From that day on, whenever either of them were upset, they would call the other and simply say “The word” and the other was there for them. Time was passing quickly and soon Justin was finished with his second year of school.
The evening after his last exam, Brian was taking Justin out to celebrate. They hadn’t gone out to the clubs at all since Brian had quit drinking and tricking, so that night they planned their first trip to Babylon.
Justin went to Brian’s loft right after the exam and waited for the older man to get home. He felt weird being in the loft alone after having moved out over a year earlier. He was in the loft with Brian often, now that they were such close friends, but never alone.
After Brian came home and both of them were dressed and ready to go, they headed out of the loft, smiles on their faces.
“Are you nervous?” Justin asked as they climbed in the elevator.
“A little. It’s gunna be weird.” Brian bit his lip. Suddenly, the elevator came to an abrupt stop. “What the fuck?”
“It stopped.”
“Really, Sherlock?”
Justin stuck out his tongue at the older man.
“Mature Justin.” Brian shook his head and started pressing buttons to try and get the elevator moving again. When nothing worked, the two started yelling for help, but no one came. “Fuck! We’re stuck in an elevator when we’re supposed to be celebrating.”
“Don’t worry.” Justin shrugged. “Let’s just sit down and wait for it to come back on. I got stuck in an elevator once. Me and Ethan were…” Justin stopped. He knew that Ethan was one subject that was off limits between himself and Brian.
Silence stretched out for several minutes as both men avoided looking at each other. Suddenly, Brian broke the silence with a startling confession. “I did love you.”
Justin looked at Brian’s eyes and sighed. “I know.”
“Why’d you leave?”
“You know why.” Justin couldn’t believe that they were having this conversation now. They had avoided the topic for six months.
“You thought you were low on my list of things that are important in my life.” Brian’s words were not a question.
“I started to wonder if I was on that list at all.” Justin said quietly. The conversation was bringing back a lot of memories for him.
“Why’d you question it?”
“I always thought that when two people were in love with each other, it became all moonlight and roses.”
“And I never gave you any of that.” Brian finished for Justin.
“You gave me all of it. I was just too blind to see it.” The younger man couldn’t look Brian in the eye. He still felt guilty about what had happened.
“Why Ethan?”
”He said the right things at the right time. There wasn’t really anything special about him. He just said what I needed to hear. He said that if I was his boyfriend, that things would be different. I guess I just wanted to believe that by different he meant better. And he was always there when something went wrong.”
“Translation: When Brian Kinney fucked up… yet again.” Brian’s voice betrayed his emotions, showed the sadness in his voice.
“That’s not true. We both fucked up, probably me more than you. I was so fucking proud that I couldn’t tell you when I needed more. I just wanted you to know.” Justin was trying to take as much blame as Brian would let him, he felt like it was all his fault anyway.
“I should have realized that you wanted more.”
“How could you have? I kept telling you that everything was fine.” Justin couldn’t believe that he and Brian were fighting over who was to blame for their break up.
“I almost brought you flowers. The day after your birthday.” Brian admitted, staring hard at the floor.
“You did?”
“I had them in my hand. But then I couldn’t. All my own words came rushing back to me. ‘Romance and monogamy are for breeders and dykes.” Brian took a deep breath. He was purging a lot and was starting to feel emotionally exhausted.
“That was one of your favorite things to say to me.”
Brian nodded solemnly. “Thing is, I was always lying. I never really believed what I was saying.”
“You didn’t?”
“Let me clarify what I meant by that. I still believe that straight people and lesbian’s tend to make sex okay by believing that they’re in love with everyone they sleep with. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe that love exists.” Justin raised an eyebrow. “I know what you’re thinking. I remember my little ‘I don’t believe in love’ speech just as well as you do.”
“So if you believe in it, how come it was so hard to admit that you loved me?” Justin asked quietly.
“I had been having sex without love for so long, my whole life actually, that I didn’t know how to balance the two. I love Lindsay and Gus, and I still love Michael despite all his bullshit, but I don’t have sex with any of them.” Brian took a deep breath, deciding that he wasn’t going to go into it any further.
“Where is all this coming from?” Justin asked.
“Without the distraction of my old friend Jim Bean, poppers, and multiple visits to the backroom, I’ve had some time to think.” Brian admitted. “My head has been in a weird place the last few months.”
“But why are you suddenly letting your guard down and admitting all this to me?” Justin asked with wide eyes.
“I trust you.”
“I broke your heart.”
“No. You just took it with you when you left.” Brian said quietly.
“Bri—’’ Justin began, but he never got a chance to say what he was about to because the elevator started again and moments later, they were on the ground floor.
“Time for Babylon?” Brian asked, hoping that Justin would leave their conversation in the elevator.
“Yah.” Justin said, relieved that he didn’t have to reply to what Brian said. The two headed off to Babylon to shake it up with the beautiful boys on the dance floor.
***
Lindsay grinned as she watched the two men, the mixture of light and dark, walk towards the Jeep and climb it. “This is working out perfectly.” She smiled and looked down at the key in her hand.
