Rating: PG
Genre: Humor--it's just for laughs people...just for laughs.
Warning: None...unless you have a problem with drunk Jedi.
Disclaimer: I don't own Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan, I wish I did but sadly they totally belong to George Lucas and company. I make no money off this...it was just to make people laugh. You've heard of a laugh, right?
Feedback: Hell yeah!
Thanks: to Maaike for helping out with the game since I don't drink. Even though, I'm sure, she'll be rather disappointed that this isn't a Maul story. But I'm thinking of writing a Maulie version. And actually, I might be wrong on the drinking. By the time I got to the end of this I was laughing so hard I could only type out half a sentence at a time.
The two Jedi made short work of finding a table in the crowded place with a little help from a mind trick and sat down. Qui-Gon looked liked he was ready to bolt and make a run for it. One of the waitresses came up to take their order. Obi-Wan ordered for himself and Qui-Gon, "We'll have two Jedi Mind Benders, please." She scribbled down the order and flitted away to place it.
Obi-Wan looked across the table at the nervous Jedi Master who was watched everything at the moment. The place was so busy that it was hard for even a Jedi to keep track of all that went on.
"I'm starting to think this wasn't a good idea, Padawan."
Obi-Wan scrunched his eyebrows together and gave his Master an odd look. He looked around them and shrugged. "Why?"
Qui-Gon, for the first time since they had come in, looked at his apprentice. "Well, maybe not for you, but for me..."
He didn't get to finish what he was going to say as the waitress came back with their drinks. Obi-Wan thanked her and slid Qui-Gon's shot glass across the table to him. Qui-Gon closed his hand around it and just sat there and looked at it as if it were something poisonous.
"What's in this," he asked as he lifted the glass to smell the contents.
Obi-Wan shrugged again. "I don't know. I never asked."
Qui-Gon looked at him in disbelief but Obi-Wan just motioned with his own glass to Qui-Gon's drink. "Will you just try it? It won't kill you, I promise."
Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan downed the entire glass and set it back on the table. Then he looked at his own glass in defeat. "Very well."
Qui-Gon raised the glass to his lips and after a last look at his Padawan, who waited and watched, threw his head back and dumped the drink down his throat. He tilted his head forward again as he closed his mouth and swallowed. A second later he erupted in a fit of coughing while Obi-Wan grinned at him. Qui-Gon didn't say anything after he stopped coughing, just set the glass on the table and looked at it with a slight smirk on his face.
"Another?"
Qui-Gon nodded his head in agreement. When the waitress came back, this time Obi-Wan ordered an entire trayfull of shot glasses. The waitress gave him an odd look at having ordered so much for only two people but said nothing and was on her way.
Obi-Wan settled in his chair to wait, gazing at Qui-Gon as if he had a plan up his sleeve. Qui-Gon noticed and eyed him for several seconds before he made the first move, "What is it, Obi-Wan?"
"Oh, nothing, I just thought it would be fun to play a drinking game."
Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows. "A drinking game?"
"Yeah." Obi-Wan looked down at the table as if waiting for the right moment. "Wouldn't happen to know any would you?" Obi-Wan raised his blue-green eyes.
Qui-Gon, always the Jedi Master, said, "No, of course, I don't."
Obi-Wan wasn't totally convinced by the twinkle that flashed through Qui-Gon's sky blue eyes. "Oh, come on, Master, you must know at least one."
Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan would persist until he gave in so he forfeited early and saved himself a lot of trouble. "Oh, fine. I know very few but how about we play the Jedi Drinking Game?"
Obi-Wan's face lit up with glee. "Oh, sounds fun. How do you play?"
"Well, you have to repeat a phrase as fast as you can. If you mess up, you have to drink. The phrases can be made up, there are either about your Jedi peers or Masters."
"You mean something like 'Qui-Gon doesn't want to go in a bar' or what?"
Qui-Gon laughed, a little. "No, it has to be a tongue twister of sorts. I used to drink with Mace so I'll use one that I made up about him. Drinks ready?"
Obi-Wan slid another glass over to his Master and raised his own to show his was ready.
Qui-Gon cleared his throat and started the game. "Master Mace's Mop Met Malicious Murderous Mayhem In A Barber Shop."
He said the entire phrase rather quickly and without error. Obi-Wan nearly fell on the floor laughing.
"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard," Obi-Wan said as his wiped tears off his red face. Finally, Obi-Wan stopped laughing and it was his turn. He ended up fumbling through it and it came out sounding like, "Master Mace's Mob Met Malicious Murderous Mayhem In A Barker Shop."
