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| Part 5 : The Steps We Take On The Way To Free Our Minds |
| "Ahh, home sweet loft." Brian said as Justin and Michael helped him into the loft after three weeks in the hospital. There had been some rough patches, but the doctors sent Brian home with orders to take it easy. Everyone involved was relieved and overjoyed that Brian had made it through. Whenever anyone had visited Brian in the hospital, they were never annoyed by his sarcasm or brashness. They were just pleased that he was back to the same old Brian. It was only Justin, who spent a lot of time with Brian alone, who saw the changes that Brian had gone through after his near-death experience. He knew that Brian was evaluating all the choices he made in his life and realized that he wasn't ready to die. There was still so much that he wanted to experience and in almost dying he realized it. The hospital room had been filled with cards and flowers from people who were concerned about Brian. Cynthia visited often, no matter how much she had to put up with working for Brian she truly enjoyed her job and respected and admired Brian. Marty Ryder had come by a couple of times, telling Brian that they missed him at work and there was going to be a lot waiting for him when he returned. Several people that Brian was acquainted with from the bars and clubs stopped in and brought flowers. Emmett and Ted came by often, saying that they missed being abused by Brian and wanted to get their daily fix. In truth, they were worried about Brian as much as everyone else. Lindsay brought Gus by every morning. It brought a smile to Brian's lips and color to his face to see his son. Michael was there often as well. He and Justin had come to an understanding. One of them was there at all times. Debbie and Vic also came by every day. Debbie would fawn over Brian like a mother, knowing that his mother had only visited once. It was Justin who tried to be there at all times. He went home to sleep, usually during the day or the evening. Once Brian fell asleep he would doze off in the chair next to the bed. When Brian was awake, he and Justin talked about everything. They talked about things that they dreamed of doing, and some regrets they had. One conversation that they had would stay in both their memories for the rest of their lives. ... "I'm sorry, Brian." Justin said quietly one morning while he and Brian sat in the room alone. The doctor's had already visited Brian so Justin was sure they would have some time to themselves. Justin's words startled Brian, and he looked up. "What do you have to be sorry for?" Brian reached out and took Justin's hand. "The accident." Justin said sadly. "If I hadn't have accused you of all those things, you wouldn't have left. You wouldn't have been driving the way you were." "Justin, you didn't accuse me of anything I didn't do." Brian said softly. "I was upset with myself, not with you. I should have known better than to drive when I was like that." Justin looked up into his eyes and knew he was sincere. "What happens now?" Justin asked just barely above a whisper. "I'd like it if you'd move back into the loft." Brian replied like it was the most natural thing in the world, like none of the things that had happened between them in the past months had happened. It was his eyes that gave way his vulnerability. Those beautiful hazel orbs were truly the window to Brian's soul. He looked scared that Justin would say no. "Yes." Justin said with a smile. "Definitely." "Good." Brian's eyes cleared and he looked at Justin adoringly. "Thank you, Justin." He leaned over and kissed Justin softly, but with more passion than any other kiss they had shared. "For saying yes?" Justin was confused. "No. For being here. Ever since they first day I met you, you were here with me when I needed you. When my son was born, you were there. You saved me from losing my job," Brian saw the shocked look on Justin's face, "Yes, I know about that. You helped me through all the hard times. And when I probably didn't deserve it, you loved me." Justin, who was shocked by Brian's outpouring of emotion, wiped a tear from his cheek. He listened as Brian continued. "I want you to know that no matter what happens now, I love you more than anything and I want you in my life." "Brian..." Justin wiped away more tears that were falling from his eyes as he, as gently as possible, pulled Brian into an embrace. "I love you too." Justin knew how much it had taken for Brian to say that, but he also knew that the realization that he wasn't invincible had urged him to say things that he should have said before. ... "I want my silk robe." Brian said as Michael helped him onto the couch. "That polyester shit they made me wear at the hospital