Teddy and I had planned a visit on the weekend of June 16th and 17th, 2001. We were all ready to purchase our Sea World annual passes and go gawk at the killer whalems in captivity when lo! Behold the Floriduh Convention Number Two!
Many of you may remember Floriduh Convention Number One, Journey to the Sarasota Fair. If you don't, who cares. I will always fondly remember being terrified upside down and stuck on a questionably safe fair ride!! Har har! Glitzy was thus crowned Queen of the Thrill Rides, and I passed my crown onto her. :)
Floriduh Convention 2 had a change of venue: Venice Beach's North Jetty!! Of course, being that Teddy and I both kinda suck as navigators, being that Munchy largely doesn't pay attention, and being that no one gave us the right directions, we ended up at the SOUTH Jetty instead. The South Jetty was a pile of rocks that people fished off of. The North Jetty had a nice beach, and consequently and much to our distress, was right across the water from where we parked. We waved to Glitzy and M-way but there wasn't any freakin way to get from one side to the other. As far as we could tell, the water went in between the two indefinately, until the end of life as we know it. No bridges, ferry boat rides... we figured we were going to have to swim across the water but since I am somewhat water-soluble, that wouldn't have been a good idea.
I asked a couple old people for directions ("How do I get THERE?" *points*) and of course, they were happy to help out but were completely clueless, which is what I decided was the defining characteristic of people in Venice Beach. :) So, after driving around Venice and Nakomis for a good 45 minutes, we finally found the damn place on our own. By that time Munchy and I could have gone for a nice slab of cow! But first we met Sunbeam and her nice cute boyfriend, who was very sweet to humor Sunbeam and even forked over some cash during the Pony Sale after lunch!! Glitzy cheesed a fakie and ripped off the head of any pony she could get her grubby mits on, and began the artful deflocking of Best Wishes!
Then Glitzy's cool mom fired up the grill, and I mean fire half a foot or so above the grill. Then she grilled slabs of bloody, meaty, juicy cow to perfection!! I had my slab of cow on a nice bun, with fresh lettuce and tomato, and fantastically gooey melted cheese, with chips on the side and a semi-cold Mountain Dew. Mmmmmm! It was much better than any fast food hole I have staggered into. Mom made some damn good ground-up cow muscle!! >:)
Being carnivores, Munchy and I consumed our beef hunks entirely. Glitzy, M-way and Sunbeam didn't quite finish theirs (they were big damn burgers! *drools*) and of course poor Teddy, who is a strict I-dont-eat-anything-ivore, ate cake and drank Dew for lunch. Sissy!
Sunbeam made a very delicious cake with the likeness of her pony self on top! Of course, I ate Sunbeam's head. It was very very good, nice and rich and chocolatey!! Man, that was cow, chocolate and Dew all in one day. Now that's what I call eatin right!
Then the pony sale begins!! Of course I have some cash in my pocket, since I spent about 400 dollars total on the weekend, and when M-way lined up her ponies as if waiting for body cavity searches I went on a shopping spree! The prices were reasonable, I got some deals, haggled a little and even got me a Floater out of Glitzy. Bwa-hahahaha!! I was very happy, because there had never been a Floater in my herd for the 19 years I have collected the damn things. I also got a beautiful Seabreeze (my best guess on the name), a minty Lofty, a nice Braided Beauty, a blue unicorn full of MOLD (which makes me never want to rip off a pony's head ever ever again) and a Peachy and a Skyflier, and one more that I don't remember at the moment. Oh shame on me! ;)
Sunbeam bought the ones I didn't buy and Mway made off with a fair amount of money and a clean sweep. I had to do a bit of wheelin and dealin to get my mits on that Floater. Glitzy wanted Mway's Gusty, but had no money so of course Mway wasn't just going to GIVE it to her! heheh. :) So I bought the thing and traded it and a couple dollars for Floater and Seabreeze. Yay! Ah, things work out so nicely. :)
Teddy didn't sell any of her ponies, but she had sold most of Mway's ponies to Mway originally, so they all have the sentiment of having belonged both to Mway and to Teddy. Aww!
After the "negotiations," we all migrated out towards the beach. Since I am slightly water-soluble as mentioned, I didn't go swimming but did wade in the water. Neither me, Teddy nor Munchy brought bathing suits so we waded and collected seashells. The water was very very nice and the waves were high so I was mad that I didn't bring a bathing suit! However, the waves were so high that our shorts got wet enough as it was. Yes, it was just sea water!!! I swear!
