By HK
we come crashing down
every time we go this far again
we come tumbling down
every time we go this far again
"Justin? Are you okay?" Ethan called as he and David walked into the room. They'd heard Justin's door open when Brian left and when they peeked out, they knew they had to check on Justin from the look on the brunet's face.
"No." Justin's voice came from the couch that faced away from the door. When he heard the door close, he'd made his way into the living room, unable to stay in the bed he and Brian shared.
"What happened?" David asked as he rushed to the couch. He found Justin curled up in a ball, his face tear stained.
"He's gone. It's over." Justin started crying again. "I should have known it would never last, nothing ever lasts when you're in this business."
"It'll be okay, Justin." David sat down next to him and started rubbing circles on his back. "Maybe he just needs a couple of days to get used to the idea of being in the limelight."
"No." Justin said firmly with a shake of his head. "He said goodbye last night and that's that."
"Since when are you the type of person to just let go like that?" Ethan demanded.
"Since now, okay?" Justin climbed off the couch. "Can you guys just leave me alone? I just want to be by myself right now."
"Are you sure?" David asked, concerned.
"I'm sure." Justin nodded. He still felt shaky, but he couldn't handle the questions and concern. He just wanted solitude.
"I'll be here to wake you up at six." Ethan walked over and kissed his boss on the cheek. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"
"Okay." Justin pushed down the lump in his throat. The thought of going to work in the morning was daunting.
"I'm just a call away." David said. He kissed Justin's cheek as well. "If you need me, call, okay?"
"Okay." Justin nodded. "Goodnight, guys."
Ethan and David made their way out of the room, looking back at Justin regretfully. Justin just stood at the door using all the strength to keep up the façade of being fine. As soon as the door closed behind them, the strength drained from Justin's body and he fell to his knees, sobbing.
*~*~*
Brian sat in his Jeep outside the loft for a long time, unsure of whether he had the strength to go inside. He'd known as soon as he saw the newspaper that morning that he had to end things with Justin, but he hadn't known how hard it would be. As soon as he heard Justin's soft sobbing coming from the bedroom behind him, it had taken everything he had in him to walk away.
Suddenly, a camera flash brought Brian from his memories and he looked up to see a crowd of reporters around his Jeep. Suddenly, anger filled him and he swung open the door.
"What do you people want?" He demanded. "Why am I suddenly some hot commodity?" He took a deep breath as the reporters shouted questions at him. "Justin Taylor is not, nor has he ever been my boyfriend. And you people killed any chance that he might ever become my boyfriend. So you just fucked yourselves out of any future stories about the two of us. Congratulations."
Having said his piece, Brian got back into the Jeep and sped off. He knew exactly where he'd be able to find sanctum for the night. He felt stupid for losing it in front of the reporters the way he had, but he couldn't help it. He felt like he was losing control over everything in his life.
Pulling up to Debbie's house, he was relieved to know that he was right, there were no reporters there. He climbed out of the Jeep and walked up to the house, his shoulders slumped. He had no energy in him and he just wanted to fall down on the couch and sleep. He hoped that in sleep he could forget everything that had happened.
Moments after knocking, Debbie appeared at the door peeking through the curtains to see who was there. When she saw Brian there, looking drained, she opened the door swiftly and ushered him inside.
"Sweetie, are you okay?" She led him to the couch and sat him down, immediately fussing about him.
"No." Brian said honestly, shaking his head. "Everything got fucked up in the span of twenty-four hours."
"Did you go talk to Justin?" Brian nodded. "And?"
"And we said goodbye." Brian shrugged. At Deb's look, he added, "It had to end sometime, Deb. The reporters just sped it up."
"You're in love with him." Deb stated.
"I'm not in…" Brian stopped. He didn't want to put a name on what he was feeling, but wondered if that was really what it was like to be in love. Brushing off the thought, he continued, "I don't believe in love, Deb."
"I know. You believe in fucking. But you also only believe in fucking once." Debbie knew more about Brian's philosophy that he thought. "And you certainly never hid what you were doing. You've never been one to sneak around."
"Deb, don't." Brian's voice broke and he felt weak. He wondered how Deb was able to see through him so well.
"Are you sure that the two of you can't figure something out?"
"Even if I wanted to, I have other people to think about." Brian noticed her grin. "Yes, I actually give a shit about other people. I don't want my son to have to see me in the paper everyday."
"Only you would think that it would be like that." Deb chuckled. "It's a passing phase, it always is. They'll move on to something else in a matter of days."