did bad things to my skin. Justin, will you get it for me?" "Sure." Justin said with a smile. He had been prepared to be helping Brian with a lot of things that he would normally have done himself. He went into the bedroom and saw a small gold box sitting on the bed. When he picked it up he saw his name on it. He slipped it into his pocket, wanting to wait until Michael left to open it, and he grabbed the robe and took it to Brian. "Thanks, babe." Brian turned his head up for a kiss before slowly starting to undress. Michael looked at the couple and knew that they would want to be alone. "Alright, guys, I'm going to get going." Michael said. "If you need anything, call. And I'll be by later." Michael kissed both Brian and Justin on the cheek and left the apartment. Ever since the accident, he had really come to see what the couple meant to each other and had become much more accepting of it. "Bye, Mikey!" Brian called. "I'd walk you out, but I'm an invalid. At least for a couple of weeks." He sat down on the couch after pulling his robe on. Justin walked Michael to the door. "See ya, Michael." He said. "And thanks." "No problem. See ya." Michael walked out the door and into the elevator. He was actually really happy for Brian, Justin was really good for him. He was there to take care of Brian when he really needed it, but he also knew when to tell him to shut up and stop whining. Michael smiled. "Yup, Brian's finally found the one." Inside the loft, Brian and Justin were settling in to watch one of the million DVD's they had rented. Brian made a list of ones he wanted to see and Justin went to Blockbuster and rented them. Brian knew he only had the strength to work half days and would go stir crazy with nothing to do around the loft, so when Justin suggested the list, he was all for it. "What do you want to watch?" Justin asked. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor with the pile of DVD's in front of him. Brian thought for a moment before making his decision. "Moulin Rouge." Brian said. Even though he had seen the movie a thousand times, the sets and the presentation of it set his advertisers heart a flutter. Justin grinned. He knew that Brian also thought that Ewan McGregor was hot. Justin slipped the DVD in and climbed onto the couch giving Brian a place to lay his head. Justin loved when Brian laid in his lap, he could play with his hair all he wanted. Brian seemed to love when Justin did that, he practically purred. "Why do you love this movie so much?" Justin asked. "It's incredible. Look at the sets, and the colors!" Brian exclaimed, and that was all true. However, he gave himself away when he said, "Are you sure Ewan McGregor is straight?" Justin simply laughed as the movie began. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return, the character Christian wrote. Brian and Justin both knew that it was true. Brian snuggled in a little closer and Justin knew that things were going to be different from here on in. He completely forgot about the small box in the pocket of his cargo pants. "Gus missed his daddy's place." Lindsay said the next morning over coffee. Gus was running around the loft excited with every sight. "Did daddy miss it?" "It's good to be home." Brian confirmed. "And it's good to have Justin around." He smiled, thinking of his golden boy. Justin had left when Lindsay arrived to go get some groceries. Brian wouldn't be going back to work for the rest of the week, so Justin had taken the week off work to stay with him. "He's happy that he's around." Lindsay said. She saw Brian smile slightly. She also knew that he had changed after the accident, and that things were going to change with Justin now. "I know." Brian replied. He took a sip of his grape juice, which was almost the only thing he was allowed to drink for the next month.. He knew that there was no hiding his feelings from Lindsay, she was alright right on when it came to knowing what he was thinking and feeling. "Have you told him?" She asked, confident that she wouldn't have to explain what she was asking. Brian looked at her with a big grin on his face and nodded. "Right when I woke up." He nodded. "I didn't plan on wasting any more time." Lindsay smiled. She was proud of the person Brian was becoming. He was still the Brian Kinney she knew and loved from college, but he was also a new improved Brian. "I'm proud of you, Brian." She said. By the look that appeared on Brian's face she realized that being told that his actions made someone else proud still bothered him. "You've got a hard road ahead of you." She changed the subject. "He'll be with me, that's all that matters." Brian shrugged. Lindsay walked around the counter and hugged him gently. "I'm glad you're ok." She whispered close to his ear. "Look