The '76 Sunbird
So it's a holiday… it was probably Martin Luther King Day because I know it was a chilly Monday. I was hung over and I could still taste the Banana Red in my mouth from the garage last night. It was pretty terrible but that's what we had to drink when we were 15. Nobody wanted to drink beer. It was probably because we started too heavy.
See, Bud ICE had just come out in 1994 when we first started drinking. Splitting a 30 pack of that between four kids who hadn't drank much, isn't a great idea. We used to drink in these woods that were so discreet, nobody would ever know where they were. Where the hell would God grace Gloucester City with woods all the way up until 1994? Well, we found 'em. And we called 'em woods. They were right off the tracks where Essex St. becomes Johnson Blvd.
Hold up. I'm getting off track. I wanted to tell you about the story of the car accident we had before we ever had our licenses... or a car. See, Damian was a sneaky son of a bitch. He was sneakier then me... and I was pretty sneaky. We weren't delinquents, but we did what we thought we should do to have a good time. We were bored 15 yr olds. Hell, if I had an aunt that lived across the street from me who was 150 years old I'd steal her car too.
So that's what we did. We took her car. Why shouldn't we? It was a silly hung over Martin Luther King Day and we had the world to entertain us. "Shaun! I'm picking you up." My heart fucking dropped. Time out. I was scared to death.
I can only admit it today but I was scared every time Damian pulled this shit. The hell with it. I went & did it anyway. I always did. It was a rush. So I did it once more. He pulled up to the corner of 6th and Powell Sts. In this ...ooh God, heh heh heh. It was this 1976 Pontiac Sunbird. The body was covered in car-cancer and the vinyl top was all but gone. We could have cared less if it was a brand new Caddy. Either way... we were off... to conquer South fucking Jersey.
So I'm pissing my pants. We're 15 and we're driving wherever the hell we want. If I told you we went and bought lunch I'd be lying. Whatever money we'd had would have been blown on 20/20 the night before. Every time we wanted to drink, Dame had to drop a dime. He knew always knew a kid who knew a kid who knew someone, which I'm sure is still in operation, that'll get a kid some liquor for a buck or five. And me and him always got stuck gettin' it.
Why is it so easy to get off track? I was scared shitless but loving every second of it. You know what? I'm lying. I wasn't loving every second of it. I was pretty g-d nervous the whole time. But still... imagine being 15 and being given the freedom of a vehicle. It's like when you turned 17 but you didn't have to worry about the anxiety of your drivers test... or finding the money to buy a used car. Skip that bullshit. Just be 15 and drive.
We were off. It was great. To this day I couldn't tell you where we went but I'm sure we were excited. I think we steered plenty clear of R&J Wholesale. Gerry, Dame's Pops, used to own a car dealership. I'm sure he worked on Hanna's car plenty of times to recognize it... if we had gone by. If I hadn't mentioned Hanna yet, she was the aunt. And you know what? I think she's still around to this day. No. I'm certain she is. This woman is one of the reason's the Gallagher's came over here. She had a sister who passed away once they'd come here... And it was her and Hanna... what the hell?!? Why do ya's let me get so off track?
Like I was saying, I don't remember where we went. I just remember him giving me shit for changing the station when Nine Inch Nails came on. It was '95... cut us some slack.
We were smart... and by "smart" I mean dumb. BUT! The two of us never thought we'd get away with the whole deal. Why do I have to lie? We did think we would because we had gotten away with taking cars many times before. But hell, we probably only had this car out about an hour or so. We knew it was time to get back.
Instead of taking the normal Jersey Avenue route, we had to veer off into the industrial section of Gloucester for an extra couple minutes... just for the hell of it. So, as Damian's driving me home, back up Jersey Ave., some song comes on. I doubt if he were still here today, he could tell you what the song was... but we got excited. Damian, in his enthusiasm, couldn't decide if he was making the left, to take me home, or going straight to hear the God dang song!
Well... guess what he did. He decided to do both. The brakes lock up and we're headed straight for "Active Linen." We slam up a curb and barrel through Active Linen's fence. "What the motherfuck?!?," I probably exclaimed. His face was worried, but still simple and somber. He had a way of doing that. No matter what was wrong, you knew that he was still in control... even if he wasn't.
He let me out of the car, of course. He made it his problem, and not mine. I'm 15 and have no idea what to do. He tosses it in reverse and the car goes. "I'll be at your house in 10 minutes." The car is barely driving. First of all, there's mad smoke coming off of it. One wheel is so bent in that the car is limping worse than the gimpiest gimp I've ever seen. To tell you the shameful truth, I wanted nothing to do with it but... it was OUR problem. 7 minutes later I open my front door for him. It was pretty hilarious actually. Here's two 15 year old kids pissing their pants, and thank Christ, my 27 year old cousin, the electrician, is at my house.
Did you ever see Pulp Fiction? If you did, my cousin Marty is Harvey Keitel. What was his name in the movie? The bat? The rat? Shit, I don't know. But anyway... Marty tells us exactly what to do. He gives us the number for a place that'll give us a new tire and rim. We're freaking ecstatic. Thank the Lord there were no gas or oil spills on the route we had to drive this thing to for the new rim. Sparks were shooting out of this girl from every which way. We pay $45 for a tire and rim for a '76 Sunbird. Hell, no mind. Who can complain? We're off scott free.
Eh... not exactly. What happened was this. We put the new tire and wheel on but we busted a shock and might have done a... "lil' bit" more damage then that. After the new wheel went on, it just didn't sit quite right. And that pesky smoke just kept on smokin' the hell away. But we sure did drive it right back home, either way. What the hell... You know what happened next. Damian put the car back where he found it. We're fucking bastards, huh?
We learned a few days later that someone else had an accident with THE SAME CAR! What a coincidence! Would you ever believe that?
Hanna had a boyfriend who was 96 years old at the time... Freddy I think his name was. I bet you think I'm lying, but this man was more senile then "C-Nile Youth." He had a set of keys to the car but he rarely used them. The law forbade him from driving but he still did. Hell, It's not me & Dame's fault the sweet old gent had a little mishap with the car. Talk about he best luck you could ever possibly have at the age of 15. Thanks for the memory Dame.