"Fuck off. I don't feel like it." Justin made a face and tried to climb back into his bed. He wasn't in the mood to have a happy little breakfast with Anthony and Nathan.
"I notice Brian isn't here. Is that why you're so miserable?" Anthony stood Justin up and pulled the comforter away. "Well, we're gunna fix your mood right up. Go hose yourself off real quick. We're leaving in ten."
"I said I don't want to go." Justin grumbled.
"Well, as far as I can tell, you don't have a choice, my pretty." Anthony smiled. He had no idea what was going on with Justin, but he was determined to make him feel better.
"Ant... Please." Justin looked like he was on the verge of tears and Anthony wondered what happened.
"Did something happen with Brian?" Anthony asked, wrapping an arm around his friend. "Did he hurt you again?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Justin ran his fingers through his hair and resigned himself to the fact that he was getting dragged out for breakfast. He was happy that he had to be at class at ten so he wouldn't have to stay long.
"Do I have to go beat him up?"
"No." Justin said with a sigh as he walked into the washroom. He wasn't sure what was going on with his moods. All he knew was that sometime during the course of the previous night, things had changed. He just wasn't sure what that meant.
***
Brian lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. The previous night had really confused him and he was starting to doubt how solid his relationship with Justin was. His run in with Jamie compounded with Justin's attitude about Ant having a boyfriend was making him wonder if Jamie was right in his theory about queers and relationships.
~Ring, Ring~
"Yah?" Brian answered, in no mood to be polite.
"What's got your panties in a twist?" Jamie's familiar voice floated into his ears.
"What the fuck do you want?" Brian demanded.
"Now, is that any way to speak to someone you once promised to love forever?" The amusement in Jamie's voice infuriated Brian.
"I thought you didn't believe in love. You believe in fucking." Brian was feeling vulnerable because of all the questions he had about his life, and he wasn't sure that talking to Jamie was the right thing at that moment.
"Oh, come on, Brian." Jamie chuckled. "You shouldn't take life so seriously."
"Why are you calling me, Jamie?" He demanded.
"I told you last night, I want to hook up." Jamie said simply, as if their past didn't exist.
"And I told you that I have a boyfriend."
"That twinkie that you left with last night? He's real pretty, Bri, but he's not for you. Can you honestly tell me that he can make you feel as amazing as I used to?" Jamie challenged.
"It's not about sex, Jamie."
"So he doesn't."
"When I'm with him, I feel whole." Brian's voice cracked with the emotion. "With you, I always felt empty."
"Listen to my little drama princess. Listen, I'm gunna pick you up and take you to breakfast. We should at least catch up." Jamie was so confident and Brian was finding it easy to let himself be led.
"Fine." He relented.
"Give me twenty minutes." Jamie sounded proud. "And wear something sexy."
Brian hung up and laid back once more, searching for answers in the stippled ceiling. He wasn't sure why he had agreed to have breakfast with Jamie, he didn't want to see him at all. What he wanted was to go back to the other night when he and Justin had gone to the carnival. He couldn't remember ever feeling that amazing.
***
"... So I says to the guy, 'Who do you think you are? Barbara Fucking Streisand?'" The punch line to Nathan's joke had Anthony laughing hysterically. Justin merely smiled politely and looked at the clock again.
"I have to get going soon, you guys." Justin said uncomfortably. He didn't want to be there and wished that his class was earlier so he could just leave.
"You don't have class until ten." Anthony said. "Plenty of time."
"How do you like your courses?" Nathan asked with enthusiasm. "I got accepted into the same program as you, but I couldn't afford it so I had to defer."
"It's great." Justin's words lacked enthusiasm.
"Maybe I could see some of your work sometime?" Nathan really wanted Justin to like him because he knew that it would improve his chances with Anthony if he did.
"Sure." Justin replied non-committally.
"Heya, boys." Emmett said as he arrived at their table in a flourish. "You guys okay for coffee?"
"I'll have more." Justin replied anxiously. He was already on his fourth cup.
"I'm gunna have to cut you off soon, Mister." Emmett winked and swished away from the table.
"Hey, there's Brian!" Nathan exclaimed as he saw Brian enter the diner. He regretted telling them as he saw Jamie wrap an arm around the brunette's waist.
