"Well, darlin', you sure look like shit this morning." Daphne said as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down across from her.
"My life is falling apart, but other than that I'm just peachy." Brian drank down his entire mug of coffee in one gulp.
"Spill."
"I don't want to talk about it." Brian ground out.
"Something happen with Justin?" Daphne assumed that the only thing that could have her friend that fired up was his adorable blond boyfriend.
"I don't know what's going on with him." Brian admitted. "Ant got himself a boyfriend and suddenly he's the most important thing in Justin's life. And Jamie came back."
"What??!! Did you fuck him?"
"Why does everyone assume that... You... Mikey... Justin apparently." Brian roughly pushed his fingers through his hair.
"Well, Justin wasn't there, and I don't know what you told him. But, Bri, Michael and I were there and we saw how you were with him. You never could say no to him. And when he left, you were a fucking mess." Daphne said.
"Well, I got over it."
"Yah, by becoming him. You stopped believing in all the things that he told you didn't exist." Daphne frowned.
"Yah? Well, Justin changed that." Brian sighed.
"So what's the problem?"
"I went out for breakfast with Jamie yesterday. He had his arm around me and Justin saw." He rubbed at his jaw. "You should have seen the look on his face. It was like I killed his dog or something."
"You broke his heart." Daphne shook her head. "Have you talked to him?"
"Yah, on the phone. I was supposed to go over there last night, but..."
"But what? Are you trying to lose him?"
"Maybe that would make things easier." Brian's shoulder's slumped.
"When the hell did you turn into such a fucking pussy?" Daphne exploded. "I've seen you with him, I've seen how you talk about him... You love him, Bri."
"So?" Brian countered. "Maybe love just isn't for me."
"That's such bullshit!" Daphne stood and went over to him. Looking down at him she said, "Fix it, Brian, or you're not the guy I thought you were."
"Why can't you just stay out of it, Daph? Why do you always have to put in your two cents?"
"Because I don't want to see my friend lose the only thing that's made him happy in the last three years!" Daphne turned and walked away, but stopped at the doorway. "Stop sabotaging the good things in your life or you'll end up some miserable old queen who has no one." With that, she was gone.
Brian folded his arms on the table and lay his head down on top of them. He started to wonder whether he really had been sabotaging the good things in his life.
***
"Justin, you have to get out of bed." Anthony said as he sat down next to his friend. Justin had been lying his bed for two days straight. He was waiting for Brian to call and it seemed like that call was never going to come.
"Go be with your boyfriend." Justin snapped, turning away from Anthony.
"This isn't healthy, J."
"Fuck healthy!" Justin exploded with fire in his eyes. "And fuck you!"
"Don't take this out on me." Anthony said evenly. "If you want him, call him and make a fucking effort."
"No." Justin said firmly. "He said he was going to call. If he still wants me, then he can call me."
"Come on, I'm taking you out."
"I. Don't. Want. To. Go. Out." Justin ground out.
"So that's it? You lost Brian, so you're just going to shrivel up and die?"
"I lost you, too." Justin suddenly didn't look angry anymore, he looked empty and alone.
"You didn't lose me, J. I'm right here."
"You have Nathan now." Justin looked really beaten. "Suddenly you're not mine anymore."
"Justin, pretty much the whole time we've been friends there's been someone in your life. Someone you were in love with. There was Chris, and then there was Jonny, and now Brian." Anthony was struggling to comprehended what his friend was telling him. "Just because I have someone now doesn't mean that things are going to change with us."
"They already have. You were always the one living the fast life, with a different trick all the time. I was your constant. Like you said, we were like boyfriends, but without the sex. Now, I'm just another friend." Justin pouted.
"That's so unfair." Anthony turned away. "It's fine for you to have someone, but as soon as I meet someone who has all the things that I'm looking for, you freak out on me?"
"That's not how it is."
"Then how is it?" Anthony stood and started pacing.
"I have feelings for you."
"How can you pull this shit on me now, J? When I finally have a boyfriend!"
"Maybe it took you finding someone for me to realize it."
"Or maybe it took Brian screwing up again and me having to split my time between you and my boyfriend for you to realize it. How can you be so selfish?"
"Ant..." Justin plead.
"Justin, stop!" Anthony exclaimed. "Nate makes me happy."
"I used to make you happy."
"Well, maybe being your shoulder to cry on and your court jester wasn't enough for me anymore."
"Is that all you think you were?" Justin felt a tear slide down his cheek.