Qui-Gon, for the first time that night, really laughed. "Drink up, Padawan."
Obi-Wan downed the drink and reached for another for the next round. Qui-Gon said the tongue twister perfectly, again. Then, it was back to Obi-Wan. This time, he made it all the way through without a mistake. Nobody messed up in the third round, either. On the fourth, though, Qui-Gon finally messed up. "Master Maze's Mop Met Malicious Murderous Mayhem In A Barber Hop."
Qui-Gon drank down and they continued. Both Master and Padawan went a few more rounds, each messed up at least every other round. They were now pretty drunk and slurred their way through the phrase, but they didn't really care anymore if they got it right or not.
Obi-Wan waved his hand in the air as if he were conducting a symphony. "Masser Ace's Mop Bet Malissus Murteris Mahem En A Barbar Shap."
Qui-Gon's insides laughed so hard he couldn't make a noise and soon tears streamed down his face. Obi-Wan practically gurgled down his drink as he giggled, spitting some of the alcohol onto his tunic and robe in the process. He finally managed to swallow it all. "You...your turn, Mastah."
Qui-Gon latest version didn't come out any better. "Mastah Masuhs Moc Mat Melisas Murdesus Mathem E Ah Baker Sho."
Qui-Gon started to laugh again and his drink never made it to his mouth, instead it spilled across the table. The two of them made quite a racket, even in such a noisy night-club. The waitress came over with a rag and started to clean up the mess. "I think the two of ya have had enough to drink. Ya should go home and sleep it off."
Qui-Gon only nodded as Obi-Wan, who was treating, paid for the drinks. Together, they got up and stumbled out of the club and headed back to their rooms. It took them much longer, of course, to get back than it did to leave them. They weaved through the nearly empty streets as they giggled to themselves. Everybody they crossed gave the two drunk Jedi odd looks but neither of them noticed or cared.
They had just gotten in through the door when the whole night proved too much for the habitually sober Jedi Master. Qui-Gon didn't even make it to a chair or his own bed. He fell face-first on the floor in the middle of the sitting room. Obi-Wan, being the younger and more of a drinker, at least made it a bit further. After he travelled down the, what now seemed impossibly long, hallway, he suddenly got a bit dizzy. He collapsed in the doorway to his bedroom. His legs were sprawled out into the hall, and turned it into a obstacle course. Each Jedi now had his own place to spend what was left of the night.
The next morning...
Qui-Gon was the first to wake up. He couldn't believe the headache he had. He lifted his head slightly and looked around. A confused look spread across his face as he couldn't figure out why he had been sleeping on the floor and not in his bedroom. After he struggled a bit, he slowly made it to his feet. He used his Jedi powers and calmed the battle that raged in his skull and set off to go splash some water on his face. He stumbled down the hallway and suddenly, for no reason at all it seemed, he went flying, literally.
Qui-Gon's headache was soon on its way back as his head met the floor. He was too stunned for a moment to do anything and just lay there as he breathed in the carpet. After a minute he rolled over to see what had caused his current predicament. At first he didn't know what was going on when all he saw was a pair of legs in the hallway. He sat up and his eyes followed the legs into Obi-Wan's room. Qui-Gon couldn't help but laugh. Obi-Wan looked like an angel...a drooling angel but an angel at any rate. His arms were curled up under his head and drool marked its way down the side of his face where he'd then drooled all over his arm and the floor.
Qui-Gon decided to leave him like that and went back to his task of getting freshened up a bit. On his way back he, carefully, stepped over Obi-Wan into his room. He kneeled down beside his Padawan's head and reached out and grabbed his braid. Then, he tugged on it. It took a lot of tugging before Obi-Wan even stirred. Eventually, Obi-Wan's eyes flickered open and the same confused look Qui-Gon had worn earlier flashed across his face. He looked around for what pulled at his hair and his eyes finally rested on his Master.
"Good morning, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled down at him.
Obi-Wan squinted a bit. "Guh moring."
Qui-Gon laughed, his Padawan still seemed drunk instead of suffering the effects of a hangover. "Why don't we get you at least *on* the bed so you can sleep the rest of the morning away a bit more comfortably."
Obi-Wan looked longingly at his bed and nodded. "Yuh, shure."
With Qui-Gon to lean on, he made it to his feet and stumbled a bit to the bed. Qui-Gon let go and he crawled the rest of the way on it and, soon, fell back asleep. Before he closed the door, Qui-Gon turned and looked at Obi-Wan. "I hope I never let you talk me into playing a drinking game, again."
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