Well, thanks for taking an interest. I suppose i should begin at the beginning, where i think this little hobbie of mine all started. The earliest memory, is a dream i once had, when i was very young, perhaps around four or five years old. I may have had it more than once, which might explain how it stuck in my memory so well after so many years. The dream began with me lying in bed in my own bedroom, at night, quietly trying to sleep. Suddenly, the floor disappears and the bed and I begin to tumble downwards towards the floor of a very deep pit, deep enough that i was afraid that i'd be killed on impact. I was saved however when i landed on a ledge somewhere along the side of the pit. I peered over the edge and watched my bed continue it descent to the bottom. Once it landed in a thud, i began to hear the grumblings and see the forms of several nondescript "monsters" lurking about and i was grateful to be spared from that fate. Plumeting to my death was bad enough, but monsters, were an inconceiveable terror. After thanking my lucky stars, i got up to look where i had landed and found myself in a small room with two doors, one door was marked girls, the other, boys. Soon, i began to realise i wasn't alone on this ledge but that there was a very large, featureless, man in the room with me who grabbed me and push me through the door marked boys. On the other side of this door was a large conveyor belt, which i landed on and was being pulled along towards an opening to a machine whose dimensions and purpose i couldn't quite grasp, though it couldn't have been worse than the monsters in the pit so i let the conveyor belt take me into the mouth of this thing without fighting it too much. The next thing i remember is coming out of the machine on another conveyor belt which pushed me through another door. I quickly realised i was back on the ledge where i had landed earlier only i hadn't come out the same door i went into, i had come out the door marked girls and was now transformed into a little girl, complete with blue dress and all the rest of the fixing's. Now, i'm no licensed psychologist, but i do believe that if someone has a dream like that when they're very young, and it's powerful enough for them to remember it into adulthood, it might be an indication that something strange is afoot in genderville.

So, i don't think that explains anything, but it does prove to me, that this little hobbie of mine has it's roots early on in my childhood. So, what do i think cause this? Who do i blame? Society? No, i blame society for my drinking. Actually, i think i blame my mom. Don't get me wrong, she's a great woman and was a terrific mom.

But, I know she really wanted a girl, after having two boys before me and i wonder if that might have influenced the way she raised me or that perhaps i might have picked up on that fact somehow. It wasn't until after childrearing years that this fascination with the femine world really came about. I was my mid-teens when i really began to toy about with girl stuff. During that time I actually had my mom find some of her things that i'd taken and had hidden in my room. My parents thought it would help to send me to see a psychologist after that little incident, i don't think it really did much, what do you think?

So, now i'm living out here in Seattle, having moved from my home state of Ohio, and have been hanging out with my friend Kate, which has been wonderful. It is so nice to meet with a sister, especially one as lovely and cool as her, it helps me feel a little more sane and it has been one of the more liberating experiences of my life. It's also just fun to get together and compare notes, show off new outfits and drink a little wine. I'm looking forward to getting out more often now and would like to meet more gals if possible. Love, Monique

to get back home!

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I've also wondered if perhaps watching too many bugs bunny cartoons might have caused me to wear skirts....