Dear Iris,
Hi, My name is Smapdi and I am 20 years old and I live in a house, too! We have so much in common. Here are a few questions I wanted to ask:
You don't know me, do you? I work in the Repliforce with you in the office down the hall from your brother's. I'm his assitant. I see you every day, but I'm too shy to talk to you. I like the way you twitch your sweet little tush and the way your chest bounces...uh...I gotta go! Please reply!
Smapdi@sukébéloser.rep
Dear Smapdi,
Hi Smapdi! Thanks for writing me! I appreciate it so much! Omigosh! You live in a house too? NIFTY! Let's reply to those questions, shall we?
Well, my brother know you, and he says for me not to go near you because he says you are a budding "cereal rapist" and you are going to be fired. I feel sorry those Lucky Charms, but have a nice day, okay?
Iris
Hi, Iris!
I like your little website! Its is very....uhm intresting.....Oo; You are as obsess as you are intresting. you make me wonder....why do you keep trying to get Zero when he's obviously not your type? Perhaps you should go try....COLNEL! He is your type, and does respect and love you. I bet has a crush on you! -^_^- You two would make a CUTE couple! Besides, it's not like he's your brother or anything.......
Cumbaya@Clueless.rep
Hi, Cummie [[LOL, SORRY!!!]]
I'm glad you like my site! Obsessed? Nah....I just like Zero. A whole, whole, whole LOT! KUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEE!!!!!!! -^_^- Anywas....DATE THE COLNEL!? NO!!! Besides, he's my brother, and I love him as if he were my sister! ^_^
Iris
Dear
Iris,
I think you need to stop mailing me. I know you are mistaking my name for some other kids', but me and my children and wife are very disturbed by your nude pictures. Just because my name is Johnathan Zero doesn't mean I'm nescassarily this "Red" guy you keep spamming me about.
You best be glad I'm being held back.
Zero@thebutter.de
Dear John
Huh?
Iris
Dear Iris,
Uhm...I know this is kind of a weird thing to ask, and you'd better not post this, but Zero told me to mail you and calmly ask you if you know anything about his missing.....uhm....undergarments.......Every Wednesday when you pay those unexpected visitis to our Hunter HQ, Zero will shower after training, and look in his locker and can't find his.........gh.....unmentionalbles..please, if you have them, send them back to us. We'd really appriciate it.....
X@novastrike.rep
Dear X
Hi X! Why are you e-mailing me? What are undergarments? I don't have anything imortant of Zero's.....cept his thongs or whatever , so =P!
And I don't watch him in the shower!! -ops! I wasn't s'posed to say that!! ^_^;;;;
Iris
Dear Iris,
Please stop constantly sending me nude pictures of yourself via e-mail. And can you PLEASE stop calling my house?? I told you a hundred times already NOT to bother me when I'm at work or at home around certain hours. I've had to call some bodyguards for myself, PLUS the National Guard on you TWICE this week, and it's only Tuesday! Iris, please follow your restraint; you're not supposed to be within a hundered feet of me, yet I still see you hiding behind the bushes at McDonalds or the Sushi bar wating on me and snapping pictures, correct? And please, PLEASE, return my underwear. No, forget it, keep them; I don't know what kind of sick crap you did with them, so I'll just buy some new ones. I'm changing this e-mail adress so you can stop spamming me. I've sued you for that already; 70 times to be prescise! Please, just stay away from me, and can you PLEASE stop smacking your gum in my face?! I'm sick and tired of you doing that. In fact, I don't ever wanna catch you again.
Zero@pinguin.rep
Dear Zero,
OHHHHH!!! MY KOBITO WROTE ME A LOVE LETTER! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! -^_____________________________________^-
What's this about a restraning order? Will it help keep X away from us? Oh boy! I can't wait to find your NEW e-mail addy! Make it ZeroandIris or soemthing! -^___^-
Real letters
deer iris,
i luv u,your homepage is awsom.i am a warrier cyborg from the
91th centery and i wood like to date u.u r the prettyest reploid
i no.zeero iz not good enuff for u.he iz ugly nehow.on our date
could u bring the kernal?i wanna meat him.u are to hot,u make
me boil like a pot of stuff.i warship the ground you walk on.can
i sea u nekkid?i'll send u a pic of me nekkid but dont laff.richerd
simons iz on,i must go.i luv u iris!
beakor_the_fightin'_bot@causing.fear.com
Dear Beakor;
How, uhm, sweet! ^_^ I'm s flatterd! I dunno about a date; I'm saving my first one for ZEEERROOOOOO! ^_______^ And Zero IS nof ugly! >_< He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pritty! Why do you want me to bring my brother? Oh!? Are we gonna go out on one of those "monage au twa" dates? I thuink Zero has been on sum of them! WOOOOHOOO! ^____^
~Iris
Aw thanks!You are kind.Ok...Iris..I'm a fan of you!Are you having probs getting your love at you?I'm the same.You only managed to send this letter in one month??How busy are you anyway???X is cute,but he did not admit his love.Peppers(my very close frind)did the "hot flags" outside one month ago.Lucky he's alone.What do you think about X?He never thinks or even have a girl beside.Until that day.But then I made him get a robot sesure for a few hours.Now we get along as frinds.When he'll admit his love??-Bella
Dear Bella,
What are "Hot Flags??" Are those like hot pants, only fried? I bet Zero will love my buns fried! Get it?
