"I guess it's really over." Justin's shoulders shook as he started to cry. Anthony wrapped his arms around his friend and tried to curb the urge to kill the guy that hurt him. "I should have guessed it would happen as soon as I found out that Jamie was back. But I guess I figured that he loved me enough..."
"Don't worry, J. You'll find someone who's so much better for you than Brian Kinney." Anthony said soothingly, trying to calm his friend.
"He made me feel so..." Justin broke out into sobs again. "After that time he was here tricking after the shit with Michael, I really thought he and I would be able to make it, you know?"
"I know, babe." Anthony could feel his friend's heart breaking and wanted more than anything to be able to shield him from it.
"I thought he was different. I thought he wanted to be different with me." Justin sniffled and laid his head on Anthony's chest. Once he'd calmed down, he pulled out of Anthony's arms and looked up at him. "I'm gunna go call a cab. You and Nathan stay here and have fun, okay?"
"Are you sure?" Anthony wasn't sure whether Justin should be alone.
"One hundred percent." Justin replied with a half smile. "You have an adorable boyfriend who's probably being hit on left and right. Go out there, show him a good time, and then bring him back to the apartment and fuck him silly. I'll wear my disc man to bed."
Anthony grinned and leaned over to kiss Justin on the cheek. He was incredibly relieved that his friendship with Justin wasn't suffering from permanent weirdness after their talk that afternoon. "You sure you don't want me to come out and wait with you for your cab?"
"Nah!" Justin hugged him one last time. "Go make sure you still have a boyfriend, I'll be fine." He tried to look confident as he made his way out of the bathroom and out of the club. As soon as he got to the curb, he broke down and started sobbing. He quickly called a cab and waited for it to arrive, crying the whole time.
***
"You sure you don't want one of my little friends?" Jamie asked Brian, holding up another one of the little pills. He had every intention of getting Brian into bed that night, and he was sure that a little E would help him get there.
"Yah." Brian relented, taking the pill from Jamie's fingers. He slipped it into his mouth and closed his eyes, intent of forgetting that Justin Taylor ever existed.
"That's my boy." Jamie grinned ferally and began moving more aggressively against Brian. He was pleased when he felt Brian moving against him as well. "Mmm... My baby's back." Jamie slipped his hands around to Brian's ass, roughly pulling him closer.
"I'm not your anything." Brian insisted, starting to feel the effects of the little pill that he had taken from Jamie.
"Don't deny it, baby. You were always hotter than shit for me." Jamie moved down and starting biting Brian's neck gently.
"Fuck that." Brian pulled away. "I need a drink." He pushed his way through the crowd of writhing bodies and stopped when he reached the bar.
"Well, hello, gorgeous." Emmett said as he sashayed up to Brian, casually wrapping an arm around his waist. "Where's Justin tonight?"
"He was here. Now he's not. Fucked if I know where he is." Brian replied as he signaled the bartender for a bottle of water. As much as he felt like getting drunk, he knew that after the pill he'd taken, he'd need to keep hydrated.
"Trouble in paradise?" Emmett raised an eyebrow.
"More like paradise lost." Brian sneered.
"So that's why you're out there letting that creep paw at you? Or is that why paradise was lost?" Emmett was nothing if not perceptive.
"How is that your business?"
"Honey, I watched you and Justin together. I saw what you two felt for each other. Don't tell me that you're giving that up in favor of some slick asshole who wants nothing more than a quick fuck!"
"I didn't give anything up." Brian protested. "Why does it have to be someone's fault when a relationship ends? And why can't people look past the fact that Justin looks like an innocent twelve year old and perhaps wonder if maybe it was his fault?"
"Was it?"
"Fuck. You."
"So it wasn't then." Emmett pursed his lips. "So you broke his heart."
"It wasn't mine to break." Brian said regretfully before downing his water and walking back out to the dance floor. He figured, if nothing else, spending the evening dancing with his ex would make him forget about Justin for a few hours.
***
"Why didn't you do something?" Lindsay asked. Justin had called her, said he needed a friend, and now they were sitting in his living room together.
"What could I do? Obviously he picked Jamie." Justin looked defeated. Lindsay had never seen him look so sad, not even after what happened with Chris.
"Did you ask him?" Lindsay countered.
"He hadn't called me in two days. And then I see him at Babylon with his gorgeous, successful ex-boyfriend. Do you really think that I have to ask?" Justin looked like he was ready to cry again.
"You need to talk to him, Justin. Things can't have changed for him so quickly." Lindsay wanted more than anything to see her friend as happy as he'd been with Brian.