Justin turned, happy that he was going to have his boyfriend to distract him. His face fell once more when he saw that Brian wasn't alone, that he in fact looked pretty cozy with his companion. When Brian's eyes found Justin, he felt like someone had ripped his heart out.
"Justin." He mouthed the words as he pulled away from Jamie. He'd shown Justin his photo album a few days earlier, so he was sure that the blond would recognize Jamie.
"I... uh... You guys, I gotta go." Justin blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. He felt like he was losing everyone who mattered to him. He stood, turning away from Brian in the process, and pulled his jean jacket on. He had every intention of leaving without saying a word to his so-called boyfriend.
"We'll come with you." Anthony threw some money on the table, breakfast completely forgotten.
"No." Justin said firmly, even though he felt like he was about to fall apart. "I just want to be alone right now."
"Are you sure, J?"
"I'm sure." Justin nodded, taking a deep breath, telling himself that he needed to be calm and cool. He turned and found Brian still looking at him, unsure of what to say. Jamie was looking at him with a proud smirk.
When Justin tried to walk past, avoiding eye contact, Brian grabbed his arm. "Justin, I swear, this isn't..."
"Don't." Justin's voice was cold. "Just... don't." With that, Justin pulled out of Brian's grip and left the diner. For the first time in his life, he felt completely empty and alone.
***
"You promised me that you weren't gaming him." Anthony said after pulling Brian aside. "And then you show up here with some other guy... You fucking crushed him, Brian."
"It's not what it looks like." Brian said. He felt like he was going to break down right there and he wasn't sure he could control it.
"What the hell is it then?"
"He's my ex." Brian replied by way of an explanation.
"Does Justin know that?"
"Yah." Brian's words were almost inaudible.
"Did you break up with him last night?" Anthony drew his own conclusions. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner.
"No."
"So you're cheating on him again?"
"No."
"What the fuck, Brian!?!" Anthony exploded.
"We're just having breakfast." Brian knew that it looked bad, and his excuses sounded weak, but they were all he had.
"And you just happened to cuddle up to him?" Anthony wanted to understand so that he could relay Brian’s explanation to Justin. He’d seen the pained expression on his friend’s face and wanted more than anything to make it go away.
“He cuddled up to me.” Brian said defensively. “I… I have to go.” Brian turned and walked out of the diner without looking back. He didn’t care that he was leaving Jamie alone.
***
Late that afternoon Justin was curled up in a ball on his bed crying. He couldn’t believe that he’d seen Brian cuddled up to Jamie. Sure, they hadn’t had a good time the previous night, but that was no reason for Brian to immediately cheat on him… again.
~Ring, Ring~
“Hello?” Justin sniffled.
“Justin…”
“What do you want?” Justin struggled not to cry when he heard Brian say his name. “Shouldn’t you be out screwing your ex or something?”
“I’m not sleeping with Jamie.”
“Yet.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t trust me?”
“Have you given me reason to?” Justin challenged.
“I thought you knew how I felt about you. Apparently, I was wrong.” Brian took a deep breath. “I don’t want to end things, Justin. We just need to talk.”
“Is there anything left to say?”
“Yes! Lot’s. You have to let me explain about Jamie.”
“Come over.” Justin relented. He didn’t want things to end either so he decided that if talking might give them a chance, he would do it.
“I can’t right now. I’m supposed to pick Michael up for dinner.” Brian wondered if, by going to dinner with Michael, he was losing his shot at keeping Justin.
“After then.” Justin was angry that Michael was more important to Brian than he was, but he was still determined to give it another chance.
“Okay.” Brian felt hopeful. “I should be there around eight.”
“Okay. Bye.” Justin hung up the phone and started crying again.
***
“Hey, J.” Anthony said, sitting down next to Justin on the couch as he and Nathan arrived at the apartment. He quickly kissed his friend’s cheek and took his hand. “How you doing?”
“I feel like someone kicked me in the face.” Justin admitted, turning and cuddling against his friend.
“I really don’t think he was doing anything, J.” Anthony smoothed his friend’s hair. “I talked to him after you left.”
“Are you taking his side now?”