X is....okay..he's VERY werid. He talks to me sometimes, but he uses all of these BIG words like stuff and stuff....Him and Zero keep hanging out; why I don't know....
~Iris
Dear Iris,
Let me make myself clear, I really have to say that you ARE quite the idiot! And why don't you understand all of the 'big words' X uses?! You're in the REPLIOFORCE FOR PETE'S SAKE! Plus, your brother, who I also think might use 'big words', is ALOT smarter than you by the looks of things (well, except for when he fought Zero-kun, that was stupid!). And you should just go off and find yourself another man, missy; cause I had Zero first before you even existed!!! And for your information, me and Zero got hitched a few years ago and had two great children. And, you make and okay site, that is all.
-Mandy
Dear Mandy,
Okay...I know I might be a little clueless, but I'm not THAT clueless.....
And I'm in the Repliforce because I want to be, and not for Pete's saké. My brother uses big words, too, but not like X.
And, last time I checked, Zero isn't married. Perhaps the one with the Zero@thebutter.de e-mail addy, but not the Zero I know. Besides, even I know Repliroids can't give birth. That's pretty bad if you don't know that, too.
~Iris
P.S.Aren't you a
male?
I've seen it Mandy,I've seen it.I guess it's all a peleral world out there.What will you think if Zero got married with another girl in another world.Not married in another bla...bla..bla.Wait a minute,I'm sending this to Iris.Do you agree Iris?X gameboy got a different story line.And that proves it.I guess I'm in another world if Zero married another person and has one boy.What am I talking about.
Iris,I can't belive you are real.I did send to several similar mails and you are first one who really got my mail and post it.I got a happy sceard feeling.Sophia jumps out and run in her heart shouting inside "I can't belive it!There IS Iris!I played around and now Bella got stuck."
P.S The real person is Sophia.I'm just a Craracter.
Bella.
Dear....Bella...and Sophia,
Uhmn..I don't know. I didn't know X's gameboy told stories......And besides, what's a gameboy? oo;
You're from another dimension?Is that possible for you to e-mail me and not have it be sent to some other Iris in your dimension...??? Ohh..I am confused now...
-Blushes- Uhmn.....well, Sophia, I'm very flattered. ^^;;;;;;;;; I feel the urge to give you an autograph or call my bodyguards! Well, anyways I....hope to hear from you soon again! Thank you! ^_^;;;;;;
Sophia here,
Hi Iris.You say
you blush,I blush even more just by reciving your mail.Bella
is not you,Bella is Bella no matter what.You........a...you..are...better
not talk about it.If you wanna know,must I say that you are in
the sky?
I don't understand
why some people just hate you so much.Just because you
er...remember X4 memories....
I'm a fan of some
female characters.That includs you.Not many ppl know it
tho.X is just so cute and Zero can get alot of girls,but he don't
want.
Dear Sophia,
I'm in the sky? WHEEE! I'm in the sky! =D Gee,I wouldnt've guessed you were a fan of me! ^^;;;;;;;;;
Yeah, Zero dosen't date too quickly. He just hangs around X. *SIGH* Oh well.
I think I'm starting to get tired of Zero now...I might--
What am I saying??
~Iris
Dear Iris,
I have a nice tip for you; that huge font, it's really sickening.
Obviously that font WON'T get Zero's attention, oh, and please,
maybe if you didn't act like so much of an idiot, and actually
had a purpose in the story-line, then maybe Zero would fall in
love with you, thanks.
Your devoted fan,
Sand Angel
P.S.: when i finally finished writing the end of my letter( Your
devoted fan, Sand Angel), it was opposite day, so I truly meant,
Your worst enemy, Sand Angel, get it? okay!
Dear Sandie,
Hi, Sandie! It's been a while since someone written! Woohoo!
What? You...-snf- Don't think my widdle Comic Sans works?? WHYYY!? It's my favortiestz font! I invintted it!! Kuri:Uhmn..Iris, take that back; we could get sued-- Iris: You don't know ANYTHING Sandy! I don't care if it's oppotite day in your land, Zero's gonna love me! LOVE ME! LOVE ME~ UR STWEPID! YER--@
Note:After this, Iris's head exploded. We're still on a search to find it, so we might be on hiatus for a while. Thanks for writing, Sandy!