"But not before every piece of trash they can dig up about me is splashed all over the papers. It could ruin my career, my son's image of me, and… and Justin doesn't need to be linked to someone with my past." Brian was being very candid.
"Newsflash, honey, he already has been." Deb sat next to Brian and wrapped an arm around him.
"Maybe now that it's over it'll just go away." Brian said weakly, without much hope.
"Maybe." Debbie squeezed his shoulder. "You get some sleep, I'll bring you down some sheets and a pillow."
"Thanks, Deb." Brian pulled off his shoes and laid back on the couch. He felt so tired.
i've got nothing that i hide except for what's inside
i keep it all locked up, in this prison we call love
i'm suffocating
*~*~*
Justin stared up at the ceiling as the first rays on sunlight peeked through the window. He hadn't slept a wink, he was too busy replaying every moment that he'd spent with Brian in his head. From the moment it all started, when it was supposed to just be a fuck, to the moment it ended, when it had become so much more than anything he'd ever experienced in his life.
"Why couldn't you just talk to me?" He sighed. He wished that Brian was still there with him, trying to figure out how to get through the media storm together. But he wasn't.
Brian was gone.
And that was that.
The end.
The knock on his bedroom door signaled that it was six am and Ethan was there to wake him up. He called out for Ethan to come in.
"How are you doing?" Ethan walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.
"Fucking brilliant." Justin said sarcastically. "Is today going to be a long day or will I be able to come back here and wallow at a decent hour?"
"Jimmy called last night after he found out what was going on and he rearranged some stuff so that you can be out of there mid afternoon." Ethan replied. "They're going to film some of David's stuff later this afternoon so you won't have to be there."
"Send him a fruit basket or something." Justin bit his lip. "I'll get up and shower and be ready in twenty minutes, okay?"
"Okay." Ethan replied.
*~*~*
Brian stepped into the loft and it so cold and empty that he almost turned and walked back out. After spending the weekend with Justin and Gus, the loft had started to feel more like a home than it had before. Without either of them there, and knowing that Justin would probably never be back, Brian felt empty.
"Brian." An unfamiliar voice said from behind him. He turned and looked at the man.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
"We shall see." The man advanced. "I'm David Cannon." Brian took a moment to place the name.
"Justin's co-star." He remembered. "What are you doing here?"
"You broke his heart, you know." David stepped into the loft and around Brian, making himself comfortable on the couch.
"That doesn't explain why you're here." Brian didn't want to address David's statement quite yet.
"I came to see why." David said as though it were obvious.
"Unless you're blind and deaf, you should know the answer to that." Brian kicked off his shoes and went to the fridge to get a glass of water.
"You had to know that it would happen at some point. He's one of the most written about stars in the industry right now." David put his feet up on the coffee table, facing away from the brunet.
"I didn't expect he'd be around long enough." Brian lied. In truth, after that first night, he'd been fantasizing about keeping Justin around for a long time.
"You're so full of shit."
"Excuse me, but what the fuck do you know about it?" Brian got angry at this stranger coming in and telling him what he was feeling.
"You love him." David finally turned and looked at Brian. "And you're scared out of your fucking shorts to admit it. This media stuff is a big fucking excuse."
"How do you figure?"
"Emmett has told me all about you." David shrugged. "And what I took from that is that you wouldn't be the type to shy away from the cameras."
"Then you know I'm not the type to be scared either." Brian lifted his chin a little.
"No, I know you're just the type to be scared of being in love." David stood and walked over to the brunette. "Emmett is a lot smarter than you give him credit for, Brian."
"Oh yes, Emmett's a regular Einstein." Brian rolled his eyes.
"You can be sarcastic all you want, it doesn't change the fact that we're on to you." David clucked his tongue. "But if you don't fix this soon, Justin is just going to harden and you'll never be able to fix things."
"I hate to spoil your illusions, but Justin doesn't concern me anymore." Brian turned away, feeling shrunken by David's hard stare.
"We both know that's not true." David shook his head. "But if you're not going to be there for him, stay away from Justin from now on. He's my friend and if you hurt him, I'll hurt you."
"You can go now." Brian replied tightly.
"I was planning on it." David walked to the door. "He's a great guy and he loves you. How many chances are you going to get for that anytime soon?" With that, David was gone.
"Fuck!" Brian hissed to the empty loft.
*~*~*
"Where are you going?" Ethan asked when he found Justin in his room dressed to go out to a club.
"Babylon. You want to come?" Justin turned and asked as though everything were okay. "Maybe we could find you a guy to fuck too."
