COMING OUT


QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER BEFORE TELLING YOUR PARENTS


1.  Are you sure about your sexual orientation?
    
    Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence 
    to the question "Are you sure?"  Confusion on your part will increase 
    your parents' confusion and decrease their confidence in your 
    judgement.


2.  Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality?

    If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you'll be better 
    off waiting to tell your parents.  Coming out to them may require 
    tremendous energy on your part: it will require a reserve of positive 
    self-image.


3.  Do you have support?

    In the event your parents' reaction devestates you, there should be 
    someone or a group that you can confindently turn to for emotional
    support and strength.  Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.


4.  Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality?    

    Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information
    from a homophobic society.  If you've done some serious reading on 
    the subject, you'll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information
    and research.


5.  What's the emotional climate at home?

    If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing.  Choose a
    time when they're not dealing with such matters as the death of a 
    close friend, pending a surgery or the loss of a job.


6.  Can you be patient?
   
    Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't
    considered it prior to your sharing.  The process may last from six months
    to two years.


7.  What's your motive for coming out now?

    Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the
    distance you feel.  Never come out in anger or during an argument, 
    using your sexuality as a weapon.


8.  Do you have available resources?

    Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about.  
    Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to 
    parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of 
    Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal 
    fairly with the issue.


9.  Are you financially dependent on your parents?

    If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or 
    forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not
    have this weapon to hold over you.


10. What is your general relationship with your parents?

    If you've gotten along well and have always known their love, and 
    shared your love for them in return, chances are they'll be able to deal
    with the issue in a positive way.


11. What is their moral societal view?

    If they tend to see social issues in clear terms or good/bad or 
    holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems 
    dealing with your sexuality.  If however, they've evidenced a degree 
    of flexibillity when dealing with other changing societal matters, you 
    may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this though with you.


12. Is this your decision?

    Not everyone should come out to their parents.  Don't be pressured 
    into it if you're not sure you'll be better off by doing so, no matter 
    what their response.

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