> 19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by  Dave Barry 
> 
>   1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a 
laxative on 
>   the same night. 
> 
>   2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human 
race 
>   has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that 
word 
>   would be "meetings." 
> 
>   3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 
> 
>   4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost 
never 
>   want you to share yours with them. 
> 
>   5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its 
>   glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, 
>   as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 
> 
>   6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 
> 
>   7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too 
>   seriously. 
> 
>   8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one 
>   individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. 
>   Very often, that individual is crazy. 
> 
>   9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 
> 
>   10. Never lick a steak knife. 
> 
>   11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 
> 
>   12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 
> 
>   13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and 
compelling 
>   reason why we observe daylight savings time. 
> 
>   14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely 
>   suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an 
>   actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 
> 
>   15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people 
to 
>   make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 
> 
>   16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, 
>   gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, 
>   deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 
> 
>   17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to 
>   annoy people who are not in them. 
> 
>   18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a 
nice 
>   person. 
> 
>   19. Your friends love you anyway. 
> 
>   Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember 
>   that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.