That Secret Place Where No One Dares To Go



I.
He held open the covers of the bed like a door for her and said
I want you to experience it all now,
All the way through,
All in one run.
She looked at him and got in
Jumped in, caved in.
He put them on for her and took off her glasses
Not so she could kiss him without a bump on him
But so she could close her eyes without a bump on herself.
And she felt it start in her ears, but it didn't stay there.
She felt it open her. It was her room.
It was her soul.
It was that secret place where no one dares to go.
The cut on her foot throbbed with the pain of the song
And the pain in her foot was the pain of the song
And the throb in her foot was the throb of her heart
And the pain in her foot was the pain in her heart
And the pain of her heart and it throbbed, throbbed through her body, not stopping at her ears, not stopping at her feet.
It made her want to have felt pain.
And she reached for his hand because she didn't want him to be alone with the pain.
She put her hand in his but he wouldn't let her.
I want you to experience it by yourself.
I want you to feel that pain.
I want you to experience it by yourself.
I want you to know that pain.
I want you to experience it by yourself.
I want you to understand that pain.
There is nothing so beautiful as that pain.
I want you to experience it by yourself.
He put her hand alone on her leg
And put his fingers on her forehead
So she closed her eyes.
He curled up inside himself
Watching the pain attack her body
Through her ears and heart and feet.
All alone.
Feeling the pain decay his body.
Looking at her insides contort.
All alone.
No. She said.
No. She took his hand.
No. His hand on her stomach,
Her hand on his hand.
No.
The pain shared, the pain disintegrating, the pain flowing.
No.
I want to experience it with you.

II.
He left the bed and he said
This was yours
Your pain
Your room
Your body
Your bed
Your soul
Your secret place where no one dares to go.
Don't make it mine.

III.
The scream she let out was
Wretched, screeching, horrible, silent.
He saw it rip her body apart.
He saw it desperate in her eyes, behind the closed lids, the need
For him
For contact
For him
For anybody
For him.
No. I want to experience it with you,
She said
I want to have felt pain.
I want you, only you, to tear me from the inside.
I want to experience it with you.
He watched, instead, closed his eyes and watched as she became complete.
The pain was a slow seeping,
It was a fast torrent wash downpour trickle crash explosion overtaking undermining betraying upsetting understanding falling knowing confusing spasming flying soft
gentle hard concrete jagged snaking grasping reaching hoping treacherous solemn mysterious horrifying wrenching orbiting
completing.

March 23-25, 2004
To Neutral Milk Hotel's CD "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea"