How I Found God

When my husband moved out in 1985, I was on my own as a disabled, single mom. I would be unable to afford the house payment, so my first order of business was to find a new home for me and my six-year-old son. Making those decisions kept my mind occupied, and I felt a sense of adventure during the initial stages of separation from the man I thought I'd grow old with.

My son was my security, and I knew I must be strong for us both. When we were busy, things didn't seem too bad. I found us a nice little home on a small street that had lots of playmates. My neighbors on both sides were widowed, and a divorced mother of two lived across the street. A whole new life awaited us, and we were up to the challenge, so I thought.

 Then the dreaded day came when my son spent his first weekend with his dad. I felt worthless. My only escape was to work myself as much as possible, but that took no time at all since I was so limited physically. My thoughts turned to the future, and it looked dismal. Here I was still in my 30's, and I felt like a bitter old woman! I wasn't motivated to do anything creative, so I wound up sitting and staring at the wall. The nights were the worst. I was so very lonely, and I hated living without a mate. That was never my intension.

One night, I wound up crying uncontrollably on the floor in the corner of my bedroom. How I wanted my old lifestyle back! I missed my husband and wanted him back regardless of the betrayal. For once in my life, I could not control my circumstances. My friends felt awkward inviting me out socially, because they always socialized as couples. My son became more and more angry about the divorce proceedings, and he started acting out. I was too emotionally drained to be of much help, I am ashamed to admit.

Anyway, there I was on the floor feeling as though my life was not worth the physical and emotional pain. Every time I thought about how innocent my son was in all the turmoil and the heavy toll it took on him, I wanted to die. Suicide seemed a good idea, except I did not want my precious boy to be raised by anyone but me. I was trapped and couldn't see any way out. Oh the pain; it just kept coming. Finally, in total desperation, I called out to God. I doubted He would want anything to do with me, but I was a totally broken woman. To call out to Him was totally out of character for me, but I was ready to set my pride aside and to acknowledge my total inability to run my life with a shred of happiness.

I told God I was willing to give Him my life, such as it was, if He would only help me. I would do whatever He wanted. I did not know what to expect; He was my last hope. I acknowledged that I had committed many sins, the greatest of all was living my life without Him. I chose that night to live my life for Him. I did not yet know how to have a "personal relationship" with the Lord. That would come later. Even so, I did feel better after pouring out my heart Him. It was the beginning of a journey that would completely turn my life upside down. I had absolutely no way of knowing if my plea was heard, but I inwardly felt things would get better.

The Beginning

The first test came soon afterward. My car was a stick shift, and changing gears was becoming increasingly difficult, causing me to strain my painful neck muscles. When I took it to a mechanic, he told me the transmission was the cause and might not be covered by the warranty. I had a foreign car that took forever to repair because the shop always had to send away for the parts needed, often taking weeks. I was frustrated with that possibility to say the least! I decided to try out my newfound faith, and prayed that God would provide a solution. I truly never expected a response.

The very next day, my mom called to tell me she was worried about me driving that car. She had recently visited me in Colorado where I lived from her home in Virginia. She drove the car and had a difficult time shifting gears also. Concerned that it would aggravate my neck, she asked me to look for a reliable used car, and she would help me out financially, if need be. If I could not find one, she offered to drive out her car and give it to me. Now, that might not seem strange to many, but it blew me away! That was the most generous offer she had ever made, and the timing was too coincidental. As she was speaking, I knew she was the instrument through whom God answered my very first prayer for help.

I cannot tell you how strange I felt. I was scared! I had always been a skeptic, even to the point of denying God's existence up to the cry for help. This answered prayer told me God was not only alive, He CARED! Oh the joy of feeling loved and accepted by a God I had thought either did not exist, and, if He did, would have nothing to do with the likes of me.

I wish to tell you so much more, so please continue to read about my journey to spiritual healing as it unfolds on this web sight. If you do not yet have a personal relationship with Christ and are interested, please read further. I have a page telling you how to pray for salvation: How to Be Saved