Who’d ‘ve thought you’d be so handy? Lindsay thought to herself as she walked down the block and around the corner to her car, after waiting in the shadows until the Jeep disappeared from sight. A little pull on a cord and no more elevator. Brian and Justin should be on their way now.
***
Weeks passed and the summer grew hotter. Brian and Justin stayed in their friend routine, still getting together most evenings and still taking Gus out every Sunday. They never spoke about the talk they had in the elevator, but it was always on their minds.
One night, when the summer heat was making Justin’s apartment feel like an oven, he went over to the loft and he and Brian rented a movie. Brian had a bad day at work so they rented a funny movie, Dogma. Justin had suggested Chasing Amy, to which Brian replied “Nu uh… Lesbians turning straight? No way!!”
As the movie wore on, Brian shifted on the couch and was soon lying with his head in Justin’s lap and his eyes closed. It didn’t take long for Justin to start stroking the older man’s hair.
“Mmmmm.” Brian purred. “I forgot how nice it feels when you do that.”
“You always loved when I did this.” Justin said. Brian sat up slowly, Justin’s hand still in his hair, and looked into Justin’s eyes.
“I’ve missed all this.”
“All what?”
“Being this close to you. Touching you.” Brian reached out and stroked Justin’s cheek. “That’s what I think about when I’m alone in bed at night.”
“Touching me?” Justin whispered, wanting desperately to close the small gap between their faces and kiss Brian’s full lips.
“Yah.” Brian leaned in a little closer. “Justin…” Before he could finish what he was about to say, Brian felt Justin capture his lips and soon they were kissing passionately.
“Oh, God, Brian!” Justin moaned into the other man’s mouth. He had never felt as good as he did at that moment. They lay there, on the couch, kissing for what seemed like hours until the movie turned itself off and they heard Jay Leno’s voice on the TV.
“Justin.” Brian said pulling away. “We should stop.”
“Stop?” Justin asked, upset.
“I don’t want us to do something we’ll regret.” Brian couldn’t believe that he was turning down a very willing Justin.
“Whatever.” Justin shook his head and stood. “Call me tomorrow.”
“Justin! Don’t be mad!” Brian called as Justin left the loft without looking back. “I just don’t want to ruin this…” He lay back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
***
“Ring, dammit! Ring!” Justin willed his phone to ring. Brian hadn’t called him yet and he was terrified that he had ruined everything by insisting that they sleep together and by getting mad when Brian said no.
Suddenly, the phone rang and Justin jumped. He tried for a couple of seconds to steady his breathing before picking it up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Sweetie!” Lindsay’s voice chimed through the phone and into Justin’s ear. “Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?”
“Oh… um… Sure.” Justin said, wishing that he could just stay home and wait for the phone to ring.
“How’s six?” Lindsay suggested.
“Sounds good.” Justin sighed as he hung up the phone. “Guess he can just leave a message… If I didn’t fuck everything up.”
Meanwhile… At the Muncher’s House…
“Justin’s coming at 6. Bri will be here at 5.” Lindsay grinned. “Purrfect!” She did a little dance in the living room.
“Why do you need to get them both here?” Melanie asked, pulling Lindsay down onto her lap.
“I talked to Brian earlier today and he said that he feels like he screwed everything up with Justin and that he’s worried that they won’t even be friends anymore. We need to get them talking again.” Lindsay spoke quickly.
“What happened to ‘It’ll happen in their own time’?” Melanie asked raising an eyebrow.
“It’s been months!” Lindsay exclaimed. “They’ve been just friends since right after Christmas and I know they both want more.”
“And you’re on a mission.” Melanie nodded her head. “I won’t get in the way. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“We just have to get them talking.” Lindsay smiled. “Then everything will work out.”
“Ok. You’re the boss.” Melanie smiled.
***
“And how are my favorite munchers this evening?” Brian asked as he walked into the house.
“We’re great, Bri. And how are you?” Lindsay said with a smile. Brian narrowed his brows at the overly jovial couple.
“What are you up to?”
“What do you mean?” Lindsay asked with mock innocence.
“How much do you need?” Brian asked, reaching for his checkbook.
“This isn’t about money, Brian.” Melanie got a little ticked at Brian’s assumption, but quickly realized that he was right. Most times they acted like this they did want something from him.
“How odd.” Brian looked around. “Where’s my kid?”
“Upstairs playing.” Melanie said. “Come on up. Linds has to finish up cooking anyways.”
An hour later, Brian was sitting in the living room reading Gus a story when the doorbell rang. He looked at Melanie suspiciously, but continued to read. When he heard the familiar voice say, “I brought some dessert,” he stood.
“Well, well, well…” Brian glared at Lindsay. “Not up to anything, eh?”
“Hi, Brian.” Justin said, looking uncomfortable.
“Justin.” Brian nodded. “Lindsay, can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?” Without waiting for an answer, Brian grabbed the mother of his child’s arm and led her to the kitchen.