at it this way," Brian said sarcastically, "You and Mel almost had a million dollars." "Don't say that, Brian." Lindsay looked horrified. "We'd much rather Gus had a father, than a million dollars." Brian knew that was she was saying was true, he and Mel had even begun to bond a little bit while he was in the hospital. Brian looked over at his son. "Hey, Linds, I gotta get a new Jeep. Wanna come shopping with me?" Lindsay was about to agree when she remembered their last adventure at a car dealership. "No, thanks." Lindsay said. "Maybe you should take Justin this time." "Good plan." Brian said with a sly smile. He had been planning to take Justin anyways, he wanted to get a special gift for Justin as well. "Oh shit." Brian stood and walked over to the bedroom. "Linds, did you remember to drop off the box?" "Of course." Lindsay said. "An hour before you got home." Brian had asked her to drop off the little gold box that held the gift for Justin that he had picked out online while he was in the hospital. He saw the cargo pants that Justin had been wearing the night before thrown over a chair in the bedroom. He walked over and checked the pockets. Sure enough, inside one was the box. "Little shit put it in his pocket and didn't open it." Brian growled. He had wanted his first night at home to be special, the gift was a very important part of that. "Did you two get a little preoccupied last night?" Lindsay asked with a raised eyebrow. Brian thought back and remembered that they had both fallen asleep watching Moulin Rouge and had transferred themselves to the bedroom long after the DVD player had turned itself off. "We fell asleep watching Moulin Rouge." Brian put his hand on his forehead as he ambled back to the kitchen. Lindsay laughed. "You watched that again?" She asked. She knew that Brian was practically obsessed with that movie and had been ever since it's theatrical release. "It's a good movie. It appeals to me as an advertiser." Brian said matter of factly. "It has nothing to do with Ewan McGregor?" She laughed when she saw the look of guilt on Brian's face. At hearing her laugh, he tried to glare at her but ended up laughing along with her. "Guilty as charged." He said with a grin. "I brought these for you." Jennifer Taylor said stepping into the loft, along with her nephew. She had several bags containing casserole dishes and Tupperware containers. She knew that Brian would be house ridden for a while and figured she would do her part and bring over easy to heat-up meals for him and Justin. "Thanks, mom." Justin took the bags from her and took them to the kitchen. Brian gestured for Jennifer and Ty to join her in the living room. They both sat down in the chairs across from Brian, who was lying in the most comfortable position for him on the couch. "Thanks, Jenn. I was afraid we were going to have to find somewhere that would send out bland take-out since all the places I like only make spicy things." Brian said with a chuckle. "A girlfriend of mine fell off her horse once and hurt her spleen. I remembered what kinds of things she could so that's what I made." Jennifer and Brian had developed a more friendly relationship than they once had. "You're an angel, mom. I was wracking my brains trying to figure out what to cook." Justin sat down with Brian, who naturally rested his head in Justin's lap. "So I guess you won't be staying at my place anymore, eh, cuz?" Ty asked. Justin nodded. "This is actually a good thing. I decided that now that I have enough money, I'm gunna hop on a bus and book it to L.A. Try and get some modeling or acting work." Brian fought the urge to wish Ty good riddance. He was still a little sore on the subject of Ty, who he was convinced had kept Justin away from him for so long, but didn't want to insult a member of Justin's family. He saved that for Craig Taylor. "Good for you, Ty!" Justin said with a smile. He knew that Brian didn't like his cousin and was glad that it wasn't going to be a problem anymore. "Once I'm rich and famous, you two should come visit me." Ty said. He was happy that Justin was back together with Brian. He could see the change. "Definitely." Justin agreed. He wanted to see the world, and LA was as good a place as any to start. He was confident that Ty would find something that interested him out there. "If you want commercial's or something, I could drop in a good word with some agencies out there." Brian found himself offering. "Dude!" Ty exclaimed. "That would be on the level!" Brian's hatred for Ty was slowly diminishing. Perhaps it was because he was so outwardly happy that Brian and Justin were together. "I'm leaving in a few days, so I'd better get cracking." Ty stood. "I'll stop by before I take off." He promised. "Well, I guess that's my cue." Jennifer