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Title: The
Shattering of My Soul* dated 2/5/03 Author: Wolverine6claws Pairing: Logan/Remy Rating: NC-17 Summary: When a mission
goes horribly wrong, Logan ‘loses’ himself in the ‘psychological aftermath’
when his rescue attempts fail to save the life of a mutant child from the FoH. Archive: It’s all yers Lu…
everyone else, just ask and ya’ shall receive. E-Mail: wolverine6claws@yahoo.com Series/Sequel: Don’t think
so, but as I’m fond o’ sayin’, “Things can, and sometimes do, change.” Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em,
wish I did. Marvel owns ‘em, I just like ta play with ‘em. No disrespect ever
intended, to Marvel or the X-Men, they are my friends, an’ I love ‘em both. Warnings: Violence, death
of a child, (and M/M sexual situations, eventually) The Shattering of My Soul
Remy opened the
door to the bedroom slowly. His thoughts were racing, and yet, his mind felt
numb. As the light
from the corridor entered the dimly lit room, Ororo looked up from where she
sat beside the bed. She offered him a sympathetic smile as she closed the book
on her lap and set it on the nightstand. Remy
acknowledged her somberly with a single nod, his anguish and fear etched deeply
on his handsome features. He seemed to be
frozen in place, as he stood in the doorway, supporting himself with one hand
on the doorknob and the other clutching the edge of the door. Staring at the
still form on the bed, Remy’s heart pounded and, although his breathing had
quickened in response to having raced up the stairs and down the corridor, he
felt as though he was suffocating. The very thought
of losing the one person in his entire life who had never judged him for his
past, or for his mistakes - and loved him above all other things even in spite
of it – was almost too much for him to comprehend. The one person
who cared for him like no other ever had, who protected him like no other ever
would, and who held him more gently and touched him more tenderly than any
other he had ever known. The very thought
of such a loss sucked the air from his lungs even as he tried to breathe, and
made his head swim. Ororo stood up
and, glancing over her shoulder at the man asleep on the bed, she walked to the
door where Remy stood. She knew the
others would’ve made sure to debrief him, on his return from New Orleans,
before allowing him to come upstairs. Hank would be
sure that Remy understood the situation clearly before letting him come face to
face with it. As Ororo walked
toward him she could see the worry set into his features, the fear in his eyes,
and the guilt that bound it all together. She wanted to
scold him for his feelings of guilt. Remy had a habit
of blaming himself for everything bad that ever happened…not only with the
X-Men but with the world in general. And, right now,
she knew that he was feeling guilty for not being home when the others were
sent on this mission. He blamed himself for not being here when the team needed
him. He felt guilty
that the mission had gone bad and he wasn’t there to help. And, she knew
for certain, that he was blaming himself for not being there for the man he
loved - when the Friends of Humanity nearly succeeded in taking his life. Remy finally
pulled his gaze away from the still form on the bed and looked at Ororo, who
stood beside him patiently, waiting for him to take it all in. He looked
drained, frightened… numb. She wrapped her
arms lightly about his shoulders, giving him a supportive hug. “How are you,
little brother?” she whispered in his ear. Remy didn’t
answer. He didn’t know how to answer. So instead, he leaned his head against
hers, accepting her support. Ororo tightened
her embrace, assuring him that she would be here for him if he needed her. “How…” He tried,
his raspy voice hitching with the grief he was trying to hold back. He cleared
his throat and tried again. “How is he?” Ororo relaxed
her embrace and looked back at Logan lying peacefully on the bed. “Well, he
appears to be asleep.” She said quietly. “Asleep?” Remy
asked. Logan normally
roused from slumber whenever anyone even came close to his bedroom door. The
fact that Gambit was able to enter the room, and have a conversation with
Ororo, without him even stirring told Remy that it was more likely that his
lover was unconscious. In response to
his question Ororo shrugged sadly. “It’s hard to
say.” She told him. “He may be awake, just unwilling to respond…or unable to.
