PART 1 A petite blond woman walked around in the church, checking the preparations for the upcoming wedding in a strange calm way. There were almost fifty people in the church and the garden, every one of them frantically rushing in and out, trying to put last touches for the long awaited ceremony. It was a beautiful sight; there were yellow flowers all around the garden and the church. Everything else was white. The groom’s mother had a fetish for white. She insisted her son to wear white too, to ‘represent the purity of their union’ as she put it. Fortunately they got her distracted with the flowers long enough to get him a normal tux. The bride was really worried about her mother in law at first, she always had her own way of doing everything, and she was out of control. But it wasn’t really a hard task for their wedding planner. Not just because she was professional. She, despite her age, was one of the best. But the way she handled Betty Cornwell had nothing to do with that. Betty reminded her of Amy, her hippie mother. She had perfected her ways to distract her a long time ago. Betty was nothing compared to Amy’s weird ways. ‘Hope they won’t ever meet…’ she thought and shuddered at the thought of them together. ‘Now THAT would be a catastrophe…’ The petite blond kept walking through the aisle towards the garden, occasionally stopping and arranging flowers on her way out. It was a sunny summer day. Too hot for her taste but it wasn’t her wedding so she didn’t care. It was okay for her as long as it didn’t rain. It was her job and responsibility to make this day perfect for the couple and guests, not for herself. But she had to admit; she was enjoying every minute of it. She never was a person to sit around all day in front of a computer or wait behind a counter. It just wasn’t her thing. Weddings were exciting and animated and well, they payed really good. She was just a high school graduate after all. People said she was a natural, but she always found it weird. ‘It figures…’ she thought, ‘…I was never a normal kid with normal parents and a normal life so of course I wasn’t expected to have a normal natural talent. It had to be weird as hell, like the rest of my life…’ She walked to the buffet to check the food. Everything looked perfect. ‘Okay…’ she thought looking around ‘…where is the problem this time? There has to be at least one… There always is…’ Just when she started to think that today might be an exception, she saw Tom walking towards her with a red face and looking like he had to pee and vomit at the same time. ‘Okay… Here we go…’ she thought… - - - “Mars!!!” he squeaked. “Tom, what is it babe?” she said in a manner like she’s talking to a five year old kid. “I… uh… “ He looked he was about to burst into tears any minute now. “It’s okay. Tom, sweetie, look at me, breathe… Yeah, calm down, we’ll handle it, it’s gonna be alright… Okay? Now tell me what is it?” she said calmly. You could see that she did this several times before. “Okay. Okay. I’m okay.” Tom said, trying to convince himself. “Okay. You better sit down for this Mars.” “It’s okay, you can tell me, I did this before like a thousand times, you know that. And trust me, it’s never as bad as it looks.” She said with a voice full of self-confidence and a look that reminded Tom one of her ‘I’m Teflon babe’ speeches… “Okay. Here goes nothing.” he said under his breath. “ThegroomsmissingandBettygotinafightwithCarrieandthebestmansdrunk.” Maria has worked with Tom long enough to understand his panicked talking like he spelled it out for her. Tom looked at her and relieved to see that Super Maria look on her face. “Let’s start with the ladies. What’s the situation?” asked Super Maria. “Betty totally lost it. Last time I saw them she was chewing Carrie’s veil. Both their make up and hair are messed up.” “We have less than two hours. Who can be here that quick?” “There is no way we can find someone. Paul’s gone to some beauty pageant in Texas; he must be in the airport by now. We don’t have any back up.” Maria was lost in thoughts, searching her memory for something, anything. “What about the guy with the cute butt?” she asked without looking up or stopping her pacing. “Which one?” “The one you dated? Blond, blue eyes?” “Cameron. And for the record, I didn’t date him. He’s not even gay.” “Whatever. Call him. He wasn’t bad.” Tom gave her a disbelieving look. “Okay. He was bad, really bad. But we don’t have a choice right now.” she confessed. “Tell him to get his cute butt down here in ten minutes. I’ll be looking for Danny. Where was he last seen?” she asked chewing her lip. “Ask Carrie or that stupid best man of his. He was in the bathroom floor last time I checked. He will need some serious cleaning up.” “Okay. Let’s do this.” she said with a determined tone. They started to walk in opposite directions. Tom started smiling at his friend’s attitude. She was a totally different person when she was working, totally professional. You wouldn’t believe she could possibly handle all the tension and responsibility of an organisation this big, if you only knew her from her personal life. She was bubbly and quick-tempered. She had nothing to do with The Professional Super Maria he saw at work. She almost looked schizophrenic to him… - - - “William wake up!” Maria was about to lose her temper. She had been trying to wake the stupid best man for almost ten minutes now. She had to find Danny and get them in shape real quick or this wedding would turn out to be a total ridicule. And she really couldn’t afford that at this time in her career. She started to kick him and kept shouting. “Wake up dammit!!!” It wasn’t working. He didn’t even budge. “William if you won’t wake up in ten seconds I will start chopping some really essential body parts of yours.” “Aaaargh! WAKE UP! Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She stormed out of the bathroom and ran to the buffet. She took the bowl with the punch, it was heavy, but when Maria was furious there was no knowing what she would be capable of doing. She stumbled towards the bathroom. Tom saw her from a distance and started running to her. He knew exactly what she was going to do and that he couldn’t possibly stop her now. But he needed to be there for damage control. Seconds after she disappeared through the bathroom door, he heard a loud male voice shouting “Shit! What is your problem lady!” Tom was relieved to hear his voice. ‘So she just dropped the punch not the bowl.’ he thought. When he reached the door, Maria was coming out. “He’s awake.” she said, stating the obvious. “And alive, thank god!” he added. “Well, he should thank his lucky stars that I needed him for the ceremony or he would have a missing limb or two.” She was calm now. “Is Cameron coming?” she asked. “Yeah, he’ll be here in fifteen.” “Make it five and I’ll pay him double.” “Okay.” he said, starting to dial the number on his cell. “Find William a new tux, get him cleaned up and meet me in Carrie’s room.” she said and started walking away. - - - A very dishevelled Betty greeted Maria at the door of Carrie’s room. “Maria, darling, we have to cancel the wedding. There’s too much negative energy around this place. And I started to think maybe this was a mistake, you know I sense no love vibes coming from this girl. I knew she wasn’t good enough for my baby but I thought they loved each other. But, oh no, I was wrong. Can you feel any good vibes around here?” “Let me talk to them first, alright Betty? Then we’ll do whatever is necessary. You know I would never want them to make a mistake. Do you trust me?” “Of course I trust you darling. You’re the only sane person around here. The others don’t even understand what I’m talking about.” “Alright then, I need you to do me a favour. Will you please check on the food to make sure they didn’t put any meat. You know how those people are, no respect for vegetarians.” “Oh, you can count on me darling.” She said with an enthusiastic look on her face and started for the garden. “Two down, two to go…” Maria sighed and turned the knob. It was locked. “Of course…” she said “My day sure doesn’t suck enough yet…” She knocked the door. “Go away…” The voice was small and chocked with tears. ‘Let the negotiations begin…’ Maria thought. “Carrie, honey it’s me Maria. Can I come in?” “Are you alone?” Her voice was terrible. Maria felt like she was kicked in the stomach. Carrie was a cheerful girl and she always seemed strong. Now she sounded defeated. “I sent Betty away. I want to talk to you. Is that okay? Just you and me?” There was a pause. Then she heard the clink of the lock. She barged in without giving Carrie another chance to think. The room was stuffy. It was supposed to be friendly and practical but considering the mood of the day, it looked depressing. Carrie was sitting on the floor next to the door. She had her wedding dress on but her hair was messed up. Her veil was nowhere to be seen and her make up was smudged all over her face. There were tear tracks on her cheeks, some new some old and she looked like a five year old scared kid who lost her mother in a crowded street. Maria was used to the brides having second thoughts on their wedding days but this was a little bit more than having second thoughts. She looked miserable. Maria sure didn’t have a psychology degree but she did what she thought was necessary. Carrie needed assurance right now and someone stable to tell her it will be okay. She put on her professional Teflon face and sat down right in front of her. Carrie was past the sobbing phase but she was still crying. Maria wiped her tears away and took her hands. “Sweetheart, look at me… Now tell me what’s wrong.” “It’s not gonna work…” she cried and with that started sobbing again. “What’s not gonna work? Is it Danny?” asked Maria. “Calm down and tell me everything. Not just the wedding, screw the wedding, you don’t have to get married if you don’t feel like it. Okay? Now lets have some quality girl talk time.” Carrie smiled at her attempts to calm her down. It was pathetic but it even worked a little. She was still crying but her eyes lost that ‘it’s-the-end-of-the-world’ look. “He’s gonna leave me.” she said looking at her fingers like they had some secret power to make everything right. “Why would he leave you? He loves you.” pleaded Maria. “He is so much more than me, you know. He has a big family and lots of friends and he is successful. He knows how to play golf and he had lots of girlfriends, and I mean LOTS! And I’m nothing.” “Well it’s really nice, those things you said he has and does. But they don’t make a person worthy you know that right? He may have had a million girlfriends but he didn’t marry them. He wants to marry you. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you, not with his other girlfriends or family or golf clubs or something. He wants you.” “But he will realize it some day.” Carrie whispered, like she was afraid that someone else would hear. “Realize what?” “That he made a mistake. That I wasn’t the one.” “Why do you think so little of yourself? I’ve known you for a month now and let me tell you what I see when I look at you. You are a good person. You are kind to everyone around you. God knows how many times I wanted to strangle Betty but you are kind even to her. You are beautiful. Those pretty eyes and kind little hands. I would kill to have your hair. You are perfect. But the most important thing is you are perfect for him. I saw the way he looks at you, the way he holds your hand. He cares about you. He told me like a thousand times not to put daisies anywhere cause you’re allergic to them. And he made me promise not to tell you when Betty made a fuss about something. He said that it would upset you and he didn’t want you to remember your wedding day like that.” Carrie was looking at her with hope shining in her eyes. “He remembered about the daisies?” she asked weakly. “Of course he did. Oh, and the pistachio thing. He told me like a million times about them. He adores you. And I know this is right. You two are good for each other. I see lots of couples. And let me give you a secret. He is one of the very few grooms that didn’t hit on me. Yeah, sad but true.” “Thank you… I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” she managed to say and hugged Maria. “Okay. Okay. Gotta breathe sometime you know.” she said and relieved when she heard her laugh. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up and beautiful again. You wash your face and wait here. I’ll go find Tom.” - - - “Tom where the hell are you?” Maria shouted to her cell. “I’m on my way back, I bailed Danny out.” “What was he doing in prison? Wait, don’t answer that. I really don’t wanna know. Where’s Cameron?” “He is with us.” “Tom, don’t you have ANY brain cells working? What do you need him for?” “Well he had a car. You know maybe if I got that promotion you have been promising for like practically forever I would have had my own car and I wouldn’t need other people’s cars.” “Tom I so don’t need this right now. I’ll show you promotion if you don’t get your ass back here in five minutes, do you understand me? Now put Danny on the phone.” “Hey Maria.” “Danny, I don’t know what the hell you were thinking when you did what you did to get in jail but Carrie here is going through hell right now. I want you to get your butt here and say I do and give her the best honeymoon in the world history and make her happy or I will personally make sure you suffer a slow and painful death. You got that? Now come here and get married!” - - - “You may kiss the bride.” Maria was watching the newly wedded couple kiss with tears in her eyes. “I thought you said -and I quote- ‘weddings are full of meaningless shit, there’s nothing romantic about any of them.’” Tom said with a smirk on his face. “Well Tom, I happen to find this couple pretty meaningful…” “I think you’re turning into a sap… Maybe it’s time for you to get married.” “Oh, pleeeease… We don’t even have a groom, how am I supposed to get married without a groom.” She said rolling her eyes. “What happened to John?” “It’s over.” “What, just like that? It’s only been two weeks for God’s sake!” “Well, he had pretty eyes and a pretty car. But that’s it, he had nothing else to give. He was boring. So I said goodbye.” Tom looked into her eyes while she was talking; she didn’t even have one bit of emotion in them while she was telling his name. ‘Mr Wrong again…’ Tom thought sadly for the billionth time since he met Maria. “You know there’s always Al.” “Which Al?” “Al from the bookstore; tall guy with all those delicious muscles. How the hell can you forget him? He has been after you for like ten months now.” “Oh, Al… Well, I slept with him once.” she said calmly. Tom was nearly choking. “Wha…… When…… How…… Why???” “Well, like a month ago. But he doesn’t get it. It was a one-night stand, what’s there not to understand? But no, he is still following me around like a lost puppy. It’s pathetic.” Tom was bewildered. “You, lady, are a man-eater.” he stated. “You are exaggerating. A relationship wants work and I really don’t have time for that. And to tell the truth I haven’t met any man who is worth the effort since… you know.” she ended abruptly. “Yeah that’s all about him, isn’t it? Everything else you said was just bullshit and you know it. This thing with you and men is all about Colin. You know you should get past that. It’s been three damn years. You should just let it go.” Tom started harsh but he knew she was still in pain, so he softened his voice. She always had that faraway look when his name was mentioned. “I don’t want to talk about it Tom, not now.” She said with an uncharacteristic soft voice. He hated to hear that voice. “Okay. Dance with me?” he said in an attempt to cheer her up. While they were dancing to a rather cheesy romantic song, Maria thought that they would look like the perfect couple to an observer. Tom was a tall man with jet-black hair and blue eyes. He was handsome and Maria had always told him that he would be in real trouble if he wasn’t gay. Maria put her head on his shoulder. It had been a day from hell. She was tired and aching all over. But her heart wasn’t really aching anymore. She just felt empty now. She sighed. Tom was rubbing her back with the intimacy of a best friend. He felt guilty for bringing it up. “You know what? Let’s have a girls night with lots of alcohol and chocolate. What do you say? Maybe some sappy movie?” Tom asked with hope. He knew she needed some time away from work and men. She smiled and said without looking up… “You know that you’re not a girl right?” “Minor details… so tonight?” “No, I need to sleep tonight, lets do it tomorrow, okay?” He mentally patted himself on the back for his victory and kissed her temple. “Okay babe, tomorrow night, you’re all mine…” - - - After sending the happily married couple to their honeymoon with best wishes, Maria returned home, leaving Tom in charge. He knew she needed some time alone to relax, so he didn’t make a big deal out of it. ‘One of the many perks of having a good friend at work…’ Maria thought. This wasn’t the first or the last time Tom saved her from the nightmare of responsibilities. She parked her red Beetle and got out of the car. Then she saw the old red jetta with familiar scratches. She closed her eyes. “Oh God, not now, not today…… Please let it be a hallucination…” she begged. But when she opened her eyes, the car from hell was still there. She let herself in her apartment with reluctance. It was quiet, any other person would think there was noone inside. But she knew better. She would have known even if the car wasn’t there. Her apartment smelled… clean! “Mom?” she called. There was a loud thud from the kitchen, so she headed there. “Ria baby is that you?” Amy asked before Maria could reach the kitchen door. “Of course it’s me mom, who were you expecting, Santa?” said Maria wearily. “Oh, I don’t know, I was hoping I could meet one of your oh-so-secret boyfriends.” She said with a voice full of complaint, hugging her daughter. “Please mom, not today, I’m too tired to argue…” Her voice was muffled but she didn’t let go. It really was helping to hug her mom again. It was a simple gesture that she took granted when she was younger. When she let herself let her mother go, she managed to ask. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you would be on your way back to Roswell by now. Didn’t you miss home yet?” she asked with a curious look laced with concern. Amy has been touring all over the country for the last two months, from convention to convention. Losing her daughter to her father was something Amy couldn’t quite cope with. After all the years of sacrifices she made for her daughter, being a single mother and all, she couldn’t manage to enjoy her freedom when it was given back to her. She tried everything for years and Maria knew this long road trip was an extension of her mother’s continual confusion. “Are you kidding? I am dying to go back. But I thought since I came all the way to LA, I could talk to you face to face. There’s something I want to tell you and I didn’t think it would go well over the phone.” Amy was talking slowly, choosing her words carefully. Maria was starting to freak; it wasn’t like her mom to talk like that. DeLuca women were known to babble and talk as fast as their mouths manage. ‘This should really be important…’ she thought, taking in her mother’s concerned look, full of expectation. “O-kaay. I’m guessing this is important.” Maria voiced her thought and waited for her mother to nod. Amy nodded. She looked a little scared to Maria. Fear was an emotion she wasn’t used to seeing in her mother’s eyes. Maria made two cups of tea and directed her mother to the couch in her living room. Once they sat down comfortably, she snuggled to her mother and asked; “Now you can tell me.” Amy closed her eyes and said the words she thought two months about. “I’m getting married.” - - - Maria looked at her mother long and hard with disbelief. This was definitely something she wasn’t expecting. When she finally found her voice she managed to say “Explain.” “Two months ago Jim asked me to marry him. I was confused so I asked him to give me some time. I needed to be alone so I took off. After two months of soul searching alone on the road I decided to accept it.” She wasn’t looking at Maria. It was a hard thing to talk to your daughter about your insecurities. She forced herself to look her in the eye. If she was gonna do this she should be able to do it boldly, not like a coward. “I should have accepted it the minute he asked me.” She said. Amy has pictured this moment in her head many times, but Maria’s reaction was beyond her hopes. She had a huge grin on her face while she shouted and threw her arms around her mother. “Oh, my God! I’m so happy for you!” “Really? You’re not mad?” Amy choked back her tears. “Of course I’m not mad! Jim is a great guy and I know you’ll be happy with him. Oh my god. This is gonna be so great!” Maria was back in her Super Maria mode. “I’ll arrange everything, you don’t have to worry about anything. Just sit back and give me the date. It’ll be perfect!” - - - Amy stayed the night and left early in the morning to go back to Roswell. It was gonna be a long and lonely ride but she cheered herself up thinking about what waited her there. When the first shock disappeared Maria found herself thinking about going back to Roswell. After all those years she found it difficult to return. She had no idea what she would find there. When her father came to take her to LA, she was just a high school student. It was hard to leave back then, but she had to. She waited her whole life for her father after all. It was her dream, her biggest fantasy. But in the end it turned out that the perfect life with ‘dad’ was really that, a fantasy. Now she felt guilty for leaving. For not calling her mom or Liz or Alex. For being scared to return when she could. For leaving them out of her life on purpose. For letting them think she didn’t care… In one month she would be back. And she was scared out of her mind. - - - “What the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t said a word all day!” Tom was getting really worried. Though he found it weird that she would still be this lost over Colin, he blamed himself for talking about him and depressing her. Maria considered not telling him for a moment, but she decided against it. He was the only person who knew the whole story of her life. And she reminded herself what ‘not talking’ has done to her other relationships. She didn’t want to tell him. It seemed as though it wouldn’t be real till she voiced it out loud. But she knew it was time to come clean with her past, she couldn’t hide in the shadows anymore. And after all he deserved the truth. So she said the thing she dreaded saying or even thinking for the last seven years. “I’m going back to Roswell.” Tom was dumbfounded. He stared at her for a minute to register what she was saying. ‘She lost it’ he thought. ‘She finally lost it and she is hallucinating…’ “Wha…” he managed to blurt out. Maria couldn’t help herself but laugh at his expression. His mouth was opening and closing but there was no sound coming out. He looked so much like her fish Goldie it wasn’t even funny. She would have loved to stay and make fun of him but she had a full schedule so she made a mental note to tease him later and said, “I gotta run now. I’ll explain tonight. Meet me at my place at eight.” She kissed her still mute friend’s cheek and ran out the door towards her car. - - - “Why?” Tom asked as soon as she opened the door at 7:30 PM. She knew he was dying to ask that question for the last four and a half hours; he even came early, Tom was never early. “Mom’s getting married.” She said retreating in the house without looking back to see if he was following. “That’s nice.” He said with a small voice. He sounded thoughtful, not an ordinary thing for him. “Are you okay with it?” asked Tom, following a secret path of questions known to every best friend all around the world. “With the marriage or the going back to Roswell?” “Both I guess…” “Well, to be honest I’m really happy about the marriage part. She was really lonely you know. After all the difficulties she went through she deserves to be doing something just for herself and being happy. She is not that old, has a whole lot of time ahead of her. I just want her to be content you know…” “As for the going back to Roswell part… Well, I am a little bit nervous…” said Maria looking down at her feet. When she finally raised her head to meet his eyes, she found him staring at her with amusement and disbelief… “Now you know that this is the understatement of the century…” “Okay. Okay.” She admitted, “I am about to have a damn nervous breakdown!” “Yeah, that looks more like it.” “Well thanks for the vote of confidence.” She said sarcastically. “Mars you know you were going to have to do it sooner or later…” Tom started with a serious tone. “You can’t just bury your past like that. It is haunting you. You should get past it and move on.” “Yeah I know. It is time. And this is like the perfect opportunity… I’ll do it; I’m