems though. She still had bushy hair, no girly figure, etc. blah blah. Then there was
that damned Yule Ball, and she had the NERVE to show up with Viktor Krum. My first
instinct was to hex her for being so beautiful. I mean, GODS! Her damned hair wasn’t bushy
anymore, she was showing off her figure in those robes that clung to her in just the right ways!
Hell, every guy in the room was staring at her. Well all except Weasley, but that was because
he was jealous that she was on Krum’s arm instead of his, and he looked like a prat in the
maroon dress robes. What the hell was that?!

I’m getting off course again. Back to the mudblood. Yeah, I still call her that. Damned shame
too. You know, there are times that I wish she WASN’T a mudblood. Then these feelings that
she invokes in me wouldn’t be so forbidden. But then I wonder to myself, would they be there
if she WASN’T? Would I still want her if she wasn’t so forbidden to me? I mean, she’d be just
like Pansy Parkinson. And you know what, I shudder at the mere idea of Hermio—I mean
Granger, being anything like that idiot. Maybe Granger’s right. Maybe the pureblooded wizards
are nothing but a bunch of inbred fools. I mean, a lot of the Slytherin’s in my class are idiots.
Examples, Bulstrode, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy herself. I mean come on. The only ones in my
class that get decent grades are Zambini and myself. And since we are both male, that doesn’t
bode well at all. Though I don’t think that would stop Crabbe or Goyle. Crabbe’s dating
Bulstrode at the moment, and sometimes I wonder if she’s really a she. Frightening isn’t it.

~~

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I know now
You’re my only hope

~~

I am tired of her occupying my mind to be honest. But what can you do? Nothing. So I’m
just going to go on hating that she invades my thoughts, and loving it at the same time. Because
you know why? There is the thinnest line between love and hate that you will never, ever see.
 
 

~Fin~