Henry says he’s in shock,” she explained, “that his mind is having difficulty
making any sense of… what has happened.” “Because dere is
no sense to it.” Remy whispered. He thought about
what Dr. McCoy had told him about the mission. About the family they had gone
to rescue from the clutches of the FoH…a family of five. The mother and two of
their youngest children were mutants, and were scheduled for ‘extermination’. <><><><><><><><><><><><> Earlier that evening
<><><><><><><><><><><><> Scott and Jean
found both parents and the eldest son, and got them safely aboard the
Blackbird, which was waiting on the roof of FoH Headquarters. They returned to
the building to give Bobby and Warren cover support, as they raced to the
rooftop with the second eldest son. The boy was barely clinging to life and
Warren had been shot through his left wing, leaving a gaping hole in the
pristine feathers. Bobby carried
the boy nearly dragging Warren along with him. They could hear shouting and
gunfire coming from the stairwell they had just exited. Then they ran into
Scott and Jean in the corridor of the top floor. Scott grabbed
his teammates and, along with Jean, ushered them quickly toward the exit
leading to the roof. That’s when
Scott realized one of the team was missing. Looking back
toward the stairwell all he could see was thick black smoke billowing through
the doorway as the door shut slowly behind them. “Where’s
Wolverine?” he shouted over the noise. “He’s somewhere
below us.” Bobby yelled back. “He got a scent of the girl. He’s gone after
her.” Scott moved to go
after his missing team member, but Bobby grabbed his arm. “You can’t get
down there. The floors below us are on fire. We barely made it back up.” He
told his leader. **** *****
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
***** ***** **** Downstairs in
the Professor’s den, Scott explained to Remy how the only course of action they
could take, at that point, was to get everyone aboard the jet, take off and
circle the building and hope that Wolverine would find a way out through the
ground floor. Hank continued,
telling Remy about the four-year-old girl that Logan had gone to save. How the team
watched, from the cockpit, the heavy smoke billowing from every floor and the
flames shooting from the windows, jumping to the floors above. And, how an
explosion inside FoH headquarters had sent Wolverine out the third floor
window, clutching the child in his arms. <><><><><><><><><><> 5 hours, 23 minutes ago
<><><><><><><><><><> They splashed
down in the large in-ground pool in the former hotel’s courtyard, saving them
both from serious injury from impact with solid ground. But the blast
from the explosion, which catapulted him out the window, left Wolverine
disoriented, and before he was able to get his wits about him, or his feet
under him, he was set upon by FoH troops that fled the building when the
fires began raging out of control. Dozens of troops
quickly stormed into the pool. Half a dozen
hands were trying to pull the child from Wolverine’s grasp, but he refused to
let them have her. Then Logan
realized that he’d hit the water only seconds after the blast had already hit
him too hard, forcing the air from his lungs. He’d barely been
able to gulp half a breath before he was submerged. Landing hard in
the shallow end, his back slammed into the bottom of the pool causing him to
lose the little air his lungs had recovered during his fall. And now he
wasn’t being allowed to surface as dozens of hands dragged him toward the deep
end of the pool. He tried to kick
at them until his legs were finally restrained. Dazed and in
pain, Wolverine opened his eyes trying to get his bearings. His vision was
blurred and his chest hurt. The sharp pain
in his ears and the muffled shouts from the surface, which were more distorted
than they should be, told Wolverine that his sensitive ears were damaged by the
concussion blast. And the blood in the water, swirling thick around his head,
confirmed that his eardrums were ruptured. Logan watched
from beneath the surface as the signs, which indicated the depth of the water,
dragged by. Four feet… six
feet… eight feet… then back again. Back again? ~Of course.~ They planned to
drag him to the ten-foot depth and drown him there, but someone realized that
they could keep him in the deeper end
while they stood just before the drop off. Hands were still
grappling for the child who was now drowning in Logan’s arms. Logan realized
he couldn’t fight them off while holding onto the girl - and she would
definitely drown if he didn’t let go – so…. hoping that someone would pull the
child to safety he relinquished his hold. He just let go. The girl was
immediately removed from his arms and Logan felt a sense of relief. Now all he
had to worry about was his own safety. As he prepared
to fight back something plunged into the water not too far away from him and
Logan turned his head to see what it was. Terror mixed
with rage when he saw that it was the little girl. Like him, she was being held
beneath the surface, less than six feet away. Logan reached
for her but he couldn’t move under the weight of his assailants. He looked up
through the water, now churned red with his own blood. The air bubbles escaping
his burning lungs raced for the surface, toward the distorted smiling faces
above him. An image flashed
in his head, of another time, of another place…many years ago, in a lab. Pinned inside a
liquid filled tank, bubbles churning the blood red fluid that suspended him,
weightless, helpless and in pain. The distorted faces, the cruel hands, the
voices, and the laughter. They cheered for his pain. The beast within
him stirred, and Logan let himself go. As easily as he’d released the child
from his hold, he let the animal free. And now that the
child was no longer hindering his fight, his foot long metal-laced claws shot
forth from his knuckles. The two troopers
