I Am Ashamed



I am ashamed.

I am ashamed to be an American.

I am ashamed that I don't get enough sleep.

I am ashamed that I did not take a shower today.

I am ashamed that I am eating ice cream right now.

I am ashamed that I cried last night.

I am ashamed that I have never tried to kill myself.

I am ashamed of my happiness.

I am ashamed of my depression.

I am ashamed of feigning giddiness.

I am ashamed of the fact that I want to make conservatives feel bad for being conservatives.

I am ashamed that conservatives exist.

I am ashamed that I don't play the guitar or violin better.

I am ashamed that my room is not clean right now.



I like looking out the window when it's sunny, because the glass is sparkly.
I like listening to my music too loud on my headphones.
It lets me ignore others and it kind of hurts my ears in a good way.

I feel beautiful when I cry.



I don't know what to do now without hope.
I feel so irrelevant.
I don't want to exist.
It is too much worry and confusion.

But...
I love so much.
So don't worry.