"Good morning!" is an opinion, not a greeting. 5 out of 4 people have trouble with statistics. A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Always remember, you're uniqu -- just like everybody else. Alzheimer's Advantage # 1 -- new friends everyday. Alzheimer's Advantage # 2 -- You can help plan your own surprise parties Alzheimer's Advantage # 3 -- you can hide your own Easter eggs. Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and I don't care. As I said before, I never repeat myself. Bigamy: One mate too many. Monagamy: Same idea. Criminal lawyer: Isn't that redundant? Don't steal, the government hates competition. Dyslexia, it can warn without striking. Everyone has a photographic memore, some don't have film. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. I can never find time to procrastinate. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. I know it all... I just can't remember it simultaneously. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of walk and don't walk. I've told you a million times-- stop exaggerating. If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you. Illiterate? Write for a free brochure. In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal. Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. It is bad luck to be superstitious. Jerk: What is found on both ends of fishing lines. Kinky: Using a feather. Sick: Using the whole chicken. Life: A terminal, sexually transmitted disease. Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence. Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand. LSD: Virtual reality without all the expensive hardware. Marriage is the main cause for divorce. Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress. Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem nicer. Never hit a man with glasses -- use your fist. Not ALL men are fools... some are bachelors. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Originality is the art of concealing your source. Prunes give you a run for your money. Psychic convention canceled due to unforseen problems. He kept saying that I didn't listen to him, or something like that. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Stick: A boomerang that doesn't work. Synonym: Word used when you can't spell the one you wanted. The Apathy Anonymous meeting was canceled due to lack of interest. The best defense against logic is stupidity. The Procrastinator Anonymous meeting has been put off till next week. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again. Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally. You are an example of why animals eat their young. I'm not afraid of flying... I'm afraid of crashing. I'm not schizophrenic, and neither am I. I'm so broke, I'm thinking about starting my own government. You can't teach people to be lazy... either they have it or they don't. I was an atheist until I realized I was God.
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