who were restraining his wrists released a gurgling sound from their throats
and disappeared beneath the water. Seconds later,
two more went down. The members of
the FoH watched, in stunned fear, as the water around them seemed to gravitate
and turn thick with the blood of their comrades. Two by two they
fell. Some screaming, others with their screams caught in their throats. Then the water
suddenly exploded, spewing forth a beast that must’ve come straight from the
bowels of the earth itself. Three large
shiny blades jutted from its fisted hands. It had a mouth
full of sharp teeth, bracketed in the front by huge one-inch fangs on top and
bottom. Its eyes were
wild – bright red and half-crazed. No. Those eyes
were completely crazed. The troopers
fled - some shouting, some screaming, and many falling victims to the frenzied
beast. Removing his
claws from the ribcage of his last victim and letting the body slip beneath the
surface, Wolverine watched the fleeing backs of his attackers for only a brief
moment before turning to the ones still holding the child under the water. They’d frozen in
place as they watched the horror unfolding around them. Now realizing
the beast was focused on them, they released their hold on the girl and turned
to flee. The child’s
lifeless body floated to the surface and the beast – that was Wolverine –
blinked at the tiny, motionless girl… then moved into action. He grabbed the
child’s body in one clawed hand and lifted her gently out of the water, placing
her on the cement patio that framed the edge of the pool. The two
troopers, hindered by the deeper water, moved as fast as they could toward the
side of the pool. In their panic,
they stumbled over each other as they tried to run for their lives. But they’d
find that standing in the deeper water was going to make it impossible for them
to get the leverage they’d need to pull themselves out of the pool. The beast was
smarter though. Wolverine made
his way into shallower water… to wait for them. They would wear
themselves down before they’d realize their error. Not that he needed them to
sap their strength in order to take them down, but he took that time to savor
the smell of their fear. As he waited for
his victims to come to him Wolverine turned to the child lying nearby. He touched his
thumb tenderly to the ashen face and the tiny blue lips. Then he took a deep
breath, in preparation, setting his jaw hard and letting the rage burn inside
him. Turning toward
the terrified men Wolverine peeled his lips back in a dramatic show of teeth
and fangs and roared. The troopers
grappled for the pool’s edge, their panic escalating as they began to scramble
toward the shallower water in hopes of escaping the confines of the pool before
the enraged creature set upon them. Although
Wolverine was much shorter and stockier than his prey, his powerful muscles
propelled him through the waist high water with very little hindrance. His speed and
strength coupled with his berserker, blood thirsty fury and in the blink of an
eye - and a flurry of claws and teeth - Wolverine dispatched both men, even as
his own team tried to reach him through the crowd of retreating FoH members. <> Hindered
tremendously, Jean, Scott, Storm and Hank pushed their way through the oncoming
stampede of terrified humans. By the time they
reached the pool’s edge Wolverine had eviscerated the two men –letting their
guts spill out into the water - plus another trooper who’d come to assist them,
and he’d decapitated a fourth. The water now
looked like a bloody stew of human entrails and body parts. <> The four X-Men
checked up quickly, coming to a skidding halt on the cement patio. Storm and Hank
gasped, and stared in shocked horror, at the bloody evidence of Wolverine’s
innate killer instincts. Jean covered her
mouth and quickly turned her back on the grisly scene, and Scott had to swallow
hard around the lump in his throat. They all scanned
the scene, unconsciously crinkling their noses in disgust, looking for signs of
any survivors. “My god.” Scott
whispered, barely able to find his voice… or even believe an X-Man had caused
this bloody chaos. “God had nothing
to do with this.” Jean replied through silent tears streaming down her face.
She sounded angry as she tried to control her sobs. “No, he didn’t.”
Storm added angrily. “Where was your ‘God’ any
time Logan ever needed him?!” She asked in his defense. “Ororo…” Hank
started to say. “No, Henry!”
Storm’s anger stopped him cold. “Your so-called god has always forsaken him!
Always!” The rest of the
team stared at her, surprised at her anger. “The Bright
Lady, the Goddess of the Earth… our
mother… has seen fit to look after her son! She has seen fit to give him
the skills and strength to survive! And he does so with her blessing!” Storm’s eyes
began to cloud over white as her anger grew toward her teammates. Hank stepped
forward to calm her down. “We are not
condemning him, Ororo.” He soothed. But she narrowed her eyes at him. “Best not!” she
answered, almost as a challenge. Hank met her
gaze evenly, then placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Ororo realized
she had no need to defend Logan’s actions. She took a deep breath to calm her
anger and dropped her gaze, feeling a little ashamed. Hank gave her
shoulder a little squeeze and she looked up at him gratefully. Then she
realized they still had a tough job ahead of them - to find Wolverine, and
bring him in. She turned to
scan the area. “Where is he?”
she asked. Then movement to her left caught her attention. “There!” <> Wolverine was
wading through the shallow end of the pool toward the opposite side. The claws of his
right hand skimmed the surface of the water as he let his arm dangle to his
side. And, although their view was limited looking at his back, it appeared as
though he was carrying something in his left. His arm was curled up across his
chest, but he appeared to be cradling something. “He has the
child.” Hank realized with concern. |