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| Little Girl Lost Part 9 - Open My Eyes Series By HannahKelli “Papa!!!!!” Hallie whined. “Why can’t I come too?” Brian turned and looked at his six year old daughter. She was standing in front of him in her frilly white nightgown. “Hal, you know that you can’t come out to bars. We’re going to celebrate Auntie Em’s birthday.” Brian leaned down and kissed his daughter’s cheek. “Now, go watch the movie with your brothers.” “When is Auntie Mol gunna be here?” Hallie asked. She was in a particularly whiney mood and Brian was starting to lose his patience with her. Justin was working late and was planning to meet everyone at Woody’s straight from work. “She’ll be here any minute.” Brian replied. He straightened his shirt and ran his fingers through his hair. He picked his daughter up and held her in his arms. “Now, are you going to be a good girl for Auntie Mol?” “Of course, Papa.” Hallie said, sounding much older than six. Brian almost laughed. His daughter was growing up far too fast for his liking. “Auntie Mol is my favoritest!!” The knock on the front door alerted Brian that his sister in law had arrived. “AUNTIE MOL!!” Hallie exclaimed jumping out of her father’s arms and running to the door. She opened the door and jumped into her aunt’s arms. “Hi, Hal.” Molly Taylor said with a smile. A university student, Molly loved babysitting for her brother and his husband. They paid her well and she had time to work on her homework in silence after the kids were asleep. “Hi, Mol.” Brian said kissing her cheek. “I gotta get going. I have to stop and get Emmett a card.” “No problem. Are the other two little devils upstairs?” She asked dropping her backpack onto the floor and kicking off her shoes. “Yeah. They’re in Noel’s room watching a movie.” Brian replied. He slipped his leather coat on, grabbed his keys, kissed his daughter, and slipped out of the house. He was thrilled that he and Justin were going to have a night out. Justin was working on a big assignment at work and worked late most nights. Brian loved his children but was finding his patience was running short with them with Justin being around less and less. ~*~ “Happy Birthday, Em.” Brian said with a smile dropping a small box onto the table in front of his, now forty year old, friend. “Welcome to the club.” Emmett smiled and looked up at Brian. “Thank you. And where’s your lovely wife this evening?” “He’ll be here. He’s working late again.” Brian sat down and threw an arm around Michael. “And where’s your wife, dear?” Michael’s boyfriend, Dillon, had become a permanent part of their “family” three years earlier. “He’s in Japan.” Michael said. “He got called away this morning.” Michael was, to Brian’s surprise, okay about Dillon’s frequent and last minute business trips. “Too bad.” Brian shook his head. “I wanted to ask him about those things his mom makes.” “Why would you want to ask about wooden dolls?” Michael asked. Dillon’s mother was a very skilled craftswoman and made the most beautiful dolls. “For Hallie.” Brian smacked Michael across the head. “She already has dolls.” “My mother in law tells me that no little girl can have too many dolls.” Brian said. As if on cue, Jennifer walked in with her husband Jake. It still shocked Brian sometimes that Jenn and Jake were so comfortable in gay bars. “Hi, mom!” He said sweetly, standing to kiss her cheek. “Jake.” He smiled and shook the man’s hand. “Hi, Brian.” Jennifer said. “Where’s Justin?” “Working late. He should be here soon.” Brian replied. He was getting tired of having to explain why Justin was late for one of his best friend’s birthday’s, but he kept telling himself that he had to be supportive of Justin’s career. ~*~ Justin weaved his car through traffic, trying to get to Liberty Avenue as quickly as he could. He knew that he was late and there was a good chance that he would miss Emmett’s birthday party. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. He felt bad about not being around for the important things as much lately, but knew that if he wanted the management position, he would have to put in the time now. He parked his car outside Woody’s and ran inside. He was relieved to find his friends and family still sitting at several tables on one side of the bar. “Hi, guys.” He said. He leaned down and kissed Brian before kissing his mother and Debbie. “Happy birthday, Em.” He hugged his best friend. “Hey, sweetie.” Emmett said. “You had better have a good excuse for missing this boy’s 40th.” “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” Justin walked back over to Brian and sat down on his lap. “We need to take a vacation, baby.” He whispered. Brian could see that his lover was completely exhausted and made an excuse for them to leave, promising to invite everyone over for dinner soon. When they got home, they walked inside together. Molly was sitting at the dining room table surrounded by books and papers and the rest of the house was quiet. Justin hated coming home to the quiet. He missed seeing