"There's something I never told you." Justin bit his lip.
"Uh oh."
"When Ant started dating Nathan, I kinda freaked. I thought I was in love with Ant and I was basically treating Brian like shit. And then Jamie came back." Justin sighed and closed his eyes. "It's all my fucking fault."
"It's not your fault that Brian is a fucking coward who can't face things with you." Lindsay stomped her foot. "I say you go over to his place and rip him a new asshole."
"Where the hell did you learn that phrase?" Justin laughed for the first time since seeing Brian and Jamie dancing together.
"At the diner. That Debbie woman was yelling at one of the waiters when he flipped her attitude and she told him if he tried that shit again, she'd rip him a new asshole." Lindsay giggled. "So that's what I think you should do to Brian."
"I think I should just try to forget that he exists." Justin sighed. "And I should definitely not move on from him as quickly as I moved on from Jonny."
"Good idea." Lindsay wrapped an arm around him and smiled. "Now, what do you say we get in my car, go to the video store, getting the funniest movie we can find, and then come back here to watch it and eat butt loads of ice cream?"
"Thanks, Linds." Justin reached up and wrapped his arms around the blonde in a tight hug. "I love you."
"Love you too, baby J." Lindsay smiled and hugged him back.
***
Anthony and Nathan were walking towards the exit, intent on getting back to the apartment and getting their fuck on, when someone bumped into them. Anthony looked up, instinctively about to apologize, but stopped himself when he saw that it was Brian who bumped into him.
"What the fuck, Kinney!" He exclaimed, his anger over what Brian had done to Justin overtaking him.
"Sorry." Brian mumbled, turning to walk away.
"Wait a fucking minute!" Anthony practically screamed. "What's this shit you pulled with Justin? He laid around the apartment for two fucking days waiting for you to call and then he finds you here, you fucking coward!"
"I didn't mean to…"
"You didn't mean to what? To break his fucking heart?" Anthony raged. "Well, you fucking did!"
"Can you… can you tell him that I'm sorry if I hurt him?" Brian didn't know what else to say.
"Tell him your fucking self! He deserves at least that, don't you think? He at least deserves to hear it from you that you don't want him anymore!"
"Ant, we should just go." Nathan said, gently placing his hand on his boyfriend's arm. He could see that Anthony was furious and he didn't want him to get into a fight.
"I … I can't." Brian's voice broke.
"You're nothing but a coward and a loser, Kinney." Anthony pushed Nathan's hand away. "You hurt him, the least you can do is go and talk to him. He's fucking devastated."
"So why don't you go comfort him. He always runs to you anyways." Brian snapped.
"He doesn't want me to comfort him, Brian." Anthony was getting frustrated. "He only wants you. And since you're throwing him away like he's trash, he at least deserves an apology."
"I'm not throwing him away!" Brian exclaimed. "I don't know how to fix things."
"So you thought that hooking up with your ex instead of fixing things was the way to go? How fucked up are you?"
"Ant, let's go." Nathan said again.
"Fine." Anthony shook his head. "Kinney, you had better fucking talk to him." With that, Anthony slung his arm around Nathan's shoulders and the two of them left the club.
Brian watched them disappear into the crowd and wished that he had the courage to go and apologize to Justin. He was lost in thought and didn't even notice Jamie approach. When the older man wrapped his arms around him from behind, Brian flinched and pulled away.
"Not trying to sneak away, are you?" Jamie purred.
"What the fuck do you want from me?" Brian exploded, whirling around to face Jamie.
"You know exactly what I want from you." Jamie grinned. "I want you on your back with your legs on my shoulders and my cock so deep in your ass that you don't know where you end and I begin."
"How many times do I have to say no before you understand?" Brian demanded. "I don't want you! Why is it so difficult for you to get that?"
"You do want me, you just don't realize it. The little blond put those naïve love ideas back in your head." Jamie was so cocky that it made Brian sick. He put his hands on the back of Brian's head and attempted to pull him in for a kiss.
"No, the little blond made me realize that all the shit you fed me was just that. Shit." Brian pushed Jamie's hands away. "I don't want you. Deal with it."
"Brian, baby," Jamie was almost pleading, "I need you."
"No, you need someone to worship you because after you cast me off you had no one to idolize you." Brian spat bitterly. "Well, guess what, Jamie, you're not God. You're not even much of a man." With that, Brian turned and walked out of the club. He knew that he wouldn't be hearing from Jamie anytime soon. If there was one thing Jamie hated, it was a man who had a mind of his own.
***
"Hey, Linds." Anthony said when he and Nathan ran into the blond in the hallway outside their apartment. "What're you doing here?"