not having second thoughts or anything. But I’m scared, ‘cause I know that I’m guilty and I’m scared that they’ll hate me…” She was almost crying and she didn’t want to cry in front of Tom again, or anyone else for that matter. She was strong, she reminded herself that she stood up to life all alone for all this time, she could do this. ‘It’s not a big deal… No big deal…’ she chanted, trying to convince herself. “I know you can do this Mars. You don’t have to worry. You’ll give her the perfect wedding and everything will go just smooth. And I’ll come with you if you need me, okay? Don’t worry. And if they hate you, we’ll deal with it as it comes. You know it’s their loss after all.” Said Tom wearing his comforting best friend face and I’ve-seen-worse look. Maria gave him a familiar smile accompanied with sad eyes shining with unshed tears. ‘Mission accomplished’ Tom thought as he passed methodically from comforting phase to cheering up. “Enough with the moping, lets have some fun. What do you have in mind, chocolate and wine with a chick flick or tequila and nookie with a muscular guy?” Tom knew he succeeded when he saw a mischievous smile creep up her face… - - - Unexpected and long forgotten memories started to assault Maria the minute she set foot in Roswell. Silence of the desert, smell of the earth, texture of the air brought her childhood back on surface. She could hear her own laughter mixed with Alex’s shouts and Liz’s screams of joy. She was a happy kid back then, she had nothing important to complain or shadow her happiness -maybe only an occasional dream of a father-, and now she was a successful, independent woman. But the guilt she took upon her shoulders, somewhere in between those good times, burdened her soul and kept her from cherishing life. She drove her rental car through the streets, which were both strangely alien and familiar at the same time. She drove past Crashdown and although she knew for sure that Liz was now somewhere better with her college degree on something really complicated and serious, she expected to see her there, with that stupid alien face apron, waiting tables. Everyone seemed suspiciously familiar. She knew there was no way that she knew all Roswell population, it was just her paranoia kicking in. She arrived at her mother’s house -her old ‘home’- in no time. A little too fast for her liking. When she finally managed to calm herself down enough to get out of the car, she realized that there probably was noone home to help her get her things inside or open the door for that matter. Her mother would be working at this hour. She cursed under her breath and started to unload her baggage. - - - She took all her nine bags one by one and placed them near the door on top of each other. Then she scrambled her hair and shouted triumphantly when she found a hairpin. “Uh-huh!!!” She bent the pin and started to pick on the lock. When the door unlocked with a small clink, Maria reached for the top three bags with a proud smile on her face. But when the door opened just when she reached for the knob, she lost balance and she stumbled inside, throwing her multicoloured bags around. “Aaaaaaaah!!!” She landed on something rather soft. “GOD DAMMIT!!!” she shouted. She threw her hair back to see around and her eyes met a pair of startled brown eyes. She froze with surprise and fear. Thoughts assaulted her brain. ‘Who the hell is this? A thief? A rapist? Kyle?’ She panicked and struggled to get up, thrusting her elbow in the stranger’s ribs in the process. He let out a muffled curse and held her wrists with one hand to keep her from moving. She was getting really scared so she did what she always did when she was afraid. She yelled at him. “What the hell you think you’re doing? Let me go this instant or I’ll… I’ll… well I don’t know what I’ll do but it sure will hurt like hell.” She was fidgeting on top of him, trying to kick him with no success. But he couldn’t manage to get his brain to think why she was attacking him; he was studying her face with an irresistible interest. Her big, green eyes were fuming with anger, her cheeks were blushing, and her full red lips, shiny with lip-gloss, were catching his eyes while she yelled at him about something he couldn’t comprehend. She stopped moving and looked at him directly in the eye to scare him off with one of her patented ‘you-are-in-trouble-buddy’ looks. But she realized that this time she might be the one in trouble. His eyes were absorbing her. His brown eyes dropped their shield for a moment and looked at her with surprise, interest and… hunger? He managed to not look impressed though, after all, he always had SOME shields up, if not all. It didn’t require his brain’s assistance after all those years, it was reflex. She tried to keep the angry façade but she was losing all rational thoughts. She was slipping. The last working part of her brain suddenly screamed that he was a thief who tried to hurt her. It warned her ‘He is your enemy’. ‘...who has mesmerising eyes’ she added to the thought. The spell was broken. She got her hand out of his now slightly loosened grip and raised it to slap him. But he was faster and caught her hand. Then without giving her a chance to react he crashed his lips on hers. ‘I can’t believe a girl trying to slap me is turning me on…’ was his last coherent thought. PART 2 Maria didn’t resist or struggle and it only took her a minute to respond. The moment his lips touched hers, she closed her eyes involuntarily and let herself lose control. If she could think at that moment she would have realized that this was the first time in three years she let herself loose. But perhaps it was a good thing she couldn’t think, ‘cause she sure would have tried to hide in her mental castle with no windows if she did. He, on the other hand, was feeling things he never would have believed could be felt. There was a tingling sensation covering his body, from head to toe. He felt her lips part with a low sigh and her breath burnt his lips. Then the thing he least expected happened, her tongue darted out and licked his lips. It sure was a day to screw up expectancies. Her hands left his grasp. He wasn’t about to object even if he knew for sure that she was about to put a dagger in his heart. He was beyond caring. Her left hand reached up his chest to his neck and nestled there pulling him closer while her right hand found its way into his hair. She tasted like strawberry and her hair smelled like wild flowers. Her long, wavy blond hair draped over his face tickling him. He tentatively raised one of his hands to caress her hair. He was sure that she would slap him again for this - well she would TRY again at least -. He felt like her hair was important to her, sacred somehow and she wouldn’t let everyone touch it. He didn’t know how but he felt it. While one of his hands placed itself on the small of her back, between her top and jeans, touching the soft skin without hesitation, his other hand took ages to reach her hair. He felt her body stiffen against his. But he kept his fingers in her hair. He knew for sure he was doing the right thing, he had no idea where those feelings came from, but he trusted them. Something he didn’t do often. She had stopped kissing him by now and placed her cheek against his, enjoying the sparks his hand created in her hair. She didn’t want to open her eyes. She knew if she did, reality would take over, and she would lose his warmth she felt deep inside. The worst part wasn’t the loss of it, but knowing the fact that she was going to throw it away herself. So she kept her eyes closed, hoping this feeling last for eternity, for it was her first and only since what seemed like forever. She slowly raised her face, rubbing against his. Electric currents ran through them where they touched. Both her palms were placed on his temples by now, her finger buried in his hair. She was caressing his eyebrows with her thumbs. She subconsciously knew that she should end it now or she would never be able to. But she couldn’t contain her gratitude inside and she sure wasn’t going to thank him when they parted, that was a given. So she placed a kiss between his right eye and temple and prepared herself mentally to fall back to Earth and get up. She opened her eyes to find his curious gaze on herself. He was obviously waiting for her to react. She didn’t disappoint him. She summoned all her anger to surface. When she decided she could trust her knees not to give away, she jumped up and tried to yell at him but her voice came out a whisper. “What the hell was that?” “What do you think it was?” he replied sarcastically. His face was closed off; she had no idea what he was thinking. He appeared nonchalant but there was no way a human could keep cool after a kiss like this. She so wanted to snap at him about what happened, but she was planning to keep playing her game, ever the scariest ‘get-your-ass-out-of-this-situation-in-one-piece’ game. She had to change the subject according to the rules; otherwise her ass was his, literally. She knew too well that she was undeniably guilty in the situation. So she said, “Who the hell are you?” carefully hiding her curiosity with mock fury. Now that they were back in the harsh realm that we call reality, he had all his shields up in full power. He realized what she was doing and was glad that she did it. Last thing he needed was a girl following him around, trying to hold his hand. But he didn’t understand why she would do that. This wasn’t what girls did, they asked for romance and commitment and crap like that. She wasn’t supposed to pretend it never happened, it was his job. He made a mental note about her being weird and played his part. “I live here.” “Oh no you don’t. This is my house…” “Yeah of course. How stupid of me!” He said, his voice full of sarcasm. He pulled out a single key from his pocket and held it up. “That’s why I have a key and you’re picking the lock.” Her cheeks blushed from her fury, he was so… so… so annoying!!! Everything about him was annoying. The teasing tone of his voice, the sexy smirk on his face, his way too tight t-shirt stretched over his muscles… ‘That should be illegal…’ she protested silently, ‘Shit I’m getting side tracked!’ She started gathering her bags to avoid looking at him. She looked like a little girl trying to carry her mother’s bags. Michael would have said she looked ‘adorable’ struggling with those weird colourful bags, if he had the word in his vocabulary. He bit his tongue trying not to laugh and keep his cool. “I’m guessing you’re Maria.” His voice was a little more civil now. “Amy was expecting you next week.” “Well, obviously I’m early!” She said, annoyed at him for not helping her, and secretly glad that he didn’t, ‘cause she had no idea how he would effect her when he was that near. If she kissed him again, there was no talking her way out of it this time. She pushed him out of her way and headed upstairs to her room. He stood there, waiting for her. He’s known her for a total ten minutes now and he had the most contradicting feelings about her he ever had about anyone. She did the most expected and unexpected things. He didn’t even know what that meant. ‘Thoughts…’ he corrected himself ‘…not feelings, only thoughts.’ She came back and threw him a deadly glare. “Change it back. It’s my room!” “No, princess, it was your room, ‘was’ being the key word here. It’s been mine for five years now.” She felt sad. She knew she had no right to expect for her mother to keep her room as it was. She did leave her, didn’t she? It was her choice; she had to bear the consequences. But reason didn’t help her feel better. She never was much of a reason person; it was Liz’s specialty. He saw her defeated look and he knew that it wasn’t because of their little quarrel. He knew Amy and Maria had some issues. Though he never talked to her about it -he wasn’t big on talking-, he was sure Amy loved her daughter and cared for her more than anything. The house itself was like a Maria shrine and he knew all her childhood stories by heart from his dinners with Amy. Her pictures were all over the house; walls, tables… everywhere… She was sad, that was for sure… He didn’t know what their problems were, but even if he did there was nothing he could do to help. He wasn’t exactly the comforting kind of person. He wouldn’t know how to act or what to do. Max was the sensitive guy; he was just the creepy guy in the shadows. So he did the two things he did the best. He annoyed her and fled the scene. “Well it’s been a pleasure meeting you princess but I really have better things to do.” He said walking towards the still open door with that annoyingly sexy smirk on his face again. “I didn’t catch your name?” she asked, obviously angry. “That’s ‘cause I didn’t tell you…” he didn’t even look back. He was pushing all her buttons without any extra effort. You could almost say, he was made to push her buttons. “Well then, Mr. Top Secret, I’ll just call you Bobo, it’s just the same to me.” She said in a playful tone… “You look like him anyway…” she added under her breath. That got his attention, he turned around and said in an exasperated voice “Oh that’s mature. What are you, five? And who the hell is Bobo?” “It’s the stuffed alien mom made for me when I was four, I still have it somewhere. You have the exact same hair.” She was desperately trying to piss him off and was armed and ready for the worst comeback. But she definitely wasn’t expecting his next actions, or lack thereof. He had this look on his face for a moment, like she stepped on his toes. Then he turned and left saying coldly “The name’s Michael. Use it.” To say that he was confused would have been an understatement. He was caught totally unprepared and he cursed himself for showing his discomfort like that. ‘What if it was the FBI, what if it was someone that suspected you? If you can’t act normal in front of a stupid girl, how will you do it when it’s an agent talking to you?’ He sent the disturbing thoughts away and headed to the gas station where he had a shift in half an hour. - - - Maria put her bags in the guestroom; she was coming to terms with the fact that her room wasn’t her room anymore. She had a big, beautiful apartment in LA for god’s sakes; she didn’t need a stupid room in Roswell! Once she was settled, she decided to go to her mother’s store to get some answers about that Michael guy. Why would anyone want to rent that guy a room? He was creepy. He was the obvious delinquent type. ‘But that’s Amy we’re talking about.’ she reminded herself… She was a delinquent herself once after all. First she did some investigating. It was for her mother’s safety, she reasoned, not at all about her own insatiable curiosity. “Let’s see who this spiky Bobo guy is…” She opened her -well HIS- room’s door silently. The room was suspiciously tidy. The bed wasn’t made but she never once made her bed, so who was she to talk. The walls weren’t painted pink anymore like she left it but plain white. It looked simple, too simple… He didn’t have much furniture, just the basics. There were two Metallica posters on the wall and she saw some CDs that were also all Metallica. She kept looking around, carefully placing everything she touched back in their places. She couldn’t find any pictures but there were books. Not too many, but she realized that the ones he had were really good. She wasn’t a big reader but she knew who James Joyce was. He had a really old and worn copy of Ulysses on the nightstand. It looked like he read it everyday for the last ten years. She also found some books on stars and constellations scattered around. She rummaged through his drawers. Nothing important, just some ordinary junk; pencils, some condoms, and for some weird reason Tabasco sauce bottles… She was losing her enthusiasm when she opened the last drawer. There were some sketchbooks put neatly on top of each other. Some of them were really old, some were new. She saw charcoal pencils in one little box and single sketches put together in a folder. She took them out with amazement and held them carefully like they were some kind of archaeological discovery. - - - She spent the next hour going through his sketches. All of them were good and half of them were truly enchanting. There were sketches of parks, trees, kids playing, people talking, laughing, working, eating... doing their normal, everyday things. She was impressed. He drew ordinary life and made it look interesting somehow. He sure had a different way of seeing things. She found it beautiful. He caught the looks or expressions, she never spent one moment to catch in another person. He was a true observer. She noticed the sun going down and realized the time she spent studying his drawings. She panicked. It would have really sucked if he found her going through his stuff. She put the papers away and left the room with confused thoughts and a new found respect for the spiky haired, weird guy living in her old room. - - - Amy came home from work to find her daughter sleeping on the couch. She looked peaceful while she slept. Amy just stood there and watched her sleep… She remembered the old days when they sat together on that same couch every night, talking. Tears streamed down her cheeks but she couldn’t wipe them. Her daughter was home. Finally. Her baby girl was home… As she watched her, she saw a tattoo on her right wrist. She moved closer to see what it was. It was her initials. It made her cry more. There was nothing sad about having your initials tattooed on your wrist. But she had no idea when she got that tattoo. Or why she decided to grow her hair out. Or how she became a wedding planner. Or what did she do first thing in the morning… She regretted the time she lost so terribly, a huge knot formed in her stomach. She didn’t know the woman her daughter grew to be. This was her second chance. No way in hell she was gonna screw this one up. She would get to know her better and make her smile that genuine smile she only had for her mom. And most importantly she would make her belong again. She wanted Maria in her life and home and she wasn’t giving up easily this time. PART 3 Maria woke up to a silent, dark house and didn’t remember where she was for a moment. Then the day’s events caught up with her. She was surprised to realize how easily she fell asleep. She had a bit of an insomnia problem and couldn’t fall asleep if she wasn’t truly exhausted. She saw that it was nearly midnight. Stumbling towards kitchen, she realized she hasn’t eaten all day. Her worries on Amy’s whereabouts disappeared with the note on the fridge. / You were sleeping so peaceful, I couldn’t wake you up. I’ll be with Jim tonight, so don’t expect me. I’ll see you tomorrow…Welcome back home… AMY / “Well nothing’s changed around here…” she mumbled, going through the contents of the fridge. She decided on spaghetti and started to boil some water. She was chopping all vegetables she found to make some sauce when her eyes caught the stars shining bright in the night sky through kitchen window. She has missed the stars. She couldn’t see stars this bright in LA, there were too much city lights. She never realized how important it was to her till that moment. “Beautiful…” she sighed. - - - Michael came home late. He took a long walk before coming home; he had a ton to think. And as much as he didn’t want to admit, he needed to gather round his courage. He decided at last that the impact of the kiss was just an illusion. He was just caught surprised. It wasn’t important or special. She wasn’t either. She was just another annoying stupid blond. He opened the door quietly and slipped inside. He saw the light in the kitchen and walked towards it. He saw her then and all his resolves crumbled. She was wearing old sweat pants, looking too big on her and a bright green tank top, really old again but too tight on the contrary. Her tousled hair was threatening his sanity. He watched her watch the stars and heard her mumble “Beautiful…” He had to agree, the sight in front of him was the definition of true beauty. He knew at the back of his mind, he had to make his presence known but he was paralysed and couldn’t really process the thought. And to be honest he was enjoying this way too much. But his clumsiness betrayed his intensions. The chair he held in order to not fall watching her, skidded under his grip, and ended on the floor with a loud thud. She shrieked and turned around, holding the knife in front of her. When she saw who the intruder was, she became more furious -if it was possible-. “Do you always sneak up on people like that?” she shouted, annoyed. “Do you always threaten robbers with tomatoes?” asked Michael nonchalantly, trying to annoy her even more. She looked puzzled for a moment, then saw the slice of tomato sticking in front of her knife. She didn’t want to but she couldn’t help herself as she cracked a smile. He was smirking at her. She had no idea how to act in front of him. She had those really confusing thoughts, running around and occasionally bumping into each other, in her mind. She wanted to be nice to him, ‘cause now that she saw more into his life, she knew that he was a special person. But she also wanted to be angry with him ‘cause every move he made was damn annoying. She wanted to kiss him again, for she knew it would be earth shattering. But some part of her wanted to beat him up for kissing her, ‘cause it woke her up from her long sleep of ‘not-feeling’. She never felt all those contradicting emotions at once before. There was fury and fear above all the good ones though, for knowing it would never be ‘the knight in shining armour’ sort of love and happiness with her spiky haired, room stealing, handsome prince. She saw it happen before; crumbling of all hope. And the desperation left filling the void. She would never risk it again. She knew men by now. They acted just the way women wanted them to be like. But that was just it, an act. In reality they really were all same, wearing their masks and pretending till the day they got sick of you. It was sad, but she was a grown up now, so she finally accepted it. There was no love the way they told you in fairytales. Real life wasn’t made of happy endings but unhappy memories. Maria dismissed her thoughts and came back to the real world that is kitchen. She found herself stirring the sauce absent-mindedly. She didn’t know if he was still standing there and she was afraid to look. Her anger took over once again for feeling like a shy high school girl over just a kiss, with just another guy. ‘You had sex with men you knew less than that Bobo guy, at least he was at your house, right? So don’t start all that Like A Virgin crap, we all know you are far from it! Remember that guy from the party at Nelson’s…’ she let Tom’s ranting voice trail off in her head. She got the message. He was just a normal guy, nothing special. She was too upset over her own misery; her subconscious tried to make him some saviour or something. She liked the sound of that thought and the fact that she figured it all out herself this time, without therapy. And she did it before it got out of hand, which sure was a huge plus. She turned around with her newfound courage and determination. He was standing there looking at her, as if he was expecting her to do something. She found her first impression of him ridiculous now. He really was just another guy. She dated lots of men similar to him. She was relaxed; there was nothing new there. “So…” she began “…are you hungry?” “Depends on what you’re makin’…” Her eyes narrowed. “Oh that’s polite. I made spaghetti and some sauce with those weird things you got in the fridge. And you know what; if you don’t like it, you can eat whatever the hell you want.” She turned her back to him and started to fill her plate. He wasn’t smirking anymore. He walked towards her, got as close to her as humanly possible without touching; reached up, and grabbed a plate. He looked down for a moment and met her furious eyes. “I like spaghetti.” She fought herself not to look at his lips and waver her angry gaze… “You better, ‘cause that’s all you’ll get.” She took her plate and pushed past him, walking towards the living room. - - - Maria sat on the couch, put her plate on her lap, and turned on the TV. After flipping through channels for a minute, she decided on MTV. Michael didn’t hesitate while sitting next to her on the couch. They sat and ate in silence. But Maria couldn’t help herself when Michael put a third layer of Tabasco on his second plate of spaghetti. “What’s with the Tabasco?” “I like it.” His answer was short and simple, as always. “If you keep eating that much of it, you’ll probably have ulcer by the end of the decade you know.” “I appreciate the concern but it really is none of your business.” “You know what, you can just drop dead; I don’t care. I’m just trying to have a civil conversation here.” “Well don’t!” “It doesn’t seem possible anyway.” She got up and left without giving him another look. She went to the backyard and lay down on the grass. She remembered doing the exact same thing whenever her mother and father fought when she was a little kid. Watching the stars