| Justin walked into the Liberty Diner, trying his hardest not to look for him. Brian Kinney. The phone message asking him to be there had been short and sweet. "Justin? Brian. Diner. Tonight. 8. We need to talk." So here he was, still following orders from his former lover. "Hi, Sunshine!" Debbie squealed, seeing Justin standing awkwardly by the door. "We haven't seen you here in ages!" Justin had quit his job at the diner when he and Brian broke up, seeing his former lover on a regular basis would have been too hard. "Hi, Deb." Justin's eyes darted around looking for Brian. "He's not here, Sunshine." "I'm supposed to meet him here." Justin said quietly, walking in and sitting down at the counter. "Oh?" Debbie raised an eyebrow. "He left a message on my cell." Justin shook his head. "I'm not sure why." "You'll soon find out. Brian Kinney has arrived." Debbie turned and went into the kitchen. She was worried about what would happen when Brian and Justin first talked after the break up. It had been two months since Justin left Brian for Ethan Gold, a talented violin player, and it seemed like everything had gone through a time warp. It was like everything and everyone had gone back to the way they were before the blond boy had taken them by storm. After moving out of the loft, Justin had spoken to his father and talked him into paying for a place for him to live and his tuition for school. Their relationship was still rocky and certain wasn’t close, but Craig Taylor was trying. Brian had gone back to his old wicked ways. The tricking, drug use, and drinking was at an all time high, even more than after Justin got bashed. "Hi." Justin said when Brian walked up to him and looked him in the eye. "Hey." Brian gestured for their regular booth and they sat down across from each other. "How've you been?" "Not bad." Justin shrugged. "I'm going back to school in a couple of weeks." "How's the hubby?" "We, uh, aren't seeing each other anymore." Justin looked everywhere but at Brian's eyes. He knew that he would see confusion and hurt there, though the rest of Brian's face showed nothing but indifference. "Oh yeah? When did that happen?" "About a month ago." Again, Justin felt awful and avoided eye contact. "What happened?" Brian acted amused having found out about the break up from Emmett only hours after it happened. But now, hearing it confirmed by Justin, he was aching to scream and thrash and accuse Justin of ruining what they had for something that didn't last. Instead, he resorted to sarcasm, "Not enough room in the relationship for two artistic prodigal sons?" "We just weren’t right for each other.” Justin started tearing the napkin in front of him into little pieces. “Do I make you nervous, Sunshine?” Brian couldn’t believe that he had called Justin by his nickname. He had first started calling Justin Sunshine after the bashing, because of the smile Justin had on his face after they danced. It had become something of a pet name, like “honey” or “sweetheart”. “Why did you ask me… no, wait… Why did you tell me to come here?” Justin asked, finally looking Brian in the eye. “I thought we should talk.” “Is there anything to say?” Justin was getting angry, a result of feeling uncomfortable. His feelings for Brian were still as strong as always and he didn’t know what to do with them. “Why did you stop going to the clubs? And here?” Brian asked, holding Justin’s angry stare. “Why did you cut yourself off from all of your friends?” “I’m too busy to stay out and play with the boys all the time.” Justin replied, shrugging. Brian winced at Justin’s shot at his lifestyle. “So you just gave up everything that you used to love? Your friends, Deb, me…” The last word, the telling one, ‘me’, was said quietly, betraying Brian’s pain. “I needed more, Brian.” Justin said quietly. “So what do you have now that you didn’t have with me?” Brian’s demeanor was betraying more of his feelings than he would normally be comfortable with, but his therapist had told him to get closure. “It’s not what I have, it’s what I don’t have. I don’t have to worry that my boyfriend doesn’t love me and that I’ll lose him. I don’t have to worry about pleasing someone else.” Justin said honestly. “I can be honest with myself and with other people around me without having to worry about saying the wrong thing. I can stay in if I want and I don’t have to worry about someone telling me I’m too young to settle down.” “I see.” Brian stood. “Thank you, Justin.” “You’re leaving?” “You told me all I needed to know.” “What if I want to know more?” Justin demanded, angry that it was still all about what Brian wanted and what Brian needed. Seeing Justin’s face, Brian sat back down. “What do you want to know?” Brian asked calmly, the mask back on. “Did you even care when I left?” “What do you think?” “Always answering a question with another question!” Justin exclaimed. “I don’t even know why I try!” “Yes, I cared when you left.” Brian said softly. “If you think I didn’t, you don’t know me as well as you should.” “Why didn’t you ask me not to go?” “It’s your life. You don’t owe me anything.” “I owe you everything! I owe you my life! I owe you for getting me back into school. I even owe you money, for Christ’s sake!” Justin let a few of the tears that had been building up in his eyes fall down his cheeks. “None of those were any reason for you to stay with me. You may not realize this, but I want you to be happy.” Brian was starting to feel raw and wanted nothing more than to run from Justin, but he refused to do that. “If you wanted that so much you would have had a picnic with me on the floor. If my happiness was so important to you, you would have told me how you felt. Every time I asked you how you felt about me, you would take me to bed.” “And make love to you.” With that, Brian stood and walked out of the diner, leaving Justin to process what Brian had just said to him. NEXT |
| Part 1 “In this altered state full of so much pain and rage you know we got to find a way to let it go” |
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