Then we escaped, while Glitzy and Mway were weeping!! Aww! And we all wondered where Floriduh Convention Number 3 would be. I say, next time, we take it to a nice big beach that's easy to find, with its very own pirate ship!! That's my suggestion, anyway. ;)
Then away Teddy, Munchy and I rode, only to get lost again in Venice... then we had our two or three hour drive to Orlando!! Where Teddy got to meet my brother Danimal and his wife Kristen and the demon babies, Kerrie and Kaelan! Kerrie and Kaelan both took a liking to the Tedster, and Kerrie held Teddy's hand all through Sea World! Awwww!! So, Teddy must not be a serial killer like my uncle keeps insisting, since babies with good instincts like her... hmmm....
Then Sunday Teddy, Munchy and I went back to Sea World for a day of aquatic marine life pleasure! Of course, soon after we got there sunscreen sweats into my eyes and I am blind for 5 minutes. I usually wear Oil of Olay with SPF 15 but couldn't find it, so I put sunblock on. In case you were wondering, sunblock hurts like a bitch when it seeps into both of your eyes. Teddy and Munchy had to lead me into the ladies' room because I was blinded, and I had to squint for a while afterwards. Dammit! It looked like I had been weeping and that someone had violated me. Horrible!
It didn't ruin my day though. Munchy and I had fun petting the rays, but Teddy wouldn't touch them! Sissy! There was a gigantic one that would slide by us, then do a sudden u-turn to slide by us again! We decided that he was our speshul friend. We saw sharks and clydesdales and dolphins, and of course we went to see Shamu. It'd be unspeakable to visit Sea World and not see Shamu!!! So we clammered down to the upper level of the splash zone and watched all the biddy whales leap and wave and toss their trainers about like dead seals.
And then, they release the BIG ONE!
The first time I ever saw Tillikum I was with my brother. We sat there, stunned, as this grotesquely large killer whale surged out into the tank. It was beastly!! We were certain that it had been eating the trainers. Then later, a naked homeless man climbed into the whale tank and DID get eaten by Tillikum. But at least he doesn't eat trainers. :)
Of course they call Tillikum "Shamu," since they call all of them Shamu. Tillikum went about splashing the crowd with his huge tail, but we didn't get splashed. We were so close, but so far!!! :( If we had been one section over to our left, we would have been covered in Tillikum urine too. Sigh! I was so disappointed!
To alleviate my disappointment we stopped by the Hospitality Center (of course) so that I could get myself a Doc Otis. Not only was it a Doc Otis, it was a Doc Otis SLURPY. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, slurpy! That was the best alcoholic slurpy I ever had. ;)
Munchy and I rode Kraken, the tallest and only floorless roller coaster in Orlando (not the rest of the world!) but couldnt get Teddy on it, because she's a SISSY! Lmao! There was even an empty space right next to Munchy, where Teddy would have fit very nicely. Oh well! Kraken is a kick-ass coaster and has one friggin long drop. Both times I rode the thing I thought the drop would hurt like the old Python coaster at Busch Gardens did (heart attack? yes!) but I kept being pleasantly surprised that my guts weren't getting shoved up into my heart. Yay!! I didn't get to ride it 15 times in a row like Munchy did but oh well, I have a goal to work towards now.
I also spent some money on whalem paraphernalia since I was in the whalem paraphernalia capital of the SouthEast. I bought all three of us a Howie, so now both Teddy and I have Howies of our very own!!! :) Mine is Howie Number 2, and Teddy's is Howie Number 2 million 576. Yeah. I also got conned into a purchase by a very precious, very adorable, very irresistable stuffed whale. I picked it up, and its fins were out as if it was hugging me. I looked at that face and those beady black eyes and just couldn't let go!! Until I stuffed him in a giant bag, at least. :)
Then we rode the Sky Needle thing, which is this terrifying box that spins slowly around until you're up really high. It was neat in that you had a nice view of Orlando, and would have been cooler if everything was still on fire. But, we kept hearing over the intercom how the winds were too high and that our ride would be the last one before they stopped going up. Then, before we descended again, we heard the voice say "cross your fingers." o.O
That damn thing is scarier than Kraken! Har har! You start feeling trapped and claustrophobic, and start considering that it could topple over and you'd hit the water like a ton of bricks and die. Woo! I'd still ride it again, though, of course. It's free for passholders like Teddy and me! And Munchy, when I hide her card between Teddy's and mine.... >:)
Then it was time to leave, because there was nothing else to do except the Antartica part which I completely forgot about, and we stopped by Wendys to get some cow (or Chicken in Teddy's case). And including the Friday before the Convention, where we went malling, thrift store hopping and watched Disney's Atlantis, it was a pretty good weekend. Yay!
The following pictures were taken by Teddy and Sunbeam's boyfriend,
with Teddy's ghetto camera!
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