Dear Iris,
GET A CLUE DIPSTICK! Zero doesn't like you! He never has and never will! So leave him the hell alone! You must really be blonde because no girl with brown hair is as stupid as you! And Stop dising X! If I hear you say one more bad thing about him I'll turn you into scrape metal! Have a nice day! ^_^
Your mortal enemy,
SailorButtercup X
p.s.If you don't believe that Zero hates you ask him. If you don't believe him, ask X. If you don't believe him, ask Dr.Cain.You can ask anybody in the universe and you'll get the same answer.
Dear Butter,
I asked Zero. Unfortuanately, he was really, REALLY unavalible to talk, or so said this guy who was in some Donkey party and offering me cigars. Anyways, I left him alone, and then I saw X. I mentioned you to X and I asked him about Zero and he said "Why do you have that cigar?" And I said: "Some werido offered it to me. You don't know him, do you? Cuz you're werid and he is a werido and you're a werido too." And then X walked off. So, that probably means Zero likes me. And hey! Alia is smart and has blone hair; why isn't she stupid?
So then I asked Dr. Cain. He wasn't sober and took my cigar. Through all of this, I gained and lost a cigar.
Luv Iris
P.S. Do you know that you're probably the billionth person who's said "Your mortal enemy?" I think it would be cool to have some immortal ones!
Dear Iris,
Anyway, listen to me Iris!! I've told you this, and told you this
once again!! DO NOT go inside the Hunter's HQ ever again!! I know
your lil' cheap tricks!! Even when you pretended to be someone's
DOG!! You are suppose to be following your restraint, and I also
noticed how you would FLASH the bodygaurds and pay them $1 million
bucks just to let you annoy Zero!! Oh, and yes, I put safe-guard
on all the computers just so your lil' nude picks wouldn't show
up, anywhere in the HQ! In fact, I allready told your brother
this, and he's outraged!! Oh, and I have FULL security up near
the door next to the men's locker room, just so you won't sneak
inside!! Listen, Iris, I'll get you the next time you show up.
The next time you do, you'll be in the Saint Mary womens' asylum
for 10 years!! Thank you.
Sincerly,
The Maverick Hunter HQ's Security
Mitsu@ security.rep
Dear Mitsu,
I just came back from St. Mary's Women's Asylum. They were having a bake sale, so I don't mind going there because one of the ladies who gauged her husband's eyes out with a fork makes the best blondies! I LOVE blondies! I love Zero, and he's my blondie, and I'll put white chocolate sauce on him and vanilla chips! Do you like blondies?
I remeber the doggie incident! Yeah, you told me to get on my kness and go "Woof-woof-WOOF-WOOF!" ^____^ You're so much fun, Mitsu! I hope we can go out on another date. You'e almost better than ZERO....Wait, no! I am going crazy! Whoop-whoop!
-Iris
Dear Iris,
You may not remember me, but we met in a bar two months ago. I
was with my good buddy TenguMan (the guy who kept asking for your
phone number, and bra size=P), we drank beer together. Then we
left the bar and I offered you a spliff, you smoked the whole
damn thing in 10 seconds. Then you went ballistic (that was cool
^_^), and then you stripped naked, and you started running around
town screaming, "I love Zero!!!" Me and TenguMan had
to chase you for 9 hours straight. We finally caught you, put
your clothes back on, and took you home. We should hang out again.
Your good friend,
MegaMan DB
P.S.: TenguMan still wants your phone number.
Dear DB,
We should! I'll
look for my phone number so we can hang out again! By the way,
my bra size is
Transfer Interrupted!
>-Iris
Dear Iris,
......duuuhhhh......I
wuld teelll my name....but I forgot it somewhere....Did you know
that if u point a Sony remote control at Zero and start clicking
it...he wuld do many a differant thing?....like he can:
-Give u a confuzzed look...heehee.
-Throw his shoe at u
-Start chasing u with his saber thingy
-Shoot at u
-Call evil robotic guards
-Start walking away really fast
-Or eat a cookie
.....So I have concluddeded that sony remote controls...CAN CONTROL
HIS MIND!!!! .........mabby if u get a sony TV channel changer
thingy u can get him to acctuallly notice you ...O.O...I dunno...
Sincelery,
The janitor at Maverick Hunter Headquarters
Dear Janitor guy,
I've pushed every button on the remote I purchased, and he didn't even notice me!!! I mean, the others work. I'm in the hospital now, covered in bruises and cookie crumbs and I'm about to receive a spinal relocation in about an hour, BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE ME!! ;_; If he woulda noticced me, he wouldn't have mauled me. Oh well! Now I know Sony controls can help me on my QUEST FER LOVE!!!!
Dear X
(Editor's Note: I usualy semi-grammar and spell check her responses. But, for some reason, I thought everyone should see Iris's uncontaminated form. And damn, I need a break.)