“I’m always on your side, you know that. And that being said, I know that Brian makes you happy. And you make him happy.” He spoke gently. “I think you two need to take some time to talk. Let him explain.”
“He’s coming over after he has dinner with Michael.” Justin sniffled. “He went out to Michael instead of coming here to fix things. Still think he deserves another chance?”
“Michael’s his best friend, Justin.” Anthony explained. “Even though things haven’t been good with them lately, he still needs his friends.”
“But today?”
“Today more than anything. He’s a fucking mess. You can’t blame him for needing someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t the boyfriend who’s mad at him.”
“I guess.” Justin grumbled.
“Listen, Nate and I are gunna go and hang out in my room. If you need anything, someone to talk to or a hug or anything, just come and get me.” Anthony stood, kissing Justin’s forehead as he rose.
“I will.” Justin turned and stared off into space.
***
“Are you still with Justin?” It was apparent that Michael was still mad at Brian for the whole Justin situation.
“I don’t know.” Brian replied moodily.
“You look like shit. What happened?”
“I think Justin is in love with Anthony. Jamie came back last night.” Brian looked at his friend, his eyes watery. “Everything is completely fucked.”
“Jamie came back? Did you fuck him?” Michael was amazed.
“No, I didn’t fuck him. I saw him at Babylon last night.” Brian took a deep breath. “And then he called me this morning and I went to the diner with him. When we walked in, he put his arm around me and Justin was there with Ant and his boyfriend.”
“Ant has a boyfriend?”
“Yes. Can we please focus on me? My life is a fucking mess.” Brian was really stressed and the thing he needed the most was for Michael to be there for him.
“I’m just trying to understand that soap opera that is your life.” Michael grinned, trying to lighten the mood. “Let me get this straight. Justin is in love with Anthony, who has a new boyfriend? And now Jamie is back and he wants you, and Justin is pissed at you?”
“That’s about it.”
“You don’t need any of it. Tell Jamie to fuck off, break up with Justin, cut yourself off from the both of them.” Michael’s answered seemed so simple. Except for one thing.
“I love him, Mikey.”
“Who? Jamie? I thought that was over a long time ago.” Michael could be so clueless sometimes.
“No, Mikey. I love Justin.” Brian pinched his nose to try and relieve the pressure that was building up there. “So that makes the get rid of both of ‘em plan a little less simple.”
“You’ll get over it.” Michael shrugged.
“I don’t want to get over it, Mikey. I want to be with Justin.” Brian sounded pained. Michael suddenly got angry.
“Well, Brian, Justin is messing with you. Obviously if he has feelings for Anthony, he doesn’t have feelings for you.” Michael replied harshly. “Just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s going to love you back. Didn’t you learn that with Jamie?”
“That’s not really what I was looking for Mikey.” Brian sighed.
“You always tell the truth, but you don’t want me to? You want me to tell you that everything is going to be okay when it’s not?” Michael spat.
“Listen, Mikey, forget it.” Brian pushed his fingers through his hair roughly. “I don’t wanna talk about it with you.”
“I just have one more thing to say.” Michael captured Brian’s attention and held his gaze. “You’re so much better than Justin deserves. Let him have Anthony. You know he’ll be happier that way.”
“Enough.” Brian felt like he was on the verge of breaking down and he didn’t want to do that, not in public, not in front of Michael.
***
Justin grabbed his sketchbook and started drawing. He needed something to take his attention away from the fact that it was almost nine o’clock and Brian hadn’t called. He didn’t understand how Brian could just take off with Michael after what had happened that morning. That, compounded with the fact that instead of staying out in the living room comforting him, Anthony was in his room making out with Nathan.
~Ring, Ring~
“Hello?” Justin answered.
“Hey.” Brian sounded distant.
“Hey.”
“Listen, can our talk wait until tomorrow? I’m really tired and I don’t feel like getting into it right now.” Brian was telling the truth. After he dropped Michael off, Brian had just started driving and he wasn’t in the mood to get into the relationship talk with Justin.
“Fine. Whatever.” Justin wished he could say more, wished he could explode and tell Brian how he really felt, but instead he just agreed. “Bye.”
“Bye.” Brian breathed before laying down the phone.
To Be Continued…
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