his children. “Hi, Mol.” “Oh, hi, Jus. Hi, Bri.” Molly said. She starting closing her books and throwing them into her backpack. “They were little angels.” “Yeah right.” Justin said with a chuckle. He knew that when Noel and Gus were together they were a terror, especially when auntie Mol came to baby-sit. “Are they all asleep?” “Yeah. Gus fell asleep on the floor in Noel’s room, and I can’t carry him to his own.” Molly said. “Hallie and Noel are both in their beds. Hallie got really tired pretty early.” “Thanks, Molly.” Brian said. He grabbed his wallet and slipped her a couple of twenties as Justin slipped upstairs to check on the kids. Sometimes, Brian would find him sitting in their rooms watching them sleep. He knew that Justin missed spending time with them. “No prob, Bri.” Molly and Brian had become good friends in the years since the children had been born. In her mid teens, Molly had loved taking care of the babies and that love had never dwindled. The kids all loved her too. Even Gus called her “Auntie Mol”. After Molly was gone, Brian went upstairs and found Justin changing for bed. It looked like there was something on his mind. Brian took Justin’s hand and led him to the bed silently. When they sat, Brian said, “What’s matter?” “I’m tired. And I miss the kids.” Justin admitted. “In the last year, my job has taken up more time than anything. That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Justin snuggled close to Brian, needing the comfort of his lover’s embrace. “What do you want to do about it?” Brian asked knowing that before Justin would complain, he would have made a plan of how to fix it. “Well, I was thinking….” Justin paused. “We’ve made some good investments and we’re well off. I was thinking I could take a leave of absence. The project is almost over. I could take six months or a year and take a lighter project load when I go back. I could spend some time on my own art.” “What about the management position you wanted?” “It won’t be for good. I can always try for management when I go back. I talked to Rick and, even though he doesn’t want to see me go, he understands why I want to.” “So do I. And I’m all for it.” Brian replied. He kissed the top of Justin’s head. “I love you, baby.” “I love you, too.” Justin turned and pushed Brian back onto the bed. “Now, I’m going to have my way with you.” ***** … Two Months Later … Justin was sitting in front of the fireplace, both of his children asleep in his lap. He had been telling them a story and they had both dozed off. Brian was due back from a business trip any minute. Justin looked down at Halloran and Noel and stroked their hair. Hallie was going to be beautiful and Justin knew Brian was terrified of that fact. Hallie was Brian’s little princess and he never wanted her to grow up. Noel was the quiet one. He loved books and puzzles. “Hey, honey.” Brian said quietly, pulling Justin from his thoughts. Justin turned and smiled as Brian put his luggage down and walked into the living room. “Hi.” Justin replied whispering. He pressed a finger to his lips signaling Brian to stay silent. He slipped out from under the kids and slipped pillows under their heads, knowing that he and Brian would carry them to bed soon. Justin walked over to Brian and they walked hand in hand into the kitchen. “How was your flight?” “Too long.” Brian replied slipping his arms around Justin. “I hate being away from you and the kids.” He leaned down and kissed his lover softly. “Let’s put the kids to bed so I can put you to bed.” He whispered seductively. After Hallie and Noel were both settled comfortably in their beds, Brian and Justin retired to their bedroom and started undressing each other swiftly. “Jesus, I missed you.” Brian panted as he pulled at Justin’s pants. Whenever one of them had been away, they were like teenagers, fumbling to be together. “I missed you too.” Justin took a long look at Brian’s still firm torso. “You are so sexy.” Desire dripped from Justin’s words as he started licking Brian’s chest, pausing to nibbled and gently tug on each nipple. “Uhh.” Brian grunted as Justin moved his head lower. “Don’t… ugh… don’t make me wait, Justin.” Brian tangled his fingers in Justin’s hair and leaned back as the younger man wrapped his lips around Brian’s cock. “Yesssss!” Justin smiled slightly around the phallus in his mouth. He loved hearing Brian’s moans of pleasure. ***** A Couple of Weeks Later… Justin was sitting at his easel painting when the phone rang. “Hello?” he answered, annoyed at being interrupted and hoping that whoever called had a good reason. “I’m looking for Mr. Taylor-Kinney.” A woman’s voice said with some panic. “I’m Justin Taylor-Kinney. What can I do for you?” Justin replied. “This is Miss Tate from your children’s school. There has been an accident and Halloran has been taken to the hospital.” Justin felt the blood drain from his face and his heart speed up. “What happened? Is she okay? What hospital was she taken to?” Justin asked in a panic. “She fell off of a play structure when the children