Comments: to Karen; sorry I just had to do it. It was too tempting not too. You'll see why. Also, in this story, Marie can control her powers.
The crowd is heard chanting: "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY"
An array of applause ensues has he is seen walking out onto the stage.
A bald man dress in a black t-shirt and jeans walks out with him and he too is met with the same affection.
The crowd yells, "STEVE!" He smiles, waves and takes a seat in the front row.
Jerry bows his head and says into the microphone, "Thank you everyone for coming to the show. As you know, today is a very special day for us all at the Jerry Springer show. Just when you thought you have seen it all on our show. We bring you the X-Men. Today's topic is Secret's and Lies."
The audience is heard going, "Ooooohhhhhhh!!!!"
Jerry begins again, "Our first guest is Scott."
(The camera zooms in on a young, very nice looking man with a khaki pants, a black dress shirt and ruby-red quartz glasses.)
Jerry says, "Hello Scott."
Scott smiles nervously and says, "Hello, Mr. Springer."
Jerry says, "Please, call me Jerry. There's no need to have class on this show."
Scott nods. Jerry says, "So, tell us why you are here."
Scott sighs and said, "Well, I'm here because I want to tell my wife Jean of 3 years that I have been…cheating on her."
(The audience all boo's and some yell out, "Loser!")
(The camera scopes to Jean, who is standing ever so calm in the isolated green room. When she sees the camera, she smiles prettily and puts on her most conceited, "I'm so sexy face".)
(The camera then goes back to Scott)
Jerry says, "Who is the young woman…or man that you have been cheating on her with?"
Scott says defensively, "HER name is Kitty."
Jerry says, "Your wife is such a beautiful woman. Why cheat on her?"
Scott scoffs and said, "Cause she never has time for me. She's always away talking about mutant rights and all that BLEEP. I mean, I'm a man. I have needs too. Kitty was there for me when Jean wasn't. She respects me and treats me like I should be treated."
Jerry says, "Do you love this woman Kitty?"
Scott nods and says, "Yes, I do Jerry and I brought Jean here to tell her that I want a divorce and when I leave here. I'm leaving with Kitty."
(The audience is heard letting out oohs and ahh's.)
Jerry says, "Well then, lets bring her out. Here is Jean!"
(The audience claps and when she comes out all the guys and some... girls are heard catcalling and whistling.)
One man in the audience is heard saying, "YOUR SO HOT!" Jean winks at him and sits demurely in the chair. She crosses her legs and looks about the room at all the lowly mortals who are graced with her presence (purely sarcastic of course).
Jean turns to Jerry and says, "Hello Jerry." And she smiles at him.
Jerry says, "Hel-lo Jean. Is there something you would like to tell Jean, Scott?"
Scott half-smiles and half-grimaces. He nods his head. He turns to Jean and takes her hand. He says, "Jean, we have been through so much together and you know how much I love you."
Jean laughs and says, "What did you do or who should I say…who?"
Scott takes a deep breath and says, "You know when you were away all those times?"
Jean nods her head yes.
Scott says, "Well, I've been sleeping with someone else."
Jean gets up from her chair and says, "WHAT THE BLEEP?"
(The audience is heard yelling and egging her on.)
Jean tries to lunge at Scott, but Steve jumps up from his chair and grabs her. Jean is seen flailing her arms and legs at Scott.)
Scott turns to the audience and says, "See what I was talking about? She's crazy. "
Jean is seen gently put down by Steve. Her shoes are off and one of the straps of her dress is ripped off.
Their chairs are separated far away from each other.
Jean asks Scott, "Who the hell is she? Who Scott?"
Jerry says, "Let's bring her out. Ladies and gentlemen, Kitty!"
Jean is heard gasping and saying, "Oh, no. That bitch is dead."
(Jean runs up to Kitty and pulls her hair. The guards intervene between the two as they are seen trying to relentlessly beat the living hell out of each other. Jean pretends like she is going to sit back down and then runs up to her again, only to be grabbed by Steve.)
Kitty is out of breath when she says, "I'll bet ya didn't see that comin huh TELEPATH!"
Jean yells and says, "Why Scott? What does she have that I don't?
Scott has his arm around Kitty when he said, "She treats me the way I should be treated."
Jean scoffed and said, "That's BLEEP and you know it. Who took care of you huh? Who went out with you when girls wouldn't give you the time of day? If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be who you are now."
Kitty chimed in by saying, "That's' not true."
Jean laughed and said, "Shut up Dairy Queen. I gave you almost 9 years and this is how you repay me? And you Kitty. You're supposed to be my friend. You're a WHORE!"
(The audience starts chanting, "WHORE, WHORE, WHORE!!!")
Kitty goes wide-eyed. Jean is in with the chanting as well.