“What’s wrong, Bri?”
“What’s with this setup. I told you things were weird between me and Justin right now!” Brian was angry.
“I just figured that if you two could talk on neutral ground, that you could work it out.” Lindsay said with exasperation. “And that maybe you two would quit it with this friendship thing and be what you both want to be. A couple!”
“How do you know we both want that?” Brian asked, still annoyed but far less angry.
“I talk to you both. I see you together. It’s not hard to figure out.” Lindsay shook her head. “What are you two so fucking afraid of?”
“We’re afraid of the last time, Linds.” Brian sat down at the table. “I don’t know if I can do that again.”
“For him, isn’t it worth a try?”
“What if… What if he doesn’t want to?”
“You’ll never know unless you try. No fear, no regret.” Lindsay sat herself down on his lap. “I know that you still have that in you. You’ve shown it more in the last year than ever.”
“Thanks, Linds.” Brian wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. “Thanks for everything.”
Meanwhile, in the living room…
“He hates me.” Justin said, sitting down on the couch next to Melanie. “I fucked up bad this time.”
“What happened?” Melanie asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“I kissed him. Last night we were watching a movie and we ended up cuddling. And then I kissed him. For the first time ever, he said no.” Justin shook his head and brushed away a tear. “I freaked and ran out.”
“Why did he stop?”
“He… he doesn’t want me anymore, Mel. I turned into Michael. I’ve become the pitiful best friend who’s in love with Brian.” Justin covered his face with his hands.
“There’s one major difference.” Brian said from the doorway. Justin looked up and brushed his tears away swiftly. “I love you, too.” Brian strode over to the couch and pulled Justin into his arms. “I love you, baby.”
“Oh, Brian!” Justin held the older man close as they embraced. “I love you so much.”
Lindsay stood in the doorway and watched the couple embrace, smiling at her work. Well, God, I think I just earned Sainthood… Cause I just performed a miracle.
The End… Or is it…
Epilogue…. Two Years Later….
Justin nearly fell to his knees when he lifted the big heavy box into his arms. “Oh, gawd!” He exclaimed. “Bri! A little help here?”
“You’re such a wimp!” Brian laughed and put down the tape gun. He walked over and lifted the box into his arms, carrying it to the door, trying not to wince at the weight.
“Least I’m not a wimp lover!” Justin chuckled and stuck out his tongue.
“Put that tongue back in your mouth, numbnuts. Your last chance to stick out your tongue when not engaging in sexual acts… with me… Was last week.” Brian put the box down and walked back towards the box he had been taping up.
“Last week?” Justin asked.
“Graduation. Once you graduate, it makes you a real live adult.” Brian winked. “Adult don’t stick out their tongues.”
“Loser.” Justin shook his head. “Remind me again why I’m actually marrying such a loser?”
“Cause you love me passionately and want to bear my children?”
“I do love you… but the whole children thing might be a little difficult. We’ll leave that to Linds.” Justin chuckled. Brian laughed and went back to packing boxes.
“How did you accumulate all this shit?” Brian asked looking at the huge box full of kitchenware.
“Well, I’ve been living on my own for like three years now… I did need to eat in that time.” Justin laughed. “And, as I recall, a lot of those things were gifts from you because pizza and beer wasn’t an option when you came over for dinner.”
“What the hell was I thinking?” Brian asked as he started pulling even more things out of the cupboards. “What are we going to do with two grills, two juicers, two cappuccino machines, and two water coolers?”
“Uhhh… Give them to Linds and Mel as an anniversary gift?” Justin suggested.
“Their anniversary was a couple of months ago.”
“Uhhh… How about we give them to Gus as a birthday present?” Justin giggled when he saw the look on Brian’s face.
“Uh huh… Just what every five year old needs!!” Brian shook his head. “I know. We’ll give the water cooler to Deb, the juicer to Ted, the Cap machine to Emmett, and the grill to Linds and Mel. Linds is gunna need some low fat meals, she’s ballooning up like a blimp.”
“Pregnant women tend to do that, sweetie.” Justin smiled, walked over, and put his arms around Brian. “But just think, soon Gus will have a brother and you’ll be a father of two!”
“Ugh!!” Brian fanned himself dramatically. “What am I gunna say when I try to pick up tricks? Hi, I’m a 35 year old father of two?”
“Not 35 yet.” Justin laughed. “And what tricks are you saying this to?”
“You’re the only trick for me.” Brian said in a goofy voice.
“Always?”
“Always.” Brian kissed the tip of Justin’s nose. “Now, let’s get this shit packed up. We still have to pack up the loft and we get the keys to the new house in a week.”
“And then we have to unpack everything.” Justin reminded him.
“You’re right. Let’s take a break!” Suddenly, Brian swooped Justin into his arms and carried him to the bedroom.
“Now, this is much more fun that packing!” Justin giggled as Brian dropped him on the bed.
“You can say that again.” Brian said before diving, superhero style, onto the bed with his lover.