always had some calming effect on her. She remembered her father teaching her about the names of the stars and constellations. Showing her how to use the telescope, which he later took away with his other possessions when he left. She saw herself playing with Liz and Alex in this backyard before they started school. Too many memories, too many feelings… Two hours later she was still there in the same place, same position, but with an empty bottle of red wine next to her. She was reliving everything that happened since she left Roswell. She didn’t realize her tears streaming down her cheeks. She was in too deep. She felt something soft on her. Her eyes snapped open and caught the now-too-familiar brown ones. He was putting a blanket on her. “I’m not asleep.” She said. Her eyes had a serious problem of focusing. “I know, you’ll catch a cold.” “Like you care.” “Shut up.” She wasn’t annoyed or angry or anything. It felt like a routine, normal way of communicating with him. “So, why are you living alone, here with my mom?” She was too drunk to think about not pushing him. “Do you have any better ideas?” “Well, there’s always this having your own place thing or living with your family or all time favourite get the hell out of Roswell thing. Pick one.” “Don’t have a family, that’s out. Don’t have enough money so own place thing is out too. I got out of Roswell once but I had to come back. But believe me I’m working on a permanent escape. And for now; Amy is cool and the room is cheap.” Her memory started to find some really old and forgotten pictures. A spiky haired little boy without any family; never talking to anyone except Max and Isabel Evans. And a young man, still with the spiky hair, walking through corridors of high school, never giving anyone a look, a smile, a chance… How did she forget? How couldn’t she just make the connection? “Oh God, you’re Michael!” she said looking at him with big eyes. “I thought we were over this; I’m Michael, you’re Maria…” “No, I mean, I just never realized which Michael you are.” “And which Michael am I?” He had no idea what she was talking about. It was all coming back to her now. Like her memory had a door named Michael and she just found the key… “Michael Guerin” she stated, puzzling him. He knew they went to school together but he never thought she would remember him. They never once talked and he wasn’t the type of guy that girls payed attention. He remembered Maria clearly though. She was loud and full of life. He remembered her curls and how much he liked watching them bounce when she ran around with Alex. And in high school, he remembered feeling disappointed when she cut them short. She was never one of the beautiful types like Izzie but she was unique and he always liked that. She never followed the crowd about anything. “You must have some really good memory.” He couldn’t find anything else to say. “Of course I remember you. I should have known it the first time I saw you, but I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to your face…” He knew she was talking with the courage alcohol gave her or she wouldn’t be this relaxed or open with him. He decided to take the opportunity to talk to her without having to care about what she would think. ‘Cause she obviously wasn’t capable of it right now. “Why did you leave?” he asked. Her life was a mystery to him and it was making it impossible to figure her out. He needed to know more than Amy’s little stories. She wasn’t even hesitating while answering. She wanted to talk and get things out of her chest. “My father came back and asked me to go with him.” Michael knew about her father. How he left them, why he left them. So he couldn’t understand why she would just forgive him and go with him, leaving Amy behind. “So you just took off? How can you do that to Amy?” He was angry. He wasn’t going to admit it but in five years he grew to care about Amy. She sighed while thinking about a way to make him understand. “I… Have you ever had a childhood dream about changing your life to something better, like in a fairytale? My dream was my father. I knew he never was a good husband or a good person for that matter, but in my memories he was the perfect father. So I always dreamed of him coming back; rich and powerful and…perfect. He would take us out of Roswell to some better place. But when he came back, it was only for me, not for us. And I made a selfish decision, it apparently was the wrong one…” She wasn’t looking at him, she was watching the stars. It was as if she was confessing. She didn’t want to see the priest’s face; she just wanted to tell her story, and be forgiven. Michael wanted to run and forget last ten minutes. It felt like he was listening to his own story in a parallel universe. The dream of your family coming and taking you away to a better place than Roswell was way too familiar. He never would have thought he could relate to someone like Maria. She was nothing like him. She was so…different. “So, why was it the wrong one? Wasn’t it somewhere better?” He needed to know what happened next. “At first, yes, it was better in every possible way. Dad was rich and great, he did everything I wanted. But it didn’t last. He wasn’t changed. He was still afraid of responsibility, so he ran. He couldn’t handle. He left me… Again. And I couldn’t come back, I couldn’t even call and ask for help. I didn’t have any right. I lost everything. I lost home the moment I made my decision, LA wasn’t home.” He was angry with her. It wasn’t her fault that the story was this way, but he blamed her anyway. It didn’t have to be like this with him. His story could end happily ever after. It had to or he wouldn’t have anything to live for anymore. She kept going, interrupting his thoughts. “But I didn’t let myself give up. I graduated from high school with the help of my experience of waiting tables at The Crashdown. And then I built my own home. And I did it. Now I have a home, a car, and a good job in LA waiting for me. I have friends. But I know they’ll never replace what I lost.” “What did you lose?” “Mom, Liz, Alex... They’ll never forgive me. I don’t have any right to ask for forgiveness. I deserve much worse anyway.” She paused for a moment. “You don’t understand, do you?” She still wasn’t looking at him. He sighed. “Maybe I do.” She turned to look at him. “You do?” “Maybe.” He didn’t want to explain. She couldn’t possibly understand without knowing the whole truth and telling her was out of the question. So he changed the subject. “They don’t hate you.” “Who?” “Amy, Liz, Alex.” “How would you know that? You don’t even know Liz and Alex.” “Well, Roswell isn’t exactly the way you left it. Things changed a lot in seven years.” “You’re telling me that you’re friends with Liz and Alex?” she asked with disbelief. “Kind of. Not by choice. Liz is Max’s fiancée. Alex is Isabel’s boyfriend for like five or six years now.” “Oh. My. God.” She was speechless. Her hand covering her mouth, she looked at him, her eyes wide open. She sat there for ten minutes, stupefied. “Are they here?” she asked when she found her voice again. “Yeah, they must be here right now.” “What…what are they doing? Tell me about them.” She was pleading him with her eyes. “Well, I’m not exactly best friends with them but I know that Liz is some kind of a biologist and she’s living with Max in Albuquerque. Isabel is a model, not a big one at that, but she makes good money and she always travels; so Alex never has a stable job. He always travels with her, writes songs and does some computer business; I don’t really know much about it. But they always come back here, Roswell is home base.” “It’s like Twilight Zone.” “Yeah I know.” “Will you see them tomorrow?” “Maybe, why?” “I need to meet them sooner or later. Maybe you could tell them, you know, that I was in town and they could see me if they wanted to or something…” He was watching her squirm, with amusement. “You, princess, are a coward.” She threw him a deadly glare, but couldn’t lie. “Well maybe I am a little scared.” She admitted in a small voice. “I’ll invite them over tomorrow night, how’s that?” She wanted to scream ‘too soon!’ but even with her drunken mind, she knew that putting off wouldn’t help. She managed to nod before her eyes closed. She was nearly asleep when he heard her mutter “Don’t call me princess, Bobo…” - - - Next day went in a blur. She woke up at noon with a killer headache and drank black coffee till she felt sick but sober and awake. Then her mother came home early to spoil and fuss over her. She didn’t remember much of the night before. The last thing she remembered was finishing the bottle and next thing she knew was that she woke up in her bed. She had no idea how or when she got there. So when she heard a really loud gang of people enter the house, she was truly surprised. She went downstairs and heard an excited girl voice say, “Where is she? Where is she?” “How should I know, I’m not her babysitter.” That was definitely Michael but she had no clue who the others were. She appeared on the last step and felt arms wrapping around her accompanied with a loud shriek. “Oh my god! It’s really you, you’re back! I thought I’d never see you again!” “Liz?” She managed to pull away from the tight hug, to look at her friend’s face. She wasn’t changed much, just grew up a little. She looked more mature and sad. ‘The sad look may have something to do with her crying.’ Maria reasoned. “Liz, don’t cry… Please…” “But I’m so happy!” She was smiling now. “You remember Max, right?” She was pulling an uncomfortable looking Max. “Yes, of course. Hi Max.” She realized that she somehow knew they were engaged and Isabel and Alex were going out. This was crazy but she was sure, she knew it. She made a mental note about thinking thoroughly about that later and motioned towards Alex. He hugged her, only saying “I missed you girl!” He really was changed. He had an air of confidence around him, which wasn’t there the last time she saw him. She greeted Isabel and they made their way to kitchen; Liz never leaving her side. PART 4 Hours passed exchanging stories. The three friends shared the events of the last seven years they spent apart. But there were major dents in all their stories. None of them went into the most important stuff; not knowing how to tell or in some cases not knowing whether it would be right to tell. Max and Isabel just sat and watched them, occasionally adding a detail or two to the stories their other halves told. Michael was looking bored, but in reality watching the interaction between the three friends intently. He watched the humans tell stories of them skipping the dangerous parts. He never trusted them. He never called them friends. Maybe they weren’t enemies but that didn’t make them his allies. He never asked for them to find out and when they did, he never wanted them to be a part of his small circle of family. But it was inevitable. He never told his secret to anyone. He never trusted anyone. He never felt the need to trust anyone. He only trusted his own kind, the only two he was aware of. And they betrayed him. They betrayed his secret, their pact and their friendship. He left them once. One night; when he got sick of Max and Isabel with their precious humans, and Hank with his precious booze. He just ran away, without any direction in mind. If he felt alone inside, he might as well be alone on the outside too, he reasoned. He came back after two years of living on the roads. He never found what he was looking for but he wouldn’t have come back if it weren’t for Isabel’s illness. She came into his dream looking miserable and told him she needed him. So he came back. Nothing was changed in Roswell while he was gone. Max was still counting how many times he screwed up and Isabel was still the Mother Goose, trying to look after him. But this time around he didn’t let them take control. Years on road toughened him. Now Max and Izzie were afraid of him. He used it well to have his space, never let them too close again. He always wanted their respect and it was exactly like him to screw that up too and scare them away. But it was the only way and he accepted it. And now for five years, he has been surviving, waiting for something, anything to happen. He didn’t want his human life like Max and Izzie. He waited to get out of this stupid planet, he waited his life to come and find him. He waited to be saved. While sitting there all bored, listening to the stories he already knew, an idea occurred to him. Maria was Liz’s best friend; if she chose to stay seven years ago she would have known about them