"Are you going to find Brian?"
"No." Justin shook his head, his façade of being okay faltering slightly. "I'm going to help Brian. There'll be press everywhere. If I leave with some poor sap, they'll know that Brian and I aren't anything and they'll leave him alone. It'll be good for both of us. I'll shed the good little boy image that I hate so fucking much and Brian can go on with his life with no further complications."
"And the fact that you're in love with Brian and he broke your heart doesn't come into the equation?" Ethan was shocked.
"Don't use that word." Justin hissed sharply.
"What, love?" Ethan raised and eyebrow.
"Yes."
"You're just as scared as he is."
"Fuck you!" Justin whirled around. "You don't know anything about anything, Ethan. He came here last night and gave me the goodbye I asked him to give me, okay? It's over. He wasn't my boyfriend, he was just a guy I fucked for a week or so."
"Keep telling yourself that." Ethan decided to let it drop. "Give me ten minutes to get dressed and then I'll meet you in the hall."
"Take twenty and wash your fucking hair." Justin replied, walking back into his bedroom to make sure he looked okay.
*~*~*
"Brian!" Michael exclaimed, surprised when he saw his friend part the crowds at Babylon. He'd been certain that he wasn't going to see Brian out on Liberty until the dust died down.
"Evening, boys." Brian grinned. He was obviously tweaked. "How're the pickings tonight?"
"What are you on?" Michael asked, concerned.
"E, K, GHB." Brian giggled. "Most of the letters from Sesame Street."
"I'll get you some water." Michael shook his head and turned to go to the bar.
"Pain management?" Emmett asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Have I told you how much I dislike your new boyfriend?" Brian asked, slipping an arm around Emmett.
"I heard he paid you a visit." Emmett replied stiffly.
"Tell him to stay the fuck away from me." Brian growled. He pulled his arm from Emmett's shoulder and turned to look down at the dance floor.
"He's here."
"I don't care."
"I didn't mean David, though he's here too. I meant that Justin is here. He and Ethan are dancing." Emmett pointed to where Justin was grinding against a former trick of Brian's.
"So David was wrong." Brian's voice was barely audible over the loud music in the club.
"You're here too." David seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Both of you are here pretending that you're fine."
"Oh god, it's you." Brian groaned.
"He's out there trying to forget you, you know?" David rocked back on his heels, trying to gauge Brian's reaction to his statement.
"Good." He replied, putting on his Brian Kinney King Of Babylon mask. "I'm going to get my dick sucked, you guys are boring me."
Brian turned and made his way away from his friends, grabbing the bottle of water Michael bought him without stopping. He didn't want to see Justin out there dancing with other guys, especially dancing so suggestively. Making his way to the backroom, Brian avoided looking at the backroom at all.
*~*~*
"He's here." Ethan informed Justin as he watched the blond grind against a guy who could have easily passed for Brian from behind.
"What?" Justin was shocked. He hadn't expected Brian to show up at the club, that was the only reason he came. He'd thought that Brian would at least be a little upset about what happened between them.
"I just saw him go through that doorway." Ethan jerked his head towards the backroom. Justin frowned, but brightened almost immediately.
Leaning over to his dance partner he whispered, "You want to come into the backroom and worship my cock?"
"Hell yes." The guy slipped his arm around Justin's shoulder and led him to the backroom.
"Oh, fuuuuuuuuck!" Ethan groaned and left the dance floor in search of David.
Justin saw Brian right away as he and his partner stepped into the backroom. He was leaning against the wall and in front of him was a tall, redheaded guy on his knees. He felt a pang in his chest, but quickly pushed it aside. He saw Brian look up and their eyes met.
Brian watched as Justin pushed the trick to his knees. They never broke eye contact. Brian suddenly felt ill and pushed the trick away. He zipped his pants and stalked out of the backroom. Justin watched him go and waited only a moment before following.
"What the fuck, Brian!" He demanded.
"Shouldn't you be getting your dick sucked?" Brian asked coldly.
"Yes. So why the fuck am I out here?" Justin replied, just as icily.
"I don't know." Brian shook his head. "Why don't you go back in there. I'll leave and we'll both be happy."
"I won't!" Justin cried.
"Justin, I'm…" Brian stopped and shook himself. "I have to go. Have fun with your trick. He's pretty hot." With that, Brian turned and walked out of the club.
"Fuck." Justin hissed. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"
we come crashing down
every time we go this far again
we come tumbling down
every time we go this far again
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Above lyrics are from We Come Crashing Down by Sugarcult