"Listen, J, I love you man. You're my best friend and one of the most important people in my life, but you're not the only person. I really like Nate, and I want to give it a try. You and I... Well, maybe we had our chance and we missed it." Anthony sat down and took Justin's hand. "I love him, J."
"You do?" Justin's voice was barely a whisper.
"Yah." Anthony closed his eyes. "I need for you to be happy for me."
"I... I'm sorry I've been such a shit." Justin grabbed his friend and hugged him close. "Promise me that I'll only have to share you. Promise I won't lose you for good."
"Promise." Anthony felt like a weight had been lifted. "One more thing?"
"Of course."
"Could you try to like him? He's so great. He's a lot like you, actually."
"I don't think it'll be hard to like him. I actually had to try pretty hard to hate him." Justin laughed softly. "Will you two take me out tonight and get me good and drunk?"
"Absolutely!" Anthony stood and helped Justin to his feet. "As long as you shower, you fucking reek!"
***
~ring, ring~
"Hello?" Brian answered hopefully. He had been waiting to hear from Justin, feeling like he needed his boyfriend to make the first move in this situation.
"Don't you sound like an anxious little puppy." Brian was disappointed to hear Jamie's voice coming through the phone. "How ya been, babe? Haven't heard from you in a few days."
"And you didn't think that I maybe didn't want to talk to you?" Brian sneered, his only thought being that Justin was probably going to call and get a busy signal.
"I'd never think that, baby. I know that you still want me." Jamie's arrogance was starting to get to Brian, but he bit his tongue. "So, I was thinking that you and I could go out to Babylon tonight and make some boys jealous."
"I don't want to see you, Jamie." Brian said firmly.
"Are you still maudlin over that blond twinkie?"
"His name is Justin."
"God, Brian, the kid dumped you. Get over it!" Jamie was getting impatient. "Listen, put on something sexy. You and I are going to go and stir up things at Babylon. A few drinks and you'll forget all about what's his name. There's nothing that a little Beam and a hot fuck can't cure."
"What time with you be here?" Brian found himself asking. He couldn't believe that he still hadn't learned to say no to his ex.
"Half an hour. Make yourself beautiful in that time, I don't want to be seen with a little ragamuffin."
"And you used to tell me that I looked beautiful no matter what I was wearing, or how my hair was." Brian snapped.
"Awww... You actually believed my sweet nothings. That's so adorably naive, Bri." The tone of Jamie's voice made the insult sound even worse. "Listen, I have to go. I'll be there in half an hour."
"Bye." Brian hung up and wondered what the hell he was doing. He knew that he should be picking up the phone and calling Justin to try and fix things, but he couldn't make himself do it. There was a little part of him that kept telling him that he didn't deserve Justin, that maybe Justin would be happier with Anthony.
***
"Hey, Justin." Nathan said with a smile as he entered the apartment, dressed for Babylon.
"Hey, Nathan." Justin smiled genuinely. In the couple of hours since his talk with Anthony, he'd figured out a few things. He'd realized that the feelings he'd thought he had for Anthony were nothing but his mind's messed up projection of his fear of losing him. He also discovered that he loved Brian more than anything.
"You look really good tonight. You'll have so many guys hitting on you." Nathan smiled sweetly and Justin was surprised when he saw that Nathan was completely genuine.
"I'm not interested right now, but it's always kinda nice to get hit on." Justin smiled weakly and set about putting his shoes on.
"So, where's my man?"
"Primping." Justin chuckled. "One thing that you'll learn about him is that he can out primp any girl. He's such a mirror queen."
"I heard that, you little bitch." Anthony called from the bathroom. "I just wasn't born with the perfect hair and skin like you two."
"Stop fishing for compliments!" Nathan laughed, getting into the teasing. "You know you're gorgeous."
"I knew there was a reason I was keeping you around." Anthony smiled as he entered the room. Seeing the way he looked at Nathan, Justin was finally able to be happy for his friend.
"If I didn't know better, I might actually believe that." Nathan tipped his face up for a kiss and Anthony gladly obliged.
"Ok, you two, can you cool it with the lovey dovey? I just got dumped, you know." Justin was only half serious. There was actually something about seeing his friend in love that made him feel better about his situation.
"If we have to listen to you whine all night, I'm gunna turn this little expedition around and go home." Anthony teased. He slipped an arm around Justin and kept the other around his boyfriend. "And I really don't want to do that because I'm going to have the two hottest guys there on my arm."
"Don't start entertaining ideas of a three way." Nathan warned with a chuckle. "I don't share."