too. Would she have told someone? Would she have just accepted them? Liz would have told her, that was a given. She even told Alex. Questions of what could have happened filled his mind but one question stopped all others all of a sudden. Would they be together if she knew? Would they be like Alex and Izzie or Max and Liz? He couldn’t think of himself like that. He never had anyone that close. He didn’t believe that he was capable of letting people get intimate with him. He decided that if anything had happened between them, he would have screwed it up by now anyway. And there was no point of having relationships or ties here, when his sole purpose was to go away. His own thoughts and dreams were disturbing him lately. It felt like he was giving up subconsciously. He was failing again and this time he was failing and disappointing himself. He was betraying his own life’s objective and everything he believed was right. He got up and walked outside, hardly refraining himself from running till he reached the door. He ran when he got out of sight. He knew at the back of his mind that there was no running away from himself, but he didn’t let himself realize it just yet. He pretended to do so. - - - Nobody noticed Michael’s absence until it was nearly midnight and time to go. They left promising to meet and hang out again. Maria made herself a cup of tea and sat in the backyard looking at the stars without even seeing them. She was deep in thought. She never heard Michael come and sit next to her. Michael took a sip from her tea… “How do you drink that shit? It’s disgusting.” Anyone who knew Michael would have been really impressed by his attempt at making small talk. But Maria sure wasn’t one of those people. She didn’t even turn her head. They sat in silence for a while, then Maria asked the question that bothered her. “Why did they lie to me?” Michael felt like he was punched in the stomach. He wasn’t expecting this. He never thought she noticed. “Why do you think they lied?” She gave him an ‘are-you-for-real?’ look. “Come on, I know I didn’t see them for seven years but I knew them since they were in diapers. I taught them how to lie for God’s sake!” He didn’t know what to say. He had no proper explanation. So he directed her to Liz. It was their mess after all. “Then you should ask that to them.” She considered that for a moment and decided against it. She shook her head. “No, I won’t ask if they don’t want to tell me. I’m not here to bother people.” “You didn’t tell them the whole truth as well.” He stated. She threw him a skeptical look. “How do you know?” “You told me.” Seeing as she had no idea, he added… “…Last night.” And suddenly realization hit her. She now understood where all that weird knowledge came from. “So I talked to you last night…” “Yes you did.” There was a pause. “Why did YOU lie?” “I didn’t exactly lie… I just left some parts out.” He didn’t look satisfied so she continued. “I can’t just spill my life to people that don’t even trust me anymore. Not that I blame them or anything.” “You blame yourself about this too?” Michael didn’t look like a concerned friend while asking this. He didn’t have it in him and they weren’t even friends. His voice contained no noticeable emotion. Maria didn’t like the direction this conversation headed. ‘What exactly did I tell him last night?’ she wondered. She didn’t answer, in a way she couldn’t. What was she going to say? That she did blame herself? What good would that do? He already knew that by the looks of it anyway. Twenty minutes passed in companionable silence. That was weird considering the pair in question, but they didn’t even notice since they both had too much to think. Michael noticed her biting her nails. The rhythmic noise she kept making was driving him crazy. It sounded deafening in the silence of the night. He grabbed her hand to stop her. She looked at him with questioning eyes. “Stop doing that!” “They are my nails, what’s it to you?” “It’s disgusting, stop it!” “The things you eat are disgusting but you don’t see me yapping about it, do you?” “I don’t yap.” “Yes you do! And that’s my backyard, I can do whatever I want.” “It’s not yours and you know it!” “Well, it definitely isn’t yours!” “Who cares whose backyard it is, just stop making that noise!” “Who’s gonna make me?” “You are so damn annoying, you know that?” “Well then, that makes the two of us!” They stared at each other for a while, daring the other to do something. When it started to take too much effort to not jump him, Maria turned her head and began biting her nails again, a lot more furiously this time. She felt sexual attraction to a lot of guys before and she never really cared. She just acted on it. But she knew this time it would complicate things way too much. They weren’t just in some club. Her mother was involved this time, her friends were involved. He wasn’t just some nameless guy, he was Michael Guerin. The Michael Guerin that lived in her house. The Michael Guerin that she had a huge crush on in high school. The Michael Guerin that wouldn’t just disappear like the other guys in the morning. The Michael Guerin that she could easily fall for if she just let herself. So she stayed away, following all good reasons she had. She just couldn’t let herself ruin her life even more. - - - Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into…three quarters of a month, to be exact. And Maria remembered why she hated Roswell so much. Nothing ever happened in this town. Maria spent her days planing the wedding, helping her mother at the store and sitting around, watching daytime TV. Amy was never home at nights; so she cooked, sat in the backyard, fought with Michael and slept, in the exact same order every damned night. She met Liz a couple of times. Liz kept lying, so she never told her about her father or Colin or anything important for that matter. Alex and Izzie were out of town; at least she didn’t have to pretend with them. She wasn’t angry or anything, it just hurt to know that your best friends didn’t want you anymore. It was one week till the wedding. Everything was ready to go. It was planned to be a simple ceremony, wedding at the church, reception at the backyard. They didn’t want to make it a big deal, just between close friends and family. - - - Maria was trying to get some change in her boring life. Thinking all day; she couldn’t find anything to change, so she decided on cutting her old jeans. She wanted them just under her knees. She was too lazy to take them off, so she took her mother’s scissors and started to cut the lower parts while still wearing the jeans. It was impossible to get them straight. And she was having a hard time cutting the backsides. She sat on the floor, facing the wall and put her legs up. It was difficult; she wasn’t a gymnast or anything. She knew she could hurt herself really badly but she was stubborn as hell once she set her mind. When Michael came in, he couldn’t process what he was seeing. Maria had her back to him. She was bracing her thighs with her arms and her head was between her knees. “What are you doing?” he asked carefully and slowly. She couldn’t answer –her mouth was busy pulling to rip a piece of denim- but held the scissors like he should have guessed. He was near her by now. “Do you need help?” He looked concerned, not about her physical well being but the mental one. “Nope.” She mumbled. Her face was flushed; she was pulling the part in her mouth with all her might. “You know, you could make a great guard dog.” Suggested Michael, standing behind her with his trademark smirk. She mumbled something unintelligible and pulled harder. Suddenly her jeans tore and her head hit his knees knocking him down. Her head was pounding; she couldn’t open her eyes or get up. Or maybe her eyes were open but she couldn’t see. She decided to check; if only she could manage to get her hand to obey orders again. Michael felt a weight on his legs and looked down. He said “This is the second time you did that in a month!” as he sat up. He looked at her face and saw her eyes looking at a spot in the ceiling. It was like she was dead but he noticed her chest rise and fall with every breath. Michael panicked. The cool guy Michael Guerin lost his composure for a moment. He gently but hurriedly pulled his legs from under her, while holding her head. He watched her face for any difference but saw none. So he gathered her in his arms, carried her to his room and laid her on his bed. He couldn’t think, didn’t know what to do. He brought some ice and put on her head where she hit his knees and started to wipe her face with cold water. He tried talking to her, hoping she would hear. “Maria, try to move your hand if you’re hearing me. Come on you can do it, just focus.” “Maria, you have to try to wake up!” She heard his voice; it wasn’t emotionless or teasing like it usually is. It was soft and concerned. She felt his caresses on her face. They set fire on the skin that cold water cooled only seconds ago. He was treating her like a newborn baby, like she could easily break. She was never touched like this. Men didn’t like caresses; they liked to go straight to the point. Even if they did, nobody ever caressed her cheeks that way. Her ass maybe, her breasts or her thighs; but never her face… She heard his voice pleading “Maria, come on… Wake up.” She realized that this was the first time he called her with her name since they met. She liked the way he said it; soft and hoarse… as if it was a prayer. Michael touched her lips, feeling her lip gloss and stroked her hair back from her face, remembering her curls once again. ‘What if she never wakes up?’ he thought. ‘What if she dies now? What if this is it?’ Panic grew in him, while his chest tightened around his heart. Maria represented the things he fantasized but could never have. She was the girl of his fantasies. She couldn’t die. He never daydreamed or fantasized about anything but spaceships till last month. Of course he had dreams about girls, he was a guy after all, even if an alien one at that. He just never had one constant girl in all his fantasies before Maria. She was there kissing him, making love to him. She was there laughing with him, crying with him. She was there marrying him, having his children. She was there coming to his planet with him. The dreams changed all the time but she was always there. And now he was losing her, not in a dream, but for real. Tears, he never let spill in front of anyone before, filled his eyes. He held them back, but one drop made its way down his cheek and fell on her lips. She felt the drop of water course down her lips to her tongue. It tasted salty. She couldn’t understand where it came from. Why would the water be salty? Then it hit her; he was crying, over her. She suspected that she might be dead or hallucinating. It didn’t make sense; Michael wouldn’t cry, it wasn’t like him to cry. She wanted to see for herself but she didn’t know how to wake up. She found her heartbeat and concentrated on it and slowly, step by step she forced herself to feel. Michael was numb. He had no idea what he was doing. He couldn’t think or feel. He held her hand and studied her short nails. He remembered how they fought about her habit of biting them. And he thought he would never see her doing it again or watch her cook or hear her sing in the shower. That thought woke him up from his daze. His voice was firm and commanding this time. “Maria, you have to wake up now. Come on, you can do it! Just come back to my voice.” He saw her hand twitch and her eyelids flutter. His voice was full of excitement and hope this time. “Look at me Maria, try to focus.” She raised her hand to his face. It was hard, since she saw three of them. He helped her hand to his cheek and held it there. Her eyes finally met his and she found what she was looking for. There were no tears but his eyelashes were wet. And his eyes weren’t the same ones she saw everyday for the last three weeks. He wasn’t the Michael Guerin she knew. This Michael had life in his eyes the other one lacked. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, his eyes never leaving hers. “Are you okay?” he asked just to be saying something. She nodded in response, not trusting her voice. She brought his face closer; she couldn’t think about anything else right now. His eyes closed while their lips met. The kiss was slow and gentle this time. His tongue met hers in her mouth and caressed it with a delicacy, he didn’t know he had. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she put all her need and want in that, one kiss. He licked her lips, tasting strawberry just like he remembered. Her mouth was hot and sweet; her kisses were content and tired, not aggressive like she usually is. He realized that he made a connection with her involuntarily. This was the first time he did something like that, he wasn’t good at these things. Well, to be perfectly honest, he sucked at them. He blocked his mind to keep her out. He didn’t want her to freak out. Memories of her past hit him all of a sudden. He was seeing, feeling and even smelling things she did. He saw millions of memories all at once; he couldn’t even process them. He blocked them as much as he could and focused on her lips; soft, hot and welcoming. He broke off the kiss softly and opened his eyes. He slowly kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead. Her eyes were still closed and she was still caressing his cheek. A bright smile slowly spread over her face as she opened her eyes and found his. “I’m okay now.” She said, content. “But sleepy…” she yawned. She was tired, her eyes were closing. “No, no, no… You can’t sleep now. No, Maria, look at me. You may have a concussion, you have to stay awake.” “Can’t… too sleepy…” she mumbled. He didn’t know what to do. ‘If only Max was here… He could make a connection and see…’ He couldn’t finish the thought as he realized what just happened. He could connect with her. And that may mean that he could heal her. He had access to both her body and mind. He at least had to try. He placed his hands on her temples and watched her face, concentrating. He was in, in a second. He felt her presence all around him. It felt warm, surrounding him like a cocoon that smelled like roses. He felt content for the first time in his life. She was filling all his voids, completing him. He could lose himself in her rosy scent, but he didn’t let himself enjoy the feeling. He had a mission. He needed to check if she was alright. Well, he needed to learn how to do it first. He focused on her body and felt her heart beat in time with his. He coursed through her veins and found her brain. He knew nothing at all about biology but he didn’t need to. Her mind was telling him what he wanted to know. He knew she was okay, there was nothing she couldn’t handle herself. She was just exhausted. He tried to focus and gather all his energy. He was surprised how sudden and powerful it came. He channeled it towards her in small amounts. He thought it might hurt her if he let go of it too much. He retreated to his own body, feeling her getting stronger. He came back and opened his eyes to a spinning world which proceeded to dissolve into darkness. PART 5 Michael was running. He wasn’t aware of his surroundings. He didn’t have an evident direction. He just knew he had to run. It was dark and the streets weren’t familiar. But it didn’t matter. He realized that he couldn’t control the things that were happening in any way. There was a plot and he was obeying unwillingly. He wasn’t wearing much and it was cold. He noticed, this now shivering body wasn’t even his; he was someone else, if that was possible. And that someone else was now too tired and sick to run. He felt himself stop and drop on his knees, clutching his stomach. He was in pain, but mostly mental. He caught bits of guilt and desperation when he searched the foreign mind he now had. Rain started pouring down, making soothing noises. He –or maybe the stranger, he couldn’t really distinguish- liked the pattering sound the drops made around him. He closed his eyes and let himself lay back on the pavement. Water massaged his cold, unfeeling face. The puddle under him was soaking his clothes. Strong feelings of loneliness and defeat washed over him. He heard a faint thumping sound mixed in the sounds of the rain. It was rhythmic. Almost hypnotizing. The tapping of the rain slowly vanished in the background, leaving him with the ascending rhythmic noise he not only heard but felt between his ears now. It grew louder and louder till he couldn’t stand it and wanted to scream. But he couldn’t scream or move. He just lay there, staring at the street light right above him with his eyes wide open waiting for the deafening sound to stop or kill him… Michael woke up with a start. His hair was plastered over his face, drenched in sweat. He turned to his side and saw blond hair scattered around between his old, worn, used-to-be-white sheets. He reached and brushed some hair away from her face. She was deep in sleep, her lips slightly parted. He checked her pulse just to be sure. She was alive and well. Her smell made him dizzy. It was a sort of flowery scent mixed with something unique, something Maria. He wanted to hold her and forget the world. It felt like she could make everything better, make the bogeymen go away. It would be safe if he could reach inside her world and close his eyes, just let himself be absorbed by her warmth. But this was just another fantasy he got so used to having lately; he knew what he had to do. He closed his eyes to open them to the real world this time. The really real world, the cruel one where bogeymen wore black suits. The world Maria wouldn’t even look at his face again, let alone kiss him, once she found out what he really was. He sighed, reluctantly taking his hand away from her silky hair and opened his eyes. He put his shields up once more, his look hardened, his face became expressionless. - - - Maria woke up in her own bed to Amy’s frantic voice. “No, no, no!!! I told you a thousand times, I don’t want a chocolate cake, if I wanted chocolate I would have ordered chocolate!” Maria shut her eyes, trying to ignore the screaming mother she had downstairs. “No, I did not order that! Are you out of your mind? Jim hates chocolate! Why would I order something my fiancée hates?” It wasn’t working. She tried to cover her ears with her pillow. She was hoping a spaceship would crash on Amy sometime soon. “Oh yeah? No, I am not stupid, you are stupid! You can’t even take a damn order right!” A picture of her mother ranting to a group of green men with four eyes flashed in her mind and woke her sleepy mind up to possibilities. “Do you know who my fiancée is? Jim Valenti. Yes, the sheriff himself. How would you feel about ruining his wedding?” Maria had given up on sleep by that point and was wondering why someone would hate chocolate. “Well, I don’t care how damn sorry you are! You will have my cake ready right on time or you’ll be hell of a lot more sorry!” Maria felt like getting out of the bed and running all the way back to LA. She definitely wasn’t going to be able to go through with this! Amy was mothering her like she was three again, her friends treated her like nothing was wrong and they were still best friends, all the while lying to her about every damn thing. Michael was a total enigma. She wanted him like she never did anyone before but he had nothing to offer. He never showed any indication of wanting to offer anything anyway. He kissed her once. And she had some suspicions about kissing him a second time but it most likely was another dream. She didn’t remember anything, just a picture of his face close to hers, eyes closed in anticipation. It was wishful thinking, it had to be. That expression he had and the feeling it gave her… It was romance novel material. Not Michael Guerin, definitely not Michael Guerin. And there was the wedding to top it all. Everything was good but she wanted it to be perfect, needed it to be perfect. That was the least she could do for Amy. She was confused and lonely, away from her home, her fish and her best friend. She had noone to talk to, noone to understand, to comfort her, to tell her she could make it. Every new day fed her confusion and she ignored it all, acting as she was expected to act, on auto pilot in her Super Maria mode. She got up from the bed, feeling sick. She ran towards the bathroom, one hand clutching her stomach, the other her mouth. She opened the door and bent over the toilet just in time to lose the remainders of her dinner. She didn’t see the shaving alien standing right next to her in her frenzy. Michael wanted to hold her hair back, it was getting dirty. But it was against Maria Regulations, so he stood back. He had a new set of rules to help him manage Maria; The Maria Regulations. It was simple really. The motto was to treat her like any other person. Except the girls he had fun of course. To have fun with Maria and just throw her away was not an option. Not that he couldn’t have fun with her. She was his new epitome of sexy women. She was THE most erotic thing he ever saw in his life. But the throwing away part was the problem. DeLuca women were not easy to throw away. They weren’t easy period. They were fighters; real, fearless fighters that you wouldn’t wanna mess with. He wouldn’t want to be their enemy. And there was this one little doubt he had… Which he definitely wouldn’t admit to anyone, even himself. What if he wouldn’t be able to let her go when he once had her? A voice chanted in his head ‘One taste and you’re a goner.’ He didn’t know whose voice it was but he believed it nonetheless. He just hoped one kiss –well okay two kisses- wouldn’t count as a taste. The Regulations were to keep him away from the confusion. Basics were something like that; Don’t treat her different, don’t touch her, don’t be nice to her, don’t help her, don’t listen to her sing, do not under any circumstances smell her… He could do it. He had killed evil aliens, he once commanded Antarian armies –or so they said-, he’d survived Hank, he’d lived the loneliest life for twenty-two long, tough, boring years… He could definitely resist a stupid blond girl. Michael cleared his throat to make his presence known. Maria tried to raise her head to the sound but another wave of nausea hit her, hard. Michael overcame the urge to hold her in his arms and take her to bed and he said the first thing he could think of instead. “I really didn’t need to see that!” She looked at him with disgust. This was the Michael she knew, so that kiss definitely was a fantasy. The world made sense again. Michael held his breath when he saw her face. He didn’t expect her to look that pale and sick. Her eyes were red and her lips were dry. She was trembling and it wasn’t even a bit cold. He tore his gaze away from her face and continued shaving with trembling hands. She thought about giving him a rude response but she didn’t have the strength. Her eyes dropped and she sat on the floor. “Not now Bobo.” She said in a small voice. “Go back to bed.” His tone was serious this time. Maria gave a small laugh. “Nice to know you care.” She said sarcastically. “I don’t.” he explained, trying and actually succeeding to look nonchalant. He earned himself a well-deserved glare from the sick girl on the floor. “I just don’t want you to puke all over the house, I live here too you know.” She hated this thing, this feeling she had when she was near him. She felt cheated and lied because of his mood swings. She learned long ago not to give people trust before they earned it but somehow with Michael her resolve crumbled from the very first moment and she found herself thinking like a high school girl with a crush again. She stood up on her shaking legs and flushed the toilet. She had every intention to go back to her room and away from him but she realized it wasn’t an option with her dizziness and unbalanced legs. She didn’t want to make a bigger fool of herself. So she sat on the toilet seat almost involuntarily, and tried to gather her strength. Michael sighed. “Go back to bed!” His tone annoyed the hell out of her but she couldn’t respond. She just wanted to follow his advice –or command- and crawl back to bed but that was the problem, she didn’t trust her legs to walk, she could only crawl. Him watching her crawl was something her ego wouldn’t be able to handle. He finished shaving and washed his face. He turned his head to her and she swore under her breath. How was she supposed to resist kissing him when he had that specially crafted face and luscious lips? She watched water streaming down his throat and his fingers combing his spikes. Oh god! Now she was both sick and hot. She wasn’t that strong, this was too much. First a whole damn month without sex and now this! A fucking sex GOD was in her house, half-naked, only inches away from her, waiting to be ravaged and she couldn’t touch him. Look but don’t touch. God had no mercy! Michael heard the door shut downstairs and realized that Amy was gone. He growled and took her in his arms, not too gently but not hard enough to hurt her. He mumbled something