stood as well. "If you two need anything, give me a call." She hugged her son and then leaned down the gently kiss Brian's cheek. When Justin moved to stand she stopped him. "Don't worry, honey. We know the way out. Besides, you're Brian's pillow." She offered one more smile to the couple before she and Ty made their exit. "Your mom is nice." Brian said after a few moments of silence. Justin was pleased that Brian and his mother were finally getting along. He was sure that it was, in the most part, because they both saw that it was what Justin needed, but it made him happy all the same. "You're nice." Justin reached out and started drawing circles on Brian's stomach with his fingertips. Brian closed his eyes and relaxed. Feeling Justin's hands on his body was a very calming force these days. "Can we go out tomorrow? I know I can't work until next week, but I wanna go buy a new Jeep." Brian said. He sounded a little bit whiny and Justin loved it. He knew that he was in control of Brian's recovery. "Yeah. Do you think Lindsay would drive us?" Justin was taken aback when Brian roared with laughter. "What was that for?" "Linds is scared to go car shopping with me. But she might say yes if you ask her." Brian tried to calm his laughter. "I will." Justin said. He sat back and enjoyed the closeness with Brian. Suddenly, Brian shifted and turned to look at Justin. "What happened to the little gold box that was on the bed when we came home from the hospital?" He asked suddenly. "Oh, I put it in my pocket. I wanted to open it without Michael here. I must have forgotten. I'll get it." Justin was speaking quickly, thinking that Brian was angry. "No need." Brian pulled the box out from under one of the cushions on the couch. Justin smiled. "I found it in your pants when I remembered that it had been on the bed." "It's for me?" Brian nodded. "Should I open it now?" "I think it's safe." Brian playfully looked all around the room. "I'm pretty sure Mikey isn't here." Justin laughed and snatched the gift from Brian's fingers. He started pulling the paper off it like a child at Christmas. Under the paper was what looked like a watch box. Justin looked up and Brian questioningly before opening the box. He gasped when he saw what was inside. It was beautiful. "It's a wisdom bracelet. There's wisdom written on one side and then the symbol for wisdom on the other. You pull the cords to make it fit." Brian saw the tears glistening in Justin's eyes and was sure that he had picked the right gift. When he had seen the bracelet on the Me & Ro Jewelry website, he knew that he had to buy it for Justin. "Brian, you didn't have to do this." Justin said. He was nearly crying because it was the most incredible gift he had ever received. "I wanted to." Brian replied. He reached up to help Justin put his bracelet on and then kissed him sweetly. "I've never really given you anything before, like a gift I mean, and I wanted to get you something special. I thought a wisdom bracelet would be perfect for you since you know so much more than most 19 year olds." "I love it, Brian." Justin hugged him. "And I love you." Brian squeezed Justin a little tighter. He didn't have to say the words, he knew that Justin knew that he loved him too. "What do you think of that one?" Brian pointed to a hot looking little Chrysler Sebring Coupe. Justin was a little surprised that Brian would be looking at cars when there was a black Jeep wrangler, just like his last two, right in the showroom. "It's really nice." Justin said. He looked inside and thought that one day, this was the kind of car he would want to drive. It would be perfect for him. It was small, cute, sporty, and would be a blast to drive. "But I thought you wanted another Jeep." "I do." Brian said with a sneaky smile. "That one would be for you." Brian's smile grew as he saw the realization of what he was saying come to Justin's face. "Brian, you know I can't afford a car!" Justin said. He didn't want to assume that Brian wanted to buy him a car in case he was wrong. "I know you can't afford a car. But I can." Brian grinned. "And I want to buy it for you. I'll need someone to cart me around while I'm and invalid. And there's no way you're getting behind the wheel of my Jeep. It's the purrrrfect solution." "Brian, I--" Justin wasn't really sure what to say. He knew, by the look on Brian's face, that he really wanted him to accept his gift. "You just gave me the bracelet." "Want the truth?" Brian said quietly. "I want you to be safe." Justin knew what it had taken for Brian to admit that so he smiled and nodded his head. They decided to take both the Sebring and the Jeep out for test drives. The car dealer they were working with, who was very friendly and not at all pushy, was very happy when Brian