"Justin called me. He was a fucking mess." Lindsay looked worried. "He was really tired. I left him sleeping on the couch."
"That fucking Kinney did a number on him." Anthony felt the anger rise up in him again. He felt like he hadn't protected Justin well enough.
"I've never seen him like this. He must have really fallen hard and fast for Brian." Lindsay sighed.
"Yup, he sure did." Anthony shook his head. "Makes me want to kill that fucking bastard for hurting Justin that way."
"Calm down, baby." Nathan said soothingly. He was a little afraid of what Anthony would do in the state he was in.
"Thanks, doll." Anthony pulled Nathan closer. "Let's just go to bed. Night, Linds."
"Night, guys." Lindsay gave a small wave as she made her way to the elevator, watching as her friend led his boyfriend into the apartment.
***
~knock, knock~
Justin groaned before rolling off the couch and stumbling over to the door. He was sore from the position on the couch and wondering who would be at his door at 2am. He wasn't sure how to feel when he opened the door and found Brian standing there.
"Hey." Brian said quietly. When Justin didn't respond, he continued. "Can we talk?"
"What's left to say?"
"I'm sorry." Brian bit his lip.
"Ok, you've said it. Will it help you sleep better now?" Justin was hurt and that hurt was manifesting itself into intense anger.
"Justin, that's not all I wanted to say." He paused. "Can I come in?"
"Fine." Justin sighed and let Brian into the apartment. He was surprised when Brian moved into his bedroom and gestured for him to follow. "What, you want to fuck me now?"
"That's not why I'm here." Brian said softly.
"That's right, you have Jamie for that now." Justin snapped.
"I don't have Jamie for anything." Brian said firmly, finally looking Justin directly in the eyes. "What you saw tonight… It wasn't what you think."
"So you weren't dancing with your ex at Babylon after not calling me for the last two days?" Justin countered.
"That's what happened. It's the motivation that you're wrong about." Brian took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. "I never wanted Jamie back."
"So then why all this shit? If it wasn't for me catching you with him twice, everything would be completely fine with us." Justin knew it wasn't true, but it was easier for him to blame it all on Brian.
"You and I both know that's not true." Brian reached out and took Justin's hand, pulling him to sit next to him on the bed. "As soon as you found out that Nathan was more than a trick to Ant, it was like I didn't even exist."
"So you did it to get even with me?"
"I didn't do anything, Justin." Brian's voice was pleading. "I went to breakfast and Babylon with Jamie, that's it. I told him to fuck off for good tonight."
"So why didn't you phone me?" Justin felt the anger fading and only felt the ache in the pit of his stomach.
"I didn't know what to say. I'm so tied up in knots right now, J. I don't know what to do about anything." Brian's voice broke half was through the last sentence.
"You couldn't have called and just said that? You had to leave me waiting for you to call? You had to leave me thinking that I meant nothing?" Justin felt a tear slip down his cheek and was ashamed that he was letting himself break down in front of Brian.
"You mean everything." Brian looked like he was going to cry any moment. "And it scared the shit out of me."
"So, what now?" Justin couldn't believe he was even asking. His mind was telling him to throw Brian out and tell him that he'd lost his chance completely, but his heart was telling him to grab Brian and hold on forever.
"I don't know." Brian said truthfully.
"Maybe we should just end it." Justin couldn't believe that he was actually saying those words, his heart was screaming for him to take it back.
"If that's what you want…" Brian tried to be strong, even though he felt like he was dying inside.
"I think it would be best." Justin tried to keep his voice even, knowing that the slightest waver would make him break down.
"I love you, Justin." Brian turned and wrapped his arms around Justin, not quite ready to let go. "Remember that, ok?"
"I love you, too."
Then why are we ending this? Why are we letting it slip away? Brian's mind screamed for him to stop this, to make sure that Justin didn't get away, but he just couldn't find the words.
They walked hand in hand to the door, neither of them willing to give up that contact just yet. When they got there, Justin turned to look at Brian and found him looking down at him. They stared at each other for impossibly long moments before Justin shifted his gaze and pulled his hand from Brian's.
"Good-bye, Bri." He said softly.
"Bye, Jus." Brian bit his lip. "Don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't beautiful." He whispered before brushing a soft kiss on Justin's lips and then turning to hurry down the hall.
"Ditto." Justin whispered, but Brian couldn't hear him. As he closed the door, his body finally lost the strength he had been fighting for ever since he'd told Brian that he thought they should end it and he crumpled to the floor.
To Be Continued… One more part!!
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