about stupid, stubborn, blond girls. Maria couldn’t protest. She was just savoring the feeling. His strong arms holding her close to his chest, his heartbeat matching hers, too fast too loud. They avoided eye contact, both knowing that it would be too much. She didn’t know where to put her hands. She knew where she wanted to put them but she didn’t give into temptation. She clutched his arm leaning her forehead to his bare chest, trying to think anything else but his skin. He made his way to the guestroom and put her down on the bed. He pulled the covers over her, still avoiding her gaze. When she was settled he gave her an angry glare and said “Stay there!” briefly in a threatening voice. He walked to his room and changed in a daze, missing her warmth in his arms. It felt right, she felt right. He, Michael Guerin, who never even had a crush, felt like she belonged in his arms and should stay there forever. ‘It is stupid and sappy…’ he told himself. She was hot and he wanted her. That explanation saved him a lot of confusion. He went out relieved. - - - He detoured on his way to work and stopped by The Crashdown. Liz was there as usual. She looked startled when Michael entered. He stopped going to The Crashdown long ago. He never spent time with Izzie and Max and he always avoided Liz and Alex. He lived in solitude mostly now and was mean to everyone and anyone who dared talking to him. “Liz.” he said walking towards her. Uh-oh! This couldn’t be good. Liz faked a smile. “Uh, hi Michael.” He was direct as usual. “Go to Maria’s.” “Why? What happened?” Liz assumed something terrible should have happened since Michael came to her and all. “She is a damn annoyingly stubborn DeLuca, that’s what happened!” he fumed. “Just do me a favor and keep her in bed. Call Amy if she gets worse.” He gave her a key and left the restaurant, leaving a very confused Liz behind. - - - “Maria?” Liz climbed the stairs and walked towards the guestroom. She heard a loud thud followed by some cursing. “Ria?” She opened the door and found Maria lying on the floor. She opened her eyes to look at her guest. “Hey Liz, what are you doing here?” She was still on the floor. She tried getting up before. It was pointless. Her legs failed to cooperate. “Michael sent me.” Liz said still unsure about the situation. Was that normal? Michael, caring about a human enough to ask for Liz’s help? “Oh.” Maria avoided her eyes. She looked embarrassed but not surprised. What was that all about? Liz got out of her stupor and helped Maria back to bed. She sat near her and decided to take things slow, despite her curiosity. “You just stay here. I’ll make you some chicken soup and call Max to tell him I’ll be with you today.” “Liz you really don’t need to. I’ve got tons of things to do today.” “Nope! Michael gave me direct orders and I don’t want to suffer his wrath. So you stay here and wait for your chicken soup.” Maria gave in. “With rice?” she asked with hopeful eyes. “Of course. Lots of rice and no lemon. Your favorite.” - - - Michael was working. That was true. He was working. Like he did every day. Nothing different about today. Just another day. Yep, he was just working. He wasn’t thinking at all about what she was doing. She was okay. Liz was there. And she was just a little sick. Nothing major. Why should he care, right? He didn’t care. So he wasn’t thinking about her. And he sure wasn’t daydreaming about her in his bed. Not thinking about her hair between his fingers; how soft it was, how good it smelled. He wasn’t remembering her lips, her soft kisses. He wasn’t reliving it again and again. Cause it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. He didn’t. There was no point in thinking about her little feet, tangled between his sheets. Her toenails, painted with a sweet pink nail polish. He hated pink. Yeah, and why would he care about her toes? Right. Who cares? He definitely didn’t. She wasn’t perfect. He could have any other girl he wanted. More beautiful girls with bigger breasts. And he never really liked blondes. He preferred brunettes. He didn’t want her, not really. But what the hell was she doing in his head? Every time he closed his eyes, her face was there. Either from last night or this morning. Her pale face and unfocused eyes haunted him. His fear brought him to phone many times but every time he put it down, listening to the more logical part of his mind. He couldn’t just let them think he cared. Cause he didn’t. Right. - - - Maria was feeling much better after the soup. She had some things to do for the wedding but she gave herself some time off. Her body needed it. Hitting her head last night and her upset stomach today called for a much-needed rest. They sat and talked in the kitchen, just like they used to when they were younger, replacing ice cream with soup. They talked about Max and Liz mainly and how they ended up together. “You never believed me when I told you he had a crush on you!” Maria protested. “He was sitting in the same booth every day. It was so obvious.” Liz laughed at that, remembering those days. “I guess you were right. And now we’re getting married.” “Did you guys set a date yet?” “Well we’re planning on doing it soon, before the baby comes.” Liz was looking at her, waiting for the unique Maria reaction. She wasn’t disappointed. Maria shouted, standing up “Holy shit!” She wrapped her arms around Liz and held her tight. “You’re gonna be a mother! Oh, my god! That’s so unbelievable.” She was jumping around chanting. “I’m gonna be an aunt! I’m gonna be an aunt!” Michael chose this moment to walk in. He couldn’t wait for his shift to be over today, he really wasn’t feeling well. Yeah, right. “You can’t be an aunt when you don’t have any siblings. And I thought I told you to stay in bed, not jump around like a lunatic.” He said in a surprisingly nice manner. He was relieved and feeling cheerful all of a sudden; she was okay. Before Liz could say anything, Maria blurted it out. “I didn’t know you were my doctor and I don’t care about the genetics, Liz is the closest I have to a sister.” Michael stood still, trying to understand what she meant. Then it hit him, hard. He turned his gaze to Liz. She was squirming. Maria couldn’t understand why Liz looked so scared. It was only Michael. “I’m pregnant.” Liz said to Michael, looking down at her feet. Michael’s look scared even Maria. It was full of pure hatred. “Well, congrats.” he said in an ice-cold tone. He took a beer out of the fridge and headed to the backyard. - - - Liz left in a hurry without telling Maria anything more than a simple goodbye. She was at the verge of tears, so Maria couldn’t insist on talking. But she was really pissed. She almost ran to the backyard, determined to get some answers. “What the hell was that all about?” she yelled at the alien lying on the grass. “What?” His voice was calm and teasing. “You were there, Liz is pregnant.” “I know she is Michael, what I want to know is why you made her cry.” “Well that’s the least I can do, right? She ruined my life, I should repay her somehow.” Maria couldn’t make the connection. The answers she could think of were not the ones she wanted to hear. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” she asked calmly. Michael started to laugh and couldn’t stop. “Are you nuts? I’m in love with Liz? That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.” “Then there’s only one other thing I can think of. You’re in love with Max.” Michael laughed harder this time, out of control. She would have thought that he had a beautiful laugh if she weren’t so irritated. She didn’t understand him and she hated being in the dark. “Tell me then, how does Liz being pregnant ruins your life?” He stopped laughing. “You can’t understand.” His eyes were closed; his voice was almost inaudible. “Make me.” “I can’t.” “God dammit Michael! Just tell me! I am sick of all those secrets! Why are you all so guarded? I am not your enemy!” Tears streamed down Michael’s cheeks. He couldn’t stop them. “Oh God!” Maria knew something was terribly wrong. She couldn’t figure it out till she saw the empty bottle in his hand. “You’re drunk aren’t you? Don’t expect me to believe you’re this wasted with just one bottle. How much did you drink before you came home?” Michael was sobbing by now and Maria was blabbering, not knowing what to do. She put a trembling hand on his shoulder. His body was shaking with sobs. So he wasn’t as tough as he appeared. He had a lot bottled up inside. He reminded her of herself. How many nights did she see that same look in the mirror? Too many damn nights. She couldn’t stop her own tears from spilling down. She sat on his lap, straddling him and held him tight while making soothing noises. “Sssh, it’s gonna be okay. You’ll see. It’s okay.” He held onto her waist with all his might as if he was afraid that she would disappear. His head was on her shoulder, his face buried in her neck. He was shaking violently. The more his body shook, the more she cried. ‘What happened to him to make him break down like that?’ she wondered. He always had this attitude; like nothing could touch him, like he didn’t care about anything or anyone. But here he was trembling and sobbing like a kid in her arms. ‘He is a contradiction.’ She reminded herself. ‘That’s what makes him Michael.’ “It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.” “No.” he managed to say between sobs, shaking his head. “No?” “You’re not here, I’m alone.” He replied with a whisper. “No, no, no…” She tilted his head up to look at her. “I’m here. You’re not alone. I’m your friend. And I’ll always be there when you need me.” “I don’t have any friends.” He said shaking his head again. She knew she would never forget that moment, ever. His eyes, vulnerable and innocent as she’d never seen them before, touched her in some place she didn’t even know existed. She always dated strong guys, trying to fill the void of a stronger figure in her life. But it never worked. They never were able to mend her weaknesses. But at that moment, rocking him in her arms, she thought maybe she got it all wrong. She might be weak but she could be strong for him, just like she knew he would be strong for her if she needed him to be. It was simple and felt natural. Almost an instinct. “Well I’m sorry buddy but you have one now.” He held her tighter. Buried his face in her neck again, smelling her scent. He was slightly calmed. But he didn’t let her go. It felt too good, almost unbelievable. “I want this to be real.” He said, talking to himself. “I don’t wanna be alone again.” Maria knew exactly what he meant. This wasn’t really real. Darkness of night mixed with alcohol gave them that moment and there was the fear of losing it when sun shone through. “You won’t.” she reassured him with determination. “I’ll be here.” They sat there for a long time, their bodies entwined. She didn’t want to move but finally had to admit that it was getting cold. “Michael, we have to get inside. It’s cold.” She wasn’t getting a response from him. He was nearly asleep. “Let’s get you to bed.” He was heavy but she got him half-walking. They stumbled up the stairs to his room, bumping into walls occasionally. She lay him down on the bed and got him under the covers. She sat on the bed and put her hand on his cheek. She smoothed his hair back and caressed his cheek. Her knuckles grazed over his lips… And it was too much. She had to go before something happened. She got up but he held her hand. “No.” he said almost pleading. “Stay.” His look was too honest, too vulnerable. She couldn’t ignore it and do what’s logical. She just obeyed him. She lay there, under the covers, feeling his warmth, his face right in front of hers. He reached and cupped her face with one hand. His eyes were half closed. She was paralyzed; she couldn’t move a muscle. He brushed his lips gently over hers. She couldn’t help but wet his lips with her tongue, tasting him and his tears mixed with some beer there. She didn’t deepen the kiss, she knew that this wasn’t what he needed, what they needed right now. Instead she placed a kiss between his right eye and temple, just like she did a month ago. He kissed her nose and brought her body closer to his. This had nothing to do with sex. He simply needed to know she was there. So she held him tight and molded their bodies together, sharing her warmth to help him break the ice in his mind, in his heart. She placed her head near his neck, where she could smell him and fell asleep that way, not thinking about tomorrow or even the next minute for she was safe and content in that moment. |
| PARTS 1-5 |