Back 5.21.2001 By now you're probably asking yourself (if you don't know already), "Self, what's a oneliner?" Chances are, you don't know. Well, that's where this little introduction comes in! A one liner is a quote or a line of text someone makes up that you can put at the beginning, in the middle of, or at the end of a fic. You are required to include the text given word for word, with no omissions or additions. ^_^ Latest additions are at the top. Ginny cleared her throat, and the entire gathering of Weasleys (sans Mr. and Mrs.), Hermione, and Harry stared intently at her. She looked down at them from where she stood up on the kitchen table. "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." she began singing in a nasal waily twang, "Giving all your love to just one maaaaaan. And if you love him...aww, be proud of him... 'cause after all, he's just a man." Harry could have sworn he heard Charlie blink. "Stand by your man..." continued Ginny, closing her eyes and singing louder. "You know, there's one thing every 7th year looks forward to..." began Percy imperiously, looking out at his fellow students with a serious look. Some of them were beginning to nod off slightly; he smiled very slowly, and took the magic microphone out of the stand and strode to the centre of the stage. "And that..." he continued, stretching out a hand to Penelope, who began crossing from offstage in long flowing white robes, "Is graduation." A soft murmur began rippling through the gathered mass, and heads began craning upward to get a better look. "Penelope..." said Percy in a dramatic voice, putting his arm around her shoulder and looking at her, "Are you ready to graduate?" Penelope smiled smugly at him. "Oh, yes," she replied. Percy grabbed her hand and began leading her quickly down the stairs in front of the stage, as if in a bombastic waltz of sorts. "ARE YOU READY TO GRADUATE?!" he hollered at the crowd. The shocked silence, save for the strains of "Time of Our Lives" beginning to play from somewhere, was suddenly interrupted as every 7th year student got to their feet and began to shriek, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" "You know something? You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers!" cried Percy furiously to the girl. "LOOK!" shrieked Penelope, "I'M ETHEL MERMAN!" "Thank you, Dark Forces! Oh, thank you!" (can be spoken by any character) "Ooooooooooh...what does this button doooo?" cried Ginny, snatching the contraption from George and eyeing it as a 5 year old would look at a colourful piece of candy. Harry could have sworn that, as Hermione sunk beneath the Gryffindor table, a soppy smile plastered on her face, he saw small hearts popping around her head just before he heard her hit her head on the edge of her chair. Harry laughed under his breath. He knew it was wrong, so incredibly wrong, but the chocolate pudding was right there, so within his reach, shining and gleaming so happily, and Malfoy's silvery blond hair was just BEGGING outright to be dyed a different colour... Draco threw back his head, laughing insanely until he realized the whole class was staring at him and sat down, blushing wildly. "Are you kidding? I'll have her on her knees begging me for a date before the week is out!" cried Neville boldly. "Oh, shut up and trust me, you morons," said Malfoy. After practically flying down the staircase and forgetting to Apparate, Percy grabbed the toast from the table and scarfed it down. From the living room he heard the sounds of Fred and George singing the "William Tell Overture". "Oh, STOPPIT!" he whined, causing them to erupt in laughter. "So, Hermione, reading _Sons and Lovers_ again, are we? How veeeery iiiinteresting..." smirked George. "NO!" bellowed Percy, "THIS IS IDIOTIC! I REFUSE!" "This is the story," said Fred, grinning and lowering his voice to a nice baritone, "of the chicken heart that ate...New...York...City..." "You're my dream come true, my one and oooonlyyyyy yoooouuuu!" sang Fred and George, batting their eyelashes. Harry promptly whacked both of them over the head. Severus brushed the quill's feather over his chin thoughtfully. This was no easy task. "Hmmm...1001 Ways to Make Potter's Life Miserable. Number one, nuuuumber one..." And, with that said, Minerva promptly attempted to Transfigure into a tabby cat, an attempt that resulted in her being absent from class for several days, due to her extreme level of anger. "Hermione, I don't think this is such a good idea..." Hermione glared at the both of them. "Ron, if you don't shut up this instant I am going to rip your arms and legs off your torso and beat you to death with them." "I'm not cynical," remarked Bill, "just...experienced." "I like children..." said Voldemort. "Properly cooked, of course." "The feline," continued Professor Sprout, "was terminated as a direct result of its inquisitiveness. Potter and Weasley, pay attention." "He who knows little quickly tells it," said Dumbledore, smiling. "How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards!" cried Snape, snatching up the note from Ron. "I presume this is yours, Mr. Weasley? Perhaps a love letter from our dear Miss Granger?" He smiled as the three friends gave him death stares and the rest of the class snickered. "If cats are so afraid of getting wet, why are they always licking themselves?" asked Ron, lounging in one of the chairs of the common room and watching Crookshanks with a sour look. "The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets," proclaimed Neville proudly, getting a nasty look from Hermione. "There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full..." sobbed Fudge. "I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." "Har-ry..." Of course, Pansy was not enjoying the way Harry and Ron were dancing about the room, singing "He gave his life for tourism!" at the top of their lungs, either. "Well..." said Dumbledore, opening the newspaper, "Let me see. Ah, Severus. Your horoscope for the day. 'Today you will sleep until breakfast, whereupon you will eat, breathe, and be an all-around evil person and burden for the rest of the day.' Hmm...sounds like the Astrologer has a grudge against Scorpios..." "Yes!" cried Wormtail, "I AM an agent of Evil...but my duties are largely ceremonial." "It might look like I'm doing nothing," proclaimed Ron happily, "But at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy." "May the Dark Forces become confused on the way to your house!" called Ron after Hermione as she stormed down the hallway, practically dropping all of her books as she ran right into a group of first years.