Jerry says, "You have a little secret of your own, don't you Jean?"
Jean grins and says, "Yes, I do."
Scott says, "What?"
Jerry says, "We will find out right after the break."
(Cuts to a commercial)
1 minute later:
Jerry says, "Before our break, Jean was hit with the unexpected blow of finding out her husband of 3 years has been cheating on her. Needless to say, she took it…exactly the way you would expect from our show. Now Jean says she has a little secret of her own. Can you tell us that secret?"
Jean smiles and says, "Yes, I can Jerry. You know how I told you that I was going away to speak at Mutant Right conferences?"
Scott nodded yes.
Jean smiled and said, "Well, I've been lying to you. I have been cheating on you too…with a woman."
Scott gasped and all the men could be heard saying, "YEAH" and clapping.
Scott asked, "Who?"
Jerry says, "Let's bring her out shall we?"
A woman then comes out from backstage. Everyone gasps at the sight of her. She is a blue-scaled woman with fire engine red hair.
Scott says in awe, "Mystique? You have been BLEEPING Mystique?" He watches in horror as they kiss. Scott asks, "Why Jean?"
Jean answers, "Cause she's better than you. She makes me feel beautiful."
Mystique smiles and says, "And I can be anything she wants… literally."
Jean laughs and says, "Yeah, once she was James Marsden." (a/n: that one was for you Karen)
Scott says, "She's the enemy. Why would you do this? Mystique, what about Magneto?"
Mystique scoffs and says, "That old bird?" She waves her hand and says, "He doesn't own me. I do what I want and plus, he's in prison."
Jerry comes into the conversation by saying, "Mystique, you knew she was married and didn't care?"
Mystique rolls her eyes and says, "Have you been watching CNN honey, does it look like I care what people think about me?"
Jerry backs down and says nervously, "Point taken…Coming up, a man named Logan confronts his best friend to tell her that he has been secretly in love with her. There is just one problem…she is engaged to be married."
(The audience oohs and ahh's once again, claps and the cheesy music is heard again)
1 minute later after watching commercials you have seen over a hundred times:
(The camera is placed on a burly looking man with muttonchops and pointy hair. He is sitting there with a glare on his face that shows he obviously does not want to be here.)
Jerry says, "Hello Logan."
Logan rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, whatever. Lets just get this show on the road huh?"
Jerry smiles and says sarcastically, "Well, you seem happy to be here." You see Jerry whispering something into Steve's ear. Logan's picks it by his enhanced hearing. He said, "Have security on alert with this one."
Logan gets up from his chair and says, "I heard that bub."
Jerry has a look of apprehension on his face. He says, "You have come here to tell a woman named Marie…that you are in love with her?"
Logan nodded and said, "Yeah, but ya see, she's in love with this ice BLEEP. Their gonna be married. Usually I don't care about BLEEP like that, but she's set on it. She thinks her little Freeze Pop is all prefect and he ain't."
Jerry asked, trying to look intelligent, "Why not?"
Logan smirked and said, "Cause the guy's a fruit loop."
(The audience started clapping)
Jerry said, "Ladies and gentlemen. I am shocked. This is a very… classy program. So, how do you know that her fiancé is gay?"
Logan said, "I saw him with one of his friends. They were BLEEPING makin out on the rec room sofa late one night. "
(The audience is heard yelling their approval of other's people's shitty lives. Isn't America just beautiful people?)
Jerry asks, "Who is this man that… Bobby… isn't it? Is cheating on… Marie with?"
Logan smiled and said, "St. John."
Jerry said, "Well then, let's bring on out Marie first."
(A young brown haired woman with platinum blonde streaks is seen walking out onto the stage. The audience whistles and claps. One is heard yelling, "YOUR SO SEXY!")
Logan gets up from his chair. He sheathes his claws out and says, "Who the hell said that?"
Marie taps her hand on his shoulder and says, "Put the claws away, Sugah."
Logan looks at Marie, smiles and injects the claws back into his knuckles.
Jerry lets out a relieved sigh and says, "Thank you God, not another lawsuit."
(Marie takes a seat and so does Logan)
Jerry says, "Are you going to tell Marie why you brought her here Logan?"
Logan turns to Jerry and glares at him. He says, "I'm not a BLEEP child, bub."
Logan huffs and says, "Me and you have been through a lot."
Marie smiles and nods. Logan begins again, "Ya know how you and Ice BLEEP are getting married?"
Marie nods her head and asks, "What are ya getting at Logan?"
Logan sighs and says, "I hate to tell ya this darlin, but he's…BLEEP someone else."
Marie laughs and says, "That's BLEEP Logan. Why the hell would you bring me on national television and lie to me like this?"
Logan was about to say something when Jerry cuts in and asks, "Hey, you look familiar. Have you ever been on here before?"
