There are safety protocols such as safe calls, meeting in public, taking a friend that are easy to implement when the meeting is just over the hill. However, when you compound the difficulties that can be experienced in setting up a meeting in the next town with international travel the advised safety precautions seem impossible to implement. The expense that would be involved for both parties to meet halfway or take a friend along would be cost prohibitive. Even so, there are still things that can be done to manage your risks. So what do you do if your Master Right or perfect slave is so far away?

It’s not my intention to write this to discourage anyone from making this sort of move I did it and others have, too, with very happy endings. What I do hope to achieve is that anyone who does decide to participate in an international meeting will at least do so with their eyes open to the risks and that they will take whatever precautions they can for their safety. Some of the things listed below Master and I did while we were getting to know each other and eventually preparing for my trip to meet him. Others were things that I have since had other people tell me that they did and some were just things that, in hindsight, I could have done to protect myself better. I am here to write this because despite my failings in some areas of safety my Master was a genuine person who meant me no harm. Now we are very happily living as Master and slave under the same roof. As embarrassing as it is to admit that I could have done more for my own safety, I figured that if I was going to write something about safety that it should be as complete as possible.
 

I am sure that you have heard the phrase “Be very careful about begging a collar” many times, many different ways posted all over online Gorean Forums. My answer to that has always been: ask lots of questions and keep asking them. Even before I begged Master’s collar and long before we talked of my moving from the United States to Australia to be with him, there was a mutual exchange of questions asked and questions answered. I asked the same questions many times in different forms of him. I watched his answers to make sure that they were consistent. This is a method used by police when interviewing suspects and witnesses to check for consistency in a person’s statement. I am sure that Master knew what I was doing, but he never seemed to be unwilling to take the time to answer and his answers were always consistent.

Talking over the telephone is a natural progression from talking online. There is always more to be learned from hearing a person’s voice. The safest way to do this until a certain level of trust is reached is to use a computer messaging program with voice capability there are lots of them to be found on the net, Yahoo Messenger is one such service. Asking those heaps of questions all over again when you can hear the other person’s voice can give you more insight into their answers. There are other references to exchanging phone numbers else where on this website, so I won’t repeat all the do’s and don’t here, but because of the distance involved Master felt comfortable giving me his home phone number. I called him several times by his choice, collect before he knew my number.

So many things can be done to build trust, but even when you think you know everything it’s still a good idea to remember that there are still risks. During the time we were talking on the computer and phone and especially as talk of me coming to meet him started we exchanged lots of information based on trust to show that each of us was serious and committed to making the move to offline. We went and had medical tests performed and scanned the results from the doctor’s offices and sent those to each other. Master wanted to show some assurances to my family that he was able to care for my daughter and me, he mailed bank statements with his account numbers blacked out as proof that he was financially able to provide for a family. Many Men would say that he didn’t have to do that and they’d be right, but this was what he was willing to do to assuage my family’s fears for our well being and safety. The medical tests are something that both parties, Master and slave, should insist on seeing; the other was purely Master’s choice, but it was a big help for me to convince the family that he was straight up. Master also gave me his daughter’s phone number after more time had passed and he made sure that I had a number to contact if I didn’t hear from him for more than a set amount of time without prior notice. All of these are steps that helped to show me that he was serious about this relationship. He felt that they were things that as a honourable Man that he should be willing to do.

Confirmation of work status is possible by simply making a phone call sometimes or checking on the internet if the person’s company has a website. I was able to find corroboration of Master’s business through an independent website on the internet. Now I know that I could have also called the trade department and checked that his business was registered.

Some people have used private investigators to check to see that what they were told during this “getting to know each other” time was accurate. If it’s financially possible, then it could be a very useful idea, but I would make sure that the other party knows that you are going to do this. Also, it is a good idea to give the investigator the information you’ve been given and tell them only to report their findings to you if they differ from what you’ve been told. This keeps it from unnecessarily invasive into someone’s privacy.
 