were out for recess.” The teacher replied. “We’re not sure if she’s ok. When the ambulance took her away she was unconscious. And they were taking her to the Allegheny General Hospital.” “Thank you, Miss Tate.” Justin hung up the phone and grabbed his keys. When he was in the car and on his way to the hospital, he called Brian. “Kinney.” Brian answered. “Brian, Hallie’s been hurt.” Justin said hurriedly. “Meet me at Allegheny.” “What happened?” Brian demanded in a panic as he dropped his briefcase on the floor, grabbed his keys off his desk and ran out of the office without a word to anyone other than Justin. “She fell. They said she was unconscious.” Justin felt like he was going to cry. “Meet me. Ok?” “Yeah.” Brian said. Both men hung up, neither were too concerned about courtesy. ***** Debbie saw Brian and Justin at the end of the hall standing with their arms around each other looking through the glass at their daughter. Lindsay and Melanie were sitting in chairs across the hall holding each other’s hands. Debbie knew that Michael, Dillon, Emmett, and Ted were all sitting in the cafeteria having coffee. “Hey.” She said quietly. Lindsay stood and hugged Debbie. Her face was stained with tears and Debbie was sure that it was worse than Michael had told her on the phone. Hallie wasn’t just hurt. “Any news?” Debbie asked quietly. “She’s in a coma. She hit her head when she fell.” Lindsay choked on the words and had to sit down again next to Melanie. “Where are Gus and Noel?” Debbie asked, wondering if they needed her to baby-sit. “They’re with Molly.” Melanie said. “Jennifer picked them up and took them to her place. Molly is going to stay with them until Jen gets back.” “Is she here?” “Jen?” Debbie nodded. “She’s in the chapel with Jake.” Debbie nodded and walked over to Brian and Justin. She caught a glimpse of Hallie through the glass and it tore her heart out. The little girl, who was always so full of energy was lying lifeless in the big hospital bed, wires attached to her, monitors beeping around her. Her face, usually pink with exertion, was pale white and unsmiling. Debbie wrapped her arms around the two men who were praying that their daughter would wake up. “She’ll be okay.” She whispered. Brian turned in closer to Debbie and held her tightly. Both Brian and Justin were raw and not taking much comfort from each other anymore. Debbie held the boy she had known for 25 years and held him close. She didn’t know what to say to him, so she kept silent. ***** “Auntie Mol?” Noel asked late that night. “Yes?” Molly asked. She had been pretending to concentrate on the book she held in her hands, but in truth was thinking about her niece, lying in a hospital bed. “Is Hallie gunna be okay?” Molly nearly burst into tears seeing Noel’s wide eyes and the fear in them. She had been so busy thinking about Brian and Justin’s reactions, and her mother’s, and her own, that she forgot how Noel would react. She knew from the call she had received from Melanie an hour earlier that it wasn’t looking good. “I don’t know, sweetie.” She said hoarsely. “Can I go see her?” “Maybe tomorrow.” Molly lifted the young, blond boy onto her lap and rubbed his back. She could see that he was terrified and missing his sister already. “Hallie was Papa’s favorite.” Noel said quietly. Molly felt her heart breaking over what the young boy was saying. “That’s ok, though. I just mean that Papa must be really sad.” Molly choked back a sob and stroked Noel’s hair. “Your Papa would be just as sad if something happened to you, sweetie. He loves you both very much.” “I know, Auntie Mol. I know.” Noel sighed as he slipped into an even slumber. ***** Brian reached out and touched Justin’s cheek. A week had gone by, a week of waiting for Hallie to open her eyes, a week of hope, and now, with just one sentence, the doctor had dashed that hope. Justin brushed away his tears and looked into Brian’s eyes sadly. “We should… “ Justin’s voice broke and he started to cry once again. “We should go get Lindsay… she’ll want to see Hallie too.” Brian pulled his partner into his arms and held him. The doctor’s words were “We have very little hope that she’ll wake up and if she does it’s very likely that she’ll have irreversible brain damage.” Brian shuddered to think of the weight of those words. He had to kill his daughter, pull the plug. “And we should go get Noel and Gus… they’ll want to say goodbye too.” Justin was babbling now in his hysteria. “And Mom and Deb… and Mol.” “Justin… Shhh…” Brian stroked the younger man’s hair. “Everyone’s been here. Everyone said goodbye.” Brian choked back the sob that rose up in his throat. “We have to let her go.” He wasn’t sure how, but he was being the strong one. Maybe all those years of building up his defenses had done him some good. He had to be strong for Justin, he could cry later. Justin looked down at the clipboard that he held in his hand. On the clipboard was the document he had to sign before the doctor’s would pull the plug. A million images ran through his head. He pictured Hallie as a baby, cooing as her father held her for the first time. Then he pictured her as a toddler, running through the house in just a diaper covered in chocolate pudding. And finally, he pictured her on the day of their 6th birthday, wearing a pretty pink dress, white frilly socks, and black patent leather Mary-Jane’s. And then he looked down and saw Hallie, lying there in the bed, pale and lifeless. “Brian… I…” Justin couldn’t find the words that he needed. He collapsed into Brian’s arms and sobbed. Before the accident he never could have imagined the pain of losing a child, he never imagined he’d have to. “Justin…” Brian cleared his throat. “I can sign it if you want me to.” He knew what it felt like to be asked to pull the plug and he knew that it was breaking Justin’s heart to have to pull Hallie’s plug. “Brian… Do you… Do you think she knows that we’re here and that we love her?” Justin asked biting back the tears as he reached down and stroked her cheek. “I think she has to. She always knew how much we loved her.” Brian replied trying to sound calm. He watched as Justin stroked her cheek and wished that there were something he could do to make all of this pain stop for all of them. Justin took a deep breath. “Sign it.” He knew that he was doing what was most humane for his daughter. A life lived through a machine was no life at all. Brian let only one tear escape as he signed the document. He took a deep breath and looked at what he had just signed and he felt like a villain. He felt like he had given up on his daughter. And nothing in the world felt worse than that. ***** The sun was warm and bright as the people who had attended the funeral of a six-year-old girl stood around the burial site. Brian and Justin stood together, holding Noel’s hands in their own. The young boy had not only lost a sister but a part of him, his twin, and his heart was breaking. Brian looked at the picture of her that was sitting on top of the casket; the picture that they had decided embodied her perfectly. It’s wasn’t a photograph, but a painting that Justin had done of her when he first started his sabbatical. She was smiling and she had a chocolate milk moustache. The two fathers had decided that a portrait, with a perfect smile and a perfect dress was no way to remember their energetic, outgoing six-year-old daughter. After everyone had gone, having retired inside to the reception, Brian stayed and looked at the marker that proved that his daughter was buried beneath the pile of dirt at his feet. “Halloran Ripley Taylor-Kinney. 2006-2012. Loved and Cherished” was the inscription. “Oh, honey, I hope you know how much we miss you.” Brian whispered, his emotions finally overcoming him. During the time between having to sign the document giving them permission to pull the plug and that very moment, he had contained his emotions. Focusing on giving Hallie a funeral that she deserved and keeping Justin and Lindsay from breaking down, Brian hadn’t had time to lose control. “I wish I would have gotten to say good-bye to you, sweetheart, and to tell you how beautiful you are and how much your whole family, especially me, and your Daddy, and Noel, and your mama Linds love you.” Brian swiped at the tears on his face and fell to his knees. “And we’re…. We’re… We’re really going to miss you, Hallie. You brightened up our lives.” “Brian.” Justin said solemnly from behind him. He had been wondering how Brian stayed so composed, now he knew that he was just holding it back. “She’s gone.” Brian sobbed. “She’s really gone.” Justin fell to his knees and pulled Brian into his arms. They knelt together in the dirt next to the spot where their daughter lay and they cried. And for the first time, they cried together. ***** One Year Later… “Do you think she’s an angel, Dad?” Noel asked. It was a warm summer day, one year since Hallie passed away. Brian, Justin, and Noel were visiting her gravesite and bringing her a bundle of daisies. “She always was.” Brian said beneath his breath. Even in a year, the loss of his daughter was still as painful as it was the day it happened. Sure, their family had gone on, trying to spend more time together now than ever. Justin had opened an exhibit at a local gallery and had decided to continue his sabbatical… indefinitely. Brian was still chugging away at his job as well. Noel was in school, a new one since the loss of his sister. “I hope she’s watching.” Noel closed his eyes and blew a kiss up towards the sky. “We miss you, Hal.” Justin and Brian tightened their hold on each other as they watched Noel place the flowers on the grave. They could all still remember the sound of her laughter and the way she skipped along like nothing in life would ever be wrong. At times, they all wished that they had her optimism and were glad that she had never seen the bad side of life and the bad side of people. As they left the cemetery, Brian looked back at the stone and smiled gently. I hope it’s nice where you are, he thought, and I hope I can join you there someday. I love you, Hallie. |