Hillary, for once, found the trio together. They were in the tech room actually working on fixing their matter transporter. It was quite convenient for him, for he had his own observation he wanted to present to them. "Good Afternoon, gentlemen."
"Hey, Hill."
"Good afternoon, Mr. Hillary."
Cat just bared his teeth and hissed.
Hillary stood a bit straighter and clasped his hands behind his back, a posture he took whenever he wanted to make a point. "I've been thinking."
"Congratulations," Lister smirked.
Hillary shot him a very Rimmer-like glare that made Lister's smirk turn into his trademark grin. "As I was saying, before I was so *rudely* interrupted, I've been thinking. It seems that the very instant that Lara and Bryce disappeared, you three showed up. It's like, as strange as this sounds, that when you used your device, it was the exact same 'time' that Lara used Bryce's mechanism. Since both machines have the same use, is it possible that they somehow had some effect on each other? That whilst both parties traveled through space and time, paths crossed making you end up here and quite possibly sending Lara and Bryce to your ship?"
Lister lost Hillary's train of thought almost from the start, Kryten contemplated it, and Cat wasn't paying attention at all. He was investigating the many shiny things Bryce left all over the room.
"You may be correct, sir," Kryten said. "It is very plausible."
Lister's brain finally caught up. "So, this Lara chick is on Red Dwarf, with Rimmer? Yipes, that can not be good."
"I wouldn't get concerned, Mr., Lister. I'm sure Miss Croft can take of herself and fend off any of Mr. Rimmer's advances."
"That's what I'm saying! We'll probably go back and find Rimmer's Bee in a million pieces."
Cat looked up from one of Bryce's bugs that he was playing with. "That's 'not good'? That'll be great!"
"If you would pardon me, sirs, if we can cut this idle chatter, I am certain we may be able to repair the transporter and be home before the day is out."
Lister smiled, "Then get to it, man!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rimmer had Lara in a corner. She had just made a massive trade in. She tried to end the game only to find that she did not have enough armies to cut through his fairly large stockpile. Rimmer not only possessed several continents, he also had more cards than her. What was she going to do? Should she declare Rimmer the victor and call it quits?
No, Never! Although Rimmer occupied most of the board, all of his armies were in one lump with the rest of the board fairly unguarded. Instead of taking on the lump, she found the easiest way through the bulk. She traded in every thing that she had and abandoned her position.
Now that she was through the main army, Lara looked at the board and selected the easiest and shortest path through all of the continents. She did not want to occupy these continents, but only to take out at least one territory in each to prevent Rimmer from collecting the extra armies that he needed to finish her off on his next turn.
"Smeg! You're cheating!"
Lara gave him her most evil of smiles and handed him the dice. "I'm not cheating, Arn, I'm just the better skilled."
"Like hell you are," Rimmer grumbled. He accepted the dice and prayed to the God he didn't even believe in. If he didn't get this, it was all over. There was no way, no way, that he was going to lose to this woman who just appeared out of thin air. He was going to get her respect, even if it meant kicking her ass in a game of Risk!
He rolled the dice: Snake eyes. "Dammit!" Rimmer roared, pushing himself away from the table and walking a few paces away from it.
"Settle down, Arn, it's just a game."
He turned and looked at her. "No, it's not. You don't understand. You see, Risk is one of the only things I can say I'm actually good at. Now even in Risk I'm nothing but a loser."
Lara approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're not a loser, Arn. I think you're a very sweet and eccentric person."
"That's because you've only known me for a week."
Lara now had her arms around Rimmer's neck. She shrugged. "Maybe." She
pulled him closer and kissed him. She even opened her mouth to allow his tongue to slide in. Rimmer's hologramtic heart beat loudly in his ears. Until, that is, Lara moaned into the kiss...some one else's name.
They both pulled away abruptly. Great, he thought he was finally going to make it with a another woman, and like the first, she couldn't even be thinking of him.
"Oh, bugger, I did not need to see and hear that at all!" Bryce was in the doorway looking very disgusted.
The name Lara said was "Hillary".
This event turned itself over in Lara's mind. She looked back at Rimmer who was refusing to look back at her. She realized that she really never thought of him as "Rimmer", as he is. She just saw him as this person who looked like Hillary. Did that even make sense? "God, Arn, I'm sorry."
Rimmer only shook his head in response. That's when Holly made her entrance. "Oi, did Brycie tell you the good news?" She looked at dismayed hologram, the confused woman, and the nauseated man, and decided that he hadn't. "Right, what's going on then?"
Bryce managed to speak. "I came in here and found these two, sucking face!"
Holly crinkled her nose. "Well that's no good."
"And that's not the worst bit of it!"
"No, I mean that's no good, because they're related!" All three looked at Holly now in complete shock. "I had a bit of time on my hands so I decided to take a closer look at the Bio-scans I did on you two when you first arrived. Arnold and Lara share genes. In fact, he's a direct descendant! Lara is his great-great-great-great-great-great-etc. Grand mum and so on."
Bryce looked between the two family members. "Yeah, but how is it he looks so much like Hill.... oh, shit. Excuse me while I go vomit."
Rimmer was quite queasy himself, finding out he was just making out with his great-grandmother of a few generations back.
Lara was just as shocked, and still confused. So...her and...Hillary? In a way, it made sense. He was the one person who had always been there. Through every difficult time, after every adventure, she could always turn to him for some stability in her life. "I...love...Hillary? I'm...in love with Hillary!" Suddenly, she was laughing. But the tears in her eyes weren't just from how hard she was laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lister found Hillary in the library. "Hey, um, Kryten thinks he's got it all figured out and we're gonna be going in a few minutes."
Hillary nodded. "Great."
"Listen, I want to apologize."
"For what?"
"I know we haven't been the most brilliant of guests, and that anybody else would have thrown us on the street, but you tolerated us and even helped, so thanks."
"I've tolerated far worse."
Lister chuckled, "Yeah, like that Bryce guy you mentioned? I feel him and me would have gotten on pretty well."
Hillary smiled. "Most likely."
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bryce came back to finally tell them the original reason why he had come to find them in the first place: He repaired the Time Box.
Lara turned to Rimmer and gave him a maternal kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Arnie, for everything."
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Four men stood in the Tech Room of Croft Manor. Three of them were holding onto paddles of the Matter Transporter. Before Kryten hit the engager, Lister gave a final farewell to their new friend, "Hey. Hillary, if that girl of yours come backs, throw her a big party for me!"
They disappeared back to their own time and place.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lara held on to Bryce's arm as he pushed the same button that got them in their current position in the first place. The last thing she saw before vanishing was Rimmer giving her a rather odd salute.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the first thing saw when reappearing was Hillary standing there, waiting for her to return. Something she could always count on. She immediately ran to him and jumped in his arms.
Hillary was flustered at this display, but finally managed to say, "Welcome back, Lara, you were missed."
"So were you." She looked up at her butler and friend and soon-to-be something more, and smiled. She was so glad to be home.
Bryce through the Time Box on the floor and stepped on it. He went off in search for a descent place to spend the next week vomiting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rimmer was still at attention when the rest of the Dwarfers came back. He quickly dropped it, though. "Oh, you're back. I was hoping I would have more time on my own, not having to be bothered by you lot."
"Yeah, I missed you too, smeghead. What's with Holly?"
Holly, was crying. "I'm never going to see him again!"
"Long story, Listy."
Lister shrugged. "I have time."
THE END