One of the things that Master sent to me was a police background check document that he’d had done a couple of years before when applying for a visa to the States. It was comforting to see that document, but at the same time I joked with friends, family, and Master that all it proved was that he had never been caught. I had my eyes open to that fact and if I hadn’t trusted Master so much I could have called his local police and perhaps had them give confirmation of the information that was included in the document. One more step that I could have taken and didn’t, but that someone else might benefit from knowing that it’s an option.

Right from the beginning I was very upfront with Master about my financial situation as a single parent working part-time and going to school. He knew that I would have a hard time paying for my visa, much less tickets to Australia. Master bought the plane tickets. We consider it that he purchased his slave. And I always have the knowledge that he will get his full purchase value from me. But in it’s own way even his purchasing the ticket was assuring why would someone spend thousands of dollars to bring someone to them only to harm them? It would have been just as easy for him to find a girl somewhere closer and for a whole lot less money. Of course, someone would poke holes in that logic for me later if he’d been a white slaver he could have sold me for a profit over the price of the plane ticket. Considering that I was coming to a country like Australia though I think I still would consider that to be a small risk, especially when assessed with all the other information that I knew about Master. But I guess that such a possibility is something that it wouldn’t hurt to be aware of when making an overseas trip to meet someone you don’t know. Then, like all the rest of life, you have to weigh up the possible rewards against the possible risks.

Over the months building up to August and my move, I worked extra hard to pay off my credit card debt. I knew that I would need the card for an emergency back up. It had a small limit, but I checked it would be enough to pay to change flight dates on a plane ticket if need be. Always make sure that you have enough funds to change tickets, pay for a taxi, and a hotel room, if needed. An emergency stash of cash or a credit card that is paid off could possibly get you out of a bad situation and save your life.

Master knew how nervous the family would be so he assured them and me that I would be able to call them often during the first weeks that I was here. And I arranged a ‘safe call code’ with my best friend. (The only person from home who knew the reality of my relationship with Master.) If I found myself in any trouble at Master’s all I needed to do was call ‘Lissa’ and ask her about her Aunt INA. INA stands for “I Need Assistance.” ‘Lissa’ had all of Master’s pertinent details full name, address, and phone number. If she had received a call from me asking about her Aunt INA, then her next step would have been to call the embassy with his details. At the time that I set this up, Master was unaware of it.( It wouldn’t have been effective when needed if he had known and understood the code.) Later after I was here in his home and knew that it wasn’t needed I confessed what I had done to him. I guess some men might have been mad, but he was pleased that I was smart enough to look out so strongly for my little girl’s safety.

It is a good idea, too, to report your presence in a foreign country to your own country’s embassy upon arrival. They will usually take down details such as your name and the address you plan to be staying at. At least, if there is trouble there is some starting information about where you were known to be. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
 

Travel insurance is another step that could be taken to reduce your risks. Tickets that are taken away could be reported as lost if they’re in your name and insurance would see them replaced. Also if you do find yourself in a situation where a meeting goes sour and you’re injured you may need the health insurance to pay for a hospital stay or doctor’s visit.

Obviously, as I have written this article, none of this ended up being necessary, but I wouldn’t have stepped out of the States without the preparations that I had made. The reality of it is that even with all of this if Master’s intention had been to harm us none of it might have saved us. But at least I did almost everything that I could have to protect myself. And Master took as many steps as he felt necessary to assure me of our (my daughter’s and I) safety in his hands. I didn’t make this move with closed eyes, but any time you move around the world it is a leap of faith. Master and I are very happy that we turned out to be right for each other. What we have is worth all the effort.

I couldn’t write this from the point of view of “you should do this” and “you should do that”; these were just the steps that I personally took or realize now that I could have taken and I was happy to share them with others. If someone finds any of this useful when they are making a similar trip then it was worth the time to write it all down.