"And I don't wanna to touch your hairy ass with a ten foot pole."
"I'm started to regret introducing you two." Anthony led them out of the apartment. "I didn't get any rest from the teasing between the two of you before, but now I'm getting double teamed."
"And you love it." Justin chuckled. He was actually starting to loosen up and forget about the fact that his heart was in a million pieces. It was actually pretty nice to just be able to go out and have fun. I just hope Brian isn't there, he thought to himself.
***
"You clean up nice, baby." Jamie said. He was leaning against his Jeep as Brian stepped out of the building. "I knew you wouldn't embarrass me."
"Can we go?" Brian asked stiffly.
"If we're going to have fun tonight, you're going to have to loosen up." Jamie grinned. "Don't loosen up too much though, I want that ass to be nice and tight for me later."
"I never said I would fuck you, Jamie."
"Neither did I." Jamie grinned. "I said that I was going to fuck you."
"Not going to happen." Brian said firmly. He was determined to say no to Jamie when it came to anything sexual happening between the two of them. There was no way he was going to fall into the same trap as he had before.
"We'll see." Jamie winked and moved over to the drivers side of the jeep.
"Why do you even want me?" Brian asked as they drove towards Babylon. "I mean, you've had me. A lot."
"And you were one of the best fucks I ever had."
"Still wasn't enough for you." Brian snapped, regretting his words immediately.
"Oh, tell me you're not still sore about that!" Jamie shook his head. "I thought I had cured you of your little drama princess ways."
"I'm not still sore." Brian protested. "I was just calling your bullshit."
"Listen, honey, we both know that I could have any guy at Babylon that I wanted. You used to be proud to be the one on my arm. What happened to that?"
"Maybe there's someone else whose arm I want to be on."
"The blond again?" Jamie shook his head. "Jesus, Bri, when will you learn. Love isn't real. What you're feeling for the twink is a mixture of lust and the need to feel something that you see in the movies."
"How did I end up ever being with someone so cynical." It was more a statement than a question and Brian turned to look out the window and consider his words.
***
"It's insane in here tonight!" Nathan exclaimed with a smile as he, Anthony, and Justin stepped into the crowded club. He was right, the club was even more packed than usual.
"Let's get a drink." Justin suggested. He wasn't sure how he was going to feel being in the club and thought that maybe if he had a drink or two, he would feel a little more comfortable.
"Don't get too crazy tonight, J." Anthony said, seeing the look on his friend's face. He'd seen it before and he'd also seen the drunken spectacle that it led to.
"I'll be fine, Ant." Justin forced a smile before ordering a double JD.
"Getting reacquainted with your old friend so early?" Anthony asked biting his lip. He knew that he'd have to keep an eye on Justin for the rest of the night.
"Stop being such a mother, Ant." Justin laughed, throwing back his drink in one gulp.
"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?" Nathan asked his boyfriend, making sure his voice wasn't loud enough for Justin to hear.
"The Brian thing really has him tied in knots. I think he wants to untie them by getting completely blitzed." Anthony replied, keeping his arm around Nate. "I'll make it up to you later."
"I'll count on it." Nathan smiled.
***
"Come dance with me, Babe." Jamie said as soon as he and Brian entered Babylon. "I want everyone to know that you're mine tonight."
"I'm not yours. I do what I want." Brian snapped. "And I have a boyfriend, remember?"
"Oh yah? So where is he?" When Brian didn't answer, Jamie grabbed Brian's arm and led him towards the dance floor.
"What if I want a drink?" Brian asked as Jamie began moving sensuously against him.
"Do you?" Jamie reached behind Brian's head and pulled him close for a deep kiss. "Didn't think so." He chuckled. "Besides, I've got something better." He pulled out a couple of small white pills and after swallowing one himself, he put another on his tongue and pulled Brian in for another kiss.
Brian pulled away swiftly. He didn't trust Jamie's drugs. "Spit that shit out, because I sure as hell don't want any."
"What a fucking waste." Jamie spat the pill onto the floor and began grinding against Brian once again. "Would have made what we're going to be doing later so much hotter."
Brian wasn't paying attention. He locked eyes across the dance floor with a familiar pair of blue eyes and he winced. He was about to move away from Jamie and towards Justin when Jamie stopped him and pulled him close for another kiss. After pulling away from Jamie, Brian searched the crowd for Justin, but he couldn't find him.
"Fuck, I guess it really is over." He said to himself, barely even hearing his words in the loud club.
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