Bruce Willis portrays Duritz, a wealthy and self-absorbed "image consultant." The movie would have us believe that he's a master in his field, but he actually seems pretty flaky; when the owner of a baseball stadium defrauds on government funds earmarked to build a kids' camp, Duritz brings in a group of ethnically mixed children to throw pies in the man's face. Yeah, show the government that video and they'll forget all about the money. Duritz is rude to his secretary (Lily Tomlin), openly contemptuous of his father, and ignorant to his smitten colleague (Emily Mortimer, in a role so thankless, they apparently had to find an unknown British actress to play it). He’s a miserable bastard and everyone knows it.

Duritz is shocked when 8-year old Rusty (Spenser Breslin) mysteriously appears at his home one night. Rusty doesn’t quite understand why he’s there either. Eventually, they discover that they are the same person – 32 years apart. Rusty is appalled by his adult self; after all, he’s not married and he doesn’t have a dog. All the things he promised himself as a child have failed to materialize. Russ, meanwhile, claims not to remember much about his childhood. It’s pretty clear, though, that some purpose must be served in order to send Rusty back to his own time.

Bruce Willis and Spenser Breslin realize they are one and the same in Disney's The Kid

If you guessed that the little boy would teach the big bad adult to loosen up, you’re absolutely right. I’m really not even opposed to the idea, predictable though it may be. A literal healing of the inner child is an interesting cinematic concept. What I do object to is the way Disney's The Kid approaches the material. It seems to me that this would be a great subject for a dark comedy – something with an R rating. Instead, the filmmakers have taken an intrinsically adult idea and turned it into a PG-rated kiddie romp. As grown-ups, most of us realize that events from our childhood have shaped who we are: the jobs we have chosen, the way we behave in relationships, the bad choices we have made. Issues from sexuality to low self-esteem are ignored by The Kid. Rather than going in-depth and exploring the serious issues of wounded inner children, it skims the surface, looking for cheap laughs instead of deeper ones.

And let's face it - what kid is really going to understand the film's whole conceit? I'd rather see Russ as a self-loathing neurotic whose inner child becomes real and literally kicks some sense into him. That's a funny idea. You could have the kid confront the adult on his sexual hang-ups, his fear of commitment, the sabotage he is committing upon his own life. Rusty could say: "Hey, you screwed up this life and I still have to live it. Fix it up now, because I don't want to end up like you." Just imagine what a director like Albert Brooks could have done with this material and you'll see what I mean.

I guess playing it smart was too complicated for writer Audrey Wells (The Truth About Cats and Dogs) and director Jon Turtletaub (While You Were Sleeping). They pile on one bland scene after another, in which Duritz reaches all the predictable conclusions while Rusty engages in annoying behavior like singing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt" or yelling "Holy Smokes!" over and over. Incidentally, I despised Rusty. The character is like nails on a blackboard. I hesitate to criticize young Spenser Breslin, but he only compounds the problem with line readings that sound like someone was stage whispering the dialogue to him off camera.

There is one interesting thing in Disney's The Kid. Near the end, Russ and Rusty are magically transported back to childhood, where Rusty must confront the event that caused Russ's problems. I liked that idea, but the execution isn't brutal enough. What should be a hard-hitting moment is played with the softness of a Charmin commercial. It has no sting, and it needs to. The movie ends with a wishy-washy resolution that literally involves Russ telling Rusty, "It wasn't your fault." I'm beginning to wonder if the filmmakers have read too many self-help books.

Bruce Willis is admittedly pretty good in his role, but he's trapped on a sinking ship. Disney's The Kid had me looking at my watch every five minutes, waiting for it to finally be over. If my inner child ever shows up at my house, I'm slamming the door in his face...just to be sure.

( 1/2 out of four)

Disney's The Kid is rated PG for intense images. The running time is 1 hour and 24 minutes.