I was watching a program the other day
Where a chemist had something amazing to say
Concerning a brand new credo;
Colognes and perfumes that we've known so well
From Estée Lauder to Dior and Chanel
Do nothing for a man's libido.
So if you wanna get straight to his torpedo---
The research they've done
And the money they've spent
Show you've simply got to wear the scent
Of...

Lavender and pumpkin pie,
That's the way to capture a guy.
A couple of drops under the chin,
And he'll be jumping out of his skin.

Lavender and pumpkin pie
Makes a fella horny and high.
God knows he'll fall under your spell,
And doughnuts will work almost as well.

Now if with a Latin you should dally,
You'll find he'll be shouting "Olé!"
If you wear lily of the valley
Combined with guacamole.

He'll be yours just for the taking
If you smell of biscuits baking.
You'll be something he will yearn over
When you mix musk with apple turnover.
If he's Turkish, he'll get all throbby
If you're reeking of shish kabobby.
If he's British, you'll reach your golden anniversary,
If your eau de cologne contains cake from the nursery.
And if German, he won't be a cheap deserter
If you combine frankincense with frankinfurter---
But the very best way to get to a guy
Is through lavender and pumpkin pie,
Lavender and pumpkin pie.
 
 
 

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