Marie's face goes red and she says, "Ah, no, but my cousin was. He was the one who was sleeping with the eighty-year-old woman."
Jerry asks, "Jethro…the one with no teeth?"
Marie smiles embarrassingly and says, "Yeah."
Logan cuts in by saying, "Can we get on with this fore SHE turns eighty? Damn."
Jerry says, "Let us just bring Bobby on out shall we?"
(A blonde, blue-eyed baby faced looking boy is seen walking out onto the stage. The audience starts clapping.)
He points at Logan and says, "THAT'S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT!"
Logan gets up out of the chair, sheaths his claws and says, "Ya better watch that tone BOY!"
(The guards are seen all running onto the stage and intervening between the two. Bobby freezes Logan's one hand to his crotch and the other one high up in the air. Think Michael Jackson.)
Bobby laughs and says to Logan, "Who's Bad?"
(The audience is heard laughing and clapping.)
Marie turns to Bobby and asks, "Why the hell did you do that? He's gonna kill ya."
Logan breaks himself from the ice. He yells, "WHY DON'T YA TELL HER WHAT YA WERE DOIN A BLEEP COUPLE NIGHTS AGO WITH JOHN?"
Bobby's face starts to pale and he gets a deathly look on his face.
The audience starts yelling, "TELL THE TRUTH, TELL THE TRUTH!"
Marie turns to Bobby and says, "Is Logan telling the truth?"
Jerry says, "Let's us ask John. John come on out."
(A brown haired boy is seen walking out onto the stage. The audience all starts clapping simultaneously.)
John walks up to Bobby and says, "Why don't you tell her Bobby, huh?"
Bobby puts his head down and says, "All right."
Logan asks, "What was that bub?"
Bobby lifted his head and said, "ALL RIGHT. YEAH, I HAVE BEEN SEEING ST. JOHN."
(The audience starts clapping and laughing.)
Marie gasps and said, "WHAT?"
Bobby says, "You don't understand Marie. I can't help it. He's just so hot."
Logan laughs and says, "Oh, he's BLEEP flaming all right."
Marie walks up to Bobby and smacks him in the face and throws his ring in his face.
(Logan starts clapping along with the audience.)
Marie turns to St. John and says, "And you. Who the BLEEP do you think you are? You think you can please him?"
St. John puts on a smug smile and says, "I know I can. More than you."
Logan is seen charging him, but Marie stops him by putting a hand on his chest. She smiles at him and says, "No, I'm gonna kick his ass."
(Marie is seen running after him as St. John runs around the studio like a little girl. Marie finally catches him. She rips off his shirt to reveal that he is wearing a red lace bra.)
Marie laughs and says, "I think we have finally figured out Victoria's Secret."
(The audience starts laughing as St. John tries to obscurely cover himself.)
He yells, "DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL!" and he runs off the stage.
Bobby turns to Marie and says, "I am so sorry I did that Marie. Could you ever forgive me?"
(The audience starts yelling, "KISS HER FEET, KISS HER FEET, KISS HER FEET!)
Bobby gets down onto his knees and kisses her feet.
Marie kicks him and says, "No, we BLEEP over." She walks up to Logan, grabs his face and gives him a passionate kiss. She yells, "YA HAVE BEEN REPLACED. I WANNA REAL MAN."
(The audience is clapping for no apparent reason and Jerry is just seen standing there like a deer in headlights. Is that anything new?)
Jerry says, "We'll be right back after this commercial break."
1 minute later:
(All of the guests are all sitting on the stage.)
(They are sitting there when all of the sudden. Charles Xavier is seen wheeling out onto the stage.)
He says very kindly, "Ashton has opted to leave me out of this fic, but I felt that I should come here one my own volition."
Logan sighs and says, "Here he goes again."
Charles begins again," Why do we use hate as a source of communication? Is that what our whole world is based upon?"
(The X-Men along with the audience all says, "SHUT UP!")
Charles smiles and says, "Well, yes. Um, peace is love." He turns to Steve and says, "I love your hair style. Bald is the way to go…is it not?" and he wheels off the stage.
Jerry asks stunned, "How the hell did he get passed security? Didn't I get a restraining order against that guy?"
(There is an audience questionnaire portion to this, but since it's the X-Men. One person said something and Logan threatened him at claw point. That was consequently cut out of the program.)
Jerry's Final Thought; (Where he tries to be all philosophical)
"When you think you know someone. Do you really? This whole speech right now is pointless for you don't care about what I have to say. You have probably turned me off after the fights, degrading women and transvestite part of the show was over. So, why bother wasting my breath? Until the next show. Bye"
(The audience is heard chanting, "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!") And Jerry went off to call his lawyer about that restraining order.
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