said he'd take one of each. "One of each?" The man said with surprise. "You mean one Wrangler and one Sebring Coupe?" Brian nodded. The man's eyes widened but he began working on the paperwork. Half an hour later, when he handed them each a set of keys, he beamed. "I just want you guys to know that thanks to your commission I can take my wife away for our anniversary." "Oh!" Justin was friendly towards the man, as usual. "How long have you been married?" "Ten years next month." The man beamed. "How long have you two been together?" "Two years." Brian said with a smile. He was surprised that, even after he got the sale, the salesman was so nice. "That's wonderful." The man said. "Now if there's any problem with either of the vehicles, you just call me." He handed Brian his card and waved as he walked back inside. "Meet you at home?" Brian asked before climbing into his Jeep. "Race ya!" Justin challenged. "Drive responsibly or I will take your car back!" Brian warned playfully. They went back to the loft and parked their respective vehicles outside. "I beat you!" Brian said. He wasn't feeling very good and was sure that he shouldn't have driven himself home. "When we get inside, you are going straight to bed." Justin said firmly, seeing the pain in Justin's eyes. He had been too excited about his new car and had forgotten about Brian's injuries. Brian still had a lot of pain when he moved around too much, and Justin could tell that the shopping trip had taken it's toll. "Yes, mommy." Brian teased. He really was feeling the pain and wanted to go directly to bed. Justin helped him inside and he did just that. He didn't know what he would do if Justin wasn't around. ... Three Months Later... Brian and Justin strolled down Liberty Avenue together on Saturday afternoon. They were planning to stop at the market for groceries and maybe browse around some stores. For the last month, since Brian had stopped feeling the pain as much when he was walking around a lot, the pair had spent every afternoon walking down Liberty talking and holding hands. Usually, they would meet Lindsay and Gus at the diner for lunch. "I have something to tell you, Justin." Brian said as they hopped into the Jeep to head back to the loft. Justin didn't like hearing the words that Brian had just spoken because they were usually followed by a silent "please don't be mad". "What's up?" Justin asked trying to sound like he wasn't terrified about what Brian had to tell him. Brian looked over at his lover and smiled. "I'm thinking of selling the loft." He said. Justin was more than a little surprised. He was even more surprised when he noticed that they weren't driving anywhere near the loft, they were headed towards the area that Lindsay and Melanie lived in. "Selling the loft and buying an RV to travel the country?" Justin asked playfully, even though he was dying to know the rest of the story. Brian laughed out loud. "No." Brian said. "I was thinking that even though I have a great job, it's going to be pretty hard to afford the loft and...." Brian pulled over to the side of the road, "this house that I bought for us." He turned to look at the house on the drivers side of the car. It was big old house, the kind that Justin had always wanted. It was in beautiful shape and Justin was in love with it at first sight. "You bought this house?" Justin asked in shock. "Bought it? Purchased it? You own it?" "Well, we don't take possession for a couple of months, but yes, we own it." Brian said with a beaming smile. "I saw your dream house drawing on the table in the loft. I thought this was pretty close. It was time to get rid of the loft anyways, while I can still get a big dollar for it. Your mom is my realtor." "Oh, Brian!" Justin exclaimed and threw his arms around Brian and nearly sang with happiness. "One more thing though, Brian. NO MORE PRESENTS!" In the last few months, Brian had flowers delivered to the loft once a week, and was always bringing home some little nick knack for Justin. "Sweetheart, I bought you a house. The only gift I have left to give is me." Brian batted his eyes lashes and Justin hugged him close. "That's the best gift of all." He exclaimed. "Now let's get back to the loft and get as much action in that place as we can in the next couple of months." "I like the way you think." Brian said. He quickly turned the Jeep around and started towards Tremont. While they were stopped at a light both of them started laughing. There, on the side of a bus in a Calvin Klein underwear ad, was TY. "Looks like we'll be heading out to Los Angeles on our next vacation." He said still laughing. "Yeah, looks like it!" Justin agreed. He turned and smiled at his lover. They had been through so much. Now